Let's All Laugh At Celtic - And The Other Lot

 

THERE I WAS, settled down in front of the TV on Thursday night, ready for the latest edition of Let's All Laugh At Celtic: confident Benfica would trounce what one friend (of a Rangers persuasion) had dubbed: The Lisbon Puty Cats – successors to the Lisbon Lions.

Tweety Pie might always get the better of Silvester, but The Eagles certainly, on the scoreboard, ripped Celtic apart 4-1 on the night. However, in truth, if both teams had been capable of being more clinical in the opposition penalty area, the game might well have finished something like 8-5 to Benfica; still a defeat but one which could be viewed as glorious rather than a hiding.

So, to an extent, Celtic were unlucky in Lisbon, too often hitting the frame of the goal or a Benfica defender's body, but, for all that element of fortune, the fact remains – there are several highly-paid members of this current Celtic squad who are simply not Celtic class and, for all his undoubted and proven ability as a coach and a man manager, Martin O'Neill cannot make silk purses out of several sows ears.

Thursday night's outcome will do nothing to calm the rough seas breaking around Celtic Park. When I was a boy, in the years BS, before Jock Stein returned to put an end to decades of Rangers' dominance, although the club won very little, they pulled-in huge crowds and for all the disappointments, The Celtic Family stuck it out and stood together.

I worked for a tyre company, in a depot just off Duke Street; my boss was a Gorbals boy, a former Junior internationalist, he would have given an arm for even one game for Celtic, but, the call never came. He wasn't a fan of The Four Families who ran the club at the time – but, he recognised, they, like him were Celtic to the core.

He travelled to Lisbon on that great night in 1967, he even went on that heart-breaking trip to South America the following season and he would regularly join the fans who went into Barrowfield to watch the team training every day. Indeed, I remember one rainy morning, we gave Tommy Gemmell, Bobby Lennox and Bertie Auld a lift along London Road to Barrowfield – Stein had insisted they run along to the training ground as a warm-up.

That particular boss is no longer with us, but I wonder what he would make of the current state of affairs at the club, with an embattled board fighting with the most-committed fans; a resurgant Rangers at the gate and regular defeats in Europe.

The Celtic Family at large still believes in the club; however, the feeling appears to be growing among them that the current Patriach Dublin-based Dermott Desmond is only in it for the cash and the glory. The board and the executives in-charge of the daily business side of the club – well, as far as a seemingly growing number of the family members are concerned, these guys, such as Chairman Brian Wilson, are simply not up to the job.

The fans' crave European success – they have been raised on tales of Lisbon, of regular runs to the latter stages of the major European competitions; forgetting the reality – Celtic (indeed Scottish clubs) have not troubled the scorer much in Europe this century.

The fans' solution – the board must spend, spend, spend. In saying this, they apparently forgot: Viv Nicholson, the Yorkshire woman who brought that phrase into common usage, ended up penniless and suffering from dementia.

The unspoken fact is, Scottish Football is so poorly thought-of across the world, and Glasgow is often seen as a bit of a backwater, that even Celtic and Rangers, for all their history, now have to pay larger wages than the player might be worth, to persuade even middling non-Scottish talent to join them.

They have, as I see it, two options:

1. Spend more money on proven talent, with no guarantee of European success

2. Go back to Celtic principles and rear their own home-grown talent from the ranks of the children of the Celtic family.

The problems with that second option are: to succeed, it would need a coach of Stein's ability, a board prepared to give him the time for it to work, and even then, there is always the chance that the best young talent would be enticed away by the greater riches available in England or Europe.

Even with the number of non-Celtic class players in the current squad, it is impossible to see the club finishing the domestic season outwith the top three in the league, and with possibly one trophy. Still, the current squad is not fit for purpose in Europe.

It's a bitter pill for the Celtic Family to swallow, but, until a North American style European “Super” League, run on a franchise basis and with American-style management, or England's Premiership becomes a proper UK league, then Celtic (and Rangers) will continue to be big fish in a very shallow pool and minnows in Europe.

SCOTTISH FOOTBALL-WRITING statutes demand, while a journalist may devote the bulk of a piece to one cheek of the game's erse, the other cheek has to get a mention, in the interests of balance.

Thus, if Thursday night in Lisbon was bad, what can we say about Saturday night in Dundee. Cards on the table here, I have always had a lot of time for Steven Pressley and have long thought of him as a better coach than he is given credit for. Perhaps it's his own downbeat personality that has told against him, but, right now, I think he is doing a good job at Dens Park.

This Rangers squad is still a work in progress and as such, will always be vulnerable to a committed, well-organised domestic challenge, which is what they got on Saturday night.

