Feeding Frenzy From The Bottom Feeders

JUST occasionally, I feel sorry for the stenographers on the sports desks of the Glasgow-published papers, as they struggle to maintain the artery-blocking, obesity-causing over-feeding of the Old Firm fan-base, who will swallow just about any old shite concerning their clubs.

The stenographers really come into their own during those frenetic periods of the year when the transfer windows are open, and they can excel themselves writing exclusives about who is going to be the next big signing by one or other of the Bigot Brothers. Of course, this isn't as much fun these days, with one half being skint and forced to deal in the Poundstretcher and Bargain Basement end of the market, while the mob across the city can at least afford to shop in Lidl and Aldi.

But, to their credit the Lap Top Loyal and the Celtic Apologists still manage to come up with the goods more often than not. I was particularly impressed this morning by one piece in what used to be a serious broadsheet, this reckoned, because Celtic are currently rolling in cash, they ought to splash out and buy a second club in some other continent.

Pure pish. Now, I have no problems with any top-flight Scottish club setting-up a feeder club, but, I would prefer that feeder club be firstly, Scottish, or, secondly, based in one of the other nations of the UK. I appreciate there might be obstacles to, for instance, Rangers buying Ayr United or Celtic buying Dumbarton and running them as “feeder” clubs.

Some would argue, if this were to happen – and I plucked those two clubs out of thin air as it were – should the Scottish Cup draw come out: Ayr United v Rangers, and Celtic v Dumbarton, then there would be suggestions the ties would be fixed. That is understandable.

But, look at it this way; there is no way either Rangers of Celtic would willingly “throw” a Scottish Cup match against what would be an associate club. To suggest that is preposterous. OK, theoretically, there could be an attempted betting coup, but, in Scotland, the bookies would surely spot the trend of money going on the outsiders.

Also, what a gift to the main club, if the feeder outfit won. After all, Ayr and Dumbarton, the teams I am using for demonstration purposes, would be there to develop new talent for Rangers and Celtic. What a boost for the big two to realise, they had genuine quality players coming through, and what a wake-up call to their players, to realise, within the broader club umbrella, there are players ready to come in and displace them.

It is often said, well it was before Warren Gatland went down the road of picking Welshmen first, Englishmen second, Irishmen third and only picking Scotsmen when everyone else was injured, that if you were picked for the British and Irish Lions rugby squad, your biggest opponent was the guy you were battling for the Test match shirt.

It would be the same if a feeder team met the big team; the players in the big team would know – the kid I am going head-to-head with is after my shirt, well, he isn't getting it. Nine times out of ten, the big team would win, in fact, I would say, more than 90 times out of 100, the big team would win.

Say Celtic, because let's face it Rangers are skint so they don't have this option, was to go for a feeder club outwith Scotland. Where would they establish such a club? Well, they could look to England, picking a League Two or League One side. Then, suppose that side was to get into the Premiership, well, there you have it, Celtic in the top flight in England, the dream for a few on the board and many in the stands.

But, given the club's Irish heritage, Celtic taking over, or even establishing a team somewhere in the Republic of Ireland would make sound business and sporting sense. Similarly, Rangers could well think of a team in the (Northern) Irish League as one worth buying – but, would Linfield appreciate the approach?

If it worked for the Big Two, why not for Aberdeen, or the Edinburgh or Dundee clubs too?

WEE Jim Spence, well-known “Ginger” and Dundee United-minded journalist has caused a wee bit of a stooshie in Jute City this week, with his suggestion that Dundee and Dundee United might amalgamate and form “Dundee City”, making the City of Discovery a one-team city.

Needless to say, on Tayside, this went down like a fart in a space suit. I fear the lovely Jim might need to seek refuge in Glasgow for a time. Such is the tribalism in Scottish fitba, that one is as much of a runner as the late, great Wallace Mercer's abortive attempt to form Edinburgh City by amalgamating Hearts and Hibs.

Mind you, Jim has a point, we have too-many “senior” clubs in Scotland. I reckon, at most, we should have a 20-club senior division, below that, the clubs should be part-time, “community” clubs, geared to bringing through local talent and selling these players on to the senior clubs.

HERE we are, two months into 2017, the European competitions are about to kick-off again, but, Scotland's top clubs are out in the cold. What can we do?

Can I resurrect a suggestion I made some years ago? Why doesn't the SFA contact their friends in Scandinavia and see about restoring the old Royal League to the football calendar, but, with Scottish clubs participating?

The Royal League was a competition which ran for a few seasons during the 2000s, involving the top four clubs from Denmark, Norway and Sweden. Put four Scottish clubs into this and you have a 16-club competition which would surely, if our big two were involved, win TV coverage and mean additional European exposure for Scottish teams and players.

If it worked, perhaps the Icelandic and Finnish leagues would wish to become involved, and, who knows, if proposals to make the Champions League even more of a closed shop for the major leagues, this competition could become popular among the small and mid-ranking European nations.

FINALLY, perhaps because last weekend was a Six Nations Rugby one, I saw one or two commentators suggesting it was time we brought Television Match Officials into football. This followed Celtic getting a penalty that never was at St Johnstone.

One wee problem with that particular spot kick. The incident would not have come under the remit of a TMO in rugby. A second wee problem is, football is more free-flowing than rugby; the fans wouldn't like constant interruptions while the TMO is consulted. We have to remember, football players and coaches are more-argumentative than rugby players, unless a tennis-style challenges system was introduced, games would last two days, with all the arguing that would ensue about whose ball it was.

I can accept the benefits of TMOs, but, bringing them in will mean crossing a legal mine field.