A Guid New Year Tae Ane An Awe

HERE we are again, standing, uncertainly, on the cusp of another new year, as ever wondering, will 2014 be all we want it to be, or, will it be yet another figurative kick in the goolies?

Of course, for greater Scotland, this may be a monumental year. In this, the 700th anniversary year of Bannockburn, might we finally stop looking over our shoulders and gaze positively forward towards a new, better, freer Scotland? Or will we adopt the classic Scottish stance - Naw son, this freedom's no fur us?

I can only hope Scottish football in 2014 has a better time than it had in 2013. For sure, Gordon Strachan's arrival in the national team manager's job offered some slight hope, but, that said, we've won nothing yet. Much will depend on what sort of draw we get in the European Championship qualifiers, when the draw is made in February. But, between then and the actual commencement of hostilities in the autumn, we still have to endure a World Cup, at which we are in our now familiar place - outside looking in.

We can only hope England over-achieve and reach the quarter-finals, thereby allowing us to play our favourite game of 'Let's All Laugh At England' as their players fail to match the vaunting over-ambition of their press pack.

At the moment, the English media appears to be buying into Roy Hodgson's caution, but, give them a couple of wins and they will again become unbearable, which is when we love them.

THE domestic story of 2013 was, again, the on-going soap opera down Edmiston Drive. II think this one is set to run throughout 2014. The bears in the woods are still restless; the board may have won time, but, the snipers are still out there and, should CEO Wallace win his battle to impose realistic financial management on a club which hasn't known this for nigh on 30-years, well, just you listen to the howls of anguish.

Rangers MUST change their culture, but, by so-doing, it will mean we are in for a longer spell of Celtic dominance. And, IF a new, more prudent Rangers is to emerge, will Super Ally hang around?

I don't see McCoist being able to operate in strained financial circumstances. I cannot believe he will be able to impose the harsh work ethic which, just might, allow Rangers to compete with the better-funded club across the city.

As for Celtic, the pressure is rising for them to go through the Premiership unbeaten and to add the Scottish Cup to this. They appear to be so-far ahead of the competition, nothing else will be acceptable.

They should do this, but, I just wish Neil Lennon would show more faith in his home-grown youngsters, if only to remind his big-name stars, they are not indispensible and maybe add some interest to a boring procession.

Looking ahead to later in 2014. Assuming Hearts are relegated, and I honestly cannot see them making-up their current huge points deficit in the second half of the season; assuming also that Rangers and Dunfermline are the teams to come up from League One to the Championship, then the Championship might well be THE division to watch in 2014-2015.

Whatever happens, 2014 promises to be a better year than 2013 - let's hope so.



MY mate Bill Billy had an interesting take on Neil Lennon's call for his Celtic side to be given more credit. According to the big man: "See, that just shows how jealous of us they are - we canny get credit, so the wee nyaff wants the same for his mob".

I couldn't be bothered pointing-out the difference between credit and a line of credit, as he ranted on about obsessives!!!



FINALLY, a Guid New Year to all my readers - see you in 2014, I hope. 

Spray It Again Sam

I SEE referees at next year's World Cup Finals could well be taking onto the park with them a spray, with which they would mark the place where the defensive walls should line-up for free kicks.

 

Apparently these sprays vanish after a minute or so, that's all right then, any Italian or Argentinian defender worth his salt can always delay a free kick for at least 90 seconds, so, the spray cans may well run-out by half-time.

 

If it helps, I am all for it; but, I was all for the additional "linesmen" behind the goals, and they've been as much use as a chocolate fire guard. I reserve judgement on this latest Blatter brainchild.

 

I still maintain, if football bit the bullet and brought in a couple of ideas from rugby - the ten metre sanction for delaying a free-kick, or arguing about the award of a set piece (provided the ten metre penalty was extended to the point where a free-kick could become a penalty), it would cut down the arguing in jig time.

 

Similarly, if a yellow card meant ten minutes in the sin bin, it would further eliminate offences, albeit initially at perhaps the cost of some games being 45 minutes ov 11 v 11 and 45 of five-a-side, for the good of the game.

