Myths, Fantasies, Lies And Statistics - A Long Read

WE'RE SCOTLAND – we don't really do sporting reality and that's a fact. In the wake of our elimination from the 2026 FIFA World Cup at the group stage and the subsequent resignation of Stevie Clarke, I've been crunching the numbers over our history in the competition. My conclusion, we've been kidding ourselves on for the past 76 years.

In this post, which comes into the Long Read category, I looked at our record in each of the tournaments since our first entry, in 1950 and I fear, the fuck-up the Scottish Football Association's High Heid Yins perpetrated back then has been the template for every subsequent tournament.

For the benefit of those too-young to remember Thomlinson T-balls and Manfield Hotspur football boots, having totally ignored FIFA and its World Cup when the competition was held in 1930, 1934 and 1938, the four British Associations kissed and made up with FIFA in 1947, even arranging a now legendary game at Hampden and agreeing to enter the World Cup, to be held in Brazil in 1950.

An Own Goal 

The 1949-50 British International Championships would double-up as a World Cup qualifying competition with the top two nations travelling to Brazil in the summer of 1950. All reasonable enough, but, in a display of petulant arrogance which still defies explanation, the SFA Blazers decided, they would only go to Brazil as British Champions, before a 0-1 loss to England gave the men in white the title and meant Scotland has to be content with a short end-of-season European Tour, which brought a 2-2 draw with Portugal in Lisbon and a 1-0 win over France in Paris.

Still better than the fate that befell the English, who did go to Brazil, but managed to lose 0-1 to the USA and were home before their postcards.

For the 1954 tournament, in Switzerland, the Home Internationals again doubled-up as a qualifying group, Scotland again finished second behind England, but, this time, they did travel.

Mind you, the SFA still managed to mess-up big time.

The qualifying group results were: a 3-1 win over Northern Ireland in Belfast, before a 3-3 Hampden draw with Wales and a 2-4 loss to England at Hampden. In the Belfast win, East Fife's Charlie Fleming marked his solitary cap with two goals, not quite the same as club-mate Henry Morris, who, in his only Scotland appearance, against the Irish back in 1949 (in our first World Cup qualifier) scored a hat-trick.

In the Welsh game at Hampden, Willie Telfer, first called into the national squad back in 1949, finally got on the park for his only cap. He was never picked again after refusing to pull down the great John Charles as the Welsh star ran through to score a late equaliser for the visitors.

But, that wasn't the last piece of selection madness in 1954. Rangers had arranged a North American Tour for the end of the season, which meant Scotland regulars, Captain George Young, stand-in Captain Sammy Cox, centre-half Willie Woodburn and regular outside right Willie Waddell would be in North America rather than Switzerland.

Then, to add further embarrassment, the SFA ordered heavy winter-weight woolen shirts, for a tournament played in a high summer heatwave.

The SFA had to register 22 players with FIFA, but, they only took 13 of them to Switzerland, that group included only one goalkeeper – Aberdeen's Fred Martin. Back-up 'keeper Jock Anderson of Leicester City was back home in Barrhead for the duration of the tournament.

After the loss to England, the SFA Selectors, who picked the team, adopted their default position and dumped most of the team. Of the 20 players who had featured in the three qualifying games, only five: Bobby Evans, Doug Cowie, John-Archie Mackenzie, Allan Brown and Willie Ormond were on the flight to Switzerland and Evans, the most-capped player in the squad, wasn't used in either of the two games in the Alps.

The media hadn't come up with the Group of Death notion back then, but Scotland were paired with Austria, then one of the top nations in Europe and defending Champions Uruguay.

A 0-1 loss to the Austrians was not a bad result, but the subsequent 0-7 mauling at the hands of the South Americans was an unmitigated disaster. It didn't help that Andy Beattie, Scotland's first National Team Manager, who didn't get to pick the side, had had enough of the SFA Selectors' interference and resigned mid-tournament – it should have been red faces all round, except, the SFA High Heid Yins don't do embarrassment. Austria and Uruguay, who eliminated England, went on to finish third and fourth respectively.

Aye, in a foretaste of things to come – Scotland had got The Group of Death.

The Selectors again took charge, but, after Scotland saw off Spain and Switzerland to qualify for the 1958 tournament in Sweden, the SFA persuaded Manchester United Manager Matt Busby to manage the team at the tournament. Unfortunately, he was still recovering from the serious injuries he sustained in the Munich Air Crash in February, 1958, and team preparation had to be left to trainer Dawson Walker of Clyde.

