Take A Press Release Mr Young

ANOTHER busy week for “the stenographers” (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain) – selling the lie that all is well at Castle Greyskull to the gullible hordes of Berrs out there.

As regular readers will know, when it comes to matters Rangers, the best source of news and comment is not to be found by reading the dead trees press, or listening to the gurglings of BBC Sportscene or Sportssound, and certainly not from listening to Radio Clyde. No, if you want a clue as to what is actually going on behind that large red brick edifice on Edmiston Drive, log onto Phil Mac Giolla Bhain's blog – but never, ever, read the below the line comments.

Phil, from his base in Donegal, has been consistently ahead of the game and on the money where Rangers is concerned, and, at this latest time of turmoil for the Establishment club, I say again, read what Phil has to say.

The most-pressing item facing the men at the top of the marble staircase right now is surely sorting-out th team management. Graeme Murty, thrust suddenly into the hot-seat will give the job his all, but, in-truth, he is hopelessly out of his depth and may already be floundering.

Graeme Murty - out of his depth

Bringing in an experienced Real Rangers Man in the short term, to see-out the season, might well work, in that short term, but, that would be little more than putting a sticking plaster on a gaping bleeding wound. Nothing of note will happen at the club until they put in place a permanent manager, or, what we are being told is the preferred option – bring in an experienced Director of Football, and appoint an experienced Head Coach, able to work over the close season to ready the club for next season.

But, assuming the club can at least hold onto third place in the Premiership and get into Europe, that close season will be a short one. The playing staff is quite simply inadequate for a European campaign – there are players featuring regularly in the first team who are patently not “Rangers Class” and who will need to be moved-on. This could come at a huge cost, and, as Mr Mac Giolla Bhain is forever pointing out: “this is a club without a credit line at any bank, reliant for survival on loans from directors”.

He has also recently revealed, the three directors who have been bankrolling the club of late are now a gang of two while nobody any longer pays any credence to the utterings of the absentee Chairman, who, we should never forget, is tagged as: “a glib and shameless liar” by a South African judge.

The club is also engaged in one or two on-going legal disputes. Honestly, given this scenario, can you see any worthwhile contender for the role of Director of Football or of Head Coach, touching such a toxic club with a barge pole.

Certainly, there will probably be one or two Real Rangers Men out there who fancy they could turn things around, but, in all honesty, the one towering former Rangers player, himself a one-time fan, who has the stature, the knowledge and the ability to do the job will not go anywhere near the club.

Well, if you were Sir Alex Ferguson, would you relocate from leafy Cheshire to Glasgow, give up your front row, directors' box seat at Old Trafford and all the perks which your success in England had earned you to take on restoring Rangers – under that Chairman and that board.

No, and neither will Fergie – perhaps the only man who could turn things round – provided the financial side was sorted-out.

ELSEWHERE, one or two of “the stenographers” (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain) have been waxing lyrical about the inadequacies of Hampden this week. Of course Hampden is not fit for purpose. Of course it is outdated and the sight lines, indeed, almost the entire spectator experience, is not what it should be.

But, if anyone seriously thinks the SFA and Queen's Park will do anything to sort out the mess, they are deluded.

We may, some day, see the ideal scenario, a 100,000-capacity, state-of-the-art truly National Stadium, to be used by our football and rugby teams built on a greenfield site somewhere central, with excellent rail and road links. BUT, this will only happen once Scotland is an independent, thriving nation, sure of its place in the world.

So, at 70 next week, I will never see it, indeed, my youngest grand-son, who is coming up on five, just might see it – it is that far away and that far down the list of priorities in this country.

I don't know what the answer is, but, I think we can look forward to many more years of the Hampden Experience, grim though that can be.

PROJECT Brave continues to be hyped-up in the press. Aye well, this is, for my money, yet another in the long list of failures to bring Scottish football up to date.

I don't know all the answers, but:

1. Immediately bring-in a three foreigners rule
2. Go to a single 16-club league, all-seater stadia, full-time squads
3. Regional leagues below this level
4. A strict limit to squad numbers, (say 25-plyr squads)with fringe players (who should all be under-23 dual-registered with teams in the regional league
5. Seventy per-cent of each 25-man squad must be “Scotland-qualified”.

These changes would, I am certain, do for a start.

Roger Hynd

BIG Roger Hynd died last week, after a long and courageous battle against cancer. Of course, the tributes stressed he was: “ex-Ranger Roger Hynd”, although the club which got the best service from him and where he was happiest was Birmingham City – they even inducted him into their Hall of Fame.

With Shankly as a middle name; his mother Jean was the great man's sister – Roger was minor football royalty, Wullie Shankly was his nephew, and he was always a great supporter of the Glnbuck/Shankly legacy. He was also a fine PE teacher and had a lot more to him than most footballers.

