Nurse - The Screens

IT might not be pretty, and the screens may well be needed, to shield events from the more-sensitive members of the public - but I fancy tomorrow's Celtic v Motherwell Scottish Cup Final will be nothing less than riveting.

On current form - many would question why the Lanarkshire side should even bother turning up; better perhaps to send an e-mail to Hampden: "Off on sunshine holiday, we got a great leaving gift from John Boyle; please send runners-up medals to Fir Park - Stuart and the Squad".

That, at least would get the Celtic squad off the hook, guaranteeing them silverware. For believe me, there are doubts about one aspect of Neil Lennon's team - can they cut it in a game which actually matters? These doubts have been growing since Celtic's weak capitulation to Ross County in the semi-final 13 months ago. They surfaced again when Rangers won the League Cup final: the clamour intensified after that season-defining defeat at Inverness and if Motherwell should triumph tomorrow - cue torn Celtic crests in the red-top tabloids.

Celtic, at least, have been "in the zone" since Inverness. Nobody could criticise the manner in which they responded to that set-back. They battled Rangers every inch of the way to the finish line, but in the end lost the title by a nose. The question now is, have they anything left for one last hurrah.

We recall how Hearts were undone in, if anything, even crueller circumstances in 1986, falling just short in the league race, then, a week later, losing to Aberdeen in the cup final. Such carelessness doesn't normally afflict either half of the Old Firm - but there is no law to say it cannot happen.

Stuart McCall has rotated his squad, resting his key men and Motherwell paid the price in a spell of poor results post-split. But, just maybe, McCall has played a canny game and can send out a team determined to take this single shot at glory.

Prior to his great side's European Cup Final defeat to Feyenoord, 40-years ago now, Jock Stein confessed he wasn't too-bothered about the Dutch side his men was facing - his big concern was, were his Celtic players in the right frame of mind. Hindsight tells us they weren't - good side though Feyenoord were, they weren't a patch on that Celtic one, or the Leeds United one they had swept aside in the semi-final. But, apparently, some wearers of the hoops that night assumed they only had to turn up to win - if any of their less-illustrious successors of the class of 2011 take the field with that attitude tomorrow, the cup will be heading for Lanarkshire.

Neil Lennon has had to endure an awful lot of shit this season. He has borne his travails, the threats, the physical violence against him, the skirmishes with authority with genuine stoicism, if not always good grace - he deserves to end this season as a winner, can his men give him that reward?

WHAT a lot of hot air that midweek BBC documentary Bigotry, Bombs and Football turned out to be. We learned nothing we didn't already know. The Loyal Sons (and cousins) of William sing sectarian songs - the green-clad Bhoys worship the Boys of the Old Brigade. Jings, crivvens, help ma Boab, ah didnae ken that like.

But what was interesting was the input from the two clubs mainly concerned. Celtic didn't put up a spokesperson, they didn't apparently want to know, while Rangers allowed their Head of Security to appear and explain his club's efforts to tackle the rogue element in their support. You might feel, as I do, that Rangers could and should do more to rid themselves of what David Murray dubbed "the FTP faction" - but they appear to be doing something.

I feel Celtic and the wider "Celtic Family" are still in denial that they have a problem. The BBC may be a flawed organisation, but, it still carries weight around the world and to ignore the opportunity to put their side of the issue was I feel an own goal by Celtic.

You can argue all you like about which club has the bigger problem, I think most right-minded people would point at Rangers, but by appearing on-screen Rangers I feel showed they are more-willing than Celtic to confront "Scotland's Shame". Also, 548 red cards to supporters from Rangers against a mere 6 from Celtic I feel shows a less-tolerant attitude to anti-social behaviour from the blue side of Glasgow than from the green.

SPEAKING of the Rangers' support - fair play to them in their efforts to get into Rugby Park in numbers last Sunday. A lot of my Killie-supporting friends are still up in arms at the way a large section of the "home" support rose as one to acclaim those early Rangers goals. Indeed, several Killie fans were out of the ground before half-time, to escape the gloating and intimidation of the Rangers fans amongst them in the stands which were supposed to be for "home" fans alone.

The Kilmarnock club has been blasted from all points in Ayrshire for what was clearly a total "Horlicks", to use Princess Anne's wonderful word for what we lower orders would simply call "a fuck-up". There was a lack of thought, a headlong rush to embrace the quick buck and the upshot is - a fan base who have for years had a jaundiced view of the men at the top have yet more reasons not to bother backing a board who seem to shaft them at every opportunity.

SO the (English) Football Association is to abstain from voting in the upcoming FIFA presidential election, in protest at the stitch-up that was the voting on the 2018 and 2022 World Cup Finals venues.

In so doing they managed to hand Sepp Blatter the moral high ground - regretting the fact that England is doing this, pointing-out the FA's great role in football history, etc etc.

We all know football governance is in a mess - from FIFA down to the SFA. We all know we're paying too-much for too-little; we all know apart from Messi, Ronaldo, Kaka, Xavi and Iniesta today's footballers aren't a patch on my Di Stefano, Finney, Bobby Charlton, Best, Cruyff, Law, Baxter, Maradona and Zidane long ago. We are aware that Brazil 1970, Scotland 1977, England 1966, Holland 1974 and most-certainly Hungary 1953 could give their present-day successors three goals of a start and a beating.

We pay our Sky subscritions, we buy our over-priced replica strips, we read guff in our papers, post pish on the web and why - because this game is infectious and, for all its imperfections - 90 minutes of good football, a screamer fired-in from 30 yards, a penalty controversy, a breath-taking save - lifts you out of that Monday to Friday wage slave rut.

It's such a pity we've got to put up with the likes of Blatter, Jack Warner and George Peat to hve these wee uplifting moments.

The best game I ever played in. Our village team won the Junior Cup, we partied all night, then met in the pub across from the ground to relive the day - this was on the Monday. At around 2pm, somebody suggested we get a ball out, go across to the park and have a kick-about.

Forty guys, average age 42 or thereabouts, all pissed, playing a 20-a-side game on the park; the Scottish Cup, into which we had poured a mixtutre of gin and tonics, whisky and lemonades, bacardi and cokes, vodka and whatever, sitting on the home dug-out roof. Your side had a drink out of it after every goal.

God, we had fun, and aching heads and limbs for days afterwards - that's what fitba does to you.

You abstain if you like England, where we are in the game, that means FA.