I CANNOT remember who came up with the quote in relation to government announcements; or the details of how it came out, and, to tell the truth: I am not too-bothered; but, cynic that I am - this weekend, Bank Holiday, FA Cup Final being played - I thought it might be a good one on which HMRC might sneak-out the result of what is known as "The Big Tax Case" - the result of the First Tier Tribunal into Rangers FC's use (misuse) of EBTs (Employee Benefit Trusts).
I went onto the HMRC website, I used the site search engine, typing in everything I could think of - nothing, zilch, zero, nul point. Of course, the weekend aint over, there is still time - but, I fear we must wait a wee while yet. Also, given the hectares of Scandinavian forest to have been felled to produce the newsprint, the electricity generated to feed the computer frenzy, the micro-chips which have been filled-up by the massive interest in this case, I'd have thought, somewhere on the site, I would have got a positive hit. But, no, maybe Rangers, Scotland and the alleged £75 million owed isn't that big a deal in the world of HMRC. Maybe that 10,000 lb gorilla is actually a somewhat smaller member of the ape family.
I STILL cannot see what attraction there is for Bill Miller in buying Rangers. It's not as if he has proven Scottish antecedants, perhaps a grand-father who used to tellhim stories of Davie Meiklejohn, Alan Morton, Bob McPhail and the like, and how, back home in Glasgow in the old days, he worshipped weekly at Ibrox.
Sure, there is his former involvement in abortive deals to buy into Tranmere Rovers and Sheffield Wednesday. I can only speculate that some American accountant has, at some point in time, suggested that a fast buck can be made in English/British soccer and Miller has thought this a jolly jape.
If this is the case, once he starts due diligance, I can see his enthusiasm waning. Rangers FC is currently, a fairly toxic brand. I remain to be convinced.
Duff & Phelps is a major player in American corporate finance, I dare say the acres of bad publicity which their administration of Rangers has produced for the firm, the bad-mouthing their hapless employees inside Ibrox have been subjected too, would have been commented upon in US financial circles. The Yanks love to be loved and not much love has gone their way from Ra Peepul. I feel Rangers is seen as a poisoned chalice Stateside, which again makes Miller's enthusiasm seem strange.
Of course, nothing about this whole Rangers thing has added up, since David Murray sold the club for £1.
I can still see it all ending in tears.
AS I remarked above, today is FA Cup Final day; a full-house Wembley, Chelsea v Liverpool, but, a tea time kick off - thereby proving beyond all doubt, that the FA has finally lost its marbles.
Up here in Jockland, the main interest in the Scottish Cup is in if the Bigot Brothers can manage to fail to get to the final. More often than not, one of them manages to lose out, but, in recent years, they don't too often both fail to make it to Hampden for the big day.
There isn't the uncertainty up here that you get in England, mainly because, a greater percentage of English clubs have a genuine chance of making it to Wembley - the FA Cup has always been the better competition.
The first FA Cup Final I can remember was the 1953 one, "The Matthews Match", when, aged 38 the future Sir Stanley Matthews made it third time lucky, inspiring Blackpool to a 4-3 win over Bolton. This match was shown live across Great Britain. I watched a wee bit of the early action with the adults on next door's TV - my father had still to be convinced of TV's merits and it would be another year before we got our own set.
I went out to play for a wee while, but was back to see that wonderful last-minute winner, when Matthews' low cross was turned in by South African Bill Perry. Instantly, I was a Blackpool fan.
The following year, Tom Finney had a rare off-day and couldn't match Matthews as a cup-winner, then, in 1955, we had the first live screening of the Scottish Cup Final and another great last-minute goal: Archie Robertson's equaliser, direct from a corner, which forced Celtic to a midweek replay, which they lost.
Of course, it took some years before the football authorities in Scotland caved-in to live screenings and I can remember my Dad and I used to make an annual trek up to our home village of Muirkirk, where, because of some fluke of elevation and the way the hills divided, it was possible to watch the FA Cup Final live, on BBC Ulster.
With oor ain Bill Shankly in-charge at Liverpool, Muirkirk was a Liverpool-supporting enclave, so these Saturday afternoon, watching the game at my Auntie Nessie's or my Auntie Mary's - her husband, Uncle Hugh, had played alongside Shanks for Glenbuck Cherrypickers, were a memorable part of growing-up.
Today, I suppose the English nation will still watch the game in numbers, but these will be down from the glory days and this will prove, football and TV has never been a match made in heaven. I'm not-too-bothered about the outcome in all honesty - I cannot decide whom I dislike more, John Terry or the greetin-faced wee ynaff who used to be, in another life, King Kenny.
I AM starting to get a wee bit worried for Auchinleck Talbot; but, long-term acquaintances need not worry, I am seeking help for this unusual ailment.
The 'Bot are again in the Junior Cup Final, seeking to stretch their record number of wins in the competition to ten. They will meet Shotts Bon Accord, at Livingston, on 27 May.
Now Almondvale has never been my favourite ground. It's one of these new-fangled Lego stadia; the press seats are horrible, tight, tinny and nasty; the sight-lines are poor, but, not being totally-negative, there will be a near full-house, so the atmosphere ought to be brilliant.
Shotts are in the First Division of the West Superleague and so far behind in their league campaign, with only half their fixtures played, they are in the relegation zone. So, on-paper, Talbot only have to turn up to win and that worries me.
Talbot are, as usual, facing an end of season fixture backlog, two or three games per week from now until early June. They know how to deal with this, however. But, Shotts are in the same boat, having to play catch-up - I don't think they are as equipped to do this as the 'Bot, however, it's over-confidence in his own squad rather than Bon Accord brilliance which is Talbot boss Tommy Sloan's biggest obstacle.
Also, having covered all but the first of Talbot's so-far nine Junior Cup wins, I can recall, the biggest fright Willie Knox's wonderful squad ever had was in a West of Scotland Cup semi-final at Rugby Park, when Tam MacDonald scored the winner so late in extra time, there was no time left for their opponents to re-centre the ball.
Those opponents were Shotts Bon Accord - a Talbot win on 27 May is far from a given.
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