After only taking 13 players to Switzerland, the SFA decided to take all 22 registered players to Sweden. They had been criticised for not taking enough players four years previously, this time, the press criticised them for taking too-many players. Still, a 1-1 draw with Yugoslavia was a promising opening.

Tommy Docherty and Archie Robertson hadn't played in that game, instead they were sent to spy on next opponents – Paraguay. The Doc, who would go on to have a spell as Scotland boss, always insisted, the SFA Selectors totally ignored the report he and Robertson submitted – Scotland lost 2-3 to the South Americans and now had to beat France, who had been the most-impressive of the nine European nations to qualify for Sweden, to remain alive. It was a task too far for the Scots, who again failed to get out of the group.

As you can see, a pattern is emerging; when it comes to the World Cup, if it can go wrong for Scotland, it will. Here, leaving aside the own goal of 1950, is a breakdown of our World Cup record:

• 1954 – Qualified 11 of 11 European nations – finished 15 of 16 finalists

• 1958 – Qualified 8 of 9 European nations – finished 14 of 16 finalists

• 1962 – Did not qualify – finished 12 of 28 European entrants

• 1966 – Did not qualify – finished 14 of 29 European entrants

• 1970 – Did not qualify – finished 12 of 29 European entrants

• 1974 – Qualified 6 of 8 European nations – finished 9 of 16 finalists

• 1978 – Qualified 6 of 9 European nations – finished 11 of 16 finalists

  1982 – Qualified 5 of 13 European nations – finished 15 of 24 finalists

• 1986 – Qualified 13 of 13 European nations – finished 20 of 24 finalists

• 1990 – Qualified 12 of 13 European nations – finished 18 of 24 finalists

• 1994 – Did not qualify – finished 22 of 36 European entrants

• 1998 – Qualified 10 of 14 European nations – finished 27 of 32 finalists

• 2002 – Did not qualify – finished 26 of 50 European entrants

• 2006 – Did not qualify – finished 24 of 52 European entrants

• 2010 – Did not qualify – finished 27 of 53 European entrants

• 2014 – Did not qualify – finished 34 of 53 European entrants

• 2018 – Did not qualify – finished 20 of 54 European entrants

• 2022 – Did not qualify – finished 16 of 55 European entrants

• 2026 – Qualified 12 of 18 European nations – finished 35 of 48 finalists

Over these 76 years and 20 World Cups, we have only once, in 1982, qualified as one of the top European qualifiers. In the other nine successful qualifying campaigns (including 1950), we have either got in as a second-placed nation, or as one of the least-impressive group winners.

OK, today the Tartan Army styles itself as the game's ultimate party animals, Scotland games are party central, but, up until reality set in over the first quarter of the 21^st century, we definitely had delusions of adequacy, a failing still to an extent evident in our support – including our Fans with lap tops.

Our perennial weakness as a footballing nation is our inability to score goals. Might this be a mental thing? As evidence of this, I submit the legendary story of the 1967 Wembley Wizards' pre-game planning. The Scottish squad, to a man, did not rate the English World Champions they would be facing; legend has it, pre-game planning focused on how they would approach the game.

Problems Finding The Net 

Denis Law, scarred by the memory of losing 3-9 in 1961 wanted Scotland to put as many goals as possible on the Saxons, but, he was over-ruled by a combination of Jim Baxter and Billy Bremner, who allegedly wanted to: “humiliate them 1-0.”

The reality was, Scotland's win was 3-2 going on 6-2, but, if you look today at the BBC highlights edit, you might think Scotland were fortunate to win. But, that's our way – win with a bit of swagger. Never mind piling on the goals.