 

 

 

COME BACK Craig Whyte. Come on, admit it, for all his crimes, surely in any one-on-one match-up, Craigie Boy comes out as a better club owner than that guy Tan, at Cardiff City.

 

Not content with turning the Bluebirds into another team in red, he is now hell-bent on sacking big Malky Mackay, the man who got Cardiff  into the Premiership for the first time - mair money than sense right enough.

 

But, well played Malky, who has emerged fromt he entire characde with his considerable dignity intact - just as you would imagine someone whose football education was provided at Hampden and Celtic Park.

 

 

 

WEE Jose Quitongo is back in football, at the very bottom - as manager of Muirkirk Juniors. Speaking as someone was born a long free-kick from Muirkirk's ground and 

 

whose maternal grand-father was player, trainer, committee-man then president of Muirkirk Athletic, the forerunner club to Jose's new team, I wish the wee man well.

 

He really has picked just about the hardest job in football, as a starting point in his managerial career, but, he will put a smile on the collective face of a near-forgotten village, which badly needs a lift.

 

First chance I get, I'll be up at Burnside Park to wish Jose and his team well - unless they are playing my own wee team, Lugar Boswell Thistle, that is.

OK we all accept that PMGB is a tube, with an unhealthy obsession about Rangers. However, his latest post, which is an attack on Brian Stockbridge the under-performing Rangers Financial Director does make a lot of sense. We ought to celebrate such rare moments of clarity from the Donegal Diddy.

 

 

Peace In Our Time - Not Bloody Likely

 THE AGM is over, will peace now break-out over Ibrox? I reckon there is more chance of the Pope being elected to the Rangers' board than of the fans and the beleagured board kissing and making-up any time soon.

 

Isn't the current situation, however, a typically Scottish one? Here is a club reacting well to having been demoted three leagues by winning the first such lower league, then, at the half-way stage, being unbeaten and all but out of sight of the opposition in their quest for a second straight promotion. You would expect their annual shareholders' meeting to be a cause for back-slapping, self-congratulation and celebration, not the open warfare which was yesterday's event at Ibrox . Of course, in Scotland, you always expect, even when the greatest Scot is being celebrated, somewhere in a corner, somebody would be sitting, a facee like a bulldog chewing a wasp and saying: "Ach him, ah kent his faither", then shaking his head in disgust. 

 

The lesson from yesterday's meeting was simple - at the highest level in football, even in a third world football economy such as Scotland's is - money talks. For all I know the requisitioners and their fan backers may have God and right on their side, but, the board has the support of the money men. They think there is a buck, albeit perhaps not a fast one, to be made out of Rangers and all they ask of the fans is - that they continue to turn up and hand over the dosh.

 

Some in the body of the kirk might decide to withhold their monetary support for the club until such times as they get a board with jibs they like the cut of, but, I feel these numbers will be small. The run-of-the-mill fans will continue to follow-follow; they might mump, moan, boo and complain, but, if the team keeps winning and does indeed manage to secure two more back-to-back promotions return to the top league in Scotland, then to Europe, they will contnue to hand over their hard-earned.

 

IF there are "real" Rangers fans out there, terminally unhappy with the way the club is now, as it has been for as long as I can remember, the play-thing of a few rich individuals, then might I suggest they take a leaf from England - do what the disaffected fans of Wimbledon and Manchester United did and form their own club - let's call it Real Rangers; enter that club into the new Lowland League, which is looking for additional recruits and try to get back to the big time from there.

 

If they cannot put-up, they  should shut-up and carry on supporting their club. They could force change by buying shares, forming genuine, lasting and working alliances and working from within the circus tent of Rangers, but, that will be a long, drawn-out way to the Promised Land.

 

At the moment, the Rangers Assembly, the Sons of Struth, the Vanguard Bears, and all the other wee independent lodges around Rangers are quite simply a Scottish variation on the Judean Peoples Front, the Popular Front for Judea and the other wee groups of zealots in Monty Python's 'Life of Brian' - and, to the rest of us, just as good a reason for pointing and laughing.