When the visitors led, I was still certain Dundee could haul them back, but, I certainly never thought the equaliser might come from just about the worst individual mistake I have seen from a Rangers' Captain.

If one of the Diddy Teams can put a consistent run of form together, this season, we might just see the Old Firm dam breached – both sides are now highly-vulnerable.

FINALLY – I was speaking to one of my fellow coffin-dodgers, who has this season, after some seasons on the bowling green and on other sporting pursuits, re-invested in an Ayr United season ticket.

I asked him about that hugely-controversial penalty awarded to Partick Thistle on Friday night; have a look, there are plenty of examples on social media. That was, without doubt, the worst decision I have ever seen n a penalty box. The Thistle player should have been done for diving rather than winning a penalty.

My mate felt it was terrible, before adding: “the one Dunfermline got the previous game was just as bad – the two worst decisions I've ever seen, against us, in successive weeks.”

Where was Rabbie Burns when required, to pen a critical piece in support of The Honest Men?

The Shortest Of Honeymoons

'TIS IN SOME WAYS a great pity the late Frankie Howerd wasnae Scottish – the sight of dear old Francis coming on TV and declaring: “Woe, woe and thrice woe” rather sums-up the mood of the Tartan Army this morning, following our capitulation to the Swiss, then the way we collapsed like a leaking bouncy castle against the Slovenians at Hampden.

When, in the eighth minute of the game, the referee had his conversation with VAR and decided Jack Hendry's night was over, I knew, we were fucked. Against a nation ranked 30 places above us (13^th to our 43^rd) we were going to struggle to get a draw, far-less avoid defeat. The thing is, you would not, given the difference in rankings – the Swiss after all did reach the last eight of the last World Cup and have, in recent seasons, become serial qualifiers for the bigger shows – have backed a full-strength Scotland team, even at Hampden, to have beaten them – or, in spite of generations of evidence to the contrary, does the average member of the Tartan Army's PBI still think: “We're Scotland – we're good at this fitba lark.”

I am loath to criticise the squad who were on duty over this International Break. Of course, they themselves will be their harshest critics; they will feel they let themselves and Scotland down. OK, they beat North Macedonia, as expected but, overall, they lost twice to a better team on the night – that's a simple fact we have to accept.

Already, some of the Fans With Lap Tops are having a go at new Head Coach Sebastian Pocognoli, since under his command that old Scottish problem, a failure to score goals has continued. I canot blame the Belgian for the fact, we don't have an international-class striker in our midst. Even a man down, in the first half at least, we created chances. Yes, we fell away badly after the turn-round, but, better Scotland squads than this one have had bad nights in the Hampden office.

I am starting to feel, perhaps Pocognoli will suffer in the same way as Berti Vogts did when he got the Scotland job. Vogts inherited a squad which included several key players at or past the end of their international shelf life, needing refreshment but with a system which did not allow for the necessary change.

For as long as our major (and minor) clubs find it easier and more-convenient to import third and fourth-rate non Scots to fill their first-team slots, leaving young Scottish players on the fringes, we will struggle at international level. Mind you, even if they were to go down the road of exposing young home-reared talent to first-team play, given the huge divergence between pay in the Scottish top flight and in the English Football League – far less their Premier League, these youngsters would be hoovered up and off down the high road to England before they had even completed their football apprenticeship.

Barney Ronay of The Guardian, in a typically over the top English report on that nation's 3-0 defeat of Czechia on Tuesday night, claimed that in taking his England tally to 90 goals in 125 games, an impressive average of 0.72 goals per game, 'Arry was scoring international goals at an average no player had ever achieved before.

Aye Right!! Hughie Gallacher's 24 goals in 20 internationals – 1.2 goals per game, leaves Kane half a goal per game behind the great Wembley Wizard. (Of course, to the likes of young Ronay – football didn't exist prior to the establishment of the English Premiership).

OK, football in the 1920s and 1930s, when the likes of Gallacher and Jimmy McGrory (1.04 gpg at club level: 0.86 gpg at international level) was a very-different game from today. But, on the other hand, you have to wonder how Kane might have coped with the pitches, balls and equipment of those days.

What Scotland would give for a striker as prolific as Kane these days, but, to be honest, we have struggled to put the ball in the net at international level since the end of World War II.

In terms of length of international career and goals per game scored, Hibs' legend Lawrie Reilly is probably our top scorer in the post WWII period. Lawrie scored 22 goals in 38 games (0.58 gpg).

Denis Law – our joint record international goal-scorer, managed 30 goals in 55 games (0.54 gpg) while Ally McCoist, arguably our best pure striker since Law, only managed 19 goals in 61 internationals (0.3 gpg), although his overall career scoring rate does exceed the 0.5 gpg which has long been considered the benchmark for an international-class striker.

