If You Think English Politics Is Bad - It's Still Better Than Their Football Team

LONG LONG time ago (that reads like the start of a song) I opted out of what the broadcasting big bosses appear to believe should be compulsory television viewing of England games. Between myopic commentators, colour co-commentators who were even worse and the fact, if I wanted to watch pish fitba I could get off my fat erse and go and watch Scotland. I opted out – without suffering from this decision.

On Monday night, morbid fascination dragged me back, to watch the Channel 4 coverage from Wembley of England v Germany. Now morbid fascination is a peculiarly Scottish state of mind. The great George Macdonald Fraser, biographer of Brigadier General Sir Harry Paget Flashman VC KCB KCIE and Private J McAuslan, best summed it up when he wrote that: “The Jocks followed their Anglo-Scottish officers with a sort of morbid fascination as to what sort of bother they might lead them into.”

Any way, on Monday, I switched-on C4 with just that sort of interest, perhaps thinking: “Is Gareth Southgate as useless as his critics are making out?” There was also the motivation: “If the Germans are any good, and England as bad as they are being made out, this might be fun.”

Sadly, Herr Flick of the DFB and Die Mannschaft 2022 vintage, are some way short of previous Tutonic visitors to Wembley old or new. Yes, Monday's team was minus one or two of the big names, such as Thomas Mϋller or Manuel Neuer, but I still sort of hoped they could do the sort of job on a shite England team I recall a Gϋnter Netzer-inspired West Germany doing back in 1972.

Just how many might Gerd Müller have scored, running at Harry Maguire, onto passes from Netzer and Beckenbauer? If you're English, you shudder to consider this hypothesis.

I gave up after half an hour, this was rubbish, two bad teams playing bad football, while dressed in terrible kits. Mind you, the pattern was set before the kick-off. I realise, with the likes of Ian Wright and just about any BBC Shortbread fitba talking head you might care to mention, the bar is currently set very low for football comment. OK, the likes of 'Wrightie' have made it compulsory to have a pair of big tits on-screen, but, some of women presenters and commentators we have to endure these days. Jings, crivvens, help ma Boab.

With four daughters, I am all in favour of promoting women, but, please, let's have women with talent – the likes of Mrs Logan, Claire Balding and oor ain Lee Mackenzie and Hazel Irvine. The sub-editor in me screamed inwardly when one of the Wembley Women introduced, and I quote: “Two of our Lioness heroes.”

No dear, “Lioness Heroines” I would have let you away with, but, as we all know, nobody mangles the English language quite like the English.

Any way, it went downhill after that. The passing, from both sides, was shockingly poor, there was a total lack of craft, imagination or impetus. I changed channels.

Apparently, or so I have been told by one or two Facebook friends who stuck with it, the game improved, to end up a 3-3 draw. However, the same friends have assured me, neither team looks likely to be in contention for the World Cup. That I don't believe – we already know England will go to Qatar and flatter to deceive, but, you never, ever, write-off the Germans at a World Cup.

Any way, after turning over, I watched most of a Rob Bell documentary on Titanic then the entertaining Guy Ritchie film Snatch. Both the very-under-rated Mr Bell and the ensemble cast: Jason Statham, Stephen Graham, Brad Pitt and Vinny Jones, to name but a few, were more-entertaining than England – and Vinny Jones is still, I suspect, a better central defender than Harry Maguire.

One interesting factoid to emerge from Monday night's coverage – seemingly Gareth Southgate has managed England in 76 games, and only lost 13 matches. Yet many England fans think he's rubbish. That's the biggest problem with being England manager – England expects far too much.

Your average England fan has fallen, hook, line and sinker, for their media's constant propaganda about their Premier League being “The best league in the world,” which it isn't, and in any case, if any neutral commentator was to sit down and pick a best team from the players in that league – there wouldn't be a single English player in that XI. But, you could never get an England fan to believe that.

For instance, yesterday I happened across a Paddy Power advert, which had a Gaelic Football commentator saying basically: “If a game is shite, I'll say it's shite.” He'd never get a broadcasting gig this side of the water with that approach.

Better I feel to be Scottish, and be repeatedly killed by our hopes for our football team being crushed, than to be English and see your great expectations repeatedly thwarted.