 

As for the board. They won the day yesterday, but, they are a long way from winning what promises to be a long and bitter war. They have to sort-out a club which is still disfunctional; the cost base is too-high, particularly in the matter of wages being paid. By the time they get back to the Premiership, Ibrox will need a whack of money spent on it - that has to be costed. They have to step up to the plate and perform, keeping the institutional investors happy, whilst keeping enough of the fans onside - that will not be an easy trick to pull off.

 

As for Ally McCoist, I reckon he's on a sticky wicket. He followd his heart and handed his proxy vote to the fans; only, we don't know how whoever voted on behalf of the East Kilbride RSC actually voted. But, his gesture might not have gone down well with some of the board members or some of the secretive money men. For as long as Rangers keep winning on the park, he is safe. However, should he ask for money to buy more, and more highly-paid players, his halo might slip.

 

In truth, given the quality of squad for the league they are in, just about anybody could manage Rangers and keep them winning. McCoist has, as yet, not shown any inkling of being even an average Rangers manager, such as his mentor Walter Smith (let's be honest, with the money and the players he had at his disposal during his nine-in-a-row run, "Walter" ought to have won more trophies - over-rated for me), far less a great Rangers manager, such as Struth or Symon.

 

This soap opera has a good bit still to run.

 

 

 

FINALLY, I turn to the Voice of the True Celtic Fan - self-styled "Rebel Journalist" Phil Mac Giolla Bhain.

 

You would have thunk that Celtic's welcome action in turning on the Green Brigade - just the sort of "Rebel Fans" PMGB represents in the blogsphere, would have forced some reaction from the Donegal-based tribune of the true fans - but no, not a dicky-bird has he written, far less posted online.

 

However, come the Rangers AGM and there he is, commenting for all he is worth. Such obsession with the opposition really demands medical intervention. He is clearly a sick man.  

Mason Boyne Returns

GIVEN he remains Chairman of Cowdenbeath, it was perhaps a bit naughty of Donald Finlay to allow himself to be quoted anent the affairs of a lesser club, as he was this morning.

 

I am sure there are SFA rules against such conduct, so Donald might well be getting an unwelcome Christmas card from Cousin Vinny - bringing about a confrontation we have all eagerly awaited - Grand Master Donald v Cousin Vinny on a point of (football) law. My money's on the mason.

 

 

 

WELCOME back Darren Fletcher, and not before time. Now, let's see Manchester United start to motor, with the additional presence he will give their misfiring midfield. And, it's great news for Scotland too.

 

 

 

STEVIE Clarke - sacked; AVB - sacked; Zola - sacked. Terrible timing for the men concerned and for their families; but, further proof of how England's Premiership has lost its collective marbles. However, Clarke will be back, soon. I dare say the Chosen One has already been on the telephone.

 

If not, and salary would surely be a huge issue, getting Clarke repatriated would be a terrific move for any Scottish club prepared to speak with him - maybe not the best at the media side of management, but, still one of the very best coaches around.

 

 

 

 

'Tis The Season To Be Jolly - Aye Right

THESE are hard times for Scottish football; indeed, it is maybe just as well we have the annual season of excess to divert our attention from the state of the national game.

In Europe, we are, again, on the outside, looking longingly in; ditto, on the world stage, as we contemplate the coming summer's events in Brazil - with our national side in its now-familiar role: looking-on.

Still, the Tartan Army's ability to always look on the bright side of life will spark into life come February, and the draw for the 2016 Eruos - even though, that inate optimism might not survive the reality of the group draw, should we, as is our want, end up in a Group of Death.

Celtic's gubbing in the Camp Nuo in midweek was almost a milestone - we cannot go on like this; doing nothing is not an option. However, what will Celtic and the SFA do? In all probability - nothing.

For Celtic, I feel their problems are all in their collective heads. The squad are convinced they are far better than any domestic opposition they face, but, somehow, seem to freeze when asked to notch-up their game a couple of levels. Too-often this season, failing to do this.

Perhaps Neil Lennon should invest in a good sports psychologist to try to get more from his troops. I don't, by the way, buy into this: "Celtic need to find a scorer" guff. I reckon their problem is as much one of not creating chances in Europe, than in not having a man to take them.

