Goodbye Qatar - Back To Bigotry

CUE the Big O: de de de dum – it's over, it's over. FIFA World Cup 2022 has ended, the World Cup is on its way to Buenos Aires, Lionel Messi has achieved his ambition and emulated Diego Maradona. France is crying and the more-sensible English fans have realised, they were never going to win it.

Meanwhile, here in Scotland, the nation which refined football and gave it shape, well, we are back to wall-to-wall coverage of two average teams, from opposite ends of Glasgow, wasting money on third or fourth-rate players, few of whom are Scottish, to keep alive traditions which have more to do with Irish politics than Scottish football.

To be fair, Sunday's World Cup Final was a cracking game – Argentina building-up (in boxing terms) a huge points lead, before being caught by a couple of sucker punches and pegged back. However, they coped better with the penalty kicks lottery and, in the end, they deserved to win.

However, I genuinely feel, since so-much of top-level international sport these days is about “never mind the quality – feel the width” - about appearing bigger and better, aside from that thrilling final, much of what was served-up in Qatar was shite.

And, it's going to get worse. There were 32 teams in the field in Qatar, which is probably about 16 too many. Next time round, in North America, they are going up to 48 nations qualifying. Come off it – there are not 48 nations of sufficient quality to justify reaching a final tournament. This will mean, particularly in the group stages, more mismatches and bore fests.

FIFA, if they really want to make the World Cup the festival of football the competition should be, ought to go back to a final field of 16 nations. But, instead of sending half of them home at the end of the group stages, leaving eight nations to contest the real part of the tournament – the knock-out games, they should introduce a system whereby, by the end of the entire event – each nation is ranked 1 to 16.

This would be easily done:

• 16 teams – four groups of four, each nation plays three games

• the top two teams in each group take “the high road” - quarter-finals, semi-finals, final

• the bottom two teams in each group take “the low road” - the four teams finishing third in each group play each other; as do the four teams finishing fourth.

• This way, by the end we know where each nations finished from the winners down to the 16th-placed nation.

As for Sunday's final – well, it only really caught fire in the fourth quarter and extra time; before then, France simply didn't turn up. Maybe it was the bug, perhaps the occasion but, they didn't start playing until they got that first penalty.

Some of the defending was poor – football really has to address the way in which shirt-tugging and use of the arms to impede progress has become everyday in the game. A season or so of proper officiating at challenges and the likes of Gary Neville would look even stupider; for some former defenders turned pundits, such as Neville – anything seems to go when it comes to stopping attackers.

Any way, Messi – clad in that robe – provided by The Emir of Qatar himself, and proving, I initially thought - money cannot buy class. Then I read the history of the robe, and realised, that was a terrific honour for a unique player, who finally got to lift the World Cup. Nobody begrudged it him, not even the French.

You can never say never, but, we are unlikely to see him on the global stage again. This was a baton handing over World Cup. Messi will not be back, ditto Cristiano Ronaldo, Luka Modric, Robert Lewandowski, Pepe, Danni Alves, Angel Di Maria, Thomas Muller and perhaps Manuel Neuer. These are familiar names to us from European club football.

But, new names, led by Kylian Mbappe, will emerge as football, as it has for over 150 years, refreshes itself and produces new heroes.

Ah! well – back to purritch and auld claes and the seemingly perennial question for the Tartan Army: how will we blow qualification for the next Euros and the next World Cup?

 

OK - Maybe The Refereeing Has been Poor

OK – WE ARE mostly agreed – the refereeing in Qatar, while generally good has, in the knock-out games been uneven. One or two top referees, presumably given big games on the back of their experience and form, came up short. It happens, not every player gets 8/10 or 9/10 every game, it's the same with referees, they have good and not-so-good games.

The Brazilian referee who had France v England, probably in reviewing his performance with his referee manager, will admit, he got one or two calls wrong. However, to suggest all these calls favoured France (or England) would be to do the official a severe disservice.

Now our southern neighbours are going Tonto at that first half 'penalty' they didn't get when Harry Kane went down on the edge of the box. They may well have a case, until that is, you look at the slow-motion replay.

Then, it becomes clear, the first of three or fouls in that particular coming together was committed by Kane. He pushed the French defender, unbalancing him sufficiently as for him to fall into Kane and bring him down.

VAR got it right – it wasn't a penalty, since Kane initiated the foul play.

THIS MIGHT be deemed 'football blasphemy' but – in view of what we have seen in Qatar, might it be time to make association football 'a non-contact sport.'

