There Was Something Very Scottish About How England Made It Hard For Themselves Beating Colombia

WATCHING England stumble past a piss-poor Colombia team, into the last eight of the World Cup last night – my first thought was: “Are you Scotland in disguise?” Because, there was something strangely familiar and Caledonian about their win.

 

Scotland in disguise? The England World Cup Squad

England was the better side, however, the all-too-familiar failings of the modern British game prevented them from truly making their superiority tell. The match ought never have gone to extra time, far less “the lottery of penalty kicks.” However, England lacked the technical skills, the wit and the imagination, to comfortably see-off their South American opponents.

I still remember my second Old Firm game, at Celtic Park, on 10 August, 1963. Rangers won 3-0, Jim Forrest announced his arrival with two goals and long before the end, the home fans had streamed away in disgust, leaving vast, empty tracts of terracing.

Forrest scored his second, Rangers' third goal, with one-quarter of the game to play. Had they wished, Rangers could surely have scored more goals, but, Baxter decided enough was enough, and spent the final quarter orchestrating humiliation on his hosts – who incidentally included six future Lisbon Lions in their ranks.

Baxter - the master of piss-taking keep-ball tactics

The Slim One was the conductor in a concentrated spell of “keep ball”, mainly involving John Greig, Ronnie McKinnon and Davie Provan, with occasional solo cameos from Willie Henderson and Davie Wilson. Ra Peepul, naturally, lapped-up this virtuoso display of gallus superiority from Baxter, the master of the genre.

How I wished, England could have produced such a show last night. But, while, naturally, they didn't possess a player capable of lacing Baxter's drinks, far less his boots; they ought to have been able, as that Rangers team were, of passing the ball around at will, frustrating the Colombians, and killing the game.

Celtic, under Jock Stein, had their own unique method of running down the clock and frustrating opponents. As I remember Bobby Lennox explaining: “If we wanted to waste time, we just gave the ball to Jinky and told him to take it for a walk.” The Wee Man would simply take-off down the wing, tormenting his opponents to dispossess him, an act which usually involved Celtic being awarded a free-kick in a dangerous area, offering them the chance to score.

 Jinky - nobody came close when it came to taking the ball for a walk to run down the clock

Of course, dribbling skills, even remotely-close to those Jinky, or Davie Cooper might display, are all but lost today; and, in any case, individual displays of prowess are frowned-on by today's coaches, more's the pity.

I doubt if we will, anytime soon, see a British midfielder with Baxter's combination of sheer arrogant gallusness, and his ability to nonchalantly make the killing 60-yard crossfield pass. However, we are increasingly these days told, today's players have a technical prowess beyond all but the very best of the old timers.

Pish, if that was the case, how come so-many England passes, even the simple five-to-ten-yard variety, did not go straight to feet? Even passing the ball around to kill time and frustrate the Colombians looked to be a chore. Sure today's players have an athleticism most of even the greats of the past didn't have, but, even the much-maligned Davie MacPherson – remember the unkind quote: “He's a versatile Scottish defender, he can mis-kick with both shins,” had better ball control than some of those England players.

The English media are getting awfy-excited about “Our 'Arry”, England captain Harry Kane. OK, he's a striker, a sub-species known for being a bit selfish and self-centred. But, when real captaincy was called for on Tuesday night, when tempers were flashing and the verbals were being exchanged – where was the Skipper?

 Bobby Moore and Billy McNeill - two great captains, who led from the front

Missing in action, that's where he was. He ought to have been in there, dragging argumentative niggling players such as Jordan Henderson away from the flash-points. Mind you, Henderson, as a Liverpool captain, should have known better. Just get the England players away from the feuding; very quickly, the referee would have realised: only one team is giving me problems here, and started sorting them out. Billy Wright, Bobby Moore or Brian Robson would have shown more leadership.

Of course, we can talk – you never find the Scots walking away when the boots start flying. This, however, on Tuesday night was another case of: “Are you Scotland in disguise?”

Another thing which perplexed me about the England performance was, how naïve they were in their passing. I accept, they will never be able to play tiki-taki well. The notions of one-touch passing and moving which that 21st century version of the 19th century Queen's Park play book is beyond this England team.

However, their ponderous, back and forth passing was never going to break down that Colombian defence. Where were the ancient British staples of fast, along the ground balls between the central defenders and full-backs, for wingers to run onto? They are like England cricket batsman, whose first movements are across and back, rather than on to the front foot and playing forward.

British football, at its best, is about playing at pace and with passing accuracy, two facets which England failed to demonstrate. For instance, that Belgian winner the other night – that was a classic British goal.

A Chelsea goalkeeper bowls a quick out ball to a Manchester City midfielder, who runs 60-yards, passes ahead of a PSG player, whose low cross is dummied by a Manchester United player, for a Spurs man to score. OK, we cannot play-down the part which Thomas Meunier of PSG played in its execution, but, this was a goal made in the English League.

Wing Commander Charles Reep - Belgium showed his theory could work

Basically, it was an exemplary demonstration of dear old, much-maligned Wing Commander Charles Reep's theory: that most goals were scored via short, sharp three or four-pass moves. Just occasionally, good old-fashioned straightforward British football works – even if it takes four or five Belgians to demonstrate this.

And by the way, fear ye not all you Scots who can see our worst nightmare happening, and England winning the damned thing. Much as I like Gareth Southgate, and admire how well he is coping with the “impossible job” of being England manager. England just might be the best team in their half of the draw, and they are arguably, a better team than Sweden, Serbia or Russia.

But, some time soon, they have to come up against someone from the other half, and Uruguay, France, Brazil and Belgium are all better teams than England. All bar Uruguay are ranked above England in the FIFA-Coca-Cola World Rankings; and we all know one of the firmest rules of World Cup Finals play - England always lose the first time they meet a higher-ranked team in the knock-out stages.

That's another way in which they are Scotland in disguise – they will not win the 2018 World Cup.