They should, perhaps, work harder in training and in games - or is that the simplistic answer? Gary Player always insisted: "The harder I work - the luckier I get." There is sense in that Saffer saying.

How about telling the squad - no win bonuses in domestic games, until you've scored at least three goals, that way, they get used to scoring.

The Magical (rather than Malky Munro's Maryhill) Magyrs of Puskas & Co used to warm-up for putting six or seven goals on diddy sides like England by beating the Budapest Taxi Drivers XI, or the Hungarian Post Office Select by a barrow-load. Celtic are, in the Premiership, regularly playing sides of that standard - Hibs, Kilmarnock, St Mirren et al - so, wee Neil should be maybe encouraging goal-scoring.

If nothing else: if they score four, you score five, makes for great entertainment.

IN A previous post, I called for some media scrutiny of the Easdales, and lo, it came to pass, that one of them (I cannot tell them apart), broke cover to have what amounted to a pre-match tennis knock-up with the BBC's Al Lamont (one of the many young guns in present-day Scottish media circles to have been promoted way past his talents).

Easdale took a lot of words, to say very little. As my dear old bigoted proddie faither might have said: "No Rangers class son, definitely no Rangers class".

SFA apparatchick Jim Fleeting - the man who committed the biggest boob in Scottish football in the past 40-years, when he sired a child who would grow up to be the greatest Scottish international goal-scorer ever, but made her a lassie rather than a boy - always maintained: "You can play football in rain and snow, but, you cannot play football in high wind".

That eternal truism was demonstated again yesterday.

We need indoor stadia in Scotland - now.

MY teen-aged grand-daughter is an athlete - a 400 metres runner. Right now she is out of action with glandular fever - "the kissing disease" as it is known; well, she claims kissing has nothing to do with it!!

However, her timing is terrible, as she isn't training just now and will not be able to resume until February at the earliest. This will leave her with little time to be in-shape for the Scottish Schools Athletics Championships in June, which, this year, will be held at Hampden Park as a warm-up for the Commonwealth Games.

A chance to perform at Hampden and she gets injured - it's infuriating, but, the same thing happened to me 50 years ago.

  

Random Thoughts During The Lull Before The Storm

AFTER all the noise and fury, following events at Motherwell on Friday night, it's back to the fitba tonight, and Celtic's 2013-14 European finale in Barcelona. It would be terrific if the Hoops could go out on a high, by maybe beating their hosts, but, I am not holding my breath. With all the recent interest on the antics of the small-minded small children in the Celtic Family, the quiet majority deserve a wee lift.

 

 

 

I HAVE long been dismissive, if not downright hostile, to the mental processes, such as they are, and the professionalism of my English colleagues in the Fourth Estate of fitba; but, frankly, it is getting worse.

 

I watched the first half of last night's Manchester United game - the second half had to go, couldn't miss Last Tango In Halifax, but, as I switched over, I was laughing at the negative comments of the talking heads on ITV.

 

Of course, Roy Keane has an anti-United, perhaps anti-Moyes agenda. Not all that deep-down, this so-far prime example of the well-known fact: great players seldom make great managers, is convinced he and not Moyes should be United manager, so, we can treat his comments with kid gloves. But the rest of them -jings crivvens, help ma Boab.

 

I switched over convinced there would only be one winner, and it wouldn't be Shaktar Donesk. For all their pretty football, the visitors never truly panicked the United rearguard; it was only a matter of time before United scored - as they did.

 

United - as with most teams towards the end of a long managerial reign, did need freshening-up this season; the new men Moyes has brought in are still bedding-in. As we up here know from the Old Firm, switching to one of the really big teams, in any league, is never easy.

 

I don't see United making a real impact on Europe this season - but, I do see them finishing near the top in the English League - reports that Moyes cannot cut it at Old Trafford are, like much of the output from the English media, premature and wide of the mark.

 

 

 

THE above said - that was a terrific programme on ITV4 last night, which pitted Mr Keane head-to-head with Patrick Viera. If you missed it, see if you can look it up on the ITVplayer.

 

I would have liked to have watched the following programme, on Didier Drogba, but, at my age, I needed my kip.

