Just what does IFAB stand for?

UP here, in the rarified atmosphere of the Philosophy department of Scottish Football, myself and the very few other philosophers are often accused of being out of touch with reality. I argue, it's not us who are out of touch, but Scottish, indeed, British football.

In support of this theory, I submit as evidence the agenda for next month's meeting of IFAB - the International Football Associations Board. IFAB is the supreme law-making body in world football and its membership is drawn from a wide field. Each of the four Home Nations is a member, the fifth member is FIFA. So, because of a historic anomaly, in the sport's most-important body, the one which makes the actual rules of the game - Stewart Regan, Alex Horne of the FA and their counterparts in Wales and Northern Ireland have each got the same clout as between 40 and 50 general secretaries or CEOs of every other football association on the planet.

Given that Regan can barely run a bath and the mess the FA has got itself into over John Terry and Fabio Capello - that don't say much for the other 190-something FA leaders across the globe.

[To digress slightly - it's not their international independence per se which is the big problem with the IFA's, SFA's and FAW's opposition to the Olympic football teams and the threat of forced amalgamation into a UKFA - to be known, in all probability if it happens, as The FA - it's their possible loss of their places on IFAB and access to junkets such as next month's, to be held at the swish Pennypit Park Hotel, in Surrey.]

Mind you, the four Home Nations don't actually do much with these places, the agenda - currently available for all to see on the FIFA and UEFA websites makes interesting reading. Yes, goal line technology is up for discussion, but don't hold your breath for implementation. But the stuff which will actually be acted upon is mundane.

They plan to drop the word "blatant" from the deliberate hand ball ruling for instance; they are tidying up some other wordings and the SFA has had some input into a suggestion that, if a match goes to extra time, a fourth substitution can be allowed during the additional half hour. Actually, this is quite sensible - are they sure its an SFA idea?

But, the item which caught my eye is one, from the (English) FA, which calls for tape round stockings, often used to hold shin guards in place, to be the same colour as the stockings. That should do wonders for the sale of those multi-coloured insulating packs you can buy in garages and hardware stores. Not sure about any positive effect on the game however.

You might think, between deciding what to do with John Terry - stocks and the ducking stool or castration, hanging, drawing and quartering, beheading - or all the above and sitting down with Daniel Levy and our 'Arry to sort out the Capello succession, the FA had more-serious matters than coloured tape to worry about.

By the way, it appears that the worse than useless experiment of the additional assistant referees behind the goals is to be extended into this summer's European Championship finals.

This is a great move, in theory, but, you still see the same amount of wrestling at corners, and referees and assistants still miss instances of the ball being over the line for goals not given. A potentially good change, if we can get the right men in situ, with the readiness to use their powers.