Women's World Cup: I Think A Double Dismissal Would Suit Me

THE ENGLISH BROADCASTING CORPORATION are, as always when there is a major football tournament going on, currently in full-on Ingurlund, Ingurlund, Ingurlund mode – determined to cheer The Lionesses, with their three leopards on their left breast, to global glory.

England v USA, who do you want to win? Both being thrown out of the tournament for some obscure breach of the rules would suit me splendidly, I must confess.

Actually, the fitba has been not bad, about Scottish Championship standard when it comes to tactical naivety, wrongly-weighted passes and wrong options taken. The players' behaviour is generally better, but, you can see the dire effects of professionalism coming-in, diving, dissent and so forth. Still, the games are probably played in a better spirit than men's games.

I actually fancy, whichever side wins between The Netherlands and Sweden will win the competition.

Kim Little - looks to be heading for her second Olympics

However, England reaching the last four has guaranteed Team GB a place in the football competition at the 2020 Olympic Games, in Tokyo. This is already making waves among the Little Scotlanders of the football world – who do not want our world-class talents such as Jenny Beattie, Kim Little, Caroline Weir or Erin Cuthbert to be allowed to augment Phil Neville's already strong England squad.

The thing is, back when football entered the Olympic movement, over 100 years ago, it was the (English) Football Association who joined the British Olympic Association, the body which runs the Olympic Games from a British perspective. OK, you can argue, the SFA with the Northern Irish and Welsh associations should, long ago have insisted, if the game of football was to be represented, it should be on an all-British basis.

There are other sports in which the four UK nations compete separately at international level, but, these sports: hockey, curling, badminton, basketball to name but a few, all initiated “British” or “United Kingdom” bodies, specifically to deal with the Olympics. Football didn't.

In fact, the SFA has never bought-in to the Olympic ideal. Back in the days of amateurism, it was not unknown for Queen's Park to pull players out of Great Britain squads to play in Scottish League games. Maybe if some of our great legislators had had access to the wider and deeper troughs open to the great and good of the Olympic movement, Scotland would have been keener, but, it never happened.

Neither am I too bothered if we do get one or two of our girls into the final Team GB squad for Tokyo. I am convinced this will be the last Summer Games at which the UK will enter as a single entity. By the 2024 Games, Scotland will again be an Independent nation, hopefully with full membership of the Olympic Movement and able to send a Team Scotland to the Games.

I CANNOT say I was surprised when St Mirren changed managers last week; and I certainly wish Jim Goodwin well in his new role as boss of the Buddies.

Jim Goodwin - a top six demand is maybe excerss pressure

No harm to the guys who would have to go, but, I have always felt that the best St Mirren teams have a spine of home-bred players. Love Street used to produce a regular load of players good enough for Scotland Under-23 and Under-21 teams, many of whom were sold-on to bigger clubs.

I spent an enjoyable few years on the Sports Desk of the -Paisley aily Express, during which I got to see a lot of young Buddies featuring in Scotland age group teams. During my spell on the PDE: Derek Scrimgour, David McNamee, Martin Baker, Norrie McWhirter, Sergei Baltacha, Jamie Fullarton, Brian Hetherston, Hugh Murray, Barry Lavety, Ricky Gillies and Steven McGarry, plus Simon Lappin and Burton O'Brien, all earned Scotland Under-21 honours; that's a fair array of talent. But, all St Mirren won in my time there was the First Division, now The Championship in 1999-2000 – huge potential was never turned into real success.

They have a good, committed home support, and the opportunity, as Alex Ferguson demonstrated when he was there, the potential to grow that support – if the club is run properly.

I noted Tony Fitzpatrick's statement this week that new boss Goodwin should be targeting a top-six finish for the Buddies. Actually, if I was Goodwin, I'd be looking no further than tenth place – thus avoiding the promotion/relegation play-off this season. That would be progress. Get that out of the way, then look to progress to the top six.

Here are St Mirren's finishing league positions over the past 25-years, beginning with season 1994-95:

1994-95 - 7^th in Division One (17^th in Scotland)

1995-96 - 6^th in Division One (16^th in Scotland)

1996-97 - 4^th in Division One (14^th in Scotland)

1997-98 - 6^th in Division One (16^th in Scotland)

1998-99 - 5^th in Division One (15^th in Scotland)

1999-2000 – First in Division, Promoted (11^th in Scotland)

2000-01 - 12^th in Premier League (12^th in Scotland) – Relegated

2001-02 - 8^th in Division One (20^th in Scotland)

2002-03 - 7^th in Division One (19^th in Scotland)

2003-04 - 7^th in Division One (19^th in Scotland)

2004-05 - 2^nd in Division One (14^th in Scotland)