 

 

 

AND, while I am having a go at the English Media - when will some responsible section of the Scottish media - no tittering at the back there - enlighten us on the Easdale brothers.

 

We hear a lot of nudge, nudge, gossip and speculation anent the brothers, who have emerged as the would-be Godfathers of the Rangers Family; but, real insight have we none.

 

Surely, somebody, somewhere in the corridors of media power in Scotland has, at some point of late, said to an underling: "Why don't we do a bit of digging and find out who these guys are and what they are about - and I mean more than 'wealth off the radar' and such pish?"

 

The Easdales look likely to be the guys running Rangers for the next wee while - who are they?

 

 

 

BIG Shuggie Macdonald in the Herald did a nice wee interview this morning on Graham "Jammy Bar Steward" Hunter, the Aberdonian who is the go-to man for the British media when they want a Spanish fitba story.

 

I remember Graham when he first appeared in out midst as a young tyro with Scotland on Sunday. Graham didn't assimilate himself into the Borg who cover the Scottish game, he didn't play the Scottish newspaper game and, as such, he was somewhat mistrusted.

 

There were a couple of other youngsters around at the time, who, with Graham, went South and prospered, but, only Graham had the cojones to break the mould and head for Spain, with breath-takingly successful results for him.

 

The other two have been instrumental in lifting the standard of English football writing, but Hunter is that absolute rarity - a Scot who has succeeded in football in Europe. It was nice to see Big Shuggie acknowledging his success this morning.

 

 

 

FINALLY, the success of the blogsphere has brought about a new species - the internet warrior. I know, I am one.

 

Some of us chuck our opinions around willy-nilly; I, for instance, pride myself in having opinions on all aspects of Scottish fitba, even if, not unnaturally, I seem to spend a lot of time on a mere two clubs.

 

There are, however, some bloggers who obsess with one or other of the big two and, of these, perhaps the most-high-profile are my old mate Davie Leggat, of LeggoLand fame and Phil Mac Giolla Bhain.

 

Now, some commentators think Davie and Phil are two cheeks of the same arse, letting rip with a load of shite on a daily basis. Not true.

 

Both are obsessed with Rangers - Davie, because, as past Right Worthy Master of the Lap-Top Loyal, he wears the most-buffed pair of brown brogues in Scotland. He cares about his club and can barely bring himself to type the C word.

 

Phil, on the other hand, claims to be THE tribune to the Celtic Family; he even moved his family back to Donegal because life had become unbearable in Catholic and Celtic-hating Scotland. Yet, he obsesses with the other side, although, his out-pourings are far more readable when he, as he occasionally does, he turns his spotlight on Celtic.

 

Not this week though, with all that has transpired since Friday night, you might have expected his take on things, but, no, silence. How sad.

Well Done Mr Lawwell

JINGS, crivvens, help ma Boab - wee Peter Lawwell has finally found his bravery pills. Sorry, that's a bit unfair, well done the Celtic CEO for grasping the nettle and giving the Green Brigade the skelp on the erse they have had coming for a long time.

 

He might well have banned more, acted with more harshness, but, as a shot across the bows of the Green Brigade,this was a cracker. Let's hope it works.

 

It will be interesting to see how "The Greatest Fans In The World" act in Barcelona this week. Let's hope wiser counsels prevail and the Bhoys behave.

 

Meanwhile, across the city the Silly Party and the Monster Raving Looney Party are still going at it hammer and tongs in the run up to the Rangers AGM. I somehow think the Spivs in the Sharp Suits and the Spivs in the Brown Brogues deserve each other. They really are like two baldie men fighting over a comb.

 

The lot currently in charge are spending their capital faster than even Viv Nicholson managed; those who would be the Kings, well - I don't think they've got the money they will need if Rangers 2012 are not to join Rangers 1872 in the dustbin of history.

 

You see, the thing which makes me fear that we might have to go through another dose of administration, liquidation, re-birth, demotion, demonstrations and financial jiggery-pokery is the fact - the Rangers fans have a long history of backing the wrong horse.