In Scotland he is best-remembered for his short spell as an emergency centre forward for Rangers at the end of the 1966-67 season, including wearing the number nine shirt in the European Cup-Winners Cup final against Bayern Munich.

There is a legend down here in East Ayrshire, in the Shankly heartland that big Roger only got the centre forward gig because of a typical own goal by the Rangers of those days.

Jim Forrest and George McLean were cast into the wilderness following Berwick, but, that season, there was a young centre forward from Cumnock who was scoring goals for fun in the Rangers reserve team. He had scored over 40-goals and, knowledgeable Rangers fans wanted to see him given his chance in the first team. He was duly pencilled-in to start in the first team one week, when an ex-Rangers player from this area telephoned Ibrox and informed Scot Symon that the young lad was engaged to a Roman Catholic.

He never got the first team call, and was eased out of the club the following season. Roger Hynd got the first team gig – the rest is history and to some extent legend.

Shhh! Don't Tell The Punters

IT SAYS much for the abilities of today's front-line sports journalists in Scotland that, if you want to know what is happening as regards “The Ibrox Three” - messers Warburton, Weir and McParland, the Rangers management team who apparently “resigned” just over a week ago – you don't head to the traditional fountains of truth and fairness – The Herald, The Scotsman or BBC Scotland – no, you go straight to the blog of a Donegal-based Celtic supporter.

Yer man Phil Mac Giolla Bhain has been ahead of the game in matters Rangers since the far-off days when Sir David Murray was master of all he surveyed. Phil might be a Celtic fan with a Rangers obsession, but, he has consistently been a better reader of the complex intrigues around Ibrox than have the sports writers he so-brilliantly dismisses as “stenographers” (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain).

He was at it again last night, in my view correctly pointing-out, if “The Ibrox Three” stand firm in their determination to prove they were sacked and did not resign; if they take it all the way to the Court of Session, then Rangers will need to find some £2-£3 million which they do not currently have, to fight a case they will probably lose. The embattled club is also elsewhere engaged in a legal dispute with Mike Ashley of Sorts Direct, where again, the smart money is on another defeat, and, for all I know, there could be other cases to come.

This, as PMGB delights in pointing-out, from a club without a line of credit from a bank and dependant on “soft” loans from directors to keep going.

But, you will not find such information in the newspapers. Why not? Are they maybe a wee bit feart that Ra Bears, who are not best disposed to the bearers of bad news about their beloved club, might turn nasty?

At least, the esteemed Bill Leckie is telling it like it is. If it was any other club, the fans would be revolting, there would be boycotts, but, maybe it's their creed of “No one likes us, we don't care” or perhaps “No Surrender”, but, crying: “The Big Hoose must stay open”, Ra Peepul will still turn up in numbers to howl their battle anthems at the moon as the footballing ship called “Dignity” founders yet again, under the catastrophic captaincy of an exiled glib and shameless liar.

Turning 70 next week, as I will, I will probably not be around when, after all the legal shenanigans end and the dust settles, someone, maybe that young boy Spiers, writes the definitive book, which spawns the definitive film, which becomes the accepted historical telling of a terrific tale.

I can see it now, some perhaps as yet unborn Scottish actor, a future Gerard Butler (although he's the “wrong” religion for the story) will, clad in a royal blue shirt, with the five stars on the left breast, face the camera and defiantly roar: “We are RANGERS”.

MEANWHILE, has anything happened on the pitch? Well, Aberdeen put Motherwell to the sword in midweek and Mark McGhee made a right tit of himself with some less than sporting Aberdeen fans, and became, in the process, a You Tube hit. Fitting.

That win put the Dons into second spot, ahead of Rangers. Well the stnographers (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain) can concentrate on bigging-up “The Race For Second”, now we know the only question about Celtic's coronation as Champions will be, after which game doe they achieve this?

Elsewhere, Lee Clark has shown rare good judgement and shot the craw to Bury from Kilmarnock. Now there is a club with ongoing problems. I was there in a journalistic capacity the last time things went really tits-up at Rugby Park, back in the day before Bobby Fleeting arrived. I can see that scenario being reprised.

Good luck to Lee McCulloch, in his caretaker role, he'll need lots of it, plus a few goals from Boydie, to keep Killie in the top flight.

I DO NOT pay much attention to the Champions League – comparing the football there to what we are served-up on a regular basis in Scotland, well, it's depressing. I watched PSG take Barcelona apart in midweek, most-impressive, as was Bayern's disassembling of Arsenal 24-hours later. Aye, yon unidentified SFA official who, in the wake of the Real Madrid v Eintracht game at Hampen back in 1960, said: “Of course, Scottish fans would not pay to watch this kind of football on a weekly basis” clearly had his finger on the pulse of a nation. And his descendants along Hampden's sixth floor corridor are keeping the faith.

Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat

IN MY long media career, I can honestly say I have never been on the merry-go-round which is such a part of being a sports hack in Glasgow – Rangers press conference, Celtic press conference, Scotland press conference; Rangers game, Celtic game, Scotland game, and so on and on until retirement.

I have, by and large, avoided having to be nice to both the bigot brothers and the stumble-bums on the Sixth Floor at Hampden. However, I have, occasionally, been forced to attend these gatherings which are such a big part of the life of the Lap Top Loyal, the Celtic Apologists and the PR battalion of the Tartan Army.

One midweek Ibrox gathering, to announce Rangers' having Adidas as their kit sponsors, still makes me chuckle. The cream of Scotland's football writers had queued-up to respectfully discover the views of Mr (as he then was) Murray, the Rangers' Chairman; each one carefully addressing him as “Mr Murray” and only just managing not to tug his forelock as he did so.

Eventually, it was my turn to ask a question: “Davie” I began; you could hear the mass intake of breath, who was this usurper, daring to address Mr Chairman by his first name?

In response, David Murray addressed me by my first name, and, immediately at the end of the press conference, David Murray and I enjoyed a few moments of conversation, before he left. I was then collared by one of the pillars of the Scottish Football Writers Association, who demanded to know what I had been thinking of, addressing the Rangers' chairman by his first name.

I explained: “Ah kent his faither, Ah've kent Davie since he was involved in basketball, Ah've aye cried him Davie, so-what”. That Glaswegian clearly didn't appreciate how we did things in Ayrshire.

Then there was the summer afternoon at Somerset Park. If it wasn't Graeme Souness's first domestic game as Rangers' manager, it was one of the first. Post-match the new Rangers boss emerged from the dressing room to be confronted by the usual phalanx of football writers. Mobile phones were still fairly new and brick-size back then, so, when Souness asked if he could borrow one, he almost did himself an injury, so keen were the hacks to loan him theirs.

The above tales demonstrate, when it comes to the Old Firm, by and large the press are right up the clubs' erses; desperate to be noticed, careful not to offend, almost actively-seeking praise, recognition and a tit-bit from the Old Firm table. This means, straight away, objectivity goes out of the window.

I had a long spell of covering the local team for a local newspaper. We were a one-team paper, as such, we (the paper) were supporters. But, it was a two-way street, we scratched the club's back, they scratched ours. And, it was understood, by us and by the club, from Chairman, directors and Manager down to the lowliest apprentice, occasionally, we would have to criticise.

In nearly a decade in that job, we had one major fall-out, which was down to the Editor sticking his oar in where it wasn't needed. If the Manager, and I worked with five, thought I had written: “a load of shite” about a game, he was free to say this, knowing my response would be: “Aye, it was shite, just like your team's performance”. We never fell out.

OK, I was working with a single team, the hacks in our national newspapers are supposed to be working with 42 senior clubs, plus the various national sides and the lesser teams. They are supposed to treat each club equally, but, as we all know, two teams are more-important than all the rest put together, which isn't good for Scottish football, or the Scottish football press.

Right now, the managerial vacancy at Rangers is, apparently, the only story in Scotland, and, the stenographers (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain) are falling over themselves not to offend Rangers in their coverage.

Rangers are in a mess, but, they've been in a mess for about a decade, since David Murray realised he could not continue to fund the club as he had been. There have been some (a lot) of stupid decisions made by the various people who have had charge of the club since SDM. Some of their signings have defied logic, the whole ethos of the club is wrong, but, not one hack has stood-up and said this. Why not? Fear, ignorance, a wish to not rock the boat? I don't know.

Well, one guy has had a go, consistently, and that is Bill Leckie of the Sun. Bill is a guy I have known for over two decades, he is a shining star in the firmament of Scottish sports journalism, and I commend his Monday morning piece on events at Rangers to the country.

It is a pity a few more of the stenographers (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain) don't have Bill's balls. And, by the way, for the avoidance of doubt – BILL LECKIE IS A ST MIRREN FAN, believe me, he knows what it is like to suffer for your club.

SO, what happens next at Rangers? Your guess is as good as mine. There is an obvious press campaign to have: “A Real Rangers Man” installed as the next manager. OK, name me a RRM who is a good enough manager to take the current lot and bridge that chasm between them and Celtic?

Even if such a creature existed, remember, he has to do it with a Chairman who is, according to one of the top judges in South Africa: “A glib and shameless liar”, an opinion which might well be endorsed by a top Scottish judge by the time the various court cases involving the club are resolved.

Whoever comes in, even in a caretaker capacity, will have to work with the flawed squad he inherits, and, even to get rid of the obvious failures will cost the club money it clearly does not have. No manager with even half a brain would touch Rangers just now.

