WE should all know where this post's headline comes from; and if the newly-published PriceWaterhouseCooper report on the finances of the SPL clubs is any guide, prayer may well be a major strategy in the management of our top football clubs.
An overall profit of £1 million by the 12 clubs isn't all-that-impressive; things get worse when you consider that only Rangers - on the back of a good European run - and Dundee United actually turned a profit by their own endeavours, while the figures were somewhat massaged by the largesse of "Mad Vlad" at Hearts and Jamie Moffat at Kilmarnock in writing-off £8 million and £1 million in debt to them as individuals. Remove Rangers' European run from the picture, which the abject, indisciplined performance against Malmo has already done and things are looking so bleak that Private Fraser and Victor Meldrew look like optimists.
And it isn't going to get any better - soon.
Let's look at how things have gone since the end of last season. Rangers changed hands just before the title was secured, a brave new dawn was breaking - or so we were told. A "tired, threadbare, average" squad had just completed a hat-trick of SPL wins and added the League Cup for good measure. Celtic, under Neil Lennon, had re-grouped, battled Rangers every inch of the way in the league race, but still managed - by imploding at Inverness and by Giorgio Samaras's penalty miss at Ibrox - to lose a title which seemed theirs for the taking, albeit they had the consolation of a Scottish Cup win. Hearts, having at one time looking like the potential meat in an Old Firm sandwich at the top of the table, fell away to be the best-best-of-the-rest, but in horse racing terms "a distance" adrift of the two in the photo-finish up front.
Hearts have (again) changed managers, with Mr Romanov's insistence in actually implementing some of the tried and tested business management techn iques I've been discussing these past two days concluding that Jim Jefferies maybe wasn't doing that great a job. The great and good in Scottish football's chattering classes were initially aghast at this suggestion, before realising, maybe the so-called mad one had a point.
Rangers' new management has shown remarkable naivety in their transfer dealings to the extent: "Let's all laugh at Rangers" has become the most-popular game on the Scottish football websites; and when they have managed to recruit, "I'm not impressed" has been the general reaction of fans and others at their efforts. They have also lost the near-mythical "Walter" as manager and it is fair to say successor Alistair McCoist's early efforts have to some extent mirrored his early days as a Rangers player some 30-years ago. That said, if he goes on to have the success as a manager he enjoyed as a player, his statute will eventually go up alongside that of John Greig outside Ibrox Stadium.
Across the city Neil Lennon, emerged stronger and wiser from an at times horrible and amazingly stressful and trying season, with his first trophy landed and high hopes for this season. He has continued his policy of building slowly and steadily - recruiting mainly young players who should improve. But, as ever with the Old Firm, questions remain. These mainly concern the mental fortitude of his squad, the lack of a top-class goalkeeper and the belief that, for all he has a bigger squad than Rangers at his disposal - the quality isn't there. The fear among some Celtic fans is that, when the going gets tough, he doesn't have the same number of hard yards grinders-out that McCoist has. But, time will tell.
Hearts should again lead the resistance from outwith Glasgow. Like Celtic, they have a big squad, which lacks depth. The absence of the talismanic Kevin Kyle was keenly felt at the end of last season; he has yet to kick a ball this. Also, they are having to try to give new manager Sergio a crash course in Scottish football's ways. Things will be tough down Gorgie way until Christmas I expect.
Dundee United - minus David Goodwillie and last season's midfield, will struggle; likewise Kilmarnock - because they will toil for goals, so don't be surprised if Stuart McColl's Motherwell emerge as the provincial standard-bearers. The rest, who knows what will happen?
One thing we do know is - the fans will increasingly ration their attendances. Going to football today is an expensive business, and the punters have long ago decided they will not pay out good and harder-to-earn money to watch rubbish.
Gates were down last season, they will likely drop again - unless the clubs can come up with a better product, at a better price - and there is little chance of that.
In times of acute financial peril, as now, you cut your costs, pull-in your horns and live frugally. Slashing squad sizes, giving youth its chance, coming up with new marketing and pricing strategies, offering greater value for money and added-value: these are the things successful businesses such as Tesco are doing to ride-out these hard times. I do not see Scottish football following this successful business model, so maybe, indeed - prayer is the only answer.
TONIGHT, Scotland take on Denmark at Hampden in a friendly international, aimed at helping Craig Levein prepare his squad for next month's crucial European Championship qualifiers. The build-up has been good; few call-offs, good harmony within the squad, players keen to don navy blue.
But, this is a friendly. Scotland doesn't DO friendlies that well, so it could and probably will all go pear-shaped early doors tonight. Not that I am all that worried by this. Come next month and the Czech Republic - when it matters, the bagpipes will strike up and we will get tore right intae them - with much more ardour and belief than we showed in the first match, last season.
It is good to see so-many English Premiership players in our team, although we still lack genuine quality in key areas, but, this is Scotland - come oan lads: Gerrintaerum.
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