I will not be watching the Scotland v Ukraine match tonight. I will be at the local Odeon, getting a dose of culture, with the viewing of a performance of Madame Butterfly from the Royal Opera.

I accepted this engagement, meal before hand as a birthday treat for one of the ladies in the party, before I realised there was a fixture clash. Any way, Scotland tend to play better away from home when I'm not spectating, so I will be watching Puccini's tale with half a mind that things could well go better for Cio-Cio-San and Lieutenant Pinkerton than for Stevie Clarke and Captain McGinn.

Mind you, the way the Scotland squad is being hit by this virus, we could be down to the last XI standing and produce a narrow victory – after all, it's usually Scotland's way to find the most-difficult path to glory in any competition.

 

Scottish Goalkeepers, A Perennial Problem For The Blazers

IT SAYS a lot for Craig Gordon, that in the build-up to Saturday night's great win over Ireland, he had to temporarily leave the Scotland camp to be with his partner, Summer, as she was safely delivered off the couple's son Axel. Gordon then rejoined the squad and, on the occasion of his 72^nd cap, produced a stunning late save to keep us ahead and on the road to victory.

 For my money, big Craig is up there on the top shelf of Scotland keepers, he might even be the best we've ever had, but, I wonder – being in a deliver room overnight before a game is maybe not the best preparation for a crucial international. Maybe, had he not retired from international football, David Marshall might have got the call for the Irish game, to enable Craig to spend more time with Axel and his Mum. However, for such an important game, and with no other capped 'keeper in the squad, well, Craig I suppose had to face the Irish.

With the introduction of the UEFA Nations League, there are fewer games in which, without the pressure of group points to be protected, managers such as Stevie Clarke can introduce and try-out newcomers.

The back-up 'keepers to Gordon are:

• Jon McLaughlin (Rangers) – aged 35, two caps

• Robbie McCrorie (Rangers) – aged 24, uncapped

• Liam Kelly (Motherwell) – aged 26, uncapped

McLaughlin and McCrorie are currently playing second and third-choice to the 40 year old Allan McGregor at their club, while Kelly had to leave Rangers to get any first-team game time at all.

The great Jimmy Cowan's Scotland career was over, after 25 caps, at aged 26. Wembley Wizard Jack Harkness was another to have won all 12 of his Scotland caps by aged 26. Bobby Ferguson, the most-expensive goalkeeper in the world when he left Kilmarnock for West Ham, won his seven Scottish caps between the ages of 21 and 22. This shows, Scotland has never been too-sure about our goalkeepers. We've perhaps been lucky in having McGregor, Gordon and Marshall all playing at the same time, but, what happens if Gordon is hit by a Lothian Transport bus? Isn't it time we blooded a potential young successor?

I accept it would be difficult to slot it into an already crowded football calendar, but, I have long had an idea which I think would help our international team. Why not bring back the Home Internationals?

Full-blown internationals would, I think, be out of the question, but, surely, given television's seemingly insatiable appetite for football, we could sell the notion of a revised Home Championship? What I would do is revise the eligibility criteria – perhaps go down the Olympic Games route, and insist the squads had to primarily be made-up of Under-23 players.

Finding a slot or slots might be difficult, but, I don't see this as an insurmountable problem and it might be worth-while taking the games to smaller stadia, away from Hampden, Wembley etc.

I dare say, the English could, potentially, think themselves above such nonsense, in which case, I am sure Ireland would like to come in – after all, the short-lived Vauxhall Tournament, which was a Celtic nations only concept, looked promising before being prematurely killed-off.

Of course, with England and Wales being relegated out of Nations League A, if we lose to Ukraine tomorrow night, then there will be four British Isles nations, Us, England, Ireland and Wales in League B – UEFA might well be tempted to lump them together in one group, which would certainly be popular with the TV companies and the fans. I doubt it would be so popular with the Wembley-based “blazers,” particularly if England couldn't win that group.

LET'S talk real fitba for a change, and by real fitba I mean the Scottish Junior variety, where men are men and only poofs wear shin guards. The third round draw for the Scottish Junior Cup was made last week, and one tie stands out abune them awe – Auchinleck Talbot v Darvel, cup holders v West of Scotland League Champions.

This one should attract another bumper attendance to Beechwood Park, because Talbot, as ever, have been slow out of the blocks this season and, with four league games played, they lie eighth in the table, with seven points, having already lost once and drawn once.

