Where Scotland In Tournaments Are Concerned, Murphy's Law Does Not Go Nearly Far Enough

MURPHY'S LAW - “If it can go wrong, it will” is a notion with which all Celts, including we Scots are familiar. However, there is the lesser-known follow-on, which is less appreciated.

I refer to 'MacSporran's Corollary' – simply put: “Yon Murphy was always an optimist”.

A car crash - How Scotland qualifying campaigns usually end

In particular, when it comes to Scotland and qualifying for the finals of major tournaments, it can go wrong, it will go wrong, and it will go wrong spectacularly. That is why, I am in full Robert Burns mode as I preview tonight's Hampden meeting with Malta, and the games against Slovakia and Slovenia which are waiting down the road. And, don't get me started on play-offs.

After winning in Lithuania, on-paper, the rest of the campaign looks so simple. Beat Malta – nae danger, job done already; beat Slovakia at Hampden – ach, easy-peasy, then win in Slovenia – skoosh case. Play-offs, ya dancer – Russia here we come.

But, for me it's more: “An' forit tho' Ah canna see, Ah guess and fear”.

This is a Scotland campaign we are dealing with, remember. What could possibly go wrong?

• We are assuming, while we beat Malta, England will beat Slovakia at Wembley, therefore allowing us to leap-frog the Slovaks into second spot. Suppose we have another Hampden Howler and don't make the Maltese cross? Or worse, what if England lose to Slovakia? I mean, this is not, currently, a good England team.
• Can we he sure we can beat Slovakia? Ever since the days the Slovaks were the back half of Czecho/Slovakia, they have given us us problems. Beating them at Hampden is never a given.
• Those super optimists in the ranks of the Tartan Army should perhaps have a look at the FIFA rankings. Slovakia are ranked 22 in the world, 14 in Europe; Slovenia are 51 in the world, 27 in Europe; Scotland are 58 in the world, 31 in Europe. We are not going into our final two games from a position of strength.
• As is so-often the case with Scotland, we are expecting our guys to over-perform, and out opposition to under-perform, to get the result we need. This has not happened too-often in the past, why should things change now?

Suppose, for once the stars are properly aligned for us and we do finish second in the group. Only the top eight second-placed teams from the ten qualifying groups qualify for the play-offs. Would it not be typically Scottish to get the results we require in our final three qualifiers, but, finish ninth – failing maybe by one goal to qualify? That would be a Scottish way of finishing the campaign on a low.

Say we did qualify for the play-offs, would it not be typically Scottish to be drawn with one of the big names, who had a thoroughly-wretched qualifying campaign and only just scraped through – only for them, once drawn with Scotland, to find their misplaced mojo and thump us? It has happened before.

And that is why, I have built a wee hidey-hole, behind the settee, from which I will watch things unfold over the final three games. Ah canna bear it.

IF you get your football information from our established media – either the Dead Trees Society or BBC Radio Old Firm, you might have been forgiven for thinking, because Scotland were playing Friday and Monday, there was nae fitba on Saturday.

Well, there was some diddy cup, being sponsored by your other national drink, and, of course, there was a full Junior programme, but, we don't mention them in polite company. There were also, on Saturday, a wheen o' Scottish Cup ties being played – the second preliminary round no less, after which, Davie Hay helped make the draw for the first round proper, which came out thus:

William Hill Scottish Cup First Round draw 2017-18:

Banks O’Dee v Huntly; Brora Rangers v Girvan; BSC Glasgow v Dalbeattie Star; Civil Service Strollers v Strathspey Thistle; Clachnacuddin v Fort William; Colville Park v Cumbernauld Colts; Deveronvale v Hawick Royal Albert; Edinburgh University v Lossiemouth; Edusport Academy v Rothes; Formartine United v Turriff United; Fraserburgh v Forres Mechanics; Gala Fairydean Rovers v Keith; Glenafton Athletic v Glasgow University or Threave Rovers; Lothian Thistle Hutchison Vale v Inverurie Loco Works; Nairn County v Whitehill Welfare; Selkirk v Gretna 2008; Spartans v Vale of Leithen; Wick Academy v University of Stirling.

Ties to be played on Saturday, 23 September 2017.

You have to feel sorry for Girvan, Hawick Royal Albert and Gala Fairydean Rovers, handed lengthy treks to the northern territories, and, the biggest-name in this round: Lothian Thistle Hutchison Vale, who are heading for Inverurie Loco Works, probably the second-biggest named club left. Ah, the magic of the Cup.

I had a sneaking hope oor ain wee village side, Glenafton Athletic – who did a total second-half demolition job on poor Golspie Sutherland at Loch Park on Saturday – turning a 0-1 half-time deficit into a 6-1 win at full time, might be drawn against Spartans – just to see how hard these Spartans were when faced with the Afton Party Army in full cry, but, it wasn't to be.