THERE is a hoary, old, time-honoured custom in Ayrshire Junior Football, whereby "The Village Idiot" is guaranteed a place on the local junior team's committee. Every Ayrshire club practices this, indeed, until fairly recently, Cumnock Juniors took it a stage further - they made the Village Idiot the club President.
They have now, I am glad to report, ceased this, from being a club with a committee who repeatedly left me shaking their head at their mass stupidity, and fearing for the sanity of the excellent George Morton, one of the finest club secretaries in the long history of the junior game, they have morphed into an excellent body of men and women.
Now, I fear, the "A place for the Village Idiot" mentality has spread, to the Labour Party's Scottish Branch. I see similarities between SLAB and Cumnock Juniors, not least because SLAB's relationship with the SNP is somewhat akin to that between Cumnock and Auchinleck Talbot.
You could even infer SLAB makes their Village Idiot Leader, if you have a critical view of the activities of Johann Lamont, "Spud" Murphy and current incumbent, Kezia Dugdale. Mind you, just as, at Townhead Park, actually picking a Village Idiot was somewhat difficult, the winner being required to come from a team of strong contenders, thus it is too in the SLAB rooms at Holyrood, where the likes of Jackie Baillie - surely the outcome of an ill-advised one-night-stand between Daphne Broon and Homer Simpson - and James Kelly MSP would be strong and well-backed contenders in any SLAB Village Idiot of the Year competition.
Fresh from being red-carded by Presiding Officer Tricia Marwick the other week, the bold Kelly has now weighed-in to the somewhat manufactured debate on the Offensive Behaviour in Football Act, perhaps the most-discussed and fought-over legislation in the history of the Scottish Parliament.
I have said on this blog before, in my opinion the Offensive Behaviour in Football Act is bad law, too-speedily introduced, without proper thought. Nothing since its introduction has caused me to alter my view. I have spoken about the Act to a friend, who is retired from the police service, where his final position prior to retirement was as a Divisional Commander with Strathclyde Police, a role which carried the rank of Chief Superintendent.
He maintains, the old "catch-all" charge of "Breach of the Police" more than adequately covers any misbehaviour which might occur at football matches.
Of course one of the problems which seems to affect MSP Kelly, Jim Murphy and some other opponents of the Act is - well, sectarianism. Like many within the Labour Party in Scotland's hierarchy, Messrs Kelly and Murphy are Roman Catholics, with a leaning towards Celtic FC - members of the "Celtic Family".
They see themselves as "the Good Guys", set-upon by the Forces of Darkness from Ibrox. In the eyes of a lot of the members of the Celtic Family, "Ra Peepul" singing about wearing their Father's sash, or guarding Derry's Walls - well that's bigoted, sectarian behaviour which should see the perpetrators descended-on by the full majesty of the Law. Also, the satire of "The Famine Song" shot several miles over their heads.
If, however, a section of the Celtic support chooses to sing songs in support of the IRA, or of the cause of Irish Home Rule, well, that's political comment.
The rest of us, who belong to neither half of the Bigot Brothers, it matters not a jot whether the songs are from north or south of the border between Northern Ireland and Eire - we ask: what has Irish religious/political history got to do with Scottish Football anyway?
Any way, it has happened, we have this festering sore on the arse of Scottish football. That said, I repeat, not for the first time - this running sore could be cured if just two organisations would act. These organisations are Celtic and Rangers.
The two clubs could rid themselves of their lunatic fringes who cause most of the bother, if the will was there. However, it is quite clear to those of us outwith the Bigot Brothers - Sectarianism sells, and, as such, it will not end any time soon.
With Celtic Park and Ibrox now being all-seater stadia, with so-many of the seats being filled by season ticket holders, and with each of the clubs having big and well-established supporters clubs groupings - groups who form the bulk of the away support, reportedly the fans who do most of the allegedly bad singing and chanting.
It would be easy to root those who will not behave properly out of these clubs - but, I repeat, the will has to be there.
IF that will was to emerge, and IF the clubs genuinely did something about it - then we could pretty much eliminate sectarianism from Scottish Football. Eliminating it from Scotland altogether - ah well, that will be a far-longer, far-harder task.
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