2005-06 – First in Division One, Promoted (13^th in Scotland) also won the Scottish League Challenge Cup

2006-07 - 11^th in Premier Division (11^th in Scotland)

2007-08 - 10^th in Premier Division (10^th in Scotland)

2008-09 - 11^th in Premier Division (11^th in Scotland)

2009-10 - 10^th in Premier Division (10^th in Scotland) Reached League Cup Final

2010-11 - 11^th in Premier Division (11^th in Scotland)

2011-12 - 8^th in Premier Division (8^th in Scotland)

2012-13 - 11^th in Premier Division (11^th in Scotland) Won League Cup

2013-14 - 8^th in Premiership (8^th in Scotland)

2014-15 - 12^th in Premiership (12^th in Scotland) Relegated

2015-16 - 6^th in Championship (18^th in Scotland)

2016-17 - 7^th in Championship (19^th in Scotland) Reached final of the League Challenge Cup

2017-18 – First in Championship, Promoted (13^th in Scotland)

2018-19 - 11^th in Premiership (11^th in Scotland)

Taking that record and averaging it out over the 25 years, St Mirren's average final position has been in the top two of the Championship. The last time the Buddies finished in the top six was in season 1984-85, when they finished fifth. So, I would say, asking for a top six finish is putting unnecessary pressure on the new manager.

In the last ten seasons, the club has twice – in 2012 and again in 2014 finished eighth in the top division, their best performance in the decade, perhaps asking for a repeat of that would be a good target for the new boss.

I like St Mirren, they are a fine club. I also like Fitzy, a St Mirren man to his core and a man I have a lot of respect for. But, come on Tony, you've been where Goodwin now is, lift the pressure a wee bit please. Small steps at first.

Reflections On A Bad Night In Paris

I WAS only seven for the first item on the following list, and I think we gave up at 3-0 that night, but, since the 1954 World Cup Final Tournament, which was broadcast live, thanks to the wonders of the new Eurovision set-up, I have suffered as follows:

• Losing 7-0 to Uruguay, in 1954
  
  
• Losing to Paraguay – then John Hewie's missed penalty at 0-0 v France in 1958
  
  
• Losing to Czechoslovakia in Brussels in a play-off for the 1962 Finals
  
  
• The absolute disaster of Naples (Ron Yeats wearing number nine after half a dozen call-offs) in the 1966 campaign
  
  
• Tommy Gemmell's red card in Germany in the 1970 campaign
  
  
• Bremner's miss against Brazil in 1974
  
  
• The Peru game, then the Iran game in 1978
  
  
• Hansen and Miller in 1982
  
  
• The Uruguay game in 1986
  
  
• Costa Rica in 1990
  
  
• The night a team died in Portugal in the 1994 campaign
  
  
• Craig Burley's red card in 1998
  
  

That's 12 heart-breakers from the days when we had delusions of adequacy on the world stage. I will spare you further pain dear reader by not listing the heart-breaks of the subsequent 21 Wilderness Seasons.

So, lang syne reconciled to accepting, when it comes to Scotland and the football World Cup – shite happens, I am not going to beat myself up about last night's events in the Parc Des Princes.

The Lassies lost, but, hey, this was Scotland on the big stage, apart from the fact it was our women, rather than the men – what was new? They did the auld Scots trick of snatching defeat from the jaws of success.

And, on the basis of always look on the bright side of life, the girls saved the jerseys of the “blazeratti” who inhabit Hampden's sixth-floor corridor, who now will not have to answer the question: How come the girls could qualify for the knock-out stages, first time out, when the men never have in eight Finals appearances?

(Adopting a Norwegian accent): Shelley Kerr, Lee Alexander, Kirsty Smith, Rachel Corsie, Jen Beattie, Nicola Docherty, Leeanne Crichton, Caroline Weir, Lisa Evans, Kim Little, Claire Emslie, Erin Cuthbert, Sophie Howard, Fiona Brown, Nicola Sturgeon, Gemma Fay, Scott Booth, your team was robbed blind, by referee Hyang-Ok Ri and the VAR team.

But, it was a get out of jail free card for the stumble bums who run Men's fitba in Scotland.

Still looking on the bright side of life; we are now into the part of each World Cup which we Scots love:

As we watch the English media pissing themselves in anticipation of INGURLAND, INGURLAND INGURLAND bringing football home; building-up the ludicrously-named “LIONESSES” into world-beaters, when, every Scot knows, it will all end in tears and, in the case of 2019, in calls for Phil Neville's head.

It's Minnows v Minnows With Delusions Of Being Salmon

I HAVE long believed, for decades now, the High Heid Yins at the Scottish Football Association have got away with murder – of the national game.

To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, they have managed by and large to: “fool most of the people, most of the time,” into believing that Scotland is only ever a lucky break or two away from being back where we were at the high point of the Victorian British Empire – the masters of world football.