A look at our goals for and against for our 20 World Cup qualifying campaigns demonstrates where our inability to put the ball in the net has handicapped us:

• 1950 – average goals scored per game against goals conceded: 6.33 – 1 Q

• 1954 – 2.66 – 2.66 Q

• 1958 – 2.5 – 2.25 Q

• 1962 – 2.4 – 2.2 DNQ

• 1966 – 2.3 – 1.6 DNQ

• 1970 – 3 – 1 DNQ

• 1974 – 2 – 0.75 Q

• 1978 – 2.5 – 0.75 Q

• 1982 – 1.12 – 0.5 Q

• 1986 – 1.25 – 0.5 Q

• 1990 – 1.5 – 1.5 Q

• 1994 – 1.4 – 1.3 DNQ

• 1998 – 1.5 – 0.3 Q

• 2002 – 1.5 – 0.75 DNQ

• 2006 – 0.9 – 0.7 DNQ

• 2010 – 1.325 – 1.25 DNQ

• 2014 – 1.2 – 1.1 DNQ

• 2018 – 1.7 – 1.2 DNQ

• 2022 – 1.63 – 0.9 DNQ

• 2026 – 2.16 – 1.16

The 1950 average is somewhat skewed by that big 8-2 win in Belfast, while the 1970 figure is also skewed by the 13 times we scored in two goal feasts against Cyprus. However, until the 2026 campaign, we hadn't averaged better than just over a goal a game in almost 50 years of qualifying campaigns.

In attempting to qualify for World Cup Finals, we have played 142 games, over which we average 1.633 goals per game scored – 1.077 gpg conceded.

Our record in the Big Show, on the nine occasions we turned-up is as follows:

• 1954 – 0 goals scored – 8 conceded: average 0-4

• 1958 – 3 goals scored – 6 conceded: average 1 – 2

• 1974 – 3 goals scored – 1 goal conceded: average 1 – 0.33

• 1978 – 5 goals scored – 6 goals conceded: average 1.66 – 2

• 1982 – 8 goals scored – 8 goals conceded: average 2.66 – 2.66

• 1986 – 1 goal scored – 3 goals conceded: average 0.33 – 1

• 1990 – 2 goals scored – 3 goals conceded: average 0.66 – 1

• 1998 – 2 goals scored – 6 goals conceded: average 0.66 – 2

• 2026 – 1 goal scored – 4 goals conceded: average 0.33 – 1.33

Overall our record in finals tournament is:

• 9 tournaments – 26 goals scored – 45 goals conceded: average goals per game: 1 – 1.73

Frustratingly, we haven't scored a goal per game in each of our last four tilts at the final tournaments, it's now 44 years since we bettered that benchmark, and the 1982 figures have undoubtedly been helped by sticking 5 goals on New Zealand in our opening game.

In all, both qualifiers and final tournament games, we have played 168 World Cup games, in which we have scored 258 goals – an average of 1.5 goals per game. We have conceded 198 goals in these matches, an average of 1.18 gpg.

A total of 166 players have scored for Scotland in World Cup games, either qualifiers or final tournament matches; 51 of these players have scored more than one World Cup goal and the top ten (actually 11) Scottish World Cup goalscorers are;

• Maurice Johnston – 9 goals

• Kevin Gallacher – 9 goals

• Kenny Dalglish – 7 goals

• Joe Jordan – 7 goals

• Jackie Mudie – 6 goals

• Denis Law – 5 goals

• Ally McCoist – 5 goals

• Robert Snodgrass – 5 goals

• John McGinn – 5 goals

• Che Adams – 5 goals

• Lynden Dykes – 5 goals

Our 26 goals in Finals tournaments have been shared amongst 20 players, of whom 16 have scored only one final tournament goal. The players who have scored more than once for Scotland in the Big Show are:

• Joe Jordan – 4 goals

• Kenny Dalglish – 2 goals

• Archie Gemmill - 2 goals (in one game)

• John Wark – 2 goals (in one game)

• Jimmy Murray, Jackie Mudie, Bobby Collins, Sammy Baird (1958), Peter Lorimer (1974), John Robertson, Stevie Archibald, David Narey, Graeme Souness (1982), Gordon Strachan (1986), Stuart McCall, Maurice Johnston (1990), John Collins, Craig Burley (1998) and John McGinn (2026) are the single goal scorers.

When it comes to consistently scoring – that goals per game ratio – you obviously get regular outliers. For instance, his hat-trick in his only international, that first-ever World Cup qualifier back in 1949, makes East Fife's Henry Morris, statistically our top marksman, with a 3-00 goals per game average; just ahead of his club-mate, Charlie Fleming, who bagged a brace in his only international in 1954 and there are anomalies too when we look at the scorers of our 25 goals in finals (I discount the own goal in the Iran game in 1978).