Kris Boyd, arguably our best penalty box predator since McCoist, may have scored over 300 goals in his career, but, at an overall average of 0.44 gpg, while his international record (7 goals in 18 caps) gives him only a 0.39 gpg average.

A lack of scoring ability up front is not a problem I can see our new Head Coach answering any time soon, particularly if Scottish players continue to struggle for playing time in even a league as average as our top flight, far-less in England's top flight, or one of the elite continental leagues.

I see dark days ahead for the Tartan Army – their new Belgian CO has had a very short honeymoon.

 

Has St Martin Reached His Sell-By Date?

RECEIVED KNOWLEDGE in Football has it that a club manager has a “limited shelf life” and at some point, unknown when he is appointed, the playing squad will stop listening to what he says. Again, current thinking puts that down to perhaps that shelf life being, at most, five seasons, after which it's time to change managers.

This takes scant, if any, cognisance of the lengthy careers of the great old-time managers: the decades during which Bill Struth ran Rangers, Willie Maley managed Celtic, “Sailor” Hunter had the reins at Motherwell and so on. In England, Matt Busby managed to produce great teams across three decades at Manchester United, Bill Nicholson worked wonders across many years at Tottenham Hotspur, however, in the modern era, perhaps only Alex Ferguson, again at Manchester United, has come close to matching the lengthy reigns of those mentioned above.

His years at Celtic have been broken by absences, but, after the events of the past week, might we be seeing the dying days of Martin O'Neill as a Celtic icon? Struth's final years at Ibrox brought few trophies, might the same be about to happen to St Martin?

I attracted some scorn when, in the early weeks of this season, as his team struggled, I suggested Derek McInnes just might turn things around sooner than those disenchanted glory hunters who were calling for his head might imagine. Now, on the back of a six-game unbeaten run and back-to-back Old Firm wins, belief is growing among Ra Peepul.

The Premier Sports League Cup win at Ibrox was a fairly-straightforward, in some ways comprehensive home win. Sunday's win at Celtic Park was a totally different matter. It was 1-0 going on 4 or 5-1. Had Rangers scored the goals their build-up play merited, the 60,000 home fans, or at least the more-excitable element in The Celtic Family might well have carried out the biggest “brek-in” since 1909.

This Rangers squad remains a work in progress. The new faces McInnes has brought in (yes, even Emmanuel Fernandez), are starting to look like Rangers players. Some of the under-performers from previous seasons are now starting to look the part. They are not yet, however, performing as a good Rangers' squad is expected to, but, they are getting there.

The Celtic squad meantime, is going backwards. Colby Donovan is starting to look like a young player worthy of a Scotland call-up, but, that young man apart, over the past two games – the fixtures in which players on both sides are really measured – too-many Celtic man, even players cemented in place, have failed, badly. These are dire times for The Celtic Family.

A final thought on the problems afflicting under-pressure managers such as O'Neill. Back in the day, the alternative to a well-paid career as a full-time footballer was a return to, perhaps, going down the pit, or into the steel works; today's stars, if they fail, or perhaps don't like how their manager or head coach speaks to them, can simply call-up their agents and tell him: “get me a move” - they then simply move to another club, don't listen to their new coach and fail again.

OK, the maximum wage, the retain and transfer system and the fact, so little of the cash the game was making in the golden age of huge crowds went to the players has become the age when the players rule the roost – but, were the old days really so bad? Certainly the great managers of the past did not have to deal with agents, wall-to-wall television and the like. You have to ask, how might they have coped?

Another thing those old managers didn't have to deal with was the interruption to the season of internationals. I am working from memory here, but I seem to recall, prior to some season in the 1960s, even if you had half your regular first team called-up for an international game, you still had to play your club game. Then, the rule was introduced which said, if you had three players in an international squad, you could have your Saturday fixture postponed.

This meant, reserve players were blooded in games that mattered. Today, when the so-called International Window opens, the normal domestic game closes down, often for no discernible reason.

I can accept closing down the domestic calendar when Scotland has a home game at Hampden, but when, as on Saturday coming, the Scotland game is in far-off Slovenia, why shouldn't we have a domestic calendar of games? It's not as if too-many Scottish players are on international duty – only 7 members of new Head Coach Sebastian Pocognoli's 28-man squad (just 25%) are from Scottish clubs, and no club has even met the old three-men picked criteria for a fixture postponement.

OK, the Tartan Army will, as ever, invade Slovenia, but, what about the troops left back at barracks. Fine, the game is on BBC Shortbread, but, surely the Premiership could have continued as normal.

