Babes and Lions - Legends

WITH all this week's nonsense about Hell Classico, UEFA bans and Prince Charles's ears impressions, I had overlooked something I had meant to comment on - last Sunday's BBC docu-drama 'Munich'.

No two teams have ever been granted mythological status to the extent of the Busby Babes and the Lisbon Lions, so it was good to see a drama about one of them.

Sport is a hard subject to dramatise, perhaps because the actual drama of a major sporting occasion is itself pure theatre, and by avoiding asking the actors playing the Manchester United players to actually kick a ball, the producers got round that one. That said, the shot of "Mark Jones" puffing on his pipe in the tunnel grated. Also, I'm not sure that goalkeepers, even in the English First Division, wore the number one in 1958; the final shot of the two teams, allegedly walking up that slope of the old Webley tunnel also grated - Bolton's shirts didn't have red collars and number nine Nat Lofthouse was captain and would have been first out.

There were one or two other wee niggles - and I felt David Tennent played Jimmy Murphy as a Welsh Brian Clough, but the niggles didn't take too-much away from a fine piece of drama.

I have on occasions been abused by English colleagues for a lack of reverence towards Bobby Moore. I admit Moore was a fine defender, but, if I had to have a second centre half in my side, I'd maybe go for Willie Miller, who was, I feel, the better last-ditch defender. Also, in my all-time Great Britain XI, the two centre backs are Willie Woodburn and John Charles.

But my main beef with Moore is, he was so lucky that Duncan Edwards was killed at Munich. I saw Edwards play, but admit I was only a boy at the time. He looked huge, he had thigh muscles the likes of which I didn't see again until Jonah Lomu came along more than 30 years later, and he could play.

The great Doug Baillie, now in his 70s and retired to his Hamilton lair was centre half in the first Scotland Under-23 team, which played England at Shawfield in 1955. The match was tight at half time, when England switched Edwards from left half to centre forward, directly against Baillie.

The Manchester United man proceeded to score three of England's six goals as they slaughtered us and Baillie will still tell you - Edwards was the hardest opponent he ever had to face.

Edwards was 21 when he died and had been in the England team since he was 18. Billy Wright retired the following year, 1959; United captain Roger Byrne, had he survived Munich, would surely have taken-over the England captaincy and in turn Edwards would have succeeded him.

We have to assume Edwards would therefore have been, at 29, captain in 1966 and he and not Moore would be the divinity among English players. Moore might well still have played, but Edwards would have been THE MAN.

My Best of British team in 4-4-2 formation: Gordon Banks (England); Danny McGrain (Scotland), John Charles (Wales), Willie Woodburn, Eric Caldow (both S); Tom Finney, Duncan Edwards (both E), Jim Baxter (S), George Best (Northern Ireland); Jimmy Greaves (E), Denis Law (S).

Squeaky Bum Time

THIS is where it gets interesting - very interesting, as - having got their own head-to-head out of the way, the Old Firm take on the other four "Top Six" clubs in their race to the SPL title.

Championships have been won and lost in this mad dash down the home straight and I don't suppose the 2011 finale will be any different. Pressure does funny things to players and managers, more-so when that pressure means so much, in deciding a title. So which team will crack?

I see this as another year when it goes the full distance, before the helicopter pilot is given his definite final instruction as to which ground to head for with the SPL trophy. Rangers have the weaker squad in terms of numbers, but, those old hands they do have in situ, have been over the course before. They know what it takes to edge ahead in a tight race to the prize.

This is new territory for some in the Celtic ranks, but, like a less-favoured horse heading down the finishing straight at Epsom in the Derby, they've got perhaps the right jockey on board. If Walter Smith is Lester Piggot - with the medals already in his pocket, Neil Lennon is Frankie Dettori, the man on a mission, someone who would literally carry the horse across the line if required.

The fires probably burn fiercer within Lennie, not forgetting also his coaching team, who have been with him in the trenches as players. I feel maybe the desire is greater within the Celtic camp: that desire could prove positive, or it could all prove too much. Likewise the Rangers' players wish to send Walter Smith away with another league title, could lead them to do daft things.

Or, it could provide us with a memorable last four games (five in Celtic's case) - that game-in-hand gives Celtic a marginal advantage, can they make it count?

RANGERS got off lightly from their latest appearance before the UEFA court in Nyon. They should accept their punishment and decide to finally, root out the cancerous element in their support.

But, while there might be some truth in Martin Bain's post-hearing statement about those who have it in for the club, the fact he chose to make that statement worries me.

Rangers are not victims Mr Bain - regardless of others drawing attention to the songs of some of your followers, you cannot deny they sing them. Stop them singing these songs and your problem goes away. You haven't pursued the lunatic fringe with enough vigour to silence them - doing so is now your challenge. But be prepared, these guys will never surrender, they will have to be killed-off.

IF THE SFA "blazers" weren't so-far up their own backsides when it comes to their game's place in the national fabric, they might have time to take a look at this week's events around Murrayfield - where an SRU review panel has come-up with draft plans for league re-construction.

This will see, within two years, fewer "top" clubs in Scottish rugby. Now Scottish rugby doesn't have even one team of the size of either half of the Old Firm. In fact they don't have an Aberdeen, a Hearts or a Hibs, far less a Celtic or Rangers.

But, from being a poor second, Ayr Rugby Club for instance, has become THE premier sporting club in that town, taking over from Ayr United. The proposals which will come in in rugby in autumn 2012 will offer that club a chance to pull further ahead of United.

If the new look works, football will find its number one place increasingly under threat in places other than Ayr. The proposals have a real chance of going through, because the SRU consulted widely and their public at large told them what they wanted - whereupon they acted.

The football public has been telling the SPL for some time, they want a bigger league, but, their words are not being listened to.

Not listening to your customers is the fastest way known for any organisation to go bust - Scottish football should learn that listen - quickly.

A Scar On The Face Of The Beautiful Game

LIKE most of Europe, I sat down last night to watch Real Madrid v Barcelona, and got up two hours later a bit deflated. The right team won, but the beautiful game this was not. It came across as a slightly slowed-down Old Firm game in which the passes stuck, not the classic we were promised.

Why? Well perhaps, at the very top level, the rewards are now such that winning, rather than being the main thing, has indeed become the only thing. It doesn't matter how you do it, WIN, is the message to players and managers - who will bend or break any rule in an effort to get the only result which counts.

I've been saying for a long time, football has a problem with the perception of it being, at the highest level, so-organised that it's easier to cheat than to try to win fairly and the only way this scar on the beautiful game can be erased is by a root and branch overhaul of the laws, a zero tolerance approach to playing within these laws and ultra-strict policing of these harder laws.

Of course for this to happen the men who run the game will need to show a much-greater desire to sort things out than they have hitherto. There is, as far as I can see, no demand within FIFA, UEFA, the individual football associations or, in our own wee corner of the football world, the SFA, SPL or SFL, to grasp the nettle and sort things out.

If the SFA, the body which shaped football in the 1870s, cannot be bothered putting matters right, what hope is there for the allegedly corrupt new nations who don't have our history and respect for the game.

Let's take just one aspect of Wednesday night's game - the mob-handed badgering of the referee to either get an opponent yellow-carded or to try to prevent one of their own being censured.

