Why Shouldn't Socrates Ask a Philosophical Question?

A QUESTION for any logophiles among the erudite following of these ravings – are we sure Schadenfreude is a German word? Because, given the reaction to the Breengers' unexpected loss in Dingwall on Sunday, there were a lot of very-happy Scots to be seen in places other than the Garngad, Coatbridge and Croy that night.

There might yet be a twist or two to come in this season's title race, perhaps beginning in the paddy fields of Dundee on Wednesday night, but after Sunday, the ball is back in Celtic's court – can they serve out the season and lift the title?

Ross County's shock victory was not well-received here in God's Orange County, a place where the sense of football entitlement mirrors that in the allegedly green hot beds mentioned in my opening paragraph. I received a server dose of vitriol when I mentioned to one or two locals how, at 3-1 to County, I was wondering when the Breengers would get their seemingly-statuory penalty.

Then, as the game was dragged out towards 100 minutes, Wee Liam, the “Token Tim” in our quaint former mining village, enquired if the referee was under orders to “play on until The Huns equalise”.

MIND YOU, I reckon the rise of Manchester City has seen the long-established sense of entitlement among Old Firm fans migrate south. At the moment, Manchester United may be somewhat off the pace in England, but, fear not, defeats for Liverpool and Arsenal over the weekend kept the pot boiling around their over-inflated league.

I actually struggle to be moved watching City, when they get it right, the way they play is maybe too-perfect, too-predictable. What was unpredictable, totally-unexpected and all the better for seeing it, was that twenty-plus passes move which produced Crystal Palace's winning goal at Anfield.

Jurgen Klopp's reaction – he simply said: “wow”! That summed it up perfectly.

STILL IN that Land of Make Believe which is the English Premiership, I note Mauricio Pochettino had to read the Riot Act to a couple of his Chelsea stars, after they tried to prevent designated penalty-taker Cole Palmer from adding to the hat-trick he had already scored, in what was eventually a 6-0 rout of Everton.

I often wonder how the legendary managers of yore – guys like Bill Struth, Willie Maley, Jock Stein, Brian Clough, Bill Nicholson, Wullie Shankly or Matt Busby would deal with today's star players – the balance of the relationship between club and player has probably swung too-far in favour of the player these days, just how would they have coped?

That is a very-interesting question I feel.

When it comes to penalties, there is perhaps something to be said for applying a rule whereby the player fouled, or, in the case of handball, the last player from the team getting the penalty to have touched the ball, is the guy who takes it.

Still on penalties; he may be very-good from 12 yards, but, when it comes to his core job of being a defender, James Tavernier could not keep hens oot o' a close. As a right back, he never has been and never will be Rangers class.

WE NOW know the post-split make-up of the Premiership, going into the last five games. MOMENTUM is the key word as we approach the final act of the season-long drama.

The current momentum table – a look at the clubs' form over the last five games looks like this:

Kilmarnock

Heart of Midlothian

Celtic

Dundee

Rangers

St Mirren

Not good reading for Rangers then, or for the Buddies, in their effort to overhaul Killie for the final European spot next season. However, things could well change over the final five games.

With Livingston already relegated, the only unanswered question in the bottom six is, who will be consigned to the relegation play-off spot?

The bottom six Momentum table currently reads:

Aberdeen

Ross County

Motherwell

Hibernian

St Johnstone

Hibs and Motherwell have sufficient points in the bank to be safe for another season, while Aberdeen appear to have hit form at the right time to also stay up, so, the reality is, it's the battle between Ross County and St Johnstone to avoid the play-off lottery which will keep the pot boiling at the bottom over the run-in.

IN THE Championship, with a mere three games left, we already know the four teams who will be involved in the play-offs: Dundee United, Raith Rovers, Partick Thistle and Airdrie. The question, however, is: in what order?

United could clinch the automatic promotion spot this weekend. If Tannadice alumnus Duncan Ferguson can lift his Inverness Caledonian Thistle side to beat Raith, in Inverness, then a home win by United over Scott Brown's Ayr will put the Terrors back into the big league. This will leave Thistle and the Diamonds, locked together on 51 points, but with the Harry Wraggs having a two goals better goal difference, to fight it out for third and fourth.

Who will go into the relegation play-off in this division is perhaps the most-intriguing question remaining this season.