They have also managed to avoid the gift of that ultimate power, perhaps best described by Robert Burns, and “see oorsels as ithers see us.” - which brings us back to the “foolish notion” mentioned in the final five words of the last paragraph.

This ower-guid conceit o' oorsels, common among Scottish football fans was brought home to me last night when looking at a Kilmarnock fans' forum page on Facebook. Some of the sense of entitlement was almost at Old Firm levels as the Rugby Park faithful digested the news – they are going to face one almighty scramble for tickets if they wish to follow Ayrshire's finest to North Wales for their first European competition match in 18 years.

The away leg of their Europea League second qualifying round match against Connah's Quay Nomads will be held at Rhyl's 1500-capacity ground, with Killie, at best, able to take a little over 500 fans with them.

This is, according to many of the Rugby Park faithful, is an insult to the club – how dare these North Walian minnows treat the mighty Killie like this.

Aye, ok, BUT, in this case, the reality is, it is Kilmarnock, rather than CQN who are “the minnows.”

I checked-out the official UEFA Clubs Co-efficient Table. This lists the European record of the continent's top 450 clubs; it does not make good reading from a Scottish perspective. The Scottish clubs' places in the table are:

46= Celtic

191= Aberdeen

206= Rangers

222 Hibernian

223 Heart of Midlothian

224 St Johnstone

225 Inverness Caledonian Thistle

226 Motherwell

Connah's Quay are ranked 352=, and, since they haven't played in Europe for 18 years, Kilmarnock do not as yet have a co-efficient ranking. Against this, 2019-20 will be the fifth-successive season in which the Welsh team have competed in Europe.

OK, I accept that, while Scotland is ranked 20^th in UEFA's Countries Co-efficient rankings, while Wales are a lowly 48^th, the reality is, Celtic has almost single-handedly maintained us in even that mid-table position.

Another stark reminder of how little presence our clubs have in Europe is to take a look at how Scotland has slid down among the dead men over the 63 years of competitive European club football.

Sure, we have had our successes, ever since Hibs set a high bar by reaching the semi-finals in the first season of European Cup football – 1955-56. But, is one European Cup win, two European Cup-Winners Cup and one European Super Cup win, plus a handful of final appearances a good return on 63 years of effort?

Look at our European match-winning record over these seven decades.

In the 1950s, we won 42.86% of our European games

In the 1960s, we won 63.16%

In the 1970s, we won 53.76%

In the 1980s, we won 57.94%

In the 1990s, we won 40.00%

In the 2000s, we won 44.58%

In the 2010s, we won 34.84%

We haven't won a European trophy since 1983, and we haven't had a club in a European final in over a decade. The reality is, in European terms, we are there to make-up the numbers.

So, it does my fellow Killie fans little good to be: “Disgusted of Onthank” and complain of being somehow insulted by only having the chance of securing one of 530 tickets for the away game in Wales. Given that Killie's average home attendance last season was 6995, and allowing for visiting supporters – the reality is, we Ayrshire fans have a one-in-nine or one-in-ten chance of getting one of the precious briefs.

Since season ticket holders will get priority, it is perhaps more-sensible to wait for the second leg at Rugby Park, then turn up and roar Killie into the next qualifying round, rather than moaning.

But, we Scots love a moan.

I AM writing this blog prior to the kick-off in the Scotland v Argentine Women's World Cup match in Paris's Parc Des Princes. As is so-often the case when a Scottish side faces a “must-win” match on the big stage: “forrit tho' Ah cannae see, Ah guess and fear.”

We've been here before, often, in the past 61 years – needing to win our final group game to stay alive. We have yet to do so. Hopefully, the Lassies will prevail when so-many men have failed, but, hey, this is Scotland. Even if the girls do win, something they are capable of doing, you have to wonder which of the delights in that box which the Football Gods keep at-hand for crucial games: the one labelled: “How can we put the boot into Scotland this time,” they will press into service.

Mind you, if it wasn't for their bad luck, the Scots Lassies would have nae luck. Surely they will get the breaks in this match they haven't had in their two previous ones.

And, if it should all go pear-shaped and the girls are packing for home tomorrow, unlike one or two of the male squads we have sent to World Cups in the past, they will go home with their heads held high, they have not let us down.

Then, we can settle down to the part of EVERY World Cup we really enjoy. That bit when the English Media go into full-on “Ingurland, Ingurland, Ingurland – football's coming home” mode, and we Scots can sit back, smiling and eating popcorn, as we await the usual trip-up and the carnage of the post-tournament blame game.

Are you really sure schadenfreude is a German thing?

