Sporting Parochialism Isn't Just An American Affliction

I GOT an extra e-mail this week from my favourite big cousin in San Francisco. Raised within the sound of cheering from Tynecastle, the 60-years she has spent on the other side of the Atlantic have not eroded her love of the Jambos, although that love is now shared with the San Francisco Giants. 

 

So, following the Giants' World Series win this week, life for her is good; she was very happy to learn about that corking last-minute Easter Road equaliser, too.

 

It's that "World Series" name I want to focus on here. To most casual observers of American sport, the term "World Series" seems to sum-up the praochialism of a huge nation, in which only a small percentage of the population possess a passport and ever sees the need to leave the Land of the Free and Home of the Brace. (Not of course the poor GIs of the USA's military-industrial complex, sent around the world to bring American standards of freedom and justice to the Third World, who, by and large don't want to know).

 

What, we ask, is the use of having a "World Series" in a sport played nowhere else in the world. It seems to smack of America's idea of being something special.

 

Of course, the annual play-off to find America's top baseball team is termed the "World Series", because it was the creation of the long-defunct New York World newspaper, which came up with the idea of a best of seven games series to decide which team was better, the American League or National League champions.

 

S0, not American over-egging of a small pudding, merely a terrific publicity opportunity which has now out-grown the original idea.

 

That said, in sporting terms, the USA is still ultra-parochial; but, that's a jibe we can also throw at Scotland, and Scottish football. Those arbiters of good taste and knowing what the public wants - the Scottish Football Writers Association, are practically wetting themselves at the prospect of a re-born Old Firm clash this season. They are desperately hoping that Celtic and the Tribute Act will be drawn together in the semi-final of whatever the League Cup is called this season.

 

I pray this doesn't happen, the anticipation might kill one or two of the mentally frailer members of the SFWA before the game. I suppose Police Scotland are also hoping the two sides are kept apart, they've had it easy since their formation, not having to deal with the regular inter-tribal spats between the Orange and the Green.

 

There is also the possibility, if they are drawn into separate semi-finals, that both lose!! So, peace is maintained until, maybe, next season.

 

The fact is, as they currently line-up, neither the Celtic squad, or the Tribute Act's, could be considered even good examples of squads wearing these particular strips. And, actually, if it comes down to a clash of the two teams this season, I rather fancy the Tribute Act might win - merely because they have more gnarled veterans of this particular little clan war.

 

A full stadium, giving full vent to the age-old tribal rituals just might be a case of squeaky bum time for some of da-doo Ron Ron's squad. And, there are only so-many occasions on which Craig Gordon can do his Superman act.

 

 

 

MEANWHILE, there has been some discussion in informed circles concerning the resignation of Mark Wotte from his post, whatever it was called, with the SFA.

 

It doesn't matter who the SFA appoint to replace him, until they take out and shoot almost everyone in an SFA blazer and do brain implants: (you cannot transplant what isn't there in the first place) on those left standing - we will never have a working grass roots development system in Scotland.

 

To paraphrase the late, lamented JoLa - The Scottish FA are not genetically programmed to think effectively.

 

 

 

I FORCED myself to watch the "Rangers" v St Johnstone League Cup tie this week, and was left shaking my head at Ally Mccoist's "tactics", or lack of them. The weakest part of Kris Boyd's game is his aerial work; so, why did they keep pumping high balls into him? That tactic worked for Bill Struth's great post-war side - George Young long ball to Willie Waddell, run to by-line, cross to Willie Thornton , header, goal. It doesn't work as-well today.

I reckon McCoist's "tactics" are aimed at deliberately starving Boyd of chances to get anywhere near the manager's tally of goals for the old club. Just saying like.

As to the game. The Tribute Act were bad, St Johnstone were worse. Our game is in a poor way.

 

 

 

 

A Win Is A Win Is A Win

THE original idea for my television viewing on Thursday night was a bit of channel-hopping - between the Celtic v Astra Europa League game on BT Sport 1 and the London Welsh v Bordeaux Challenge Cup rugby encounter on BT Sport 2. I reckoned before-hand, there was more likelihood of scoring action in the rugby, so, by and large, I stayed with it.

 

The early stages of the Celtic game as I saw it, was a case of two poor teams, not playing particularly well. But, to be fair to Celtic, who had my attention once the rugby match, which kicked-off earlier finished: they came onto a bit of a game the longer it lasted and deserved to win.

 

However, the lack of a visionary in midfield is costing Celtic dear. They have nobody today who has the range of passing skills, and the vision to make killer passes of a Bobby Murdoch. Hell, let's not aim that high, they don't have a Paul McStay either.