Arbroath are of course already down, but the fight to avoid possibly joining them in League One will go right to the wire. As things stand, the fifth to ninth in the table order is:

Dunfermline Athletic

Ayr United

Greenock Morton

Inverness Caledonian Thistle

Queen's Park

However, the form, or Momentum table reads:

Dunfermline Athletic

Ayr United

Inverness Caledonian Thistle

Queen's Park

Greenock Morton

Squeaky Bum time right enough here.

IN League One – Falkirk will go up as Champions, Hamilton Accies' place in the play-offs is secure, as is Alloa Athletic's. The one unresolved issue is, who finishes fourth?

Montrose currently lie fourth, one point ahead of Cove Rangers, who in turn have a three-point advantage over Kelty Hearts. Kelty, however, have the greater momentum. Their meeting with Montrose at the end of the month could have a huge effect on the final order.

Edinburgh City are already relegated, and, in all honesty it doesn't look good for second-bottom Stirling Albion's chances of avoiding the relegation play-off.

They trail Annan Athletic on goal differencde, with Queen of the South three points ahead in seventh spot. However the two Solway Coast sides have a bit more momentum going into their crucial final three games, although, here again, it will probably go all the way to the wire.

IN League Two, Stenhousemuir are the Champions, with Peterhead, Dumbarton and Spartans in the Promotion play-offs. East Fife still have an arithmetical chance of overhauling Spartans, but, for this to happen it will need the Edinburgh side to collapse totally and the Methil Men to win all three remaining fixtures – and I don't see this happening.

The real interest in this division is at the bottom. Clyde, as has been the case for most of the season, are in bottom spot and looking at the play-off against either Lowland League winners East Kilbride or whichever side from the Highland League – Brechin City, Buckie Thistle or outsiders Fraserburgh for that final place in next season's senior set-up.

Stranraer are just one point above the Bully Wee, but, Clyde is on the better form run at the moment. This one will, again, go right to the wire.

21st Century Fitba - It's A Different Gemme Son

I HAVE come to the conclusion, the cacophony of sound and fury around 21^st century Old Firm matches is in inverse proportion to the quality of the football on-display. Take Sunday's Ibrox offering for instance.

No argument, it oozed excitement, from that opening goal, 21 seconds in, to that stunning equaliser some two hours later, but, the quality of the football left a lot to be desired. Of course, mindful of that gross under-statement of the then High Heid Yin of the SFA, the anonymous administrator who, leaving Hampden Park following the 1960 European Cup Final (Real Madrid 7 Eintracht Frankfort 3), assured the late Hugh McIlvanney: “of course, Scottish football fans would not pay to watch that sort of football every week.” We were never likely to get the chance to test that opinion.

We Scots have always liked our fitba with a side order of bluid and snotters; “Gerrintaerum” and ”rummel 'em up” are apparently officially-sanctioned tactics in the SFA coaching handbook; it is, after all: “a man's gemme son”.

So, if it's a man's gemme, can somebody please explain that Portugeuse laddie's conduct on Sunday. Macho is supposedly a Latin state of mind. So why did wee Fabio Silva, complete with Alice band, spend so-much time on Sunday afternoon rolling around on the ground, clutching various limbs and screaming for his Mammy.

The boy has talent, but not as an actor. He embarrassed himself and his club with his antics on Sunday.

Oner fears for what might have happened to him had he perhaps been facing past Celtic defenders such as Roy Aitken, Tommy Gemmell, Shuggie Edvaldsson or David Hay, to name but four members of the “Take no prisoners” school of defending.

We can only speculate on how he might have fared in Rangers' training games, up against the likes of John Greig, John Brown, Bobby Shearer or Gregor Stevens.

I fear, for all his unquestionable technical ability, Mr Silva is another recent purchase who has to go down in the Not Rangers Class section of the leger. Another to confirm his placing in that category on Saturday was, for me, James Tavernier. For all the goals he scores, he is primarily a defender, but, he is one who cannot defend, as such he stands well down the list of Rangrers; right backs I have seen.

Today's fans are awfy-easy pleased; when you see players getting a round of applause for passing the ball ten yards to an unmarked team mate. At 60-yard cross-field ball, a la Baxter or Murdoch might well stop an Old Firm game today, as the fans suffered mass hysteria at seeing such genius.

Unsurprisingly, the big talking points over Sunday's game were the VAR decisions. I believe a lot of the criticism of the system could be avoided, if football was to take a lesson from Rugby Union in how to use television evidence tosort out controversial incidents.