Yes, I know they will have players off playing for other countries, but, domestic football is run by The Scottish Professional Football League – so maybe the clubs should be forced to employ more Scottish Professional Footballers.

FINALLY – an interesting job appointment passed beneath the radar this week. I learned from the fact we are Facebook friends, that Iain King will, on 5 October, take up the post of Academy Director at Rangers, joining the Ibrox club from his current post in Cape Breton, Canada.

I worked with Kingie when he was a young journalist, learning the game in local newspapers in Ayrshire, prior to joining the nationals, where he rose to be Head of Sport, for The Scottish Sun – where he was also Right Worthy Master of the Lap Top Loyal. Then he handed-in his lap top and switched to football coaching.

He's A Real Rangers Man and given how well he has done on the other side of the Atlantic, I am sure he will bring much to his new job with the club he loves. It will not be immediate, but, before Kingie finally retires, I am certain he will have helped produce a steady stream of vibrant young SCOTTISH talent for the Rangers' first team.

 

New Beginnings And The Same Old Same Old

TIME WILL TELL, and hopefully, results for the Scotland team will qualify new Honcho Sebastian Pocognoli for a place in those pub quiz “Name ten famous Belgians” lists.

The new Head Coach has maintained a modicum of progression, by retaining 14 members of the 2026 World Cup squad, from which there were always going to be changes, given the injuries to the likes of Scott McTominay and Lawrence Shankland and the way some others have drifted away from regular club games under new management.

Pocognoli has named seven uncapped players in his first squad, which is:

Goalkeepers

Scott Bain Falkirk
Angus Gunn San Jose Earthquakes
Liam Kelly Rangers
Jon McCracken* Bradford City

Defenders

Luis Binks Brondby
Josh Doig Sassuolo
Colby Donovan Celtic
Luke Graham Stoke City
Jack Hendry Al Ettifaq
Aaron Hickey Brentford
Scott McKenna Dinamo Zagreb
Nathan Patterson* Torino
Andy Robertson Tottenham Hotspur
Kieran Tierney Celtic
Stephen Welsh Swansea City

Midfielders

Ryan Christie AFC Bournemouth
Lewis Ferguson Bologna
Billy Gilmour* Napoli
Lennon Miller Udinese
Kenny McLean Norwich City
John McGinn Aston Villa
Josh McPake Heart of Midlothian

Forwards

Kieron Bowie Sassuolo
Findlay Curtis Rangers
Ben Gannon-Doak AFC Bournemouth
Oli McBurnie Hull City
Robbie Ure Sevilla
James Wilson Heart of Midlothian

Whenever custody of the poisoned chalice that is the Scotland job changes hands, the relevant quote from Burns tends to be: “And forward tho' I canny see, I guess and fear”. Stevie Clarke will be a hard act to follow, but I wish the Belgian all the luck in the world, he's going to need it.

NOW I AM off the tools on a regular basis, I amuse myself by becoming a complaining old fart. “They'd never have got away with that when I was a boy” is something I say regularly as I peruse the efforts of today's working journalists.

That was certainly my thinking as I reviewed the SFA website this week and how they covered the draw for the First Round Proper of The Scottish Gas Men's Scottish Cup. The big brains along Hampden's Sixth Floor Corridor of Numpties pulled out all the stops, getting Raith Rovers' Paul Hanlon and Gordon Duncan (or should that perhaps be Gordon Who?) to make the draw.

The bulk of the website piece was all about Hanlon, who with the best will in the world, while he did make one full international appearance for Scotland, has never been more than a competent journeyman.

The news aspect of the story was the actual draw, they ought to have focussed on that rather than a puff piece on Paul. Any way, the draw is:

Scottish Gas Men's Scottish Cup First Round Draw

Beith Juniors v Huntly
Bo’ness United v Irvine Meadow XI
Bonnyton Thistle v East Stirlingshire
Brechin City v Buckie Thistle
Caledonian Braves v Fraserburgh
Civil Service Strollers v Formartine United
Clachnacuddin v Bonnyrigg Rose
Cumnock Juniors v Auchinleck Talbot
Cowdenbeath v Berwick Rangers
Deveronvale v Troon
Dunipace v Preston Athletic
Forres Mechanics v University of Stirling
Gala Fairydean Rovers v Largs Thistle
Haddington Athletic v Cumbernauld Colts
Hill of Beath Hawthorn v Glasgow University
Keith v Stonehaven
Kirkintilloch Rob Roy v Banks O’Dee
Linlithgow Rose v Clydebank
Lochee United v Inverurie Loco Works
Musselburgh Athletic v Lossiemouth
Nairn County v Gretna 2008
Newton Stewart v Johnstone Burgh
Penicuik Athletic v Kilwinning Rangers
Pollok v Albion Rovers
Renfrew v Broxburn Athletic
Rothes v Brora Rangers
Strathspey Thistle v Dalbeattie Star
Tayport v Wick Academy
Threave Rovers v Invergordon
Tranent v Turriff United