Darvel lie fourth, with nine points from three wins and one loss. Last season Darvel showed they maybe had the measure of the 'Bot, certainly in the league, however, when silverware, and in particular that magnificent Scottish Cup, is up for grabs, the Beechwood Boys are a totally different animal.

Added spice comes from last week's transfer of striker Jamie Glasgow, from Talbot to Darvel. Talk about pouring more fuel on the flames.

Still in the toxic waters of the Juniors in God's County. I spotted over the weekend a Facebook posting concerning “The Winton Warriors,” a group of Ardrossan Winton Rovers Ultras, on an away day to Saltcoats Victoria's Campbell Park.

It's good to see the weans involved, for this lot all looked to be about 11 or 12. This reminds me of a previous bunch of teenage fans whose youthful enthusiasm was a bit over-reaching.

It was back in the late 1980s and Dalry Thistle put together a late season run of form, which took them to an Ayrshire Cup Final, against Glenafton Athletic, at Meadow Park. Their cup run had attracted a bunch of youthful followers more-often seen at Ibrox, who spent much of the first half, up in the Meadow Park stand, goading the Glen supporters to: “send your casuals over here.”

In the pie queue at half time, a small group of the Darvel lads were approached by 'Big Alex' a six-foot-plus, 20-stone, bearded fan, resplendent in Glenafton scarf. He came straight to the point.

“Listen boays, awe oor casuals are aboot 35 and got made redundant frae the pits by Maggie Thatcher; so, they're no the maist sociable. Maybe better if ye didnae goad them oany mair.”

The Darvel Casuals were much quieter in the second half, as they watched the Glen do the business to take the cup.

 

Get Promoted And Miss England - Or, Stay Down And Maybe Be In The Same Group As Them - Decisions, Decisions

THIS UEFA Nations League remains a work in progress. It was introduced to do away with meaningless “friendlies” or “challenge matches” and as a means of giving the governing body's match co-efficient greater teeth. Even after a couple of runs-through, the kinks are still being ironed-out, but, I like the idea.

I don't think there is the same liking for the Nations League south of the Solway, where a truth of football which has been obvious to all but our Sassenach neighbours since 1950 – England are by and large shite when it comes to competitive internationals – has been given greater exposure.

You can never say never, but, should Wales beat Poland by two clear goals and thus retain their place in League A, and Scotland do the business to be promoted into that League, then both Celtic nations would be ranked above the self-styled 'Football Master Race.' Now that would be an unpleasant reality for the Nigels to try to not talk about.

Any way, wouldn't it be ironic if we did get ourselves into the top league, only to find England – the team we most-wanted to face, had been relegated? Such a scenario would also be typically Scottish.

WE DIDN'T have the Nations League when I was a boy. But, we did have the Home Internationals, the annual meeting of England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales. From 1884 until 1968 the Home Internationals were played during the season. For Scotland this meant we faced Northern Ireland and Wales in October and November – the away game on a Saturday afternoon, the home one on a Wednesday night. The annual meeting with England was always on a Saturday afternoon in April.

The Saturday away games in Belfast, Cardiff/Wrexham/Swansea or London meant that a nearly full programme of league games would be played up here, to suit the non-travelling members of the Tartan Army.

Towards the end of this schedule, however, a rule was introduced which meant, if a Scottish club side was shorn of (I believe) three players due to international duty, then they were allowed to call-off their Saturday fixture.

Then, in 1969 the Home Internationals were moved to the end of the season and had the football scene all to themselves. This, however, only hastened the tournament's demise as England (and to a lesser degree Scotland) thought they were better than Northern Ireland and Wales and wanted to go off and play more-glamorous friendlies against continental opponents.

I always, in view of this “we're better than you” view from Us and the English, felt there was delicious irony in Northern Ireland winning the final running of the Home Internationals in 1984, with Wales in second spot, England third and Scotland fourth. This meant, the magnificent Jubilee Trophy, (pictured below), awarded to the winners every tournament since 1935, has, for the past 38 years been in the possession of the Northern Ireland Football Association.

This really is a wonderful example of the silversmith's art and I would love to see it brought back into regular competitive use.