 

Still, a win is a win. I had to laugh at the commentary team's reaction to the Astra goal, shitey though it was. Derek Rae was convinced the ball had gone in off Izzy's arm. It looked that way to me too, but, sloppy though the goal was, I felt it was a case of ball to arm, which, Mr Rae might be amazed to hear, isn't necessarily a penalty.

 

I don't know about you, but: goal to Astra, even if it was scored from accidental hand ball, making the score 2-1 to Celtic, is, for my money, a better outcome than: no goal, penalty to Astra, red card for Izzy for denying a goal-scoring opportunity and automatic one-game ban. Even if this hypothetical penalty had been scored, it would still have been 2-1 to Celtic.

 

That result, with no players banned, is better than the same result and a key man out. How I wish today's journalists were up to speed on the Laws of the Game.

 

 

 

AYE. the pantomime season will soon be upon us.

 

Oh no it isn's. Oh yes it is.

 

One of the seasonal harbigners of this came up this week, as Dave King stomped away from another inconclusive meeting with the Tribute Act's management team.

 

When is someone within Ibrox going to tell this South African chancer: "Put-up or shut-up".

 

Come to that, when is someone within Hampden going to tell him: "Go away, you do not meet our fit and proper person criteria".

 

Or, better still, when is someone in the mainstream media in Scotland going to man-up and point-out what a total chancer King is.

 

The Tribute Act may be stumbling along, but, when it comes to getting them back to anywhere near the original Boys in Blue were, this King is a clown prince.

 

 

 

DOWN here in deepest Ayrshire, we all have a soft spot for Ayr United. The Cameron family has done a sterling job in keeping the club going these past few years, but, their pockets are not bottomless and Chairman Lachlan would like nothing better than to hand over control to someone else.

 

But, not just anyone. Lachlan will only cede control to someone who can take the club forward and hopefully, at least, bring Somerset Park into the 20th century.

 

If I win tonight's mega-millions Euro-millions draw, I might be tempted to have a go at running a Scottish football club properly. But, if not, I suppose the most I can hope for is that a genuine Ayr fan comes-up with the cash to bring back the glory days of Ally MacLeod's first term in charge. Boy, that was fun.

 

 

 

JUST up the road at Rugby Park, the troops are mutinous, as the players' bonus argument rumbles on. One hears strike action being contemplated. Don't the players know - nobody wins in a strike and I hope calmer heads prevail. These players are already well-paid for what they do, certainly in comparison to the majority of the Killie fans.

 

Speaking of Rugby Park, I am already getting excited at the thought of watching Scotland take on Tonga in a rugby international there next month.

 

This week, the SRU sent a squad of players round Ayrshire on a drum-beating exercise, aimed at the rugby-playing kids in God's County. If the response is half as good on 22 November, Scotland is already two or three tries up.

 

 

 

Speaking of rugby and football. I can only hope the affair of who lamped Zalukas is sorted-out quicker than the rugby equivalent: "the McLay Affair". Over a year has passed since a ruck involving Glasgow Hawks' Ally McLay and one or two Glasgow Warriors first came into the public domain.

 

As yet, nobody has appeared in court, while we understand, the law is advancing at its own, pederstrian pace. Let's hope this latest little local difficulty involving sportsmen is sorted-out faster.

 

   

A Win Is A Win Is A Win

OK, we didn't put goals on them; maybe 1-0 is a tight result, but, hey, in case you have forgotten: SCOTLAND WON.

The Poles will not be a soft touch, I would certainly be happy with a draw, but, we need not fear the midweek match-up.

I appreciate the Poles beating Germany will concern some people, but, not me. Just as we tend to over-estimate wins over England (I am old enough to remember us beating them), so-too I feel do the Poles go overboard when they beat the Germans.

Remember, back in 1967, Scotland humiliated World Champions England at Wembley, inflicting on them their first loss in 19 games. Next time out, Scotland lost.

I am hopeful we can take advantage of the Poles perhaps over-celebrating yesterday's win and maybe not being ready for us.

Scrappy though our goal at Ibrox was, it wasn't as if, as happens in the past, we scored on our solitary upfield sortie. On another night Naisy might have had a hat-trick, we created chances and, on another night, we will take them.

Of course, after what happened when we were last in Poland, our hosts will be ready for us, but, we can travel hopefully, and maybe arrive where we want to be, on six points.

WHILE we should have been concentrating, 100%, on Scotland last week - that annoying gorilla in the room, the on-going battle for the "soul" of Rangers (does Rangers have a soul? I thought Auld Nick had stolen that yonks ago). But, I digress - what is to be done about the Tribute Act?

Answers on a post card please, to Stewart Regan, at Hampden.

*#<@ing Hell - As the late "Fergie" Might Have Said - Accies Are Top

CLEARLY, we live in interesting times; with Accies topping the table, Celtic barely in the top six and Motherwell, who have been "the second force" since Rangers' demise deep in relegation trouble.