Here the averages read, in descending order:

1. 1.00 gpg - Sammy Baird (Rangers) – (1 game, 1 goal, 1958)

2. 0.66 gpg - Archie Gemmill (Nottingham Forest) – (3 games, 2 goals 1978) : John Wark (Ipswich Town) – (3 games, 2 goals 1982)

3. 0.57 gpg - Joe Jordan (Leeds United, Manchester United, AC Milan) (7 games, 4 goals 1974, 1978, 1982)

4. 0.5 gpg - Jimmy Murray (Heart of Midlothian) – (2 games, 1 goal, 1958) : David Narey (Dundee United) – (2 games, 1 goal 1982)

5. 0.33 gpg - Jackie Mudie (Blackpool) – (3 games, 1 goal 1958) : Bobby Collins (Celtic) – (3 games, 1 goal 1958) : Peter Lorimer – (Leeds United) - (3 games, 1 goal 1974) : Stuart McCall (Rangers) – (3 games, 1 goal 1990) : Maurice Johnston (Rangers) – (3 games, 1 goal 1990) : Craig Burley (Celtic) – (3 games, 1 goal 1990) : John McGinn (Aston Villa) – (3 games, 1 goal 2026)

6. 0.25 gpg – Kenny Dalglish (Celtic, Liverpool) – (8 games, 2 goals 1974, 1978, 1982) : Steve Archibald (Tottenham Hotspur, Barcelona) – (1 goal, 4 games 1982, 1986) : John Collins (Hibernian, Monaco) – (1 goal, 4 games 1990, 1998)

7. 0.17 gpg Graeme Souness (Liverpool, Rangers) – (1 goal, 6 games 1978, 1982, 1986) : Gordon Strachan (Aberdeen, Manchester United) (1 goal, 6 games 1982, 1986)

For the purposes of this piece, I have categorised Kenny Dalglish as a midfielder rather than a striker, some might argue about this, however. Any way, the five strikers in my list: Messrs Jordan, Mudie, Lorimer, Johnston and Archibald scored goals at a median average of 0.4 goals per game – just below the 0.5 benchmark for a top-class international striker.

The 12 midfielders on the list posted a median average of 0.35 goals per game, which is around the expected average for an international-class midfielder. All I can say about the one Scottish goal scored by a defender in a World Cup finals game: David Narey's “toe poke” against Brazil in 1982 is – great strike as it was, as was noted at the time – it was a clear case of poking a slumbering bear with a stick.

My conclusions – well, given our midfielders score at almost the same level as our strikers, perhaps, in a Scottish International context, Craig Levein's 4-6-0 formation wasn't stupid.

 

Thank You And Good Night Stevie

I HAVE BEEN tidying-up my Facebook feed this week. I have a background in road transport, so the first posts to be blasted were the several ones which feature HGV drivers going about their business and, in the process, pissing-off Audi and BMW-driving wankers, who, not having a clue what is happening, take offence at 44 tonne vehicles being on the road.

The next feeds to go were the many Old Firm pages I see, wherein the most-staunch and devout post pish, about who their clubs are going to sign, who they should sign and, this past month, calling for the head of Stevie Clarke, on the grounds he hasn't been selecting enough players from their clubs for the Scotland side.

Well, at least these knuckle-draggers have their wish – Sir Stevie has, with the dignity which has marked his spell as Scotland boss, stepped down from what is now becoming akin to the comparable England job – Mission Impossible.

Stevie has, for me, done a sterling job as Team Manager/Head Coach. In spite of working within a totally-flawed system, he managed to get us to the finals of three major competitions – two European Championships and one World Cup. Yet, throughout his tenure, he has been unfairly-criticised by some of the hacks and many of the fans whose first loyalty is not to the national side, but to the twa cheeks o' the same erse o' Scottish Fitba – aka The Old Firm.

Let's be honest here. Scottish Fitba has been, irrespective of Stevie's efforts, been going downhill for generations. Successive High Heid Yins, those club officials who get themselves elected to the decision-making jobs at Hampden, have spent more time elbowing their way into a prominent place at the feeding trough than making the decisions which take our game forward.

We have put very-small men into big jobs inside Hampden for years and this latest World Cup failure is more evidence of this.

But, we also have a problem with our fans – the Tartan Army. OK, they travel hopefully, in huge numbers, but, they never arrive at the destination they crave, the place where Scotland's representatives – either national team or club side- are competitive rather than merely making-up the numbers in either the two major international competitions: European Championships or World Cup, or the three pan-European club competitions.