I was brought-up on good old-fashioned Scottish Football, where the ability to make a tackle was a lauded talent. My playing hero in the 1960s was Jim Baxter, a man with a left leg with the magical properties of a wand. Critics of the most-gallus man ever to step onto a park would decry his talents because: “He couldnae tackle a fish supper.”

However, Baxter was from Hill o' Beath in Fife. His early football education was on the playing fields of the Kingdom, in Junior games for Crossgates Primrose. You didn't last long in that environment if you didn't know how to ride, or commit a meaningful tackle. It's just, Baxter had such talent, he seldom needed to.

I remember one tackle he made. Indeed, so did Baxter, when I mentioned it to him one day, decades later. This tackle came early in the second half of the Scotland v England game, at Hampden, on 14 April, 1962. That game would largely be decided by who won the battle for midfield control, Baxter for Scotland or Captain Johnny Haynes for England. Baxter had edged the first half fight and Scotland were leading 1-0. But, in the second, Haynes had started to purr, had had one effort cleared off the line and was bringing the visitors back into the game.

Then, as he collected a pass on the half-way line, just in front of the dug outs, Baxter – the man who couldn't tackle – hit him with the most wonderfully-timed challenge, emerging with the ball and leaving Haynes a crumpled heap on the ground. The England captain was a spent force for the remainder of the game.

More than 30 years later Baxter told me: “Aye, Ah mind that tackle, it wis jist aboot the only wan Ah ever made in senior fitba, ken.”

Sixty years on from that coming together at Hampden, international football is a much-different spectacle. Today, it's all about keeping possession, running into space and moving the ball on before a challenge can be made. Thus, when a challenge is made, the players, not having to make as many as their forebearers, often get it wrong.

Tackling is nearly a lost art; maybe we should abolish it and make the game non-contact. Then, punish excessive contact strictly, and, finally we would be answering John Greig's plea from all those years ago for: “protection for us ball players.”

Organised football turns 160 years old next year, while international football has just tuned 150. Maybe it's time England, who codified the laws, and Scotland, who started the international game, got together, used their joint membership of IFAB, The International Football Associations Board to persuade FIFA to commit to a line by line revision of the Laws of the Game, to make them fit for 21^st century football.

TAKE CROATIA as an example. They've only been playing international football since 1996 – that's a quarter of a century. Scotland has been playing international football for 150 years.

In that time, we have capped over 1200 players, yet just one – Kenny Dalglish – has won 100 caps. Against this, the Croatia squad in Qatar includes three caps centurions and a further four players with over 50 caps.

Luka Modric has won 160 caps for Croatia in ten years in the full team. Dalglish won his 102 caps over 15 years and 2 days, during which we played 140 internationals. Therefore, he played in 73% of the games he could have played in.

Jim Leighton, our second-most-capped player won his 91 caps over 143 internationals, played over three days short of six years – a 64% selection rate.

Denis Law won his then record 55 caps in 90 internationals, over 15 years, 8 months – playing in 61% of the available internationals.

George Young, (pictured) the first Scot to play in 50 internationals, won his then record 54 caps in 65 games over 11 years – an 83% appearance record. Billy Wright, the English captain in the picture missed only two internationals in his careeer as an England player - a 98% appearance record.

 

These stats show, we now play more internationals than we used to, but, consistency of selection is not a Scottish strong point. Maybe if we sorted-out this failing of the SFA and successive national managers, we might get further in the major championships.

To be fair, Stevie Clarke has brought to the Scotland job a level of selection consistency which was not obvious from some of his predecessors, so, perhaps, at long last, things are looking up on that front.

 

They're Oot - Scotland Can Relax Again

SO, OUR perception that, just maybe, Neymar wasn't as good as he was cracked-up to be, and, similarly, this wasn't a vintage Brazilian team proved to be correct. They are oot, bubbling like bairns and set to suffer another four years before they can reclaim what they see as their birthright.

It was like turning the clock back to 1974, with a Celtic full-back out-shining the entire Brazilian team. Josip Juranovic has yet to reach the stature of the likes of Danny McGrain or Tommy Gemmell in East End of Glasgow folklore, but, he took a huge step towards such stature in this game.

Mind you, the way football goes these days, he's more likely to be on his bike, to a massive salary from an EPL club than gilding his Celtic Park escutcheon, come the end of January's transfer window.