 

They put their trust in the old Unionist Party - which, some 50-years ago, sold-out to the English Tories. They put their trust in David Murray, who, as those who had followed his sporting involvement since his days in basketball and who kent his faither, had their fears that it would all, as happened with his father and his basketball teams, go pear-shaped. They put their trust in "a billionaire whose weealth is off the radar" - and we remember what happened there. Then, they put their trust in a blunt, plain-taling Yorkshireman, who told them what they wanted to hear. Now, apparently, they are putting their trust in a Gang of Four whose track record, such as it is, is sketchy and who, apparently, don't fancy putting too-much of their hard-earned personal fortunes into rescuing Rangers. Do I see a pattern emerging here?

 

Then there is the splintered state of the Rangers Family. The green Brigade may well be the black sheep of the Celtic Family, the spoilt little boys doing daft things int he corner and saying: "Notice us, please notice us". But, around Parkhead there is the GB and the rest of the family.

 

Across the city we have umpteen different lodges, all occupied by small groups, and all with their own agendas - between them, they appear to have just one mission in life - to restore Rangers to what they see as the club's rightful place - beating Celtic regularly and dominating Scottish football.

 

That's a long way from where their club is right now - and, I don't see them coming together and coming-up with a cogent plan designed to get them to where they want to be.

 

And, I fear, somewhere, perhaps in the ranks of the likes of the Sons of Struth, is a mirror image of the Green Brigade.

 

Now, as we stand on the cusp of 2014 - forward tho a canna see - I guess and  fear.

 

 

 

FINALLY, may I be allowed to put on my Ayrshire-made, Kilmarnock bunnet and say: "Well done Boydie", after Kris Boyd drew level with the Magnificent Seven as the most-prolific goal-scorer in the modern age in Scottish football.

 

As Kris quite rightly points out, as a footballer, he's not in the same class as the marvellous Swede, but, when it comes to putting the ball in the net - he's the best Scottish-born and trained scorer we've had in a generation or two.

 

In some countries a goal-scorer with Boyd's aptitude would be told: "Just hang around the opposition penalty area and put the ball in the net when it comes to you".

 

His team-mates would be told something like the  advice memorably given by the Army football team captain to his side, in George Macdonald Fraser's wonderful book: 'The General Danced At Dawn': "Just feed him, he's bewitched". (the team had a maverick winger who, when he was "on" was unplayable - in this game, he was exactly that).

 

But, not in Scotland. Boydie, apparently, doesn't track back, cannot tackle, is selfish - aye, but, he scores goals; let's celebrate him.

 

 

 

WHEN it comes to the vexed question of match fixing, I cannot forget a story once told by Ally MacLeod, during one of his four hours long, press conferences/post-match analysis sessions/ piss-ups involving the press corps in his pokey wee office under the stairs at Somerset Park.

 

It was around the time as the celebrated match-fixing case involving Bruce Grobbellar, and Ally told of the time, when he was a stripling with Third Lanarm, there were allegations of betting coups involving fixed Thirds games.

 

At training one night, as the implications of the case were being discussed, an indignant Ally spoke: "Well, I've never played in a match that was fixed  - I'm sure I'd have noticed."

 

One of the veteran Thirds defenders then spoke up: "Ally, you have, and you never noticed".

 

Ally always thought, to fix a match, you would need to nobble, both goalkeepers, one defender and a striker from the other side - and that wouldn't be easy.

 

However, these days, with in-play betting on such issues as whether or not there will be a booking in the next ten minutes - it is much easier for the bad guys to get the incident they want arranged - and, sadly, given the lack of cash in Scottish football, Scottish players will always be vulnerable to illegal approaches.  

Parkhead To Ibrox - The Gulf Of Glasgow

THERE must have been, over the past two years or so of turmoil, been few days which more-vividly demonstrate the vast gulf which currently exists between the two traditional power players in Scottish football than this morning's back pages.

 

On the one hand you have the reports on Celtic's thorough and clinical dismantling of Motherwell - third in the Premiership remember: a five-goal thrashing handed out to the Steel Men, on their own Fir Park pitch; on the other hand you have the latest round of name-calling in the battle for "the soul" of Rangers (if that isn't an oxymoron).