Still they turn-up, feeding the failures and inadequacies of the Blazers who are mis-managing our game.

Less than 24 hours after Stevie Clarke's resignation The Scotsman, one of the two serious Scottish broadsheet newspapers has publishd a list of 13 candidates to replace him. I have been sat around a Sports Desk when such speculative pieces are put together and this list strikes me as fairly-typical. One or two names, which have you thinking: “Aye maybe”; a further two or three which get the response: “You have to be joking”; and finally, at least a couple which come under the heading: “Now you're taking the piss”.

The Hootsmon's list reads:

1. Duncan Ferguson

2. Russell Martin

3. Neil Lennon

4. Shaun Maloney

5. Brendan Rodgers

6. Robbie Keane

7. Derek McInnes

8. Scott Brown

9. Steven Naismith

10. Steven Gerrard

11. Alex Neil

12. Ange Postecoglou

13. David Moyes

The one name on that list that gets me excited is the final one. Moyes has the experience, he's the right age and a management team of him and Big Duncan Disorderly just might work. If nothing else, Big Dunc might scare the shite out of enough of the blazers to get the necessary changes to the system implemented. However, could the SFA afford the compensation Everton would demand?

I would also, straight away, discard the non-Scots; although, that said, Wee Lenny has been here long enough now to qualify for naturalisation, and he is a Ginger.

Ach well, it will give the boys in the mainstream media something to do during this ever-shorter close season.

 

A Typically Scottish Paradox

I NEARLY DID what I never do – and bailed out of a Scotland game; but, VAR rescued me. I wondered, when we qualified back in November, how we would blow this World Cup – familiarity with the original video and the subsequent sequels having convinced me it would all end in tears. I never for a moment thought, handing gifts to Brazil would be our chosen form of hari kari this time.

Had VAR not rescued Jack Hendry, I would have shut off the TV there and then and gone to bed, but, against my better judgement, I hung around. We may yet, somehow, scrape into the last 32, but, this is Scotland, I fear once again, we will be quoting Private Frazer as we survey the wreckage of another failed campaign.

Our virtual no show last night at least cheered-up the England fans. Bad as their over-hyped team was in only drawing with Ghana, they still played better than we did in Miami.

I saw a great philosophical quote on social media – regarding Scotland at major tournaments: “It's not the hope that kills, it's knowing that the hope that kills is going to kill us”. Sums us up rather neatly. Every tournament, off we go with high hopes, but, in the back of our minds we know those hopes are going to be dashed, it's just, we don't as yet know how we will mess up this time.

I can see us finishing-up ranked ninth of the third-placed teams in the groups, failing to qualify by one goal, in which case, who gets to carry the can – Grant Hanley or Scott McKenna?

Would not getting out of the group be so bad? It might save us from an even-bigger embarrassing exit at the last 32?

I mean, honestly, can you see our collection of honest triers getting any further?

Then, once we have pulled ourselves together and dragged ourselves home, we can revert to type. The Glasgow-based papers will call for Stevie Clarke's head and suggest we ought to have played more Old Firm players – totally forgetting, the Old Firm squads are not exactly over-flowing with home-bred talent.

That's the problem with Scottish Fitba in 2026 – we don't have many Scots playing.

This tournament has been our tenth tilt at the global show, and you know what, statistically, it's been our fifth-best effort.

Our best showing was in 1974 – when we went unbeaten through our group, but failed to qualify for the knock-out phase, finishing 9^th of the 16 competing teams. In that tournament we amassed 5 points, from one win and two draws, finished with a +2 goal difference and a 33% winning record.

Next best was the much-maligned 1978 campaign, when we finished 11^th of the 16 competing nations. We amassed 4 points from one win and one draw, finished with a -1 goal difference and a 33% winning record.

In 1982 we again amassed 4 points, from one win and one draw, we had an equal goal difference, again a 33% wining record and ended up 15^th of the 24 competing nations.

We don't yet know where we will end up this year, but, if we do have to come home having again failed to get out of the group, the consolation is, we have still performed better this time than we did in 1954, 1958, 1986, 1990 and 1998.

The truth is, we are consistently poor at the World Cup and an awful lot of wee nations we used to, and perhaps still do consider to be “Diddy Teams” have got better than us.