Another Croat to have possibly landed himself a big-money move is goalkeeper Dominik Livakovic, Dynamo Zagreb will surely be inundated with offers in the window for the man who looks likely to be voted best goalkeeper in Qatar. Although, Aston Villa's Emiliano Martinez, after his penalty shoot-out heroics against The Netherlands is mounting a challenge.

Brazilian manager Tite made a fair point when he mentioned the crucial role Livakovic had played in his side's win – forgetting the wise words of dear old Nick Smith in the Rover comic of my youth. “It's goals that count;” and while Neymar might have equalled Pele's Brazilian record of 77 international goals – his failure to get a 78^th proved critical.

If you miss the number of chances Brazil did in this game, then you don't deserve to win. 'Twas ever thus in football. Still, this means, we get to see the wonderful Luka Modric one more time. What a player he has been.

IT IS a saying as old as the game: “No referee, no match.” The early Victorian pioneers, being in the main public School-educated gentlemen could sort out on-field disputes by agreement. However, once the lower orders, particularly those damned argumentative and permanently-upset Jocks got involved, well, the need for a neutral arbiter became apparent.

Since that day, the role of the man in black has been debated in the game. As with players, there have been good referees and bad ones – even some who are perceived as both at the same time: yes you Wullie Collum. Having tried it on two or three occasions, I would say, it's a thankless task, but somebody has to do it.

Received wisdom is that the best referees are seldom seen; they go about their business quietly and efficiently and it's all about the game and the result – not the 23^rd man on the park.

By that measurement, Spaniard Antonio Mateu Lahoz, the man in the middle between Argentina and The Netherlands was a bad referee. His performance stunk as much as a meadow being fertilised by a dung-spreader on a warm Spring day. I wouldn't say he lost the plot – he never found it to begin with.

I could imagine the most-maligned Scottish referees, good guys such as the above-mentioned Mr Collum, Steven McLean, Kevin Clancy and Dougie “Four Jobs” Ross, sitting watching Senor Lahoz making a tit of himself on Friday night and summoning-up their inner Yosser Hughes – saying: “I could do that – gie's a job.”

That Spanish nyaff has a bigger ego than Michael Flatley. I could easily see him being run out of Auchinleck or Cumnock, should he ever be invited to referee a match which really mattered, such as the East Ayrshire Derby. That said - the Argentinians once again showed themselves to be less than gracious winners.

IF CROATIA knocking out Brazil was a shock, it was nothing to Morocco beating Portugal. Few, if anyone saw that one coming, which was as we now know, a tad unfair on a Moroccan team who have been the best defenders in the whole competition.

It's long been a thing in football – make yourself hard to break down and beat, and you have a chance, even if you have to go to penalties to win. Morocco are such a difficult to break down team and even with the skill in the French squad – Les Bleus face a tough examination in the semi-final.

Also, there is a long history of the better Moroccan players opting to play for France, going back to the great, original Black Pearl – Larni Ben Barek in the immediate post-war years.

This semi-final is a local derby for France – please park all your pre-conceptions at the door of the stadium. This one could go either way.

FINALLY, as most Scots knew before the whole circus kicked off, football is not coming home. This is a good England team, with a good international manager, that cannot be denied.

However, the way football is run in England, they never had, and, until the system changes, never will: Barring they get to play every game at Wembley – win the World Cup again.

Not one of the first-choice England team could be said to be the best player in his position in the English League; while none of them is on the top shelf of current players. They simply did not have the X-factor player – a Mbappe or a Messi or Modric that can make the difference in the tight games.

Southgate, or whoever has possession of the poisoned chalive that is being England manager, will continue to operate with one hand behind his back until the basic structure of the English game – geared to suit the big-money clubs, changes. And turkeys don't vote for Christmas.

England seemed to forget, in spite of being runners-up in the last European Championships, England has just been relegated out of the top strata of the European Nations League. Qatar was the wrong competition, at the wrong time for them. It's tough, but, suck it up.

By the way, the contentious “penalty” on Harry Kane, that wasn't given – great decision, because, the first of several fouls in the coming together was by Kane on the French defender. A great spot by the VAR team.

In any case – who is to say Kane might not have missed that one as well, had it been given?

England – yer tea's oot – suck it up.

 

In Football - It's Always A Knock-Out

I HAVE honestly never seen such a one-sided 0-0 draw as that Morocco v Spain game. If that had been a boxing match, the referee would have stopped it to save the Moroccans from unnecessary punishment.