In rugby, when the TMO gets involved, ther incident being reviewed is shown on the big screen – everyone can see what the referee has been asked to check. Also in rugby, there is a sound link between referee and TMO, so, the crowd, or at least those in it who have got the referee mike link, can listen-in to the exchange between the guy with the whistle and the guy in the television truck. Everyone knows what they ar looking for and why.

Now, not everyone will agree with the final decision: “goal or no-goal, penalty or not a penalty” but, the decision-making is open and above board. Mind you, if you did that, self-appointed guardians of the game's soul such as Mickey Stewart would have a lot less to get aereated about.

I often use this line in my posts, but, there is no harm in repeating it: “opinions are like erse-holes, everyone has one”; Football's law book says “the referee is the sole judge of fact”. He might get his facts wrong on occasions, but, we have to accept he makes his decisions in a fair and unbiased manner. If we think otherwise, it's us that ha the problem and the game will become unplayable.

Part of the problem is, I feel, ex-players, now increasingly influential as media commentators, simply are not journalists and don't have the neutrality to comment properly. After a playing career spent claiming for every decision, they have forgotten how to switch-off.

I actually had no problems with the VAR decisions on Sunday, except, the penalty against Conor Goldson was maybe, under the old laws, a case of the ball “playing” the man. It was deflected onto his arm, ok his arm was in a strange position, but, even if it had been alongside rather than across his body, it would still have hit him – I don't see how he could possibly have got out of the way of it.

But, under the current interpretation of the law, it was a penalty, so we have to live with it. Speaking of Goldson, he had, by my count, three headers inside the penalty box, two came off his shoulder, the other hit his arm. As a header of the ball, he comes a long way down the list of Rangers central defenders. The one half-decent header on the day was at the other end, and it produced the Save of the Game by Jack Butland.

Speaking of aerial work; I remember, over 20 years ago, a chat I had with big Chris Ilewumo, who reckoned, if the sort of lifting which he saw in the lines-out in Rugby Union was brought into Football, he could score a lot more headed goals. I broached the subject with a leading refereee of the time and he said, the referee would immediately penalise any team who employed lifters to get a player that bit higher into the air to meet a cross. Spoilsports.

I cannot help thinking, if they had ploys similar to those in use in Rugby when it came to corner kicks and free-kicks into the box, it would be a better game, with players having to get their lifts right and not being involved in jersey-pulling and setting screens.

Finally, in consigning Sunday's party to history. I just wish Football would try copying Rugby's practice whereby, at the final whistle, the teams line-up faing each other and go down the line shaking hands. Also, there is an age-old custom in that game, whereby, post-match, you seek-out your immediate opponent and buy each other a beer. Maybe Football should try that, it might make for a happier game.

FINALLY – I was just about to post this, whern I noticed Celtic have written to the SFA to complain about Rangers' penalty on Sunday. Talk about spitting the dummy and chucking the toys out of the pram! “Never defeated – always cheated” has been a thing around Celtic Park for so long, it was the lore of the Jungle. Now perhaps the likes of Sir Bob Kelly and the others of The Four Families thought there was some merit in this line of thinking, but, they had too-much class to ever say it in public. The current High Heid Yins at Celtic Park clearly lack the class of the likes of Sir Bob – they are quite prepared to pander to the daftness of the extreme wing of the Green Brigade by actions such as this latest missive to Hampden.

Give the rest of us a break, by such actions you arre only embarrassing yourselves, and besmirching the history of your club.

 

An Enlarged Scotland Squad Is An Accident Waiting to Happen

 SCOTTISH FITBA has come a long way in 150 years. We may hold up the 1960s and 1970s, perhaps even include the 1980s, as our Golden Era, when qualification for five successive World Cups was a given and we had the Fab Four of Baxter, Dalglish, Johnstone and Law – plus a conveyor belt of lesser talent to drool over.

The reality, however, is that Scottish Fitba's true Golden Era was much-earlier, in the 1870s and 1880s into the 1890s. Between February 1874 and March 1892, we played over 40 internationals, winning 34, drawing 5 and only tasting defeat 3 times, only once losing at home.

We had, in that time, one run of 22 games, between April, 19879 and March 1888, when we won 20 games and drew 2. Then, as England embraced professionalism and began to import our best players at an industrial rate, we lost our way somewhat.