I am old enough to remember the great Wolverhampton Wanderers and West Bromwich Albion European friendlies with Moscow Dynamo and Honved in the early 1950s; grainy black and white images, beamed from smoke-shrouded Midlands grounds. Two memories stick, West Brom trainee David Burnside's half-time ball-juggling act and Kenneth Wolstenholme informing we viewers that the reason one of the European teams' captain was wearing a white bandage round his left arm was: "To denote that he is the captain and therefore the only player allowed to speak to the referee".

Today in rugby, team captains don't wear armbands to signify their position, but, if the referee has a contentious decision to make - such as sending a player to the sin-bin for ten minutes on a yellow card - he summons the captain and tells him why his man is going off. There is no back chat, just mutual respect, the captain is given his place, the referee his. So much more civilised than the snarling rabble around a football yellow card issuing.

How I long for a referee calling both managers and both captains to his room before the kick-off, or better still doing it in the centre circle before the toss-up and telling them: "Right, I will speak to the captains and only to the captains; any other player who approaches me during the game will be yellow-carded. If I am to issue a yellow or red card, I will call forward the captain and the player I am about to book or send off and any other player who approaches me will be yellow-carded - do you understand me?"

On being told they do, he should then instruct them to pass-on the word and, once the game starts - stick to his guns. We might get a few five-a-sides in the first few weeks, but I am sure things would soon calm down.

Then there is the way players throw themselves to the ground, roll for several yards and lie there screaming. Again, easily dealt with - simply announce that if a player requires treatment on the park, he must go off and cannot return for five minutes. This would give physios time to properly repair genuinely injured players and would soon weed-out the play-acting.

I see nothing wrong with football introducing rugby's ten-minutes in the sin-bin for yellow cards, but I would also think of introducing hockey's green card sanction - this would cover mistimed tackles and the like, five minutes in the sin-bin for this; second offence, yellow card and ten minutes. If nothing else this would clean-up tackling and force coaches to improve the poor quality of one of the game's basics which we see today.

I would also introduce the deliberate foul. We all know what these are and it is ridiculous that currently these blots on the game carry no greater sanction than a yellow card. A deliberate foul would, for the first offence, carry the sanction of a yellow-card, with ten minutes in the sin-bin, plus, if not a penalty kick, regardless of where on the park the offence was committed, then maybe something like the ice hockey penalty: where the player taking the kick starts his run from half-way and has to beat the goalkeeper in a one-on-one confrontation via one continuous run and shot.

What's wrong with the basketball system of counting up fouls, both personal and team? In that game, five individual fouls and you're out of the game, but can be replaced, while, after a set number of fouls by one team, each defensive foul thereafter is punished by a free throw, in football a penalty kick.

Football is the world's most-popular game, but, at the top level, it is a mess and the game's authorities MUST clean up its act - Wednesday night showed how vital and necessary this clean-up is.

Abolish the cheats and the cheating and like players such as Lionel Messi flourish - simples.

The Mafia of the Mediocre

MANY of you reading this post will be aware the above heading is a tart description of our friends who are Freemasons - in this instance, I am using it to refer to my fourth estate colleagues in England's football-writing fraternity.

There are some Fleet Street giants (ok Fleet Street is no longer the street of ink, but I use it as a generic term for writers for primarily English newspapers) for whom I have a lot of time: my old muckers Kevin McCarra at the Guardian and Jonathan Northcroft at the Sunday Times; God, or Hugh McIlvanney as he prefers to be known, at the same paper, Jim Lawton at the Independent. The late Ian Wooldridge at the Mail was almost as good as the blessed Ian "Dan" Archer, and Frank Keating, who sits alongside McIlvanney in the pantheon of those still living whom we love, I admire - while sadly departed heroes Wooldridge, Archer and Bob Crampsey are in the front row of the Great Press Box in the Sky.

The greats - Wooldridge, McIlvanney, Keating, Lawton and Crampsey could entertain about any sport, it is difficult to find writers who stick to football who are not eventually sucked into the mediocrity which so characterises the national game.

The late John Reason, rugby correspondent of the Sunday Telegraph was the English writer the Scots hated most. Indeed, earlier this season I heard a former president of the SRU refer to him in terms and using so-many four-letter words, I was left in no doubts as to the dislike there. I'd love to have seen Reason write a report on Bannockburn: it would probably have been hailed as a great English victory.

Some of today's English football writers, with their adherence to the credo: "There is no other football but the (English) Premiership" could well give old unReasonable a run for his money.

One of these is Martin Samuel of the Daily Mail. This morning he penned a, for him, very well-structured piece, arguing that La Liga in Spain might well be becoming like the SPL - dominated by two clubs: Real Madrid and Barcelona, just as the Old Firm rule the roost up here. Mr Samuel argues that the greater democracy of the (English) Premier League is a better thing.

This of course overlooks the fact that the EPL is just as great a monopoly as the Spanish and Scottish organisations. The EPL began in 1992, there have been 18 seasons, with just four clubs winning - Manchester United have 11 wins, Arsenal and Chelsea three each and Blackburn Rovers one.

In the same 18 seasons of La Liga; Barcelona have won eight titles, Real Madrid six, Valencia two and Deportiva La Coruna and Atletico Madrid one each.

In the same 18 seasons the SPL count has been 11 wins to 7 in Rangers' favour, so, in the period since the EPL was formed and football began (if you believe our English neighbours), the most-successful clubs over the three leagues have been Manchester United and Rangers; then, in descending order of success - Barcelona, Celtic, Real Madrid, Arsenal and Chelsea, Valencia, Blackburn Rovers/Deportiva La Coruna/Atletico Madrid.

You cannot make a case for greater equality in the EPL out of those figures. If you look at other major European Leagues, such as Serie A in Italy, the German Bundesliga, the Dutch Eredivisie or Ligue 1 in France, you find the EPL, if more egalitarian than our own two-clubs dominant SPL, less so than other leagues.

Since 1992-93, also of course the first season of the Champions League, we've had just two winners of the SPL, four of the EPL, five of La Liga, Serie A and the Eredivisie, six Bundesliga winners and eight winners of Ligue 1.

Football at the top is increasingly becoming a game for big rich boys. There might be more money awash in the EPL, but while all clubs therein are big, a select few are bigger than others.

If Old Firm dominance has been bad for Scottish football, and Barcelona and Real Madrid has been bad for La Liga - why haven't our Fleet Street friends realised the dominance of one huge club, Manchester United and two very big clubs - Arsenal and Chelsea has been bad for English football?

Since the Champions League kicked off, Spain and Italy have each won it five times, England three times, Germany twice and France, Portugal and Holland once each. In the same period, Germany, France, Greece and Spain have won the European (Nations) Championship once each and Italy, France and Spain have won the World Cup once each, Italy and France have each been in another final and Germany in two finals.

What has the super-egalitarian EPL done for England internationally? Has the "Golden Generation" of Beckham, Scholes, Lampard, Terry, Gerrard etc actually won anything?