The obvious plum tie is the clash at Townhead Park of old foes Cumnock and Auchinleck Talbot, but there are one or two long distance meetings – Nairn County v Gretna 2008, Threave Rovers v Invergordon and Strathspey Thistle v Dalbeattie Star, to name but three. Bo'ness United and Irvine Meadow may no longer be the Junior Giants they once were, but there is enough history in that one to get excited.

Bonnyton Thistle v East Stirlingshire perhaps better than any other tie sums up the difference the establishment of the pyramid in Scottish football has made. You could never have seen that tie a decade ago. None of the 60 clubs involved is likely to still be in the running when the competition reaches its climax next year, but, for the moment, they can dream, and that's what fitba is all about.

ONE OF the regular readers of this pish, like me a distinguished alumnus of the finest Ayrshire Academy, contacted me on Sunday, following Rangers' win over the other lot, to enquire if I would be giving my opinion on the game. Like the vast majority of our Academicals, he is of a Rangers' persuasion – I am aware of a couple who sport green-tinged spectacles, but, the rest of us regard them with kindly scorn – accidents happen in even the best-ordered families.

I shall say only in the matter of Sunday's Ibrox game, perhaps Del Boy will be a millionaire, this time next year; however, I doubt that Celtic could be that bad again, moreover, should Rangrers emerge from this weekend's Celtic Park collision with even a point, then I could concede that perhaps the tide was turning.

In the aftermath, I must say, I have been thinking of a meme, popular on social media platforms such as Facebook – of Battery Sergeant Major Williams of It Aint Half Hot Mum, insisting: “Never have I seen such a blatant exhibition of poofery” as he reviewed the concert party's latest show.

The equivalent, in 2026, might be someone reviewing the follow-up to Sunday, and in particular the reaction of The Celtic Family to defeat: Never have I seen such a blatant display of Whitabootery.

For my part, I am more concerned with events at Rugby Park, where, to say Kilmarnock is struggling is to be guilty of under-statement. I was not at all surprised that Killie should lost a penalty shoot-out, this is a club which, after all, once went almost a decade without being awarded a penalty in open play – back in my younger days. I was, however, disgusted with the ineptitude shown by the penalty-takers against Aberdeen.

However, as a Rugby Parker since the 1950s, I was even-more disgusted by their inability to make the most of a one-man advantage for half an hour of normal time, plus the same of extra time – at home!!!

I have a lot of time for Neil McCann as a coach, I've kent wee Billy Dodds since he was at school, once kicking his erse after he announced that my oldest daughter had “an awfy nice bum” and here again, I hold him in high regard as a Coach. However, questions have to be asked over the managerial team's eye for a player – there are guys in that Killie team who would struggle to get a regular game in a good Ayrshire junior team.

This could be a long, cold and anxious winter for we Rugby Parkers.

 

Let's All Laugh At The Old Firm

THE GERMANS have schadenfreude – a feeling we Scots have admitedly bought into, but, we also have our own put down of those getting above themselves: “Him – Ah kent his faither.” We get a lot of fun out of seeing those who would put themselves above us, standing there with egg on their faces.

Thus, today is a good day for those of us who follow Scotland's “Diddy Teams” - those clubs who are not Rangers and Celtic. After Celtic's pratt-fall in Austria on Tuesday, social media was hit by a tsunami of celebratory posts from followers of the other one of The Bigot Brothers, absolutely relishing the pain, the wailing and gnashing of teeth among The Celtic Family.

I warned several gloating Huns down here in God's Orange County: “Don't get carried away, are you sure your bunch can defend a one-goal, first-leg lead?” They were all utterly convinced, Rangers' visit to Czechia was a mere formality; well, they ken noo, it wisnae.

Some of the fall-out has been spectacular. The calls for Derek McInnes' head have already started. Aye, that's the easy way out – sack the Manager, it's a lot easier than getting rid of the many members of the squad who have shown themselves to not be Rangers' class.

As a wee side issue here; I had to laugh at one post on Facebook, which laid the blame for Thursday night's massive Big Reddy in the hands of Sir David Murray. David Murray sold the club in May 2011, 15 years and ten managers ago. He would probably admit, he got one or two things wrong during his spell as owner, but, to blame him for Thursday night's debacle is pushing it a good bit.