However, that's a side issue to the main thrust of this post. We played the Republic of Ireland on Saturday night, kick-off 7.45pm. However, the Scottish fixture list was all but cleared for this game – the only senior domestic game to go on was the League Two clash of Forfar Athletic v Stirling Albion.

Now, even under the old 'three players called-up and you can postpone a domestic game' rules, only Celtic, who have Callum McGregor, Greg Taylor and Anthony Ralston in the Scotland squad would have been affected. So, what was to stop the SPFL from promoting a full programme of league matches on Saturday?

Only a little over 52,000 fans can get into a full-house Hampden, but, the rest of us had to have a Saturday off, and be inconvenienced by midweek re-scheduling of games, with the knock-on effect of smaller attendances.

I recall, when researching an article on the 1928 Wembley Wizards, reading that the biggest cheer of the day at Ibrox, where Rangers (minus Alan Morton) were beating Clyde 3-1, came when the half-time score from Wembley (Scotland leading 2-0) was announced over the tannoy.

While the second Wembley Wizards were putting England to the sword, on 15 April, 1967, back up the road, two First Division games were played – Aberdeen beating Stirling Albion 1-0 and Hibs crushing Ayr United 4-1. There were also five Second Division games played, while both halves of the Old Firm – who between them provided six of the victorious XI in London, had their reserve sides in Saturday action. In England, while the big game went ahead at Wembley, five First Division games were played, while there was a full programme in the three lower English Leagues.

That, however, was before football sold-out totally to the great God, Television. Why cannot we go back to fitba at 3pm on a Saturday? Mind you, that said, maybe with the ridiculous surge in energy prices, this season we will be going back to 1.30pm and 2pm starts, to avoid the use of expensive floodlighting systems.

As for Saturday night's Hampden match; this was yet another example of how, when two sides, even international ones, from the British Isles lock horns – the players revert to type.

With the introduction of continental coaches and players, in club games, the home-grown players have to adapt to the more-technical European style of play: building slowly from the back, passing across the field and often backwards, seeking to create space.

Remove the European influence, bring British Isles bragging rights into the equation and it's a case of: “right, let's get tore-intae this lot.” There were one or two outbreaks of “handbags at ten paces” on Saturday night; more snarling and posturing than usual and a good old-fashioned British cup tie ensued.

I thought the Republic boys did a good job in unsettling our guys, who took a time to get into the game, but, in the end, quality told and I thought we deserved our win.

In these types of games, we need a Scott Brown type in midfield to get us going and I thought, on Saturday, Scott McTominay stepped-up to the plate in this role. He has, I think, cemented his place as a Tartan Army favourite over the last two games.

Now we move on to Poland and a winner takes all clash with Ukraine. They will be out for revenge after the last meeting and gthe problem for Stevie Clarke will be – does he stick or twist – try to take the sting out of the game and take the draw which will win us promotion, or, go for another win to go up to the A League in style. I hope he goes with option two.

 

Evil Genius 1 - The Scottish Football Establishment 0

SAY WHAT you like about the Green Brigade, and I have to admit, following their demonstration at St Mirren's park on Saturday, these bhoys are not at the top of anyone's popularity list, I have a sneaking admiration for them. I would suggest, somewhere within that loose organisation there are some clever guys, who, as one Editorial Director once said of me: “If you'd been caught and tamed early enough, you'd have been some operator.”

I may be a Scottish Nationalist – albeit one who has nae time for the hooks, crooks and comic singers currently masquerading as the leadership of the SNP, but, I am fairly ambivalent about the Royal Family and whether or not we should retain the Monarchy once we have extricated ourselves from England's vice-like grip. I am ambivalent, in a slightly-different manner about Celtic FC and those who follow them – I don't give a fuck who beats them.

But, I will, if necessary, man the barricades to defend the Green Brigade's right to protest as they see fit. We cannot have a list of subjects one is allowed to protest against, with everything else off-limits. For the simple reason, when you go down that road, you get to the point where the state of mind is: “quis custodiet ipsos custodes”. If you were not fortunate enough to obtain a classical education at a Scottish Senior Secondary school, back when the Scottish education system was the envy of the world, that translates as: “Who guards the guards?”

Whoever came up with that: “If you hate the Royal Family – clap your hands” banner was touched by genius.