The Old Firm dominates up here, because they have and will still have money when no other clubs have. I think the same holds good elsewhere in Europe. The worrying thing for England is - the likes of Juventus in Italy and PSV in Holland are bank-rolled by big international manufacturing companies. A lot of the other bigger clubs across the continent are funded by "old money" or well-established local interests; Barcelona is the "national team" of Catalonia and also benefits from the Spanish membership system for instance.

The FA has allowed control of English football to fall into the hands of often foreign benefactors of currently big clubs and is beholden to Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation for publicity and the TV money.

In Scotland, we will guddle through, we always do. What will happen to England when the TV bubble bursts and the new money gets bored with football and moves elsewhere?

Don't make wrong assumptions too-soon Mr Samuel - you will be left with egg on your face. And that will not look good at the next monthly meeting of football writing's Mafia of the Mediocre.

Car Crash Football

THE SPL title run-in will definitely be "car crash football": as in the way all the vehicles on say the east-bound carriageway of the M8 slow down to look across at a crash on the west-bound carriageway - you know you shouldn't really, but, you cannot help yourself - you simply have to have a look.

It's bubbling-up into another fascinating ending and maybe Neil Lennon, being something of a polymath might have the wee something which could give Celtic the edge. Neil, remember, is one of that rare band of footballers who has read a book and has some knowledge of the wider world. Should he dip into the poetry primer he is supposed to have in his West End bolt-hole, he might find the advice which could take the title back to Celtic Park. It's in the inspiring words of Rudyard Kipling's 'If' - that bit about facing those twin imposters, triumph and disaster and treating them both the same.

Poetry might soothe the fevered brow and believe me, as we get further into what Sir Alex Ferguson calls "squeaky bum time", cool heads and discipline will become ever more crucial. This season's race will go right to the end - and you know something, that will suit Rangers, since they have a history of edging home by a nose.

Leaving aside the recent "Helicopter Sundays", there have been several ocassions since World War II on which the title has been decided on the final day, with Rangers heavily involved. In 1949, Dundee took a one-point advantage at the top of the table into a trip to Falkirk; a draw would have won them the title, but, they collapsed to a 4-1 defeat; while Rangers were winning by the same score at Albion Rovers to win the title and Scotland's first Treble, by one point.

The following season, on the last day, leaders Rangers entertained Hibs, who were second, one point behind. This was a classic match-up between the Ibrox Iron Curtain defence and the Easter Road Famous Five forward line. The match finished all-square, Rangers retained the title and in the process demonstrated, by and large, defences win leagues.

In 1953, Hibs were going for a third straight league title, on April 25, while Rangers were drawing with Aberdeen in the Scottish Cup Final, the Edinburgh team thrashed Third Lanark 7-1 at Easter Road: then four nights later, while Rangers were winning the cup-final replay 1-0, the Hibees beat Raith Rovers 4-1 to finish their season with 43 points from the 30 matches. Rangers still had to entertain Dundee, then travel to Queen of the South and, because of their superior goal average, at the very least win one and draw the other game. They did and took the title. Hibs might have scored 93 goals to Rangers' 80, but, the fact the Ibrox team conceded 39 goals to Hibs' 51 won them the league by 0.23 of a goal. Under present-day rules of goal difference, Hibs would have won by one goal.

At the start of March, 1957, Hearts had a ten-point lead over Rangers, who admittedly had three games-in-hand (two points for a win back then remember). In the run-in the Gorgie side won five, drew two and lost two of their nine games, Rangers won 11 and drew the other of their 12 matches to take the title by two points.

Again, in 1959, having finished a distant 13 points behind the Gorgie side the previous season, Rangers took advantage of a poor start to the season by their Edinburgh rivals and at the start of March, they had a seven-point advantage over the Jam Tarts. But although Hearts finished the stronger, Rangers had enough in the tank to limp over the line, still two points clear.

Two years later, Rangers had a four-point cushion on Kilmarnock at the end of February, with nine games left to play. Killie cranked up the pressure, even beating the 'Gers 2-1 on 1 April; and when Aberdeen beat the Glasgow team 6-1 at Pittodrie the following week, it was a seismic result. But Rangers still had the grit and determination to hold-on and take the flag.

Ancient history perhaps - but, as the Celtic fans sing: "If you know their history".

Celtic don't have such a concentrated history of being involved in last-day dramas. In 1980 Aberdeen came from a long way back to pip them by a point, while two years later, Dundee United finished the stronger to edge-out the Parkhead team. Then came the last-day miracle of 1986, before we get into those recent two-horse races.

So, Rangers have been involved in more tight finishes - Celtic tend to either have the league well-won at the start of the home straight, or be out of it by then, but, with squads changing so much these days, course and distance form isn't what it once was.

In defence of the much-maligned SPL split, it can have a bearing on the outcome of the title race. For instance, while there is only a point between the teams at the moment, and received wisdom is that, after drawing at Ibrox, the title is Celtic's to lose, with their game-in-hand against bottom six Inverness, Rangers fans might draw comfort from the fact that they've got ever-so-slightly the better record against the other top six sides so far this season: having won 10 and lost 2 of their 12 games to date against the top six clubs, excluding Celtic.

Celtic's record against the other four reads won 8, drawn 2, lost 2; so Rangers have taken 30 of 36 available points, or 83.3%, while Celtic have taken 26 of the available 36 points or 72.2%.

Assuming Celtic win at Inverness, and since they've only dropped two points to bottom six sides all season that looks highly-likely, they should go on and win the league. But if they draw or lose - the advantage swings Rangers' way.

Rangers, by generally playing first, can keep-up the mental pressure on Celtic, who will be playing catch-up until the final game. It's fascinating stuff.

I'd get that copy of 'If' out Lennie - this title is going to be won as much between the players' ears as on the park.

There's Many A Slip

AFTER yesterday's events at Ibrox, it is probably fair to say that Celtic are now favourites to win the SPL title. One point behind Rangers and with a game-in-hand, against a bottom six side - they ought to kick-on and wrap things up.

However, I have a feeling we could yet see another Helicopter Sunday. We tend to take it for granted that the Old Firm will, on the home straight, simply roll over the provincial clubs. This might once have been the case, but in these strained times, the greater quality and depth of squad of the Big Two cannot be taken for granted, surprises can and do occur and so narrow are the margins, only a fool or a fanatic of either persuasion would take the race as over.

Rangers do have that extra point in the bag and the knowledge that, this season, they have done marginally better than Celtic in games against the other four clubs in the top six.

Celtic have the greater squad depth, probably, after yesterday, the momentum is with them and one feels the greater desire. But, to ignore the pride in the other four clubs would be wrong. The run-in will be interesting and, even if it is always a two-horse race, since the split was introduced there have been some storming ends to seasons, with 2010/11 shaping up to be another.

ON THE face of it Neil Lennon's ear-cupping at the end of Sunday's game was merely a bit of fun. He gets incessant abuse from Ra Peepul and, since his side took more out of the game than Rangers did, he was quite within his rights to make his silent statement.

However, given the build-up and the disgraceful fact he has become a target (again) for the most-extreme residents of the fetid swamp of sectarian bigotry, maybe it wasn't the smartest move.

By all means let them know you don't give a toss about them, but, as my old rugby coach - an Imperial Grand Dragon in the black arts of front row play always drummed into us at school: the best response to abuse is (feigned) indifference.