Back then, we could send one Scotland XI to beat England in London on a Saturday, and a totally-different XI to beat Wales, in Wrexham on the Monday, on their way back up the road. The SFA selectors of the time could even pick a scratch team of uncapped players from some “diddy clubs” confident in their ability to beat Ireland.

Remember, for all England's claim to have invented the Beautiful Game, it took them over 100-years to go ahead of us in head-to-heads between our two nations.

Mind you, running the Scottish team for that first century of international football had its moments, such as the time Hughie Gallacher decided to drink Paris dry, indeed, the litany of embarrassing incidents is a lengthy one:

• Naw, we're no gaun tae Brazil if we're no British Champions (1950)

• Switzerland in June, that's skiing country – better arrange winter-weight woolen jerseys (temperatures were in the high 70s) (1954)

• We only need to take 13 players, and we don't need a back-up goalkeeper (again 1954)

• Send Tommy Docherty and Archie Robertson to scout Paraguay, our next opponents – then ignore their report (1958)

Things should have improved once we appointed a Team Manager, but, the SFA has still managed to mess things up on a regular basis even in these modern times:

• Andy Roxburgh falling-out with Richard Gough

• Barry Boozegate

• Copenhagen

• Various players spitting the dummy at not getting to start and withdrawing from international contention

So, given our lengthy record of getting things wrong, I have my concerns about this new suggestion, that each Head Coach can take a squad of 26 players to this summer's Euros in Germany. This, for Scotland, is a disaster waiting to happen.

Last time we went to Germany on tournament business was 1974, and while that tournament goes down as the greatest of Scotland's many Fantastic Failures – unbeaten but didn't make the knock-out stages – the legends around that campaign are not good:

• Jinky setting sail for Arran during the Home Internationals

• Jinky and Wee Bremner having a bevvy in Brussels

• Jinky and Wee Bremner reprising their act in Oslo

• Heidi the waitress

Given the fact, any gang of young Scotsmen, adrift in Europe either for work or play, are at some point going off to have “a wee swally” and the prospects of lurid headlines are there for all to see.

Mind you, the SFA “blazers” too have had their moments over the years:

• “Wullie Hard-on in Argentina (1978)

• A well-known journalist getting “A Glesca Kiss” from the SFA over his coverage of the Willie Johnston affair

• “The curfew doesn't apply to us – we're the SFA” in Chile 1977 – cue machine gun fire and various “blazers” running for cover in the hotel grounds

• The legend that a Highland League official stuck one on Bremner in Copenhagen after the players overturned his bed

I should add, the Scottish Press Corps – those legendary “fans with typewriters” are not immune to the national disease of misbehaviour on football tours. There is the legendary tale of the gentleman from the then Glasgow Herald who, on 19 June, 1954, as the fifth of an eventual seven Uruguayan goals went past poor Fred Martin, rose from his seat in the Sankt Jacob Stadion, Basle, apologised to his fellow Scottish scribes for what he was about to do and delivered a perfect “Glesca Kiss” to a crowing South American scribe.

Or, the gross dereliction of duty by the man from the Evening Times, who body-swerved the first leg of the legendary Celtic v Leeds United “Battle of Britain” European Cup semi-final at Elland Road in 1970, in favour of an evening in the arms of a welcoming Yorkshire lass he had encounteered in Leeds' Dragonora Hotel. Unfortunately for him, his Editor was at the game as a guest of a Celtic director and, his absence being noted, in spite of the sterling efforts of the Daily Record man who covered for him, his “jotters” were waiting on his return to Glasgow.

Mind you, when it comes to pushing the envelope of what is acceptable when covering a Scottish sporting achievement outiwith Scotland, my favourite tale concerns the legend that is the late Ian “Dan” Archer, who, while covering Sandy Lyle's Open win at Royal St Gerorge's, on one of the days, took the cross-channel hovercraft to France and had lunch at a Three Star Michelin restaraunt outside Calais. The paper paid the bill without a qualm – Dan always had class.

So, given this long and proud track record of kicking over the traces, isn't taking a larger than usual party of Scottish players, some of whom will rarely even make it as far as the bench, just asking for another Scottish Soccer Scandal and probably a highly-memorable Sun headline?

SO WEE Brendan got a one-game ban for spitting the dummy over VAR, and will have to sit in the stand. I wonder, is this such a bad thing?

I know that in some sports, the coach's place is on the bench, right beside the action, where he can instantly speak to the players and get his points across.