I can just imagine the conversation, in the back bar of The Sean South Arms, Croy: “Right bhoys – they're gonnae hiv a minute's silence for Queenie. But, they ken fine ye cannae hae that at a Sellick gemme, since we're no gonnae shut up fur that long. Minute's applause then, so, here's whit we dae.” As I said – evil genius at work and the fitba establishment embarrassed again.

One wonders what level of retribution and response is being planned across the city, by the followers of the club we must now refer to as: “The King's XI.” Scottish football would be healthier if the followers of our top two sides spent more time asking: “Why are we shite in Europe?” and less time re-fighting 17^th century Irish battles and the lasting effects of the potato famine.

Mind you, while fitba plays its part, much of the blight of sectarianism in Scotland is caused in the home and in life in general – after all, at his Accession Council, our new King was required to reassert his support for the primacy of the Protestant religion. Tough luck if you are a loyal, Roman Catholic, Jew, Hindu, Mormon, Muslim, Buddhist, Humanist, Jedi Knight, follower of the Church of Elvis, or whatever other religion one professes in today's multi-cultural, multi-faith Scotland.

I'm with the new King, by the way, in his oft-professed desire to be: “Defender of Faiths” rather than one particular faith. And god luck to His Majesty in getting that wee change to the Coronation Oath past the vested interests of the various Protestant Churches, between now and the day the Archbishop of Caterbury slaps the bejewelled, velvet and ermine bunnet on his head, as he sits in yon big wooden chair, above the sink plug to Scone Abbey.

The Green Brigade's wee demonstration was a handy diversion for the mighty intellects of the SWFA (that's the Scottish Football Writers Association). They could have a go at the GB and thus have fewer words to expend on just how this expensively-acquired Celtic team couldn't beat a team, put together at much-less cost and supposedly lucky to be allowed on the same pitch as Celtic.

Some reasoned that Celtic had lost because they wore a change strip – an excuse first coined by Sir Alex Ferguson, back in season 1995-96, when he consigned Manchester United's grey change strip to the bin at half-time in an away defeat to Southampton. I'm still wondering why – other than taking the chance to show case a strip they want their fans to buy, Celtic chose to ditch the hoops for a visit to Paisley. I mean, green and white hoops v black and white vertical stripes – where's the colour clash? More-importantly: why?

I've long thought, a lot of our Scottish clubs are beaten before they start against the Old Firm. All week leading-up to the game, they get it into their heads: “Well, we're playing 14 men on Saturday – the officials will give them every break going, and they're better than us, any way.”

Pish, I firmly believe if their managers could convince their players to go out there and have a go at the Old Firm, particularly at home, the “diddy” teams would produce better results against the Bigot Brothers. The lessons are there to be seen when they are in Europe, facing teams – not always “European Giants” - who have a go at them.

But, maybe as, in politics, so-many of us Scots are programmed to believe we are inferior, in football the same lie has got to our other teams.

I CERTAINLY hope we see an old-fashioned Scotland performance when we take on Ukraine at Hampden tonight. Thanks to Mad Vlad and his daft invasion, the Ukrainians are suddenly everyone's second-favourite international team.

Of course we must have sympathy for that blighted nation, but, we must remember, while guys they went to school with and grew-up with are putting their lives on the line for their country, the Ukrainians we face are out of that front line and kicking a ball about for the greater glory of their nation.

They are just another team, wanting to beat us and there to, in turn be beaten by us. A fair few of them didn't look that special against what is, by Celtic standards a fairly-average Hoops team in Europe last week.

This Scotland team is better than Celtic, so, I suggest we roll up our sleeves and get stuck-in. We are, admittedly, minus one or two of our main men, but, I still feel, there is enough class in whichever XI Stevie Clarke sends out, to get the job done and post a victory – if our heads are right.

 

Since We Cannot Have A Football Version of Brexit, Maybe It's Time We Learned To Play There.

WHEN IT comes to re-writing history, nobody does it like Celtic and their fans. It was ever thus, and they have been at it again since the final whistle blew in Warsaw on Wednesday night, with the score line Shakhtar Donetsk 1 – Celtic 1.