Had Neil walked off, a smile on his face, staring straight ahead but not apparently seeing the massed ranks of his abusers, it would have sent a much more subtle message: "Do your worst, I'm not bothered by you".

Pause there - no, they wouldn't get that. Perhaps a brief, hands above the head, applause to his abusers, then off; his demeanour and bearing saying: "I'm better than you".

OK, he was not dealing with a lecture hall of students, but with some people who, even if only for 90 minutes on a match day, you perhaps wouldn't want to mix with, but, by his gesture, he descended to their level and to some appeared to be that worst of all people in sport - the bad winner.

Celtic didn't actually win the match, but they took more out of it.

I SPEND a lot of time nowadays doing historical research for various newspapers, trawling through newspaper archives and reading-up on days gone by. Last week, in the course of this, I discovered something I was hitherto unaware of. Did you know that the Scottish Football Association, that unreconstructed collection of Rangers' sympathisers/Celtic haters has actually, since its inception in 1873, had more presidents from Celtic than from Rangers. Yet it is apparently anti-Celtic.

MUSSELBURGH Athletic, who will face Auchinleck Talbot in the Emirates Scottish Junior Cup Final at Rugby Park next month are already getting their excuses in.

"It's no fair that we hae tae travel two hours, while they're only ten minutes down the road", they wail. Athletic are also forecasting they will bring up to 5000 fans to the game. Aye right.

If they bring 5000 fans to the game, I'll start supporting Cumnock. In fact, on the day, they're likely to have more neutrals from elsewhere in Ayrshire, attracted to Rugby Park more by their hatred of Talbot than love of Mussleburgh, than by travelling fans from East Lothian.

WELL done Arbroath, winning the SFL Irn-Bru Third Division title, their first trophy in over a century. We spend so much time these days following the Glasgow soap opera, we forget football is alive and well still in the small towns of Scotland.

WE ARE now getting into the awards season and while, as always, my friends in the media will be faced with the dilema: "do we give Walter a farewell gift, for making the title race last so long with that shite squad - and stick it right up that wee fudd Lennie in the process - or do we bite the bullet and give it to Lennie, acknowledging that doing the double has to get him the prize?"

I am not a member of the Lap Top Loyal, sorry Scottish Football Writers Association, so I cannot properly cast my vote for Barry Smith of Dundee. What he and his players have done, in the most-difficult of circumstances, has been brilliant - he deserves the prize.

STILL on managers, I will miss Ian McCall, now he has walked away from Partick Thistle. He was always good copy and a joy to deal with.

There is a history of co-operation between Thistle and Rangers. The likes of Davie Meiklejohn, WillieThornton and Scot Symon managed the Jags, while more than a few Rangers leg ends, such as goalkeepers George Niven and Billy Ritchie left Ibrox for Firhill. Of course, Ronnie McKinnon's twin brother Donnie was a long and faithful Firhill servant for more than two decades.

But, with Jackie McNamara making a good case for becoming McCall's permanent successor, Simon Donnelly teaching by example on the park and Gerry Britton doing I am told sterling work on youth development, there's a green tinge emerging at nearly everyone's second-favourite Scottish club.

I've made this point before and have no qualms about making it again. Why don't Celtic let those of their excellent Under-19 squad who are now too-old for that level of football and not quite ready to challenge for a first team place go to Firhill on-loan. Under McNamara, Donnelly and Britton three Celtic guys, they just might mature more quickly than as squad players at Parkhead.

Such a move would, I feel certain, benefit both Thistle and Celtic and show what I feel is the way ahead for Scottish football. An Under-23 squad, with the right sprinkling of experience, would I am sure do well in the First Division, while the Thistle fans would surely give the kids every backing.

Peace In Our Time

POSTING some two hours after the final whistle, I am perhaps writing too soon, but it all seems to have passed off peacefully enough. World War III has not broken-out, the Riot Act has not been read from the steps of the City Chambers and we can now settle down to watch the race to the (League) flag.

Rangers fans of the "glass half full" tendancy will point to their single point lead and remind the doubters that: "We've got the points". Those of the "glass half empty" tendancy will point to that game in hand which Celtic have. Meanwhile, across the city the positions are diametrically opposite.

My personal feeling is, we might have yet another helicopter Sunday, but I feel Celtic are perhaps the better-placed of the two contenders.

The peripherals have got way beyond sensible this week, let's hope things can settle down and we can concentrate on the football from here on in. But, Ah hae ma doots.

WELL said that man, was my response to big Martin Hardie's entirely-justified outburst concerning Sky's preference for Dundee United v Kilmarnock over the Fife Derby between Hardie's Dunfermline and Raith Rovers. This of course overlooks the fact that Sky's coverage contract is with the SPL while the Fife Derby was an SFL game. But, in terms of interest to the wider football public - I'd say Martin had a point. But this overlooks a basic fact of media life - the media as a whole decides what is the big league and concentrates their attention thereon.

As we see on a regular basis with the super-duper, all-singing, all-dancing, High Definition coverage of "the Best League in the World" - the product on offer is very often, no matter how the broadcasters dress it up - shite. I have, in the past, in one run of consecutive games covered matches in all four Scottish divisions and found that in order of entertainment value it was: 1, the SFL Third Division game; 2, the Second Division one; 3, the First Division one and 4, the SPL one.

Indeed, in my 40-years-plus in the press box, the most-entertaining game I ever covered was an Ayrshire Junior Cup tie; 2-2 at 90 minutes, 8-5 after extra time. Throw in four red cards and about 12 yellows and you had two hours of entertainment I'd happily have paid to watch.

SO IT'S Musselburgh who have been cast as this season's sacrifical lambs - set to face Auchinleck Talbot in the Emirates Scottish Junior Cup Final, at Rugby Park. It is impossible to envisage the Talbot not winning this one; but, that's one of the joys of football. Musselburgh have a chance, it will all come down to who plays better on the day, but, they will start at such long odds, I might even back them (usually the kiss of death to a team or horse) on the basis of it would be too-good an offer to miss in a two-horse race.

I well recall the last time a long-odds team from the Lothians travelled to Rugby Park to face one of the Ayrshire Old Firm in the Junior Cup Final. That team was Ormiston Primrose, who lost 1-0 to Cumnock in 1989. The match was over before the kick-off, Primrose were out on the park when Cumnock captain Bobby McCulloch charged out of the tunnel at the head of his team, the ball tucked under one arm, a ham-sized fist waving in the air on the end of his other arm.

The Primrose team collectively shat themselves. They were happy to be in the final, for them it was an occasion - Fat Boab was going to war.

As the teams were presented to the dignitaries that day, SJFA secretary Joe Black tried to warn Bobby - a man who would have kicked his grannie if she wasn't wearing the 'Nock's black and white: "Now Bobby, I hope we get a clean game today", said Black.

"Well jist tell thae Ormiston bastards no tae score first and we wull" was Bobby's reply.

McCulloch, of course, memorably pre-dated Real Madrid in severely damaging a precious trophy when - having been ordered-off in the 89th minute of a losing Ayrshire Cup Final at Somerset Park, for attempting to castrate Talbot's Bobby Dickson without aneasthetic and using his boot as a scalpel - Bobby drop kicked the precious 100-year-old trophy, which was standing on a plinth at the mouth of the tunnel, into the Somerset Park enclosure.