Except, someone will. Somebody desperate for a job, somebody, maybe a RRM, will have the ego to think: “I can turn this club around”. Aye Right.

The stenographers (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain), are busy bigging-up their favourites. The usual suspects – Billy Davies, Alex McLeish, Derek McInnes are being named. Honestly, I don't think the stenographers (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain) are doing these guys a favour.

Rangers are in a mess, indeed, they are in such a mess I can honestly see them being back in administration before the end of the season – the situation is that serious.

ALL together now: “Let's all laugh at Rangers, let's all laugh at Rangers, na, na, na, na, na, na”

No caption needed

YOU would honestly think the clowns at the top of the marble staircase at Rangers' Ibrox Park are deliberately trying to ruin this once great club, so-poor has been their decision-making of late. And I do not limit my criticism of the club's High Heid Yins to the current sad bunch.

I know Graham Spiers, for one, would love to write a “proddy” version of 'Downfall', I would too, but, I think getting to the truth of the matter will have to wait a few years yet, until all the legal issues are resolved and the actors have calmed down and can reflect honestly.

Nobody comes out of the whole saga with any credit – from Sir David Murray, via the SFA, SPL and SFL, through various managers, to poor wee Davie Whyte (was he a crook or a deluded fall guy?), via Normandy Charlie Green, the saps at Duff and Phelps, the Three Bears, one or two interim chairmen to the Glib and Shameless Liar and his cohorts, currently frantically bailing to try to keep the footballing ship called Dignity afloat.

It's a gie weird affair when “General” Mike Ashley, arguably the biggest “villain” in English football, certainly around Tyneside, emerges as one of the few guys who has acted with any consistency and good faith. Love him or loath him, Mike has defended his own interests better than anyone else.

Of course, our wonderful Scottish fitba media has again been – er, is shite a strong enough word. The way this lot have covered matters Ibroxian over the past five years makes dear old Alex Cameron's midnight telephone call to the Sports Desk, when they told him him that Rangers were going to sign Mo Johnston - “Don't be ridiculous” was “Chiefy's” response – look like great journalism.

I said at the start of this whole sorry affair: there are lawyers set to make a rich killing, and, if the football powers-that-be had done one of two things:

1, regard Chuck Green's club as a “successor club” and kept “Rangers” in the top flight;

2, told Green – you're a new club, start in the Juniors, or the Lowland League, this whole matter would have been sorted-out lang syne.

There was a third option, which I personally favoured. This was, Green, or whoever, should have bought Rangers, and, at the same time, bought Portsmouth, which was up for sale at a knock-down price, merged the two clubs and the single club thus former – “Portsmouth Rangers” or whatever, should have played out of Ibrox, in the English League. Now, I know setting this up would have been difficult, but, it would not have been impossible. Mind you, we'd have missed a lot of fun over the intervening period.

So, “the Magic Hat”, “the Admirable Warburton”, call him what you will, has gone. Well, the “stenographers” (tm. Phil Mac Giolla Bhain) will now have a feeding frenzy as they speculate on who is next up for the Ibrox Bum of the Season campaign

At least the cannon fodder in Joe Louis's “Bum of the Month” boxing campaign, knew they only had to worry about “the Brown Bomber” hitting them – hard. Whoever succeeds Warburton will have to worry about the forces marshalled by Brendan Rodgers, Derek McInnes, Ian Cathro and Co hitting them head on, while the GASL and the stumble-bums in the Blue Room try to knock their feet from under them.

The new guy, whoever he is, will have to operate with a squad which has demonstrated it is not fit for purpose; reinforcements cannot be summoned-up before the close season, and then, some of the dross will have to shovelled out of the door, incurring severance costs which close observers of matters Ibroxian are positive the club cannot afford, before replacements can be recruited.

And, all the while the Donegal Diarist will be reminding his thousands of followers: “This is a club without a line of credit from a bank”; a club relying on loans from the directors to meet regular monthly commitments and whose “Glib and Shameless Liar” of a chairman has apparently misplaced the key to his £50 million “war chest”.

This is comedy gold. It is great for the sales of popcorn, jelly and ice cream in Croy and other havens of the members of the Celtic family, but, family doctors and pharmacists in Larkhall, Kilwinning, Drongan and the other reservations wherein Ra Bears live will need to stock-up on tranquilisers and anti-depressants in the months to come.

Both writer Armando Iannucci and star actor Peter Capaldi from the TV comedy series 'The Thick Of It' are Glasgow-born Scots-Italians. This would appear to make Celtic Park their natural football home, if they indeed have any time for the Beautiful Game. How I would love to see them tackle the whole Rangers saga, it would be comedy gold – but, could it come close to the real thing?

Mind you, this being Scotland – they would have to give this well-known Scottish actor a part.