Let's look at the facts – as much as we can measure them:

• Shakhtar are currently ranked 22 in Europe

• Celtic are currently ranked 51

• The Scottish League is currently ranked 9 in Europe

• The Ukrainian League is currently ranked 12 in Europe

• On the night, Celtic had the greater share of possession

• On the night, Celtic had more shots at goal

• Shakhtar had to give-up home advantage and play in a foreign country because of the continuing war in Ukraine

• Yet Celtic could not push home these advantages to win.

Shakhtar have seen most of their foreign players leave because of the war, which is being mainly fought around their home part of Ukraine. Their squad last night was mainly made-up of young Ukrainian players, while Celtic's squad contained just two Scots in the starting line-up, with a third coming off the bench and four others sitting, unused on that bench.

The travelling press corps from Scotland wrote of Celtic's “frustration” at not winning a match they dominated. But, this is nothing new – Celtic haven't won a Champions League game since 2017; they have posted just one clean sheet in 34 Champions League games and while their shots-to-goals conversion rate in the Scottish League is 20% (a goal from every five shots), in the Champions League it is 4% (a goal from every 25 shots).

Celtic have long been “a selling club.” Back in the day, under Sir Robert Kelly and the “Four Families” they utilised their volunteer army of Celtic-daft teachers and janitors, who effectively ran schools football in Scotland to ensure the very-best mainly Roman Catholic youngsters in West-Central Scotland arrived at Celtic Park. The best of these became 'The Kelly Kids' or 'The Quality Street Gang.'

But, a good number of these young players moved-on, sooner or later. For instance, here's a team of young Celts who won Scotland Under-23 or Under-21 caps, or even full caps, who were moved-on to English clubs: Dick Beattie; David Hay, Derek Whyte; Paddy Crerand, John Colrain, Tommy Docherty; Bobby Collins, Kenny Dalglish, Charlie Nicholas, Lou Macari, Bertie Auld. That's just 11 names off the top of my head, of whom, only Docherty didn't win a Scotland age group cap, because they didn't have such honours when he was with Celtic.

I would venture, of those 11 players, only Crerand, Collins, Dalglish, Nicholas and Macari joined a team of equal standing to Celtic. The Chelsea Hay joined was a long way from today's Chelsea.

So, a player leaving Celtic (or for that matter Rangers) years ago, was taking a step down. In recent years, Celtic has still been selling-on players to clubs with nothing like their history or prestige – they just happen to play in the mega-rich English Premier League. Where once the sold-on player was replaced by a young Scot, today, any player who leaves Celtic is usually replaced by a bought-in non-Scot.

For as long as Celtic are winning domestic honours, today's members of the Celtic Family will be happy, but, I question the long-term effects of importing badge-kissing mercenaries on the wider Celtic brand.

Call me an old romantic, if you like, but, I feel a Stein-managed Celtic side, full of fans who got to live the dream and wear the Hoops, would have emerged with a win in Warsaw on Wednesday night.

I COULD NOT, however, with any confidence, suggest any Rangers team, of whatever vintage I have seen in the past 60 years, could have beaten that Napoli team at Ibrox, later on Wednesday night.

For as long as Rangers had 11 men on the park, they had a chance of salvaging a draw. Once James Sands got his marching orders, it was a case of when, not if, Napoli scored.

I had to laugh at the Rangers fans raging at the Spanish referee, for some of his decisions. I thought he got all the big ones correct, but, like all referees, he's human. He probably went onto the park with the preconception: “Top of the Italian League versus a Scottish team – Napoli will be the better team,” and officiated accordingly.

The Rangers fans don't complain when domestic Scottish referees take the field with the view: “Rangers versus a diddy team – Rangers win today.” In Europe, Rangers (and Celtic) are all too often 'the diddy team.' Learn to live with it, the rest of us in Scotland have.

For much of the game, it was men against boys – and Rangers were the boys. They will make it hard for The Reds in the upcoming double header against Liverpool, but, on evidence this far, Rangers will do well to avoid finishing bottom of their Champions League group, and I cannot see them avoiding that fate.

There are too many players in the present team who are NRC – Not Rangers Class, and while they will still be in the top two in Scotland, these players are simply not good enough for Europe.

My Rangers-supporting friends keep raving about this Ryan Kent. I measure Rangers' left-wingers against Davie Wilson, Bud Johnston, Davie Cooper, my father measured them against Alan Morton.