If memory is correct, it cost Cumnock £600 to pay for the repairs.

Another time, sent off in the 89th minute of a losing Jackie Scarlett League Cup Final at Rugby Park - after "assisting" Kilbirnie's Billy Muir to perform a two-and-a-half, backward, double-twisting, somersault, with pike, Bobby found an unlikely ally in Ladeside manager "Sconie" Davidson.

Asked about the foul in the post-match press conference, Davidson replied: "I've nae sympathy wi' Muir, ah telt him no tae wind big Boaby up; he's goat a bruised ego, nothin' else".

Would that more managers were as pragmatic.

I NOTICE we lost Allan Brown, one of the biggest Scottish stars of the 1950s this week. His obituaries made great play on his bad luck, which cost him caps and cup final appearances. I did notice, however, that he played in an East Fife team which contained five players who were then or would become full Scotland internationalists - George Aitken, Charlie "Legs" Fleming, Henry Morris, Brown and Davie Duncan. Brown won 14 caps, Aitken eight, Duncan three and Fleming and Morris one each.

Duncan, the first to be capped, was from Milton of Balgonie, Aitken from Lochgelly, Brown hailed from Kennoway, Fleming from Blairhall, while Morris was the sole "foreigner" being a Dundonian. What are the chances today of a Scottish provincial club finding five young players on their doorstep who would all become full internationalists.

East Fife got good money for Brown and Fleming when they went south, while Aitken, like Brown, fell-out with the club; he left for Third Lanark, who sold him on to Sunderland for a big fee for the time, £19,500.

Maybe if our provincial clubs would overhaul their research and development departments - their youth academies - and again work with the raw talent on their doorsteps, they could sell-on international-class players to English or even foreign clubs and, by putting this transfer income back into youth development and stadium improvements, help get Scottish football back to where it once was.

No, it's easier to pray for crumbs from the SPL table and do nothing much.

Different Rules

IT IS one of the hardy annuals in British football commentary: "That would not have been a foul in the Premiership" says whatever raving xenophobe is doing the TV commentary on a Champions League or Europa League match, as the defender from the British club attempts castration without anaesthetic on the forward from the foreign club.

We all nod sagely, barely stopping to consider: maybe we're doing it wrong in this country, with our obsession for "manly" football - or, if you like: a thug's charter. OK, I realise there are thugs abroad too, in fact, I have long-ago suggested we automatically include an Auchinleck Talbot defender any time we fact the Dutch, just to keep the oranjie in-check.

But, abroad, referees do tend to come down like a ton of bricks on bad fouls, something which isn't always the case on these islands. This fact tends to backfire in particular on Scottish clubs - when you get the irony of Rangers and Celtic, the big bullies in Scotland, being repeatedly pinged for poor tackling in Europe, where they are the wee guys.

Willie Collum has, apparently, flourished more than twice as many red cards this season (14) than his nearest challenger as Scottish refereeing's number one card sharp, Calum Murray (6). So, Oor Wullie is a baddie.

Not quite, leaving aside the fact that, in wanting to be a top referee from the age of 13, we have to question Mr Collum's sanity, can we consider this point.

The SFA began fast-tracking Willie Collum when he was barely out of short trousers. Over the past ten years of more, he has regularly attended refereeing seminars and workshops across Europe. Willie Collum has more idea of what UEFA and FIFA expects of referees than any other Scottish referees.

Willie Collum referees from a European rather than a Scottish perspective, so, he's going to be harder on the sort of fouls which other Scottish referees, more used to our hand-knitted school of football, let go. For instance, Charlie Richmond referees from an Auchinleck perspective - nae bluid, nae foul.

I am not saying Willie Collum is right or wrong, but I certainly feel that Scottish football's continued tolerance of bad tackles is wrong.

You can still make great tackles, but tackling is a skill, it maybe has to be taught and perhaps we don't have the coaches in Scotland today who can teach it. If we had, I don't think Willie Collum would be getting as much stick as he does.

ALL I have to say about the Neil Lennon, Paul McBride, Trish Godman nail bombs is - other than shooting them, I can think of no other approach which might work on the lunatic or lunatics behind these obscene parcels. Scotland was, allegedly, the last heathen nation in Europe - maybe we still are.

I KNOW matches are supposed to be played to a finish and if a game is abandoned, even if, there are less than two minutes to play and one side is 5-0 up, it must be replayed. But surely, given the fact they have twice travelled all the way from Dingwall to Dumfries and seen their game abandoned, because of a faulty generator - having had to turn round from half-way on the occasion of the first match, the SFL should not delay any longer. Give Ross County the points.

Queen of the South are clearly in bother, but, even their fans are fed-up with this one continuing to drag on. Give County the three points - now.

GIVEN all that's going-on off the pitch, things could really get out of hand at Ibrox on Sunday. Easter Sunday, supposedly the greatest day of hope in the year. Yet here we are, hoping the sight of 22 men chasing a bag of wind doesn't bring about early Agmegeddon.

How about, the SPL calls an emergency meeting and decrees: Rangers and Celtic each have exactly the same record after 33 games, same points, same goals for an against. They then play their remaining five fixtures behind closed doors at a neutral venue and no results will be announced until all five games have been played, whereupon the SPL Champions will be announced.

That neutral venue should be somewhere remote and easily-policed, like Greenland or South Georgia.

There, sorted - no trouble.

I commend this motion to the house.

British League Cup - My Arse

THE immortal words of the great Jim Royle came straight into my head, when I heard of Chick Young's latest "exclusive" - that the SPL are looking into a British League Cup.

Let's look at the draw-backs. Firstly, it calls for an amalgamation with the SFL. Haud-oan, these are the 12 teams who, just over a decade a go couldn't wait to be shot of the SFL to set-up their own all-singing, all-dancing super-duper SPL. The price of this was that they had to, for all time, subsidise the SFL for letting them leave.

What happens to that annual subsidy? How is the balance of power going to be shared-out between the 12 SPL clubs and the 30 others?

Good few fights before that one is sorted.

So, we get a single league body. Will the re-vamped SFA allow it? Don't you think they'll be a wee bit wary, as they put in place those of Henry McLeish's Review recommendations they think they'll get through, of giving even-more power to the power-hungry SPL? English football hasn't exactly moved forward since they caved-in to the expansionist plans of their Premier League.

Then comes the BIG question -will the English want us? They didn't a decade ago, what should change their minds now?

The English never were keen on having the Old Firm hordes down there too often and to spare any indignation from members of the Celtic family - that was before the other lot tried to wreck Manchester.

NO, I'm afraid a British League Cup is a non-starter - you'd have thought even Chick Young would have recognised that.

But - there is an alternative which I feel is worth investigating - the Royal League. This was, initially as the Royal Cup, a competition between the top four clubs in each of the Scandinavian countries: Denmark, Norway and Sweden. It hasn't been run for a season or three, but I've long felt this was the way to go for our top clubs, seeking better European competition to make up for the fact, they're nearly always out of Europe before Christmas.