I have long argued, the trouble with Rangers ar the moment is – they have a squad which is top-heavy with expensively-acquired non-Scots; badge-kissing mercenaries who arrive without a clue what they are getting into. They are joining a club where victory is not expected – it is DEMANDED.

We are told: “professional sport is all about winning”. That simple explanation does not quite cover what is demanded of Rangers' players and I've got the feeling, too-many of the current squad are simply not winners.

The strange thing is, Thursday night's reverse might be the break McInnes required as he builds the team he wants. Free from the unreasonable European expectations of the many glory hunters in the fan base, he can concentrte on domestic football and be better prepared for another tilt at Europe next season. Having seen what he did at other clubs, I believe McInnes has it in him to be a winning Rangers' manager, if he is allowed to clear-out the many Not Rangers Class players in his squad.

Sure, at lesser clubs, they could maybe do a job, but, it is already clear, some of them lack the mental strength to cope with the pressure to win which is thrust upon Rangers' players. I have long argued, Rangers' main problem is – they lack a spine of Rangers Men, Fans on the Park – Scotsmen who have been brought-up to know what playing for the club involves.

I said, back in 2012, when the institution was sent down to the lowest senior level in Scotland, what the then management ought to have done was: go with a squad of mainly young Scots, with one or two more-experienced players to add steel. Allow those kids to get used to winning as they progressed back up through the leagues, and by the time they got back to the domestic top flight, they would know what it meant to play for Rangers and would be ready.

Mind you, the argument against bringing-in more Scots includes the fact, it was a couple of Scots – Findlay Curtis and James Penrice who missed the crucial penalties on Thursday night.

What about Celtic then. Well, I wasn't surprised that they were turned over in Austria, LASK gave them a lot of problems at Celtic Park in the first leg, but had absolutely no luck in the Celtic red zone. I felt then, if they got one goal in the home leg, they could easily get four and while that early Celtic strike did cause me to have doubts, once LASK got their second goal, I knew they would win it.

The Celtic squad is not as poor as the one across the city, but, they lack a genuine spine and the lack of playing numbers from The Celtic Family is hurting them. Right now, in domestic Scottish Football, the Old Firm duo's best players are those Scottish referees who continue to make the honest mistakes which benefit the big two.

I doubt that we will ever see a truly level playing field in Scotland, but, right now, the Big Two are handicapping themselves with too-many inferior foreign imports, so really, a well-organised Diddy Team should be capable of upsetting them, then, all we would need is half-decent referees and who knows what might happen.

Just a final wee thought – how far could this Celtic team go in the Europa League?

Just Like Old Times

BACK IN THE 1960s, in the years BS (Before Stein) – Rangers ruled the roost. But, it wasn't constant success. Back then, the guy who made the difference was Jim Baxter. I don't think any Scottish player has ever dominated the game up here the way the Slim One did.

However, I recall one season which began badly for Baxter. He was simply off form, to the extent, when the first Scotland team of the season was named, he was dropped. Baxter's lack of form also impacted on Rangers, to the extent, they too were struggling.

Any way, off the Scotland team went, to struggle in either Belfast or Cardiff, leaving Baxter to strut his stuff at Ibrox. Now, at the time, Baxter had formed a double act around the watering holes frequented by Glasgow's Beautiful People, with Paddy Crerand. This relationship did not go down too well with the grandfathers of today's Union Bears.

Saturday at Ibrox and an out of sorts Baxter is getting pelters from the terraces. Then, with Rangers struggling, everything changed: Eric Caldow took a throw-in to Baxter, who let the ball run across his body, before volleying a 60 yard crossfield pass to Willie Henderson, who hit the bye-line and crossed for Ralph Brand to knock-in the opening goal at the near post.

Suddenly, everything was sunshine again. Rangers won the game and went on to do a league and cup double – all was well with the world.

OK, there isn't a single member of the current Rangers squad fit to (to borrow that famous Guardian quote about George Best) “lace Baxter's drinks” but, a couple of wins, followed by a run of victories, and all those disgruntled Bears, calling for Derek McInnes' head, will become as silent as Trappist monks.

'Twas ever thus in the fevered world of the Old Firm. There is nothing wrong with this Rangers squad that dumping most of them and fielding fans on the park could not cure. The majority of this current Rangers squad are simply Not Rangers Class, it is time Derek McInnes recognised that fact and acted to sort it. Indeed, I got a thumbs up from a Buffs fan when, on Facebook on Sunday, I suggested Emmanuel Fernandez wasn't even Kilwinning Rangers' standard.

The above piece was written prior to Sunday by the way.