That's not Stevie Clarke's fault, he can only work with what he's got, perhaps the censure ought to be directed at the High Heid Yins of our game, who have gone down the road of buying-in ready-made non-Scots, of questionable pedigree, to the detriment of native talent.

Our lack of top-class talent is most-evident when it comes to goal-scoring. We have now played 26 games in our 10 tilts at the World Cup Finals. Only twice, when we beat Netherlands via Archie Gemmill's great goal in 1978, and four years later when we stuck five on New Zealand, have we scored more than two goals in a single game in the tournament.

Much was made of John McGinn joining the elite group of scorers who have scored more than 20 international goals for Scotland. He's in there with Hughie Gallacher, Lawrie Reilly, Kenny Dalglish and Denis Law. Of that elite group only Gallacher has scored at a goal a game or better for his country, while only Law and Reilly have bettered the 0.5 goals per game benchmark for an elite striker.

Until we unearth a striker capable of hitting the back of the net regularly and the midfielders capable of supplying him with ammunition, we are never going to get out of the group, should we ever again qualify for a World Cup finals tournament.

Unearthing that striker isn't Stevie Clarke's job, that;s down to the clubs and the coaching system, which clearly isn't working. Aye, Private Frazer was right.

 

Bigger Doesn't Mean Better

OTHER THAN those now rare ocassions when we blow winning positions against THEM, I don't get carried away when Scotland lose. Long years of disappointment have cured me of falling into the usual Scottish trap of failing to treat those twin imposters (triumph and disaster) both the same – any way, that's a very old-fashioned, English attitude.

OK, maybe we should have had one, possibly two, penalties against Morocco, but, this is Scotland; ok, we get the penalties – is there any guarantee we score them? Those Tartan Army foot soldiers who support any side other than either one of The Bigot Brothers, fine they ken, in Fitba, The Diddy Teams don't get the breaks.

In Boston on Friday night, Scotland – FIFA ranking 43 – was The Diddy Team, against seventh-ranked Morocco. If you think The Scottish Football Association “arranges” things to suit a certain two Glasgow sides – they're amateurs compared to the footballing Gnomes of Zurich. Morocco were always going to get the breaks from officialdom.

It's not as if Morocco could be taken lightly. That nation has a proud football reputation, from the days of the great, the original Black Pearl – Libra Benbarek, who was a World-Class Talent 75 years ago. They gubbed us at France'98 and are the current African Champions.

Steve Clarke knew it would be a tough game, some, if not all, the members of the Tartan Army knew this as well. Putting our natural disappointment at another defeat aside, losing 0-1 wasn't a bad result.

We now move on to Miami, to face Brazil. Now, I reckon this 2026 Brazilian side is perhaps their worst since 1974 – when, lest we forget, we still couldn't beat them. If we have a go at them, I reckon we could beat them – provided we find a defender to do an efficient man-marking job on Vinicius Junior.

I wasn't surprised at Brazil beating Haiti 3-0. I said before this whole circus kicked off, the Haitians probably had one half-decent game in them and it was just our luck that we would get them on that day. This may be a poor Brazilian team, but, it is still a Brazilian team.

However, this is just the sort of uphill battle which brings the best out of Scotland, let's hope we can do and maybe we can. Mind you, the traditional Scottish approach to the World Cup is to go out on goal difference or something; which suggests we could well end up as one of the third-placed sides who fails to make it to the knock-out rounds.

Now – forward tho' I cannot see, I guess and fear. All those previous World Cup failures has got me to the state of preparing for the worst, but still being shocked at what happens to us. I can see us not progressing, in which case, 2026 would become our worst-ever World Cup Finals showing. That might yet happen.

In all honesty, I am, for all the valiant efforts of the Tartan Army, struggling to become enthused with this tournament. FIFA's determination to dumb down the game, to “Never mid the quality – feel the width” has turned what ought to be a true showpiece into a marathon slog.

UEFA did the same with the European Cup, when it became the Champions League. When the competition was restricted to merely the champions of each individual league in Europe, winning it meant something. Then, some of the so-called bigger clubs felt they ought to be in it every year, pushed through expansion and it became the bloated marathon it is today.

I could live with a European version of the North American professional sports leagues, the current mish-mash turns me off. Professional fitba – internationally and at club level – is a total mess and I don't see the desire within the game to sort it out.

To repeat, I fear we could maintain our dismal record of finding disappointing ways to exit the World Cup, but, the main thing I have learned from this year's competition is – bigger isn't better and enlarging the tournament has not led to better quality.