There were 12 clubs, the top four in each country, in the Royal League, which was really a cup competition. Put the top four Scottish clubs, at present Rangers, Celtic, Hearts and Dundee United in, suddenly you've got a much more workable 16 club set-up. Clubs such as Brondby, FC Copenhagen, IFK Gothenburg, Malmo and Rosenberg are at about the same level as the four named Scottish clubs.

I reckon a competition involving such clubs would garner TV coverage, the games would be close and exciting. It might be a goer.

Such a league would, to my mind, be more-viable than a British League Cup, involving either the lesser-lights in the EPL or the top clubs in the Championship, plus our best.

Go for it SPL/SFA.

ANOTHER item in the SPL dossier or flight of fancy which fell into Chick Young's lap has created a bit of a fuss among the regular posters on the various web sites - it's the aspiration to have Scotland as a top-15 nation in the FIFA international team rankings within five years.

Aye right - we haven't been a top 15 nation since we were ranked 11th after the 1978 World Cup Finals in Argentina. Now we're going to get back there within five years - how? Are we going to restore Messrs Souness, Gemmill, Jordan, Dalglish, McGrain, McQueen, Jardine & Co to the physical and mental condition they were in back then, but keep the ghost of Ally MacLeod out of the way?

Great ambition, some wish list - but, I don't see it happening.

And finally - what about that one: increase the TV income by 50%. Compared to that lot the Lib-Dems and the SSP are likely to form the next coalition Scottish government - with Tommy Sheridan released from nick to succeed the late Sir William Wallace as Guardian of Scotland.

Put Up The Marquee

THE most thought-provoking statement I saw last week, a period dominated again by off-field issues, was Walter Smith's confession that he had opted to sign Nikica Jelavic - a single big-money buy, rather than augment an already shallow squad by signing three or four cheaper, and therefore by implication, inferior quality players.

This just might be the way ahead for the cash-strapped Scottish game. Not that I believe Rangers to be as skint as they're making themselves out to be. Compared to all but one other Scottish side - they are still, in spite of the years of mis-management, comfortably-off. Rangers are also, a richer club than many of the so-called millionaires in the English Premiership.

Jelavic is what is termed in North America a "marquee" signing. A better player than his team mates and someone around whom ticket-selling and marketing campaigns can be built. For instance, under the equality rules which exist in professional sport in North America, with moves such as salary caps, "marquee" signings are common-place.

David Beckham, for instance, gets paid a great deal more than any of his LA Galaxy team mates, while in the NBA, an outstanding college basketball player, who is already seen as a future superstar, will often end up at a struggling franchise as the marquee signing who will hopefully inspire a revival.

Lets extrapolate this system into Scottish football. You sign a really good, big-name player, to build your side around, and you complete your pool with good, young locally-sourced players who will do the spade work, while the big name gets the glory.

This sort of squad profile might grate over here, but, wasn't it always thus? This scenario in a club was perhaps best summed-up by Tommy Docherty in his Preston North End days. He had no quibble with Tom Finney being better-paid during the season, since he was clearly the better player, but the Doc argued that to continue to pay Finney more during the close season was a nonsense, since he couldn't be a better player when he wasn't playing.

So, instead of buying third-rate foreign players, why don't the Scottish clubs each buy a solitary second-rater and otherwise fill their squads with young Scots. It would be cheaper, it would bring through fresh new talent and, who knows, one or two of these young Scots might become in time a super star.

Unintentionally, perhaps, Rangers have maybe found the way forward and set a trend.

PAUL McBride QC has made a few waves of late, but, the back-lash might be under way. I hear whispers of one or two newspapers digging for dirt on the bold Paul from his refereeing days.

In particular I hear one case is being pursued which, if what I've been told is, in hack-speak: "stood up", Master McBride will be shown to be, at best a hypocrite and at worst a bare-faced liar.

MOST of the attention at the weekend was on the Scottish and English Cup semi-finals; in fact there was scandalously little mention made of the Scottish Junior Cup semi-finals. You know the Juniors, real fitba, or as those of us who know and love the genre prefer - a uniquely Scottish form of unarmed combat.

Auchinleck Talbot, or Auchinleck Taliban as we prefer to call them, will take a two-goal lead to Bo'ness for Saturday's second leg, while Musselburgh will take a narrow one-goal lead to Dalry for their second leg.

Given their unmatched cup pedigree, I don't see the 'Bot surrendering their advantage, even at Bo'ness, while Musselburgh are in for a 90 minute hammering, because Dalry don't lose too often at home.

I hope these games attract a bit more attention than the first legs did.

WAS anyone else not suprised at Paul Scholes picking up a red card at Wembley on Saturday? Scholes used to be a class act, but over the past two years, he has increasingly been side-lined at Old Trafford and, when he has got onto the park, he has usually attracted more attention with wild "tackles" than from the great individual touches he formerly produced.

Fergie's loyalty to his Golden Generation has been terrific, but he really ought to tell Scholes: "Your tea's oot son". Time to retire. He was once arguably the best midfielder in Europe, now he's "tackling" like Gregor "Sid Vicious" Stevens or Tam "Jaws" Forsyth - time to go.

ALL this Rangers v UEFA v FARE stuff is gripping, but, thankfully, there are still flashes of humour in the on-going saga. How rich, for instance, to find that the UEFA observer at Ibrox for the game v PSV was William Campbell of the (Northern) Irish Football Association.

I don't see Bro. Campbell thinking there was anything wrong with the Broomloan Road Stand Singers' repetoire of "music" on the night - do you?

I Puts My Thinking Head On

WHEN playing old Worzel Gummidge, the late Jon Pertwee, at least once per episode would say: "I has to puts my thinking head on". I have a mate, one of the leg ends of Ayrshire Junior Football, who from Monday to Friday is a very big fish in the corporate banking pond. You want to borrow upwards of £1 million from that particular bank - he's the guy who sits across the desk and laughs at you.

But on Saturday, he used to insist he took off his banking head and put on his football one, thereby turning himself into just another Scottish football managerial psycho.

I reckon given what we occasionally read about his interests in the arts and culture, the fact he's apparently shit-hot on the West End of Glasgow's competitive pub quiz circuit and he has seemingly read a book or two - Neil Lennon has a Monday to Friday normal head and for match days and nights, a football head.

He clearly had his normal head on yesterday for the Celtic media conference, since he spoke a lot of sense - how about wearing it to a match of two Neil.

REGULAR reader 'Sausage Fingers' asked an interesting question following my post yesterday, wondering if anyone had ever been banned for sectarian behaviour in Scotland.

The answer, sadly for its eradication, is yes. Back in the seventies, I remember they (the authorities) tried-out banning orders, which required the recipients to report to police stations while matches were being played. I think, somewhere in England since this was when "casuals" first appeared and they were mostly in the 16-24 age range, some police forces actually put on events which were supposed to use up their excess energies. Of course, they pushed the casual problems underground and the civic foot was lifted from the neck, back came the aggro, but it has, in England, been maintained at a level the public will tolerate, if not entirely obliterated.