But, it was football, so, Spain's inability to deliver the knock-out punch eventually saw them knocked out on penalties; and they only had themselves to blame.

Spain's insistence on passing, passing and passing some more was reminiscent of the glory days of the Xavi, Fabergas, Iniesta, Xabi Alonso midfield unit. The difference between that team, victorious in 2010 and the 2022 team was, the current lot can play the basic passing game, but, they don't have a player who could play the killing pass like the above-mentioned quartet.

Also, they didn't have a front man of the quality of David Villa or Fernando Torres, or an Emilio Butragueno to be on the end of their probing. In the end, not having a proven striker is what cost Spain a place in the last eight.

IF SPAIN suffered from the lack of a cutting edge, neighbours Portugal possessed that – in spades, and this after they did the unthinkable and DROPPED Cristiano Ronaldo.

 Goncalo Ramos (pictured), was the unsung tyro who was handed the unenviable task of replacing CR7, and didn't he grab his chance with both hands, via stunning hat-trick in Portugal's 6-1 win.

The 21-year-old Benfica striker definitely landed on the world stage with those three goals. If he keeps this form up, he just might be the best Benfica number nine since Jose Torres - “The Kind Giant” who was such an able foil to the great Eusebio.

Portugal's victory completed the last eight line-up. They now face Morocco, who certainly proved, in getting past Spain – they know how to defend, and they will need to against this new-look Portuguese side.

WE NOW have a couple of days' break, before the quarter-finals in Qatar; more than ample time for the English media to embarrass themselves with further jingoistic nonsense, about how great this England team is, and how they are going to win the damned thing.

That time would maybe be better spent discussing the things that are wrong with the game, as shown during this tournament.

I, for instance am getting sick fed-up with seeing cynical fouls in midfield – guys are forced to make easy, safe passes because to run with the ball is to risk a broken leg from scything tackles. While these often bring yellow cards – until football grabs the nettle and starts beefing-up yellow cards with the additional sanction of time in the sin bin – as happens in real contact sports – then the cynical foulers will hold sway.

I thought too, when a penalty was awarded for just such an offence in one of the group games, that referees were finally going to get on top of the shirt-pulling and Cumberland-Westmorland wrestling at corners, but no, that single award seems to have been an outlier and the men in black are once more allowing all sorts of illegalities at set pieces.

Association Football is the purest form of all the football codes, the most free-form, and, as such, it should demand higher behaviour standards – it is way past time for FIFA and IFAB sorting this out. Other sports have tighter discipline and this is where football is falling down.

The refereeing, by the way, has been generally good in Qatar. However, I was not at all impressed by that Argentinian referee in the Spain v Morocco game – he let an awful lot he should have penalised, go unchallenged.

SINCE I played a small, but significant role, in his early development in the Fourth Estate, I have a lot of time for Roger “The Hun” Hannah, Head of Sport at The Scottish Sun. He's a guid boay, while his esteemed Mother-in-Law was in my class at school.

I therefore absolve Mr Hannah from all blame – the fault clearly lies at Wapping – for the Sun headline which described England's three lions as “rampant.” Naw they urny, it's oor lion which is rampant – England's three lions, which are actually leopards, are decidedly passant.

But, getting things wrong with England around the World Cup is the English media's default position – they actually believe Gareth Southgate's over-rated squad can win the thing. Watching their media and fans lose the plot when they go out – it's one of the best things about being Scottish.

FINALLY – classic McCoist, when Clive Tyldesley brought-up the thorny subject of the rest of the ITV team in Qatar forcing Coisty and Graeme Souness to watch an England game.

Said the bold Ally: “Aye, but you didnae hiv tae tie Souness to his chair.”

 

Microphone Magic From McCoist And Pish From Souness - Another Night In Front Of The TV

I GAVE UP at 2-0. As soon as that Harry Kane goal went in – I switched off the ITV coverage of England v Senegal. Once their Captain scored, the ITV crew went into full Engurland, Engurland Engurland mode; football was coming home, the World Cup had been won.

This view took no cognisance of the fact, until England took the lead, against the run of play – they had been playing second fiddle to the African Champions, however, as so often happens in football, Senegal didn't score when they were on top and paid the price.

I turned over to the ITV4 coverage of England's Gallagher Premiership rugby, which was so-riveting I fell asleep.