“The Coach as God” is an American notion, which has spread across the world. The British way was always: “The officials pick the team, it's then up to the Captain to make sure the team works”, although that began to lose traction somewhere around Walter Winterbottom's appointment as England Manager some 80 years ago.

But, while the top American coaches are effectively hands-on beside the action, they have a whole team of assistant coaches, high in the stands, analysing the plays and feeding them additional information.

In World Rugby, the top coaches all sit, high above the action, in the coaching boxes, going between the action unfolding in front of them, and the data they are getting from their lap tops. They then relay instructions for any tactical changes, to an assistant coach on the touchline.

Which is the better approach? Football might be resistant to change, but, you never know, maybe Brendan will get a new perspective from his new seat.

I think the last, indeed perhaps the only Scottish football coach to sit away from the action to get a more-panoramic view of proceedings was wee Jim McLean, at Dundee United.

None who saw the programme can forget the documentary on the club, with Wee Jim seemingly permanently on the telephone to the dug out, imploring them to: “Get Bannan aff, he's havin' a nightmare.”

It must be hard being a Coach. I remember Big Gordon Strachan – the original Rugby-playing one, telling me, when he took over as Coach of Ayr Rugby Club: “I'm not going to be prowling the touchline, shouting at the players; I am going to sit in the stand, analyse what is happening and take it calmly.”

Ten minutes into his first game, he was out of the stand, down on the touchline, screaming at his players. Mind you, Gordon was a good midfielder for Glenafton Athletic, before he decided to concentrate on Rugby, where he went on to play for Scotland; so maybe his early exposure to football stuck.

FINALLY – the ridiculous state of Scottish Football governance in one decision. Muirkirk Juniors, the team from the village where I was born, successor club to the one my grandfather played for and was then President of, got hit by a £50 ban this week – because some daft boy let-off a flare at one of therir home games.

When you consider the pyrotechnics you see going off in sernior football, and narry a fine for clubs, you've got to wonder. OK, you might say, it was only £50, but, £50 means a lot more to a wee club like Muirkirk than it, or even a fine one hundred times that, would to either one of the Bigot Brothers.

How Very Un-Scottish Getting The Disasters Out Of the Way Before The Tournament Even Kicks-Off

WHAT IS IT with us Scots? Not a lot of Kilmarnock fans were ecstatic when Stevie Clarke was named as Manager, but, he won them over with their best league finish since the glory days of Willie Waddell, more than half a century before.

Several divisions of the Tartan Army had their doubts about him getting the Scotland job, but, you've got to admit, it's been a glorious ride, as ever with Scotland, at times a roller coaster one. Now however, in the wake of losing to a limited but well-organised Northern Ireland team, questions are being asked about the Gaffer's fitness to take us to Germany in the summer.

'Twas ever thus with Scotland and Scotland managers. A good manager can make a difference, that's true – apart from Willie Wallace, every Lisbon Lion was already at an under-performing Celtic when Jock Stein succeeded Jimmy McGrory, to end a long trophy-less run.

Yes, Stein made a difference, but, the talent was already there and it is a fact of life, just as: “you win nothing with kids” - if the talent isn't there in the first place, the trophies will not follow.

In Scotland terms, Ian McColl and Willie Ormond are not looked on by those intellectual footballing giants of The Scottish Football Writers Association as being among the great Scotland managers, but, they were fortunate in having several genuinely World-Class players to pick from, and their results demonstrated this.

Craig Gordon apart, there isn't a current Scotland squad member who will get near any All-Time Scotland XI, so, to have got the results he has, with the talent at his disposal, I reckon Stevie has shown himself to be a very-good manager.

I watched Brazil beat England 1-0 the other night, and my take on the game was, had the Brazilians had a Pele or a Ronaldo at the sharp end of the park, England would have been seriously embarrassed.

Watching Scotland on Tuesday night, it was a case of longing for a Law, Dalglish, Gilzean or McCoist – jings, even a Kris Boyd, and we would have won easily. One small censure I would aim at Stevie Clarke, and this comes back to the Scottish Football Psyche – Scotland doesn't do one man up front – get it sorted.

Also, as I have been demonstrating for years via my writing, Scotland doesn't do friendlies either. For some unfathomable reason, it must have something to do with that Scottish Psyche, our record in games that count, has always been better than our results in “meaningless friendlies”. I think there might be something to be said for reverting to the old SFA practive of not awarding caps unless the game is a competitive one – in a recognised tournament.