After I think it was the Villareal You Tube furore, I recall one daily newspaper, either the Herald or the Daily Mail running an interview with Martin Bain in which he insisted Rangers had indeed, quietly banned a few miscreants from Ibrox for unseemly behaviour. I think the reporter who wrote the piece had to carry-out all the dirty jobs at the next four meetings of the Lap Top Loyal, for breaking ranks on that one - and, significantly no names of the guilty were ever published.

A wee aside here - covering the local JP or Police court used to be a basic rite of passage in journalism. You had to cover the local monthly sitting, at which you would find otherwise upright citizens appearing for such heinous crimes as being drunk and disorderly, pissing up closes, allowing their dogs to defecate in public and minor but not serious crimes, such as shop-lifting.

This is where breaches of the peace, minor skirmishes at closing time and the like were dealt with. Today, given the polis ride around in cars and vans and are never seen on the streets at closing time or afterwards, the JP/police courts don't handle the same level of cases and, in fact, the way we've got bigger coonsils and more centralisation, in some places they've been phased-out, with even the smaller crimes going to the sheriff courts - which is a pity.

The thought of appearing in the local court and having your misbehaviour plastered all over the local paper was a great deterrant to petty crime. Today's local paper journalists seldom have to cover the local court and as a result, the local papers miss-out on some great stories and the young journalists don't make contacts or learn their craft properly.

Back on-track now. I know all about Maggie's phrase: "the oxygen of publicity" and doubtless some would wear it as a badge of pride - but why don't the clubs print their banning orders; if only in Rangers News and the Celtic View, or Pravda and Isvestia as they are known in the newspaper offices of Scotland.

A couple of pages: "The following members of the Larkhall Loyal RSC have been banned from all Scottish grounds for three months for sectarian singing....."

The following members of the Croy Sean South CSC have been banned from all Scottish grounds for three months for chanting IRA slogans...." just might work.

Usual disclaimer here to placate the Celtic Family - you've both got a problem but Rangers' is greater, OK.

YESTERDAY was a sad anniversary, the 50th of the calamitous 9-3 defeat by England at Wembley.

Of course, legend has it that it was all Frank Haffey's fault. The trouble with this is blaming Haffey is now nothing more than the Liberty Valance excuse - from the line in that great western 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance' - "When the legend becomes truth, print the legend", or, as a greater philosophical thinker than I explained it: "tell the public what they want to hear".

The Tartan Army wanted a scapegoat and, particularly after being coerced into having his picture taken under Big Ben at 9.15pm that Saturday night - big Frank was doomed.

Having seen him play, he wasn't a bad goalkeeper, but those 90 minutes condemned him. This year I tried to get a piece printed which I felt partially rehabilitated Haffey. I managed to unearth what little film footage of that game is still in the public domain. Rumour has it Scottish film technicians have managed to destroy almost all the footage ever shot.

I analysed this film and discovered: Haffey was only responsible for three of the nine goals. Billy McNeill, who was the solitary Scot to emerge from the game with any credit - it was his international debut - was also at fault for three, while Bert McCann, who like Haffey was never picked for Scotland again, sold two and skipper Eric Caldow one. But, in truth, none of the Scotland XI came out of the disaster untarnished - though big Frank has carried the can all these years.

Ron Springett in the England goal, by the way, sold all three Scottish goals and got clean away. It's an unfair world.

I thought, naively, after half a century, big Frank, now 72 and enjoying a sun-kissed retirement in Molindinar on Queensland's Gold Coast, was overdue rehabilitation - but I was wrong. When it comes to the 9-3 game, Frank Haffey is still "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance".

An forward tho I canna see - I guess and fear

Today's post was going to be a look back at THE 'Disaster for Scotland' - the 9-3 game at Wembley, 50 years ago today, on 15 April, 1961. But, again, the only football show in Scotland intervened - so, here we go again.

ALMOST alone amongst Scotland's sports writers, I call Sir David Murray "David". I feel, as he sits in his Edinburgh bunker, waiting while his minions and Craig Whyte's people pour over the minutia of the Rangers' take over, he longs for it all to be over , while maybe thinking of Rabbie's words which top this post.

He must long for the care-free days sitting beside the basketball court watching MIM trunce all-comers in Scotland. He was a hero then, a young, thrusting entrepreneur who had pulled himself up from very little, had gambled and won and who had earned the respect of a nation by the way he had made a tiny sport bigger in a country where fitba was the only game in town.

Now, his friendly local bankers have started turning the screw, things are a lot tougher and Rangers, the sporting institution he still owns, but can no longer control is going rancid on him. He must long to be rid of the hassle.

But yet, what will happen when he goes? Is Whyte a big enough man to turn the ship around? Like the Titanic, going full speed ahead towards the iceberg, Rangers seem on-course for disaster, while Martin Bain, in some ways the look-out in the crow's nest, is apparently unwilling to look to approaching danger.

It's all very well Bainie shouting: "Foul, conspiracy" or even reprising Kenneth Williams's best-ever Carry On line: "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me" as he prepares to defend the indefensible again at UEFA.

I feel (oh the irony) that this Rangers' conspiracy theory - that FARE or whatever they are called, the pressure group to have dobbed-in Rangers to UEFA - are out to get them, has maybe a bit more credence than some of the conspiracy theories that have emerged from around Parkhead over the years.

Of course they're out to get you Martin. But you've not exactly done yourself any favours with your responses in the past.

"We've tried everything to silence the bigots", you squeal. You haven't.

"What more can we do?" A lot.

To paraphrase John Nairn's great line about ministers and Sunday Posts - I would say Scotland will not be free (of religous intolerance) until the last RC priest is strangled with the last Orange Sash. But, I ask again: what's all this got to do with football?

I've said before and will doubtless say again - Rangers must do more.

Immediately ban Ulster and even British Unionist banners: Red Hands of Ulster, Union Flags, any banner referring to the UDF or UDV. You're a Scottish club, what's wrong with the Saltire or Lion Rampant?

England tops - unless your English - No.

Then we come to the singing: even without the FTP add-ons, good, rousing tunes though they might be, Derry's Walls and the Sash have no place in Scottish football - shut up, now. No Pope of Rome, goes without saying, this is a no-no in the 21st century.

Sort out the supporters clubs, make them responsible for the actions of their members; if Billy King of the Larkhall Loyal insists on his right to sing sectarian songs, it's a relatively simple matter to ban him from Ibrox and stop him getting in - bite the bullet and do it Mr Bain, don't just talk about it.

Then, when you've cleaned-out the cancer, you can maybe start pointing the finger at the other club with a problem lunatic fringe. But, clean-out your own septic tank first.

Rangers are being unfairly targetted, but, it's because the club's failure to act with enough determination, soon enough, has made them a target. Sort yourself out first, then watch the unca guid turn on the other lot, because they will have to have, they need, somebody to attack.

Level Playing Field

FAIRNESS is the mantra of the chattering classes in this 21st century. As my sainted mother used to say: " Aye son, it's a gie ill-divided world". Of course, my mother was a child of the 20th century, since the millennium, it's all been about fairness, inclusion, levelling the playing field, fair shares for all, as the Guardianistas and the left-wing liberal chattering classes spread to the right, even invading the posh and awfully well-bred top people's party.