 

The current Rangers Chairman might, for all we know, be a pillar of Sussex society; he may be well-thought-of in "The City"; he might know his way around and be able to deliver an impressive balance sheet; but, at a time when the SS Rangers is side-on to a tsunami of issues, any one of which might swamp and cause it to founder - the big question down Edmiston Drive way seems to be: Is he one of us?

 

And, certain factions in the fo'c'sle seem to think not. Cue another round of bitterness - something the boys in the brown brogues, you have to admit, do rather well.

 

Sure, Celtic are out of Europe, even though they still have the small matter of a trip to Barcelona to come this week. Yes, between Scott Brown's wee rush of shite to his tiny brain, and a lack-lustre off-night in Amsterdam, the best team in Scotland managed to shoot themselves fatally in both feet in a group in which they had to function at maximum efficiency from start to finish.

 

But, domestically - and remember, you have to conquer Scotland just to reach the foothills of Europe - they are starting to look ominously impressive. So, here we have it - Celtic is where it is at in Scotland these days: Rangers are the comic interlude.

 

Or, to put it in historical Glaswegian context - Celtic are Morecambe and Wise - Rangers are Mike and Bernie Winters.

 

 

 

GARY Lineker's efforts at humour - well, they are seldom funny. He kicked-off the BBC's coverage of the World Cup draw yesterday by inviting the viewers to predict how-far England might go, and, when around 20% of the respondents suggested they might struggle to get out of a group, not even known at that point, he "quipped": "Scotland has voted".

 

Doesn't the crisp-muncher realise: we Scots WANT England to reach the quarter-finals, a stage in the World Cup, which, by England having reached it, sets the English Media off into a fervour of "It's our game - we taught the world", "England Expects", "This time - we're gonna get it right this time", "England's golden generation" and so-forth.

 

Then, the rug is swiftly pulled from under their feet and, as ever, refusing to face the reality - they're shite, expensive, over-priced shite, but, still SHITE - the English media start calling for heads. And, up here, we love it.

 

It's what World Cups are made for; so we can acknowledge our brilliance. Of course, we long ago realised, Scotland are Shite; but, we can live with this and we get our kicks from the realisation that, England too are shite, only, unlike us, the English haven't realised this.

 

I must admit, however, a sneaking admiration for Roy Hodgson. He has, I feel, made the best of the impossible job of dampening-down English hopes, and, actually, a quarter-finals finish would be a good result for the present England squad.

 

In truth, the draw hasn't been good for England. A fired-up Balotelli first up, in terrible conditions in which to play the high-tempo English game; followed by Uruguay, in what might be Diego Forlan's last hurrah, not forgetting that controversial chap from Liverpool determined to show the English press what he's all about - then, perhaps dis-spirited by two defeats and their media's measured response to this - a return to Belo Horizonte, of blessed memory.

 

Brazil just might be England's Argentina. Oh PLEASE!!!

 

 

 

I NOTED this week, some suggestion that Michel Platini fancies the introduction of Rugby's ten-minutes in the sin bin for yellow card offences. As someone as at home covering Rugby as football, can I say: Bring it on.

 

I have long felt, ten minutes in the sin bin for cautionable offences or for "professional" fouls or a lack of respect for referees, just might in time, cure football's ills. I wouldn't stop there, however. Bring-in ten-metre march backs for dissent at the award of free kicks, or for back-chat of any kind; let's have citing officers to review contentious issues, but, what would, I feel, be worth trying is the rugby protocol whereby, if a player is being booked or sent off, the team captain is summoned by the refereee to learn exactly why.

 

Mind you, could Scott Brown, as Celtic captain, remember the referee's explanation as to why Scott Brown, the Celtic player, was being sent off?

 

Could he then articulate the verdict to Neil Lennon?

 

And would Neil Lennon be listening in any case?

 

Mind you, as Big Billy, my Rangers-supporting friend, remarked when I talked him through this potential scenario: "It widnae matter, Cousin Vinny would find him not-guilty on appeal".

Record Run - So What?

I HAVE to admit to wry amusement at the contrived contempt for Rangers' new club-record 19-game unbeaten run, and even more contempt for those in the light blue corner seeking to turn this into something special.