Watching last night's game, I felt deflated, that's because I don't like watching Scotland lose, but, as we all know, with Scotland: “it's the hope that kills”. To have nearly 80% of the possession and still lose 0-1 cannot be excused away as anything other than a bad night at the office.

But, on the basis of: “bad dress rehearsal – great first night” I still harbour hopes of it all coming good in Germany. After all, if you look at our past record, we have been rather good at playing like world-beaters in the season or so before a big tournament, before imploding totally when it starts for real. Maybe, this time, we are getting the “Disaster For Scotland” headlines out of the way before things get serious.

Just remember, 'IF' is not, never has been and never could be a Scottish poem.

THE SFA has come in for a lot of criticism this season, over the way we do VAR in Scotland. Narry a week goes bye, but there isn't a strair-heid rammy womewhere over the decisions, or non-decisions, of the man in the TV truck.

I have long held that Rugby Union, with its use of the Television Match Official – their equivalent of VAR, does the job better, and perhaps football might benefit from looking at the handling game;s protocols.

But, at the weekend there were a couple of incidents which perhaps gave the poor, hard-done-to VAR officials a wee break, when Rugby's TMO's got it wrong.

The first outrageous boob came in Cape Town, when Scottish TMO Colin Brett missed a very-obvious (so obvious TV showed it twice in slow-motion replays) foul, when an Ulster forward illegally punched the ball out of a ruck to allow a team mate to pick-up and score, and the try stood.

The second was in the Harlequins v Saracens game when 'Quins' South African skipper Stephan Leweise delivered a late and high “cheap shot” on the grounded Owen Farrell. Initially, the reason for no action being taken over the Leweise foul (which was at the very least a yellow card and more-likely worthy of a red) was that the referee was playing advantage and Saracens scored.

Then it was suggested that TMO Stuart Terheege had seen the incident but decided to take no action because TV pundit Austin Healy had seen it first and called-up a replay to highlight the hit – and he (Terheege) didn't want to be accused of allowing TV to referee the game. I don't know what's worse, the lame excuse, or the fact Leweise got away with what was probably a red card earning foul.

See VAR isn't so bad. Like all such innovations, it's only as good as the humans making the decisions.

FINALLY – High on my list of books I'd like to have written but couldn't be arsed, is an anthology of Rangers players over the years who met my late Hun of a Faither's dismissive opinion: “NRC – Not Rangers Class”. High on my list of names for inclusion would be that of Joey Barton.

Whenever I see Barton mentioned, I immediately think of that classic Eric Morecambe line: “This boy is a fool”. He certainly reinforced that opinion this week with his latest “look at me – I matter” media snapshot – his unfair criticism of Partick Thistle's you goalkeeper Ava Easdon.

Joey has rightly been heavily criticised for his remarks, yes, they do amount to verbal bullying, but, if Joey had a working brain cell, he might have held his tongue. Let's just say, one of the very last guys I would upset would be Ava's dad Lex Easdon. - a former World Kickboxing Champion.

There are a lot of hard men in Paisley, there are a lot of bams as well, but, not even the bamiest Buddie Bam would dream of upsetting Lex. Joey Barton, of course, is a whole different level of bamery.

 

Scottish Fitba - So Bad It's Good

I HAVE long opined: the problem with elite football in Europe is, the players are now so technically-proficient, the games are boring. Drop down a couple of tiers or so, to something like Scottish Fitba, and, with less-proficient players, making more mistakes, you get a better game to watch.

OK, maybe it would be good for the game if we managed to get rid of the old (and cynical) description of a “gifted” Scottish footballer: “he can miskick with either shin”; but, for me, it would be even better if we got rid of the multitude of non-Scottish players, who are only better in that they can: “miskick with either foot”.

My two favourite Premiership clubs are Kilmarnock – I've been a Rugby Parker since my first game, in 1959 - and St Mirren – after an entertaining decade or so covering the club for the Paisley Daily Express. So, I was delighted to see the two clubs producing a minor classic on Saturday, with the Buddies running the show and going two goals up in the first half, before, after what I presume was a paint-stripping half time pep talk from Paisley-born Derek McInnes – Killie hit back with five second half goals, scored in jig-time, to take the points and climb above their visitors into fourth place in the top flight.

Then, with Dundee v Rangers called-off after a Tayside monsoon, Celtic went back to the top of the pile, keeping the heat on what was already a gripping fight for the title.