But football remains above all this fairness guff. Premier Leagues, be they Scottish or English are all about greed being good, the cheque book being king and might being right. So, when groups such as the SPL tinker with the rules, in the cause of fairness - they need not be surprised when the natives get restless.

The post-split fixtures were announced today and already there have been squeals, mostly, thus far, coming from the club which really should have Victim rather than a brewery's name splattered across their chests.

Get real chaps, if your heroes are as good as you think they are, and as far ahead of the pack as you believe them to be - not even six away games post-split should deny them the title. The other lot are, so we are told, running on empty, short of players and a poor second to the chosen ones on the eastern edge of the city.

If that's the case, stop whining, stop crying "conspiracy" - just win the games, and with them the title - simples.

I CANNOT really get excited about the PFA Scotland Player-of-the-Year short list. Let's be honest, this has been a less-than-sterling season. We had Kenny Miller scoring goals for fun in the first half, before trotting off to Turkey.

That apart, I would argue that the only player who has shown consistently-excellent form has been Alexei Eremenko of Kilmarnock. No harm to the other nominees, but, for me, it has to be the Finn with the Russian name. But, that's not to say he will win it.

Also, the award is voted-on by Scotland's footballers, remember, these are the guys who wear their IQs on their backs. I marginally prefer the longer-established Scottish Football Writers Association's award as the truer test of excellence, since it is voted-on by the critics. OK, some of have IQs inferior to their hat sizes, but, they are paid to compare players.

BIGOTRY and Sectarianism isn't, apparently, confined to Scotland. The Torygraph had a piece this morning about the use of the Y word - Yid, in English football, and in particular to some Arsenal fans' liking for referring to Spurs fans as Yids.

Of course, some Spurs has a long history of drawing support from London's Jewish population and indeed some of the club's fans also call themselves Yids, almost as a badge of pride, while apparently there is a Birmingham City "firm" named the Zulus. Makes our obsession with Huns and Tims seem all a wee bit petty somehow.

Perusing the comments section on the Torygraph's website, I found myself laughing at a poster with the nome de plume "joestrummer". I don't think he gets out too much, as he was arguing that there is no way Rangers' fans would be singing the traditional party songs and chanting FTP - given that Rangers apparently currently has a first team squad containing more Roman Catholics than Protestants. Of course Jock Stein, it seems, came from an "Orange" family, and apparently he, Bobby Evans and Bertie Peacock were all members of the same Masonic Lodge - if the old legend is to be believed, while there was a Protestant presence in the Lisbon Lions.

Maybe the English don't get the Scots' ability to not put people in boxes. As one of my mates said about Lorenzo Amoruso: "He's maybe a Pape, but he's oor Pape". Or as another tells the world: "I used tae be a Hun, but ah'm better noo". And finally, I cannot see a QC from a chamber in Lincoln's Inn Fields performing Derry's Walls as a karaoke number.

WEE piece on the BBC national news last night about the start of the new all-singing, all-dancing English Women's Super League, which will run through the summer. Since the ladies haven't been playing in the winter for ever, as we blokes have, they've realised the benefits of summer football, when it comes to quality of pitches, ability to play the passing game and getting new recruits to turn out for training and coaching in half-decent conditions.

When will our leaders in the men's game catch on?

By the way, how nice to see a clutch of our women's international team: Julie Fleeting, Jennifer Beattie and the likes, playing regularly in this new semi-professional women's league. This bodes well for the future of Scotland's women's team.

Anarchy In The UK

OH DEAR, oh dear, oh dear - tragedy for Celtic - as my old mucker David Francey might have said.

Or: "See rem orange masonic bastards at ra SFA hiv let Boogie an Diouf awa wi murder an at", as Sean South, hon. life president of the Croy CSC might have said.

And all because Super Ally walked, whilst Bougherra and El Haj Diouf were fined rather than banned for their misbehaviour during the filming of that hit DVD "Old Firm Sham Game 350".

A wee modicum of proportion lads. First of all, the only guy who walked away with a "Not Guilty" verdict was Super Ally, and, let's face it - once the video evidence was shown, he was always going to get off.

Sure, he said something which twisted wee Lennie's knickers big time, but saying something which comes close to getting you a Glasgow kiss has never been a crime in my book. It is risky, certainly, but as we learned at primary: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me". They maybe don't know that one in Lurgan - for, if not McCoist's words, then surely Lennie's reaction to them cost him a few games in the stand.

McCoist only whispered something, it was Lennie who lost it - McCoist never had a case to answer, so well done SFA.

Now we come to the Africans, different ball game. Firstly, the point those many members of the extended Celtic family have missed, as they have vented their spleens since the verdicts were released.

BOUGHERRA AND EL HAJ DIOUF DIDN'T GET OFF SCOT-FREE. They were fined. You can argue all you like about the fines being too-lenient, but they didn't walk away without a stain on their characters.

I must admit, Bougherra only being fined stinks. He could well have had "an Abercrombie", i.e. three red cards - the one he did get plus two more for man-handling the referee. But he didn't and I cannot see where Paul McBride QC is coming from, particularly given his calling.

As a QC, he fights his client's corner, then it's up to the judge and jury. If his eloquency at the bar works, his client walks. If it doesn't, he has another chance, in addressing the bench post-verdict but pre-sentence, to put forward mitigating factors in the hope of a lenient sentence. Clearly, whoever spoke for the Rangers' players put up a convincing case for a fine rather than suspension.

McBride ought to know, funny sentences occasionally get handed down, even in the High Court, but how a guilty verdict shows bias is beyond me.

El Haj Diouf always looked likely to get away with a fine. OK, he was stupid, but hey, its EHD, being stupid seems to be his default setting. The game was over, he went to his fans and some big Glesca polis got upset - hardly a flying two-footed, over the ball challenge, was it?

Mr McBride did everyone a favour when he drove that coach and horses through the SFA's disciplinary handbook. Things have to change. I accept that some of the backswoodsmen will have to be dragged, kicking and screaming to delivering the necessary changes, but in squealling when the sentence delivered isn't the one he wanted, Mr McBride does himself no favours.

OR - do we take it that it's a case of: Them bad proddies are going easy on proddie offenders and hammering puir we Kafflliks - so when we Kaffliks are in charge, we're gonnae hammer them proddies.

That's not a solution which would help.

Either way, being a proddie or a kafflik only seems to matter in football in the West of Scotland. Which shows, even more than these SFA verdicts, what a sick bunch we are up here.

Religion or bigotry or whatever you want to call it has no place in football. The decisions, unbelievable though they were, have been made as regards the Ibrox Three - live with them.

I actually think these verdicts will help Celtic wrestle the league title from Rangers. Lennie will have his players wound-up: "See, they don't like us - even the SFA is on Rangers' side, keeping Boogie and Diouf on the park. So let's show them, go out there, hump them, win the league and fuck the lot of them", should be his speech.

Celtic have the stronger, deeper squad. They have the lead and Rangers are playing catch-up. If Rangers do win the league, it will be a great effort and they will surely ignore the cries of "cheats and institutional bias" coming from the East End of Glasgow.

But if Rangers do win the league from the current positions, then it may have serious repercussions for Neil Lennon.

We live in interesting times - or "squeaky bum time" as SAF calls it.