BACK AT THE START of this 21^st century, I had a conversation with Campbell Kennedy, the genial Barrhead Boy who has done so-much for the club during his years as St Mirren's Commercial Manager. The Buddies had just got back up to the top flight and I asked him what the Old Firm effect would be on his job.

Campbell said the odd thing about having a minimum four visits per season from the two big Glasgow clubs was that some regular users of corporate hospitality at the club deliberately avoided the visits of the Big Two. Apparently the toxic – atmosphere around the Old Firm “Glory Hunter” fans was enough to keep regulars away.

I could understand this. In a former life, when I was “the only neutral in Ayrshire” - covering Ayr United one week, Kilmarnock the next; part of my press box duties involved going down to the club offices pre-match and collecting the team sheets for the press box.

I recall one week, returning to the Rugby Park press box from the club office, being accosted by a couple of staunch representatives of Ra Peepul, demainding that I give them a team sheet. When I refused, since I only had enough to go round the working press, I was subjected to a stream of abuse – the entitlement of these people was off the scale.

I also know of regulars at St Mirren, Ayr United, Kilmarnock and other clubs who would quite happily take their sons and occasionally daughters to watch their local club, but, would, under no circumstances, take them when either one of The Bigot Brothers provided the opposition.

This has been happening for years, but neither the Scottish Professional Football League, The Scottish Football Association or the two clubs, has ever shown the least determination to do something about bringing the Big Two's considerable Lunatic Fringe to heel.

OK, I appreciate one of the games was on a Sunday, the other a Friday night, but, the last two attendances for Kilmarnock games at Rugby Park were:

1. League game v Celtic – 8,353

2. League Cup tie v Ayr United – 12,365

OK, the Ayrshire Derby was the first for four years, but, it was on a Friday night, both games were on television, yet if Celtic are the draw we are led to believe they are, you might have expected their game to have attracted the larger “gate” - instead, the visit of a team from a lower league brought-in a crowd some 50% greater than that attracted by the Champions of Scotland.

BACK IN THE DAY, when cup draws in Scotland were conducted by elected SFA officials in wood-panelled offices – Rangers and Celtic only ever met in cup finals.

Now some sceptical fiba writers put this down to the ball which represented Rangers' number was put into the wee velvet bag straight from a boiling kettle, while the Celtic ball went in, straight from the SFA freezer. Others reckoned the Rangers ball was square, the Celtic one was oval.

But, now the draws are conducted on live television, often by Z list “celebrities”, the old certainties no longer apply and the risk factor ensures that the Old Firm now clash before the finals - ah! The magic and uncertainty of all-in cup draws.

Now the League Cup is one Scottish competition where seeding is involved. So, why does this seeding not apply in the quarter-final draw? Suppose the seeding was decided by the league positions at the end of the previous season, then, Celtic would have been seeded one, Hearts two, Rangers three and so on.

Thus the four leading seeds would meet one of the other four clubs, the only issue to be drawn would be the venues. I have long favoured seeding cup draws, it perhaps gives the bigger clubs an advantage, but, it also throws up the chance of more cup upsets – but, this is perhaps too-sensible for Scottish fitba.

Still on the subject of the League Cup. Since this competition does not offer European competition as an incentive in winning it, how about a wee adjustment to the rules?

Why don't we decide, clubs have to observe “The eight diddies rule” and have eight Scotland-qualified players on the field at all times in League Cup ties. Mind you, one or two clubs would surely struggle to field a team if that rule applied.

The Scots - A Minority In Their Own Clubs

THE AULD ALLIANCE may have lang syne been consigned to history, but, there is still one French saying which applies to Scotland – and in particular to Scottish Football. That saying is: “plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose”. That old chestnut, to my mind, surely applies to these tales of a crisis meeting involving the entire Scottish Football Family.

Because, I honestly don't see anything changing – unless the suggested changes benefit a certain two clubs based in Glasgow. Such is the power, in particular the economic and financial power wielded by Rangers and Celtic, they rule the roost and for as long as they vote together, they will have their way.

On Saturday and Sunday, there was a full six match programme of Premier Division games. These six games attracted a total of 99,624 fans – but, there were more fans: 50,893 inside Ibrox for Rangers clash with Hibernian, than at the other five matches combined. Indeed, only one other game, the Tynecastle meeting of Hearts and Dundee United, attracted a five-figure attendance.

Put it another way, 51% of the total top-flight attendance over the weekend were there to watch one half of the Old Firm, indeed, at 59,246, the combined attendance for the two games involving the Old Firm represented 59% of the total top division turn-out over the weekend.