There might be something to be said for copying the likes of the ICE HOCKEY World Championship and have various divisions. Qualification for each division would be via results in the various confederation tournaments, such as the European Championships, the African Championship and so on, with, as happens in Europe's Nations League, promotion and relegation leading up to World Cup games every four years, as now.

Forty-eight nations is too many, it dilutes the product. But, I doubt if those Gnomes of Zurich will agree with me.

 

You Couldnae Make This Up

SCOTTISH FOOTBALL-WRITING is in a right moger at the moment. How The Beautiful Game is covered up here has always been governed by a code, which is not written-down anywhere, but, which everyone involved knows by heart.

It's hierarchical; the apex predators are the Chief Football Writers of the various newspapers and broadcast outlets. These suited and booted aristocrats of the printed word – known to the rest of us hacks as: “The A Team” follow a strict schedule: their territory encompasses Hampden, Celtic Park, Ibrox; they mainly report on three teams: The Scotland Men's National Team, Celtic and Rangers. As far as they are concerned, no other teams matter.

As I write this, they are all in Charlotte, North Carolina, covering Scotland's World Cup campaign. This is where they should be, after all, right now, the World Cup is the only show going on – EXCEPT – back home, the speculation around who will be managing Rangers in the new season is off the scale.

Old cynic that I am, I have long held that the close season is when some of the A team, and a lot of the wannabees lower down the food chain, do their best work, speculating about new signings for The Bigot Brothers. Right now, they are moving at peak revs, around the big question – when will Derek McInnes be revealed as the new Rangers' Manager?

Apparently, current incumbent Danny Rohl is heading for Red Bull Salzburg, McInnes has already been recruited as his replacement, all we await are the official announcements. Indeed, some media outlets are already putting it out that this is a done deal.

I've got a long memory – I can remember Maurice Johnston being photographed, holding up a Celtic jersey and saying he was coming home to the only team he had ever wanted to play for. Only, Graeme Souness had other ideas.

The Sun's exclusive, that Mo-Jo was signing for Rangers remains arguably the best EXCLUSIVE in the history of Scottish Journalism. We all know the story of Alex “Chiefy” Cameron, Chief Sports Writer of the Daily Record, being telephoned in the early hours of the morning by the night shift worked on the Record Sports Desk, and told of The Sun's “Johnston to Rangers” “Splash”.

The great Chiefy apparently dismissed the story as absolute nonsense, only to be at Ibrox for the signing less than 12 hours later.

You might think, after that, the papers would be treading carefully around the Mcinnes to Rangers story.

OK, it says much about the relationship Rangers, Hearts, McInnes and Rohl have with out media that the story has been allowed to grow legs and run as it has. “Facts are chiels that wanna ding” and the facts are:

• There is no indication on the official Rangers' website that Danny Rohl has left the club

• There is no indication on the Red Bull website that he is joining them

• There is no indication on the Hearts' website that Derek McInnes has left the club

• There is no indication on the Rangers' website that he has joined the club

It's all pure speculation – it's gossip, and as such should only be being discussed in a paper's gossip column.

OK, perhaps the three clubs involved, Rangers, RB Salzburg and Hearts are all being economical with the truth over the machinations, maybe their pr departments are not fit for purpose, it might be that the three clubs all relish the idea of keeping the media guessing, but, it seems to me, it's indicative of how the Scottish media has dumbed down in recent years, that the story has been allowed to gain the traction it has.

Up there, in the great press box in the sky, I wonder what the likes of Waverley, Chiefy, Dan, Big Doug and the other titans of the past are making of the current nonsense; or what the now retired “Mad Geordie of Kinning Park” might have made of this story.

 

A Win Is A Win Is A Win

THERE IS always one question to answer when we qualify for either of the two major Football Championships – The World Cup or The European Championships; that question is: “How will we blow it this time?”

OK, we have a minimum of two further games to get through, but on the evidence of Saturday night shift, watching the TV broadcast from Boston, maybe we've exhausted the possible ways we can embarrass ourselves on the world stage, but, this being Scotland – I will not bet on that.

