Midwinter Malaise is Striking

I MUST admit to finding it difficult to post o this blog at the moment, for various reasons. Next week "Management" and I depart on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday: a 28-day South Pacific Cruise, taking-in such football hot beds as French Polynesia, the Bay of Islands in New Zealand and Hobart, Tasmania - where "football" is of the Australian variety, or "ballet with blood" as it is sometimes known.

So, between rifling through the sales rails, not to mention the charity shops - where I got an absolutely perfect-fit, barely-worn tuxedo for £10, a magnificent tribute to Madam's eye for a bargain, the last thing I've been thinking about on Saturday afternoons has been the cauld kale on offer in the SPL.

This morning, as I with trepidation, drew back the curtains to look out on a snow-shrouded panorama, up here in the wilds of Orange County, even the roads remain white when the snow comes, but, we manage, I once again ruminated on why we insist on playing football in the winter in Scotland.

Of course, it's "aye been" played during the winter in auld Scotia. Dear old "aye beenism" the curse of so much that is wrong with "the Greatest Wee Country in the World". Am I alone in seeing the irony of how Scotland, just about the most conservatice country in earth, where each change in life has to be dragged through a screaming and kicking population which doesn't seem to want it, will have nothing to do with Middle England's favourite Conservative Party?

I accept that, whilst we know we will be heavily rained on and snowed upon at some point in any calendar year, we never know exactly when this annual bout of seriously-inclement weather will strike - which makes planning for it very much a seat of the pants job. At least, when it does happen, we appear to react faster and better than they do in the aforementioned Middle England, where a dusting of the white stuff can cause panic and the breakdown of law and order, particularly at Heathrow Airport.

But, I digress. Why do we still play football in the winter, whilst doing less than the minimum necessary to make watching winter football a pleasure for the most-important people - the fans?

Why don't we make football more of a summer sport? At least, with better pitches and playing in better weather, we might, in time, end up with a generation of Scottish footballers who could trap a bag of cement, pass to a team-mate more than five yards away and who looked as if they were enjoying the game.

We wouldn't be competing directly with the Sky-supported English game, indeed, even the muppets currently running our game just might be able to get a half-decent TV contract organised, given we'd be playing at a time when the English weren't?

As I have said before, and will go on saying, probably, doing nothing isn't an option, let's see some radical thought and action brought into Scottish football, while it is still with us.

ON Monday, Management had me run her out to an animal feedstuffs place in the Ayrshire countryside, to get her some feed for her hens. On arrival we were laughing at the business owner's Hungarian Vizla, playing with a large plastic ball in the warehouse.

I kicked the ball down the warehouse, the dog went after it and was having great fun dribbling it back to me. I remarked to the owner that the dog had better ball control than most of the Kilmarnock first team.

He replied: "Aye, he's certainly more-comfortable on the ball then big Boydie" - Kris of that ilk, who lives quite close to the feedstuffs place, when, as now, he is in Scotland. Sometimes, we are cruel to our sporting "superstars", but, there again - "Him, ah kent his faither" is one bit of aye beenism which helps keep our feet on the ground.

and finally:

Am I becoming even more cynical in my old age, for I cannot decide if the current mainstream media obsession with Mark McGhee is down to the inherent laziness of the members of the Scottish Football Writers Association - "Ay ok, McGhee's been pit up in front o' us fur interview, so, we micht as weel write about him" - or, are we being softened-up ready for an early Strachan departure back to England, with McGhee seamlessly taking over? Just asking like.