With that level of economic leverage, no change will happen which in any way handicaps those two clubs; who, by voting together, can stymie any efforts to change the status quo.

One of the most-hyped suggestions around the new master plan to improve Scottish football is a suggestion that the clubs gradually phase-in a system whereby, more Scottish players are fielded by Scottish clubs. This blog has been preaching this for years, we have long championed the implementation of that Chick Young dubbed: “the eight diddies rule” - whereby each club would be obliged to field eight Scots every week.

That is, apparently, too far for the clubs. I have seen suggestions of a move towards each club having five Scots on the field at any one time, rising over two or three seasons to seven Scots. I'll believe it when I see it.

Last weekend, the 132 players who kicked-off the Premier Division fixtures, comprised:

Aberdeen – 5 nations represented

• 4 Scots

• 4 Englishmen

• 1 Australian

• 1 German

• 1 Nigerian

Celtic – 9 nations represented

• 2 Scots

• 2 USA

• 1 Fin

• 1 Canadian

• 1 Swede

• 1Colombian

• 1 South Korean

• 1 Belgian

• 1 Dane

Dundee – 3 nations represented

• 5 Englishmen

• 4 Scots

• 2 Welshmen

Dundee United – 8 nations represented

• 3 Australians

• 1 Englishman

• 1 Irishman

• 1 Northern Irishman

• 1 Dutchman

• 1 Croatian

• 1 New Zealander

• 1 Scotsman

Falkirk – 4 nations represented

• 6 Scots

• 3 Englishmen

• 1 Australian

• 1 Northern Irishman

Heart of Midlothian – 6 nations represented

• 4 Scots

• 2 Dutchmen

• 2 Frenchmen

• 1 Irishman

• 1 Albanian

• 1 Portugeuse

Hibernian – 8 nations represented

• 3 Scots

• 2 Englishmen

• 1 Austrian

• 1 Australian

• 1 Irishman

• 1 Togo

• 1 Uganda

• 1 Zambian

Kilmarnock – 7 nations represented

• 4 Englishmen

• 2 Scots

• 1 Estonian

• 1 D R Congo

• 1 New Zealander

• 1 Pole

• 1 Swede

Motherwell – 10 nations represented

• 2 Austrians

• 1 Australian

• 1 Canadian

• 1 Englishman

• 1 New Zealander

• 1 Nigerian

• 1 Scot

• 1 Swiss

• 1 Welshman

• 1 Zimbabwean

Rangers – 9 nations represented

• 2 Scots

• 2 Belgians

• 1 Australian

• 1 Croatian

• 1 Englishman

• 1 Japanese

• 1 Portugeuse

• 1 Serbian

• 1 South African

St Johnstone – 3 nations represented

• 6 Scots

• 4 Englishmen

• 1 Northern Irishman

St Mirren – 7 nations represented

• 4 Scots

• 2 Englishmen

• 1 Australian

• 1 Cypriot

• 1 Irishman

• 1 Spaniard

• 1 Welshman

The 12 clubs employed players in their starting Xis, from a total of 35 nations, and the breakdown was as follows: 39 Scotsmen; 27 Englishmen; 9 Australians; 4 Irishmen, 4 Welshmen; 3 Austrians; 3 Belgians; 3 Dutchmen; 3 New Zealanders; 3 Northern Irishmen; 2 Canadians; 2 Croatians; 2 Frenchmen; 2 Nigerians; 2 Swedes; 2 United States of America=.

There was one players from each of: Albania, Colombia, Cyprus, Democratic Republic of Congo, Denmkark, Estonia, Finland, Germany, Japan, Korea, Portugal, Serbia, South Africa, Spain, Switzerland, Togo, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe.

Home Scots formed the largest group, but they only comprised 29% of the players who started the six games. To be fair, home Scots formed the biggest group of starters, either on their own or jointly with players from another nation in 8 of the 12 starting line-ups, but only Falkirk and St Johnstone, who each fielded 6 Scots in their starting line-ups, had the home nation in the majority in their squads.

In a further indication of how much the clubs depend on non-Scots, Falkirk's Scott Bain was the only Scottish goalkeeper who was on-duty on Saturday.

Much of the conversation around getting game time for more Scottish players is concerned with providing opportunities for younger players. I feel this issue is being approached from the wrong direction – we should maybe be looking firstly to get game time for Scottish players of any age, before pro-actively promoting younger talent.

Another issue which has arisen of late is the call for a larger Premier Division; many people feel it ought to be increased to a 16-club league. This idea has merit, but, I would not stop there. However since this piece is now rapidly approaching the 1000-word ceiling I try to keep to, I will finish here, for the moment, and expand my ideas further in a follow-up piece.