Needless to say, THE BBC – allegedly the world's greatest broadcasters, led their flagship Ten O' Clock News with a blatant piece of hagiography from Qatar. I can guarantee, even if The Auld Alliance had never existed, I'd be backing France in the quarter-final.. The thought of Kylian Mbappé, Olivier Giroud, Antoine Griezmann and Ousmane Dembele running at that England back four fills me with genuine hope.

Olivier Giroud does rather well with AC Milan, having previously shown his class with Arsenal, with the additional quality around him in the reigning Champions' squad – I can see him adding to his record number of French international goals.

Another thing which disappointed me about the ITV coverage on Sunday was, they put the B team on commentary duties. I appreciate Clive Tyldesley :has been England's Chief Cheerleader for a few tournaments now, and Lee Dixon is his anointed wingman. But, if the high heid yins at ITV Towrs have not realised by now – Ally McCoist with either Jon Champion or Sam Mattaface calling the action is the dream team – where have they been?

I NEED not have worried, Jon and Ally were back, and rightly so, for Brazil v South Korea. The Great Entertainers on the park didn't need, but got, the great entertainers on the mikes for the best game of the tournament so far.

 It finished 4-1 to Brazil, who I saw entitled in one brilliant Facebook post: The Yellow Cowdenbeath," but, it could well have been 11-5, as both sides set out to have a go. Some of those Brazilian goals, in particular, number three, pure Brazilian magic.

OK, they lifted their foot off the gas in the second half, which was, remember, “won” by the South Koreans, but, they are clearly saving themselves for the later rounds.

If our southern neighbours still think, after that, that football is coming home – well, they've long been a deluded nation.

Speaking of deluded. Perhaps remembering he was mainly talking to an English audience, that great Briton, Graeme Souness, came away with a line about how, after David Narey had the temerity to score first for Scotland, back in 1982 – according to Souness, who was Scotland captain that day: “They tore us apart and we didn't want to go out for the second half.”

That's pish Souness, and you know it, because it was still 1-1 at half-time. Socrates & Co didn't step up their game until the second half.

IT WAS like going back to the good old, early days of European football, when I read of the “friendly” between UD Almeria and Hearts was abandoned after one of the Spanish players took exception from a good, old-fashioned Scottish tackle from Hearts' Alex Cochrane.

Cue what is known in ice hockey as a bench clearance, everyone onto the park and let's get tore in.

Back in the 1950s and 1960s, in the early days of European club games, such barneys were common-place. I recall, for instance, Rangers' Harold Davis chasing a spectacles-wearing Belgian half the length of Ibrox, and it wasn't to exchange fraternal greetings. Any game between Atletico Madrid and a Scottish team was always good for pone set-piece brawl, while the least said about Celtic v Racing Club De Buenos Aires the better.

But, nowadays, when it's all about possession football and passing across midfield, you barely get a tackle worthy of the name. Mind you, I sometimes think the SFA issued a “nae tackling” edict, but didn't tell the fans.

I think the last proper Scottish tackle I saw was one by Airdrie's Alan McManus against St Mirren, back at the turn of the millennium. It's a shame, the full-on Scottish tackle, as used by the likes of John Greig, Tam Gemmell, Ian Ure or Dave Mackay – or by its ultimate exponent, Big Wullie Frew in Junior Football – that was a thing of savage beauty.

Then there was the incident in an Old Firm game, in front of The Jungle at Celtic Park. Bobby Shearer and Neil Mochan went for a 50/50 ball on half-way. Neither was prepared to pull out and the collision could have been heard back at Glasgow Cross. They both ended up on the turf, while the ball just sat there spinning. From scenes like these, auld Scotia's grandeur springs.

ONE OF my contemporaries is suffering at the moment. His grandson, whose father won Scotland age group honours in a reasonable career, is currently in the Kilmarnock FC Academy.

This does not sit well with Papa, who is a confirmed, life-long Somerset Parker, but, to support the boy, he is prepared to go to Rugby Park and sit in enemy seats. He was rather chuffed the other week, when the boy scored the winner against Celtic.

He does, however, hope the boy will, like his father, eventually find his way to Ayr United.

 

Perish The Thought - They Could Win It

THESE ARE disturbing times to be Scottish and watching the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. Because, as I discovered when I popped into my little local gentleman's club last night – the view is growing here in fair Caledonia that: shock horror, THEY could win it.

Footballers have never been better paid, or more-completely conditioned and trained than they are now, yet, the general level of the games in Qatar has been piss poor. They pass, and pass, and pass; to give the ball away is almost grounds for immediate substitution, but, I honestly feel, the players we are watching, regardless of how much they are hyped by the adoring commentators, are not as good as those who went before.