Please Shelley and the Girls - Prove Me Wrong

YESTERDAY's narrow defeat for our Women, in Rennes, at the hands of Japan, was simply the latest in a long line of World Cup and European Championship set backs for Scotland teams.

I have personally been let-down by our teams on football's biggest stage for 65-years now. I doesn't get any easier, but, over that length of time, I have learned to roll with the blows.

 The Boss

I would love it if Shelley Kerr and the Girls proved me wrong and qualified for the knock-out stages, but, I fear we are in line for the same old song reprised. How, I wonder with the girls go out this time? Will we:

• Beat Argentina, but, still finish fifth or sixth of the third-placed sides, with only the top four qualifying
  
  
• Could we draw, and find out we have only just missed out, on goal difference or something
  
  
• Could it be a replay of Mexico 1986? The Argentinians have a player sent-off early in the game, and we spend the rest ofr the game, unsuccessfully playing shootie-in, to fail to qualify
  
  
• We are up 1-0, and sure to qualify, when we concede a bizarre late equaliser
  
  
• We are ahead, and we concede another soft penalty
  
  
• We, again, fail to be awarded a stonewall penalty, which is not sent for VAR review

Let's be clear here – it's Scotland, anything can happen, and, if we fail to qualify, there is sure to be some kind of hard-luck story behind it. It's Scotland after all.

I AM sorry to see Lee Wallace depart Scottish football, following his signing for Queen's Park Rangers. For me, he has always been a class act and the way he was quite deliberately frozen-out at Rangers says much about the small-minded and shallow people currently running that once great club.

OK, he was almost-certainly not on “washers” when it came to his Rangers' salary, but, the fact he has been allowed to go south, along with Livingston goalkeeper Liam Kelly, is a sad indictment on the recruitment policies of our top clubs.

Lee Wallace - badly treated by Rangers

Yes, Wallace is now 31, but, he has kept himself fit, but has barely kicked a ball in anger these last two seasons, he is a 31-year-old age-wise, but, perhaps in reality a 28-year-old in terms of his “engine.”

I reckon he could still do a job up here. Perhaps no Scottish club could have matched the deal he will get in London, but, did many try?

I fear we are going to see a lot of our clubs get a big shock once the effects of PM in waiting Boris's No Deal Brexit kick-in, and we can no longer import cheap European players at will. The English clubs will need to hang onto their home-grown players – the ones they currently off-load to willing Scottish clubs, and we may well have to go back to growing our own.

This will be a serious shock to some Scottish club managers, who prefer to deal in the English rejects market, but, in the long run, could be good for Scottish football.

For me, I still feel, the SFA doing what the RFC did in England, and insisting the top clubs field a match-day squad with at least 70% of the players “England-qualified,” (in football's case Scotland-qualified) would do more to resurrect Scottish football than any other initiative.

CLICKBAIT, the word, has only been around for a little over a decade. The word was apparently coined back in 2006, and, in its strictest sense, it refers to those false advertising posts you encounter when you perhaps click onto a link on a website page

You perhaps see an advertisement: “You will not believe what these 1980s TV stars look like today,2 so, you click on it and before you know, you have wasted an hour of your life you will never get back.

But clickbait also refers to those website posts which are, to use the Donald's favourite expression: “fake news.” Mind you, fake news is nothing new to followers of Scottish football, having been a way of keeping the esteemed members of the Scottish Football Writers Association – those legendary fans with lap tops – chained to their desks and out of the pubs during the close season, these many years.

Scottish clickbait is those “EXCLUSIVE” stories that Celtic or Rangers are about to sign every player from Messi and Ronaldo down – few, if any of which ever come to fruition.

The idea is to come up with a story which might be credible, then “spin it” for all you are worth to get the fans to think there might be a grain of truth in it. It also helps if you can get a player's agent to give the story even a modest hint of truth. It's fairly harmless fun, and, it sells papers.

My own favourite senior team – Kilmarnock – is currently a bit-part player in the 2019 Clickbait Stakes, as the foot soldiers of F Troop, that's those SFWA PBI members who don't get to cover the big two, do their bit to justify their continued employment.

Their quest, is to be first to name the new Killie boss, in succession to Stephen Clarke, now he has taken possession of The Poisoned Chalice, as Scotland boss. And, to we Killie fans, it's good fun watching the names they come up with.

Kilmarnock's main man - Billy Bowie

I will be amazed if any of the troops has got it right. Billy Bowie has his own way of doing things, and I am sure he, Cathy Jamieson and the other Killie directors are well-capable of keeping the new man under wraps, and ramping-up the clickbait, for a day or so yet.

But, I expect an appointment in the coming week, since Kilmarnock's Europa League second qualifying round draw will be made on Wednesday, with the first leg due to be played on 11 July, less than four weeks away. Now is the time to appoint.