I cannot bring myself to mention Master Kent in the same sentence as these prior greats. And don't get me started on Alfredo Morelos. There was a Scottish football joke of the 1980s: “What's the difference between Paul McStay and a second-hand Lada? Somebody will make an offer for a second-hand Lada.” These days, you can substitute Morelos for McStay – with his attitude, nobody will make a serious offer for him, any club doing so would simply be buying trouble. And, in case anybody doubts me – Paul McStay was a player.

Any way, on Saturday, Rangers are at home to Dundee United, while Celtic visit St Mirren on Sunday. Three points each and a few goals scored – all will be well with the world, until the reality of Europe intervenes again.

MEANWHILE, I was delighted that Hearts won 2-0 in Riga, to get their Europa Conference League campaign up and running.

They lived dangerously for a spell, when Craig Gordon, for me, Scotland's best-ever goalkeeper, kept them in the game. However, Robbie Neilson really has to do something with his defence, it was panic stations at times.

Let's hope, having posted a win, the Jambos can kick-on and contribute to keeping Scotland's UEFA Co-efficient meaningful.

 

The Model Isn't Working - But The Madness Persists

IF THE Daily Ranger and The Scottish Hun haven't use their cracked Rangers graphic yet this week, (I didn't read either rag), it will certainly be deployed, should The King's XI fail to beat Aberdeen in Saturday's high noon Pittodrie shoot-out.

Back-to-back 0-4 thrashings, with Rangers, in Tommy Docherty's immortal phrase: “Lucky to get nothing” in both games, these are not the results which the Bears will accept.

But, that's the reality of where the club and Scottish football stand at the moment. Sure, the Celtic apologists, as ever, found something to cling onto from their 0-3 hammering at the hands of Real Madrid on Tuesday night. However, reality and the Celtic Family are seldom bedfellows after they get a gubbing.

So, one-sixth of the way through the Champions League group games and, already, it looks as if scraping into the Europa League in third place might be the best our big two can aspire to. And there is definitely, already, a scent of wishful thinking about that goal.

Here we are, in early September of a season which will run through to a final, in Istanbul, on 10 June, 2023 and already the best our best can realistically? hope for is to reach the Europa League final, which is contested by the 17^th and 18^th best teams in Europe.

The Old Firm used to be European giants, today, they are, at best feeder teams for English clubs they used to look down on.

Of course, the pair of them should have decamped to the Premier League in England at the earliest opportunity. I fear that door is now closed to them and like minor aristocrats, forced by death duties and financial reality, their lot is to lord it over their wee local area, while reminiscing about how much better things used to be.

I probably saw Wednesday night's Amsterdam Awakening coming – I've been saying for ages, there are a lot of players in this current Rangers first team squad who are simply NRC – Not Rangers Class.

It used to be that Ibrox was the destination of choice for most ambitious (Protestant) Scottish players. They either went there as stand-out schoolboys: [Willie Henderson, Jim Forrest and Alex Willoughby, John Greig, Derek Johnstone, Sandy Jardine], were plucked from good junior teams: [George Young, George Niven, Eric Caldow, Davie Wilson, Ron McKinnon, Bobby Russell] or, having won Scottish age group honours, or even full caps, from other Scottish clubs: [Bob McPhail, Sammy Cox, Willie Woodburn, Jim Baxter, Ian McMillan, Peter McCloy. Tam Forsyth].

Then, along came Graeme Souness and David Murray and the management model changed – Rangers became a buying club. But, this is a costly exercise and when they ran out of OPM – Other People's Money to spend, it all went tits-up.

I wrote at the time, when the club was relegated to League Two for season 2012-13, the way forward for the club would have been to have kept a handful of experienced players, the likes of Lee Wallace, Lee McCulloch, Neil Alexander and the young Barry McKay, then promote the best of their young guns. If these kids were “Rangers Class” then they ought to have had little difficulty in getting the club back to the Premiership, by which time, they would have 100 matches of experience and be ready for the top league.

But, in a textbook demonstration of how stupidity is the process of repeating past mistakes in the hope of a different outcome, the Rangers' management went down the road of importing third and fourth-rate non-Scots. This saw the return hit a bump in the road in the Championship, but, they did eventually get back, while going through several managers who were never Rangers' class.

As I said above, in the 36 years since Souness was appointed, the Rangers' youth development programme has been largely ignored by the first team coaching staff.