 

I particularly welcome Accies topping the Premiership table. When I was covering fitba on a regular basis, I was roster54ed to a lot of Accies' games in the old First Division. This was back in  the days when New Douglas Park had its original artificial surface, Billy Reid was boss and young guns such as James McCarthy, James McArthur and Brian Easton were top of the English clubs' shopping list.

 

I admired what Ronnie McDonald, Reid & Co were doing back then. It was exciting to turn-up at the ground to see the latest precocious teenager being unleashed. Of course, not all of them made the grade. Promotion to the old Premier League brought the re-laying of the pitch, a diversion into buying foreign players, a few ups and down and, eventually relegation.

 

But, particularly after Billy Reid called it a day and Alex Neil took over, McDonald and the Accies' board returned to their core principles, believed int he kids and, even though we all expect the natural order to be resumed some time between now and Christmas, with Celtic going back to the top. I am certain Accies will enjoy their moment or two in the sun.

 

It is, however, somewhat ironic that this burst of sunshine over Hamilton follows so-quickly after Scott Struthers decided to leave Accies. I have always had a lot of time for Scott, one of the ablest club officials in Scotland in recent times. But, hey, that's football.

 

While Accies are tops, it is interesting to note that Dundee United, Aberdeen and Kilmarnock are all currently above Celtic. Thest three clubs have always believed in giving Scottish kids a chance - other clubs should note this and maybe try believing in Scottish talent a bit more.

 

I just hope, the likes of Accies having shown that this season, the champions are vulnerable, more of the Premiership clubs decide to have a go at them. This would make for a more-interesting season.

 

 

 

I NOTE, despite the man himself giving them a pronounciation lesson at his welcoming press conference, the majority of England's broadcast media continue to pronounce the Manchester United manager's name as Van Gal - instead of Van Haal.

 

But, as those of us who voted Yes last month know only too well. The English do what they like and are probably too-stupid to notice or change.

 

 

 

WELL done, by the way, Edinburgh City, who beat Auchinleck Talbot in the Scottish Cup on Saturday. And, thanks - those Talbot bar stewards will take their anger and disappointment out on those of us who face them on a weekly basis in the West of Scotland Superleague.

 

  

NO!! - Ronnie, we don't want paragons, we want piss artistes

HERE we are, a few short weeks into Ronnie the Viking's tenure as Hoops Honcho and, the intellectual giants of the Scottish Football Writers Association are becoming even more than normally disturbed.

Already, it is being suggested that maybe Ronnie D is "Celtic's Paul Le  Guen" - a brave effort to bring European style and substance into Scottish fitba, but, doomed to fail. Maybe, as someone else suggested in a different context: Scottish fitba is too-wee, too-poor and too-stupid to change.

The latest stairheid rammy has arisen because Ronnie has apparently criticised the fitness and commitment to living a professional life-style of some Celtic players. This is hardly new, or indeed news. From the days of Hughie Gallacher, if not earlier - there are tales of some of the very first Celtic players, who were of course amateurs, being, ahem, unprofessional, when it came to training, preparing and following the lifestyle of the professional sportsman - we Scots have liked our footballers to be gallus, gregarious and guzzlers.

We loved the way Jim Baxter embraced football as: "a way o' gettin' tae shag better-looking burds, ken".

We pretended faux outrage when Jinky was carpeted by Big Jock for his fondness for a wee bevvy. (A "bevvy", by the way, is the collective term for a group of Scottish fitba writers).

Did the Tartan Army get upset when wee Bremner led from the front in breaking a curfew and precipitating the notorious "Copenhagen Affair" - naw, but, we weren't too-happy when big Jock McDonald stuck one on an aff-his-heid on the bevvy Billy. The Highlander's one-man vigilante act didn't go down too-well with the TA foot soldiers, justified though it probably was.

We loved the tales of the 1974 World Cup squad and "Big Helga" the over-friendly fraulein who "entertained" the squad in Germany. In short, we like our fitba heroes to be flawed.

The SFWA, the propoganda corps of the Tartan Army are no different, in fact, they relish bad behaviour in footballers. Totally focussed, dedicated sportsmen, who eat well, practice diligently, say "please" and "thank you" and generally try to live exemplary lives - well, the Scottish media finds such paragons "boring", "dull" and almost unworthy of their attentions.

There is no media mileage in a squad of players who are all intent on following a blameless life-style, were non-drinking, monogamous, paid their taxes, did good works and got to bed (their own bed), at a decent hour.

Therefore, in what will surely be a fruitless effort to forge a squad of such professionals, Ronnie is threatening the status quo. The SFWA doesn't do in-depth analysis of football tactics and practice - they want scandal and sleaze.

You're asking for trouble if you deny them this Ronnie.