 

On the one hand, it is always good news for a club when they put together such an impressive run, in any league; that said, when that club enjoys the advantages over their peers which the current Rangers squad does, there has to be an element of: "So what?" from the watchers who are not Rangers' fanatics.

 

When you look at the current Rangers' squad, full-timers to a man; for them NOT to go through the SPFL League One season unbeaten would be a less-than-stellar show. An unbeaten league season - plus the Ramsden's Cup - is the least the Ibrox hordes should expect come May.

 

 

 

THE SFA'S "punishment" on the Dundee United scrabble answer, for his laying of hands on that assistant referee would be a joke, if it wasn't so-serious.

 

OK, I accept that it sometimes seems Scottish linesmen - let's face it, some offer so-little assistance to the man in the middle they ought still be known by their time-honoured name - seem to think it is their solemn duty to mess-up matches for the players, the team managements, the stuck-up twat in the middle with the whistle and the - to them - least-important people in the ground, the fans.

 

But, much as we might wish to, they cannot be man-handled and the United player should have, at the very least, have had his erse well and truly kicked.

 

One awaits with interest, to see what happens the next time an assistant's mistake upsets a certain red-headed Premiership manager.

 

 

 

I FELT sorry for my mate Robin last night. Robin is another player in our Wednesday morning collection of ten-pin bowling coffin dodgers.

 

Yesterday, he had a shocker, then, he set-off for Dunfermline to cheer-on his beloved Ayr United in their Scottish Cup replay with the Pars; which Ayr lost.

 

A 170-mile round trip, not getting home until about midnight, and your team still lost. Guys like Robin, who has hardly missed a United game since before Ally's first spell as manager at Sopmerset Park, are the real heroes of Scottish football.

 

 

Celtic - Bouncebackability - And How

THE headline writers could put all the "spin" they liked into their headings and lay-outs; sure, it was Bhoys against Boys, but, you cannot overlook the fact - Celtic played some very-impressive football in routing Hearts on Sunday.

 

Indeed, I would go as far as to say, the Lisbon Lions would have been very proud of some of the goals, not least the Kris Commons opener which got Sunday's show on the road.

 

Just a wee thought for Neil Lennon - he might have a team ready to put on a real show in the 2014-15 Champions League, were he to come up with a really lucrative bonus scheme to reward his squad, should they manage two things - to go through the remaineder of this domestic season unbeaten and manage to score three goals per game.

 

He might also like to double the bonus, should they manage these feats without losing a goal - that way, the terrible lack of genuine competition in Scotland just could be used as a means of readying the side for the tougher tasks in Europe.

 

 

 

WELL done too, the Celtic travelling support at Tynecastle, for their immaculate conduct during the minute's silence or the victims of the Clutha Vaults disaster.

 

The Celtic fans have, in the past, shown scant regard for such public moments of respect for the dead - this time, they got it right and we could all breathe more easily.

 

Similarly, what a Dick was that so-called Rangers' fan who flung the flare at the Falkirk game. Kinda does away with the protocol whereby Juan Guy is seen as a Celtic supporter; the Guy family has a sect (a lodge?) across the city too.  

 

 

 

WITH the publication of the SNP/Scottish Government blueprint for Independence last week, I had an off-the-wall, out-of-left-field thought: Might not Independence be the making of Scottish football.

 

It is no secret that, because of the relative poverty of the Scottish game, when compared with their neighbours across the Solway and Tweed, young, emerging Scottish talent is fair game for exploitation by even mid-table "Championship" clubs in England, who can turn such promising boys' heads with the cash on offer in the English game.

 

With Independence, might not the Scottish government be able to offer our top home-based players tax breaks and more-favourable terms, making it worth their while remaining longer in Scotland, rather than taking the big money on offer in England too-soon.

 

Might not the government of an Independent Scotland go down the road which once saw highly-talented Eastern European players forbidden to leave until they were 28? That age might just be a big too-old, however, how much easier would life be for Gordon Strachan and Billy Stark if home-based Scottish players couldn't leave for England until they were say over-23?