I actually think Phillipe Clement was quite happy at the call-off. His team has a long history of not hitting their straps in the first domestic match after a midweek European game and, following their loss to what was a very-good Benfica team, on Thursday night, a Sunday off was perhaps good for his squad.

Notwithstanding my aversion to our clubs preference for cheap foreign imports to home-grown Scottish talent, I reckon we will, years from now, look on this season's Premier Division campaign, as one for the ages.

OK, the Brothers Grimm are going to fight it out for the title (again); Hearts are probably safe in third, but, the battle for the fourth and final European place next season will be epic. At the other end of the table, Livingston appear to be doomed, ten points off the relegation play-off place and eleven off the safety of not having to contest those fraught play-off games.

But, between the extremes at both ends of the table, we're in Cole Porter territory.

IF THE top-flight is exciting, it pales into boredom when compared to events in the Championship. The title fight between Dundee United and Raith Rovers may lack the glamour of the tussle between the two cheeks of Scottish Football;s erse, but, it is every bit, if not more-intense.

With seven games to go, there they are, locked together, separated only by goal difference; it's the very essence of “squeaky bum time” - anything can and probably will happen on the run-in.

The fight to get into the promotion/relegation play-offs is almost as intense. OK, backing Partick Thistle is always a risky business, but, they have enough guys in their squad to ensure, they will finish third, but, that fourth place, well it will probably go to time added-on in the final games of the regular season, before we know which club will fill the position.

Airdrie, Morton, Dunfermline Athletic, Ayr United and Queen's Park, half the clubs in the division, are all in the dog fight, and, I wouldn't rule out a Duncan Ferguson-inspired Inverness Caledonian Thistle going on a late run to challenge for that final spot.

UNFORTUNATELY – the League One sides have not managed to keep to the script. Falkirk are two wins away from clinching the title, while Hamilton Academical and two from Alloa Athletic, Montrose and Cove Rangers will occupy the other places in the play-offs.

At the bottom, Edinburgh City's disastrous season has already seen them condemned to relegation, however, four teams are involved in the battle to avoid the relegation play-off games. These clubs are the two Solway Coast clubs – Annan Athletic and Queen of the South, Stirling Albion and Kelty Hearts. Their battle will be intense.

THE BBC SHORTBREAD Sport website lists each club's last five results at the end of their league table. Stenhousemuir are, on current form, sixth-equal in the ten-club division. However, with a 15 point lead over Peterhead, who are also sixth-equal on current form, The Warriors do have a comfortable cushion in the title race.

Dumbarton (second-equal on current form) also look good for the play-offs, but Spartans' current-form ranking of eighth could leave them vulnerable to a late run from East Fife, the form team in the division, with 11 points from their last five games.

The real interest in the bottom half of the division is the suggestion, from recent results, that that old fox Ian McColl could be about to pull-off one of his famour turnarounds.

When he took over Clyde they were lagging badly in the race to avoid the play-off to stay in Senior Football. They are still bottom of the pile, but, on current form they are joint-second, having taken 9 points from their last five games.

The Bully Wee still trail second-bottom Stranraer by three points, but the Galloway Irishmen are, on current form, justifying their ninth place and it might take more than the occasional wonder goal from Finn Ecrepont to save them.

By the way, seeing as his grand-father is a long-time friend of mine, can I just say, young Finn should never have been allowed to leave Ayr United. He is the sort of talented home-grown Honest Man that club needs more of.

FINALLY – I see Crawford Allen is stepping down from his role as Head of Referees at the SFA, and the inference is, he's had enough of SFA in-fighting and lack of support for our match officials and their support of the introduction of VAR.

The trouble there is, the top teams, and two in particular, appear to think they should not have decisions given against them. So, where do Hampden find a successor?

 

I reckon the ideal candidate is already in there.Douglas Ross could well lose one of his three jobs later this year, come the UK General Election. In his other “Day Job” as leader of the Scottish Conservatives, he already has ample experience of doing a job in which everyone hates him -DRoss is the ideal candidate, no matter how often things go wrong, it will not bother him one iota.

Since Alasdair Jackass has already bagged the ermine jaiket and the lifetime seat in "The Other Place" Wee Dougie, minus his £86,584 pa Westminster salary could well need a wee top-up to his meagre £67,672 pa Holyrood stipend, so, a wee sinecure at Hampden might be a good fit.

Come on SFA, you know it's time to promote The Linesman to the top match officiating job at Hampden.