As an example of this, in the last decade, Rangers have had the following young players capped by Scotland at Under-21 level: L Burt (2017), R Hardie (2017), S Kelly (2020), Leon King (2022), B Kinnear (2021), Robbie McCrorie (2018), Ross McCrorie (2017), J McPake (2021), L Mayo (2021), Glenn Middleton (2018), Nathan Patterson (2021), B Williamson (2021), K Wright (2018).

Of these 13 players, only King featured on Wednesday night – off the bench, while Robbie McCrorie was an unused sub. Ross McCrorie, Middleton and Patterson have all left the club, and while Robbie McCrorie has been called-up to the full Scotland squad, but remains uncapped, only Patterson has gone on to win a full Scotland cap.

I logged onto the official UEFA Champions League website when writing this piece. The Ajax squad is 47 players long; of these, 31 are Dutch and 16 are other nationalities. They used 15 players against Rangers; these split 10 Dutchmen, 5 non-Dutchmen. Of the 10 Dutch players 7 were products of the Ajax Academy.

Rangers' squad, according to the Champions League website is 48 players strong; these split: 28 Scots, 20 non-Scots. Rangers, like Ajax, used 15 players. Jon McLaughlin and Scott Wright were the only Scotsmen to start, while Ryan Jack and Leon King were the only Scots to come off the bench. Of this quartet, the only four Scots to get on the park in European games this season, King is the only one to have come through the club's development system.

Ajax have a superior European record to Rangers. But, like Rangers they now operate as a mid-level European club, playing in one of the lesser leagues. They also know, bigger, richer clubs, who do not have their pedigree in Europe, are now able to cherry-pick their best players. Ajax have cut their cloth to their new reality – Rangers have not.

When Souness began his revolution, he was able to recruit top English players such as Terry Butcher and Chris Woods, since Rangers could offer the European football from which the English clubs were then banned.

David Murray, using Other People's Money, could recruit better-quality players: Paul Gascoigne, the de Boer Twins, Brian Laudrup, today, given the lowly status of the Scottish League and the lack of a mega-rich sugar daddy, absolute top-drawer talent can no longer be enticed to Rangers.

Given these drawbacks, I feel Rangers, by not going down the Ajax route, have missed a trick.

There have been, in 66 seasons of European football, involving 21 different clubs, over 1400 games. All these campaigns have yielded just four trophies: 1 European Cup, 2 European Cup-Winners Cups and 1 Super Cup. That is not a great record.

Let's just have a look at those winning squads, and yes, I know the European football landscape was completely different when these trophies were being won.

Celtic's Lisbon Lions: Ronnie Simpson (bought-in); Jim Craig, Tommy Gemmell, Bobby Murdoch, Billy McNeill, John Clark, Jimmy Johnstone (all home-grown), Willie Wallace (bought-in), Stevie Chalmers, Bertie Auld, Bobby Lennox (all home grown) (although Auld was allowed to leave then brought back.)

Rangers' Barcelona Bears: Peter McCloy (bought-in), Sandy Jardine, Willie Mathieson, John Greig, Derek Johnstone (all home-grown), Dave Smith, Tommy McLean (both bought-in), Alfie Conn (home-grown), Colin Stein, Alex Macdonald (both bought-in), Willie Johnston (home-grown).

Aberdeen's Gothenburg Greats: Jim Leighton, Doug Rougvie, John McMaster, Neale Cooper, Alex McLeish, Willie Miller, (all home-grown) Gordon Strachan (bought-in), Neil Simpson (home-grown), Mark McGhee (bought-in), Eric Black (home-grown), Peter Weir (bought-in).

Thirty-three SCOTTISH footballers. Nine of the Celtic XI came through the ranks at Celtic Park. Six of the Rangers XI were also home-grown and Eight of the Aberdeen XI were similarly home-grown. This means, 23 of the 33 players – more than two-thirds of the combined squads, were home-grown by the clubs.

I appreciate it would be difficult, in today's different football landscape, to replicate this level of home-grown success. However, we should never say it could not happen again. Buying inferior non-Scottish talent isn't working – a point further emphasised by Hearts' humbling at the hands of their Turkish visitors on Thursday night, so it's maybe time to go back to a model which did work, and actively recruit, coach and promote young Scottish talent.