When it comes to The World Cup, we've been performing pratt-falls for over three-quarters of a century:

• 1950 – If we're not British Champions, we're not going

• 1954 – It's in Switzerland, Alps and skiing, so winter weight jerseys, in 30º summer temperatures and the team manager resigning mid-tournament

• 1958 – The SFA send Tommy Docherty and Archie Robertson to scout next opponents Paraguay, then totally ignore their report and lose

• 1974 – We play the worst Brazilian team ever off the park, but cannot score and we only score two goals against a poor Zaire, go through the group unbeaten, but still fail to qualify

• 1978 – Ally MacLeod fails to scout Peru, we lose; Willie Johnston fails a drugs test and is sent home, then we fail to beat Iran

• 1982 – Willie Miller and Alan Hansen collide – we're out

• 1986 – We play 88 minutes against ten-men Uruguay and cannot score

• 1990 – Costa Rica

• 1998 – We fail to beat Norway, then lose to a Moroccan team we probably under-estimated

I will not dwell on the many Disasters for Scotland we have endured in the tournaments we failed to qualify for, so, perhaps I'm being a tad unfair in refusing to cheer too-loudly after our hard-fought win over Haiti in the early hours of Sunday morning.

A win is a win is a win, and if this one was not a total minger, it was still far from braw. I fear, perhaps, it might be, as yon win over Zaire in 1974 was, a case of the group's whipping boys producing the one good performance they had in them, before being thumped by the other two teams in the group to leave us struggling.

Hopefully, this was a case of us getting our stinker performance out of the way early doors, before lifting our level for the other two games. We will need to, once again, the group draw has done us no favours, pitting us against two of the nations rated in the world's top ten.

Morocco, our next opponents, looked a very-good side, against a Brazilian team, clearly out of sorts, but, still a Brazil side. I've got the feeling, if the Samba Kings are going to go deep into this World Cup, it may be because Vinicius Jr “does a Maradona” and, as that wonderful wee man did in 1990, carries a poor team on his back all the way.

The above paragraph written, we could well rise to the challenge of facing the African Champions in our next game, or, in typical Scottish fashion, face a “Must Win” final game against Brazil and shock the world by doing just this. That's the beauty of a World Cup involving Scotland.

Let's look at the performances last night:

• Angus Gunn: Didn't have too-much to do, but one or two mishandles was the sign of a player who hasn't played too often this season. Our three goalkeepers' lack of action is still a worry.

• Aaron Hickey: Another player who hasn't played too often this season, but he coped well until he tired and was replaced by Nathan Patterson, another player a bit short of match-fitness.

• Grant Hanley: Had a good game, relatively untroubled and his experience showed.

• Jack Hendry: Also came up with a solid performance, including some crucial blocks when Haiti put us under pressure.

• Andy Robertson: A typical Robbo performance, leading from the front and getting forward at every opportunity. He has crossed better in the past

• Ben Gannon-Doak: Frustrating, he takes on opponents and beats them, but, his final ball into the box is some way short of Jimmy Johnstone or Willie Henderson class.

• Scott McTominay: Nowhere near his best form, but his class showed and he was unlucky with one shot which hit the woodwork.

• Lewis Ferguson: The glue that held our midfield together, stopped some threatening Haitian attacks at source and battled hard.

• John McGinn: Was more Pub Player McGinn than Super John, but, he got the all-important goal.

• Che Adams: Still to demonstrate he and Lawrence Shankland can play together. Kept the Haiti defence busy but had few chances near goal.

• Lawrence Shankland: Another who was a bit off his best form, but, he was always a threat and, on another night – who knows.

• Findlay Curtis, Ryan Christie, Kenny McLean: Came off the bench but failed to perhaps make the expected impact, although, none let Scotland down.

Now, we move on to the supposedly harder challenges of the world's seventh and sixth-ranked nations. Typical Scotland, we always get a Group of Death. However, and let's hope this is not false hope, on the evidence of their meeting, earlier on Saturday night/Sunday morning, we should not be shaking in our boots about facing either side.

That said, we will need to up our game considerably to get out of this group. However, those two additional points we already have over Brazil and Morocco just might come in handy.

A final thought. Once again the Tartan Army were being praised for their support and for their magnificent rendition of Flower of Scotland. For me, that's the ultimate example of Jim Sillars' 90-minute Nationalists.

All the data tells us, most of the Tartan Army members in Boston will favour Independence, but, only a little over one-third of them will support the Scottish National Party – the supposed political party driving the push for Independence. To borrow a phrase from a famous American: “Edinburgh – we have a problem!”