Brazilians, Argentinians and Spaniards have all produced their flicks and tricks, but, with the exception of the now waning Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo they don't appear to have the guys up front they once had.

I am certain, had the Germans had a Klinsmann or a Gerd Muller up front, they would be looking forward to the knock-out phase, similarly, Uruguay's early departure I put down to the injury which cost them midfielder Rodrigo Bentancur. To me, he was an absolute stick-out as a string-puller.

The sad fact, from a Scottish viewpoint is: of the more-fancied sides – THEY are probably producing the best, most-consistent, football. Of course, they are still being hugely over-hyped by their adoring press, but, as was the case in 1966 – in a generally poor World Cup, without an outstanding team, they just could go all the way and win the thing.

Nae harm to the future Sir Gareth Southgate, who has always been a genuine and likeable bloke. That diamond of a man, Marcus Rashford, would deserve it. What a turn-up having to refer to the very personification of thick English defender as: World Cup Winner Harry Maguire – the one player from The Master Race to have made it, thus far, into the Team of the Tournament.

But, if it does happen, how even-more insufferable will their media be? MBEs and knighthoods all round.

However, look on the bright side – Independence would be a push-over, even the Bonnie Purple Heather Brigade of Proud Scots, But, would vote to get away from them. And, in the passing – should they win - you could put the house on Stevie Clarke's team beating them in this 150^th anniversary game next year.

WATCHING Cameroon take down a toothless Brazil, I was again struck by the way football and in particular FIFA and IFAB simply refuse to bring in law changes which will finally answer John Greig's heart-felt plea from the 1960s for: “protection for us ball players.”

The first time he got the ball, the Brazil and Manchester United winger Anthony was hauled down by a tackle which Hawick's own Darcy Graham might have been proud of. The Cameroon tackler was immediately yellow carded.

Back in the day, had that happened to say Jimmy Johnstone, Jinky would have been constantly demanding the ball, determined to run at his opponent, who he knew couldn't tackle him and risk a second yellow and then a red.

Brazil barely played the ball out to Anthony thereafter; and, when they did, he was never in-space and ready to run at his defender.

In rugby, you can cop a yellow card and ten minutes in the sin bin for a deliberate knock-on – sticking a hand out to prevent a pass reaching the recipient. Do that in football, you get a yellow card, but, you stay on the park.

During that Brazil v Cameroon game, two or three Cameroon defenders were guilty of cynical fouls to stop a breakaway, but, the only Cameroon player to get a red card was their captain, on a second yellow after taking his shirt off to celebrate his winning goal – that's how stupid football's use of cards has become.

Call it Association Football, or Soccer, whatever you like, but, the purest form of football, the most free-form, should have the strictest standards on player (mis) behaviour. I would like to see the game's rulers bring in harsher punishments for both technical and cynical breaches of the laws, to better allow the few talented players we now have to thrive.

THE FIRST of the knock-out games eased my concerns over a possible win for The Common Enemy, as, at long last – the real Netherlands showed up, which was bad news for the USA.

Maybe, had the Americans taken a reasonable early chance, it might have been different, but, once the Dutch took the lead, I always felt they would go on to win.

They scored three good goals, but for some heroics from USA goalkeeper Matt Turner, they might have scored more, while Denzil Dumfries had a tremendous game down the right for the winners.

SATURDAY NIGHT'S offering was The Lionel Messi Show, as the Argentinian magician celebrated his one thousandth career game, and his one hundredth as Argentina captain by leading his side into the last eight. Naturally enough, he scored the opening goal of the game, and had the BBC pundits asking how do you stop him.

I can tell you a guy who could have stopped him – the great Ian 'Stinker' Dick of Cumnock Juniors, Auchinleck Talbot and Lugar Boswell Thistle. 'Stinker' – had he been wired properly, rather than he was: wired to the moon  – would have been a world-beater. He'd have taken-on Messi in the skills department, then kicked the shit out of him.

I mentioned 'Stinker' because Saturday afternoon featured a Cumnock v Auchinleck Talbot Derby in the last 16 of the Scottish Junior Cup. In what was something of a shock for most people, Cumnock won the tie on penalties and now face Hurlford United in the quarter-final.

Whoever wins that one will probably be installed as cup favourites. However, I fancy, now that perennial cup winners Talbot are out, that the cup will be coming back to New Cumnock.

Get your money on Glenafton Athletic.