It's Minnows v Minnows With Delusions Of Being Salmon

I HAVE long believed, for decades now, the High Heid Yins at the Scottish Football Association have got away with murder – of the national game.

To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, they have managed by and large to: “fool most of the people, most of the time,” into believing that Scotland is only ever a lucky break or two away from being back where we were at the high point of the Victorian British Empire – the masters of world football.

They have also managed to avoid the gift of that ultimate power, perhaps best described by Robert Burns, and “see oorsels as ithers see us.” - which brings us back to the “foolish notion” mentioned in the final five words of the last paragraph.

This ower-guid conceit o' oorsels, common among Scottish football fans was brought home to me last night when looking at a Kilmarnock fans' forum page on Facebook. Some of the sense of entitlement was almost at Old Firm levels as the Rugby Park faithful digested the news – they are going to face one almighty scramble for tickets if they wish to follow Ayrshire's finest to North Wales for their first European competition match in 18 years.

The away leg of their Europea League second qualifying round match against Connah's Quay Nomads will be held at Rhyl's 1500-capacity ground, with Killie, at best, able to take a little over 500 fans with them.

This is, according to many of the Rugby Park faithful, is an insult to the club – how dare these North Walian minnows treat the mighty Killie like this.

Aye, ok, BUT, in this case, the reality is, it is Kilmarnock, rather than CQN who are “the minnows.”

I checked-out the official UEFA Clubs Co-efficient Table. This lists the European record of the continent's top 450 clubs; it does not make good reading from a Scottish perspective. The Scottish clubs' places in the table are:

46= Celtic

191= Aberdeen

206= Rangers

222 Hibernian

223 Heart of Midlothian

224 St Johnstone

225 Inverness Caledonian Thistle

226 Motherwell

Connah's Quay are ranked 352=, and, since they haven't played in Europe for 18 years, Kilmarnock do not as yet have a co-efficient ranking. Against this, 2019-20 will be the fifth-successive season in which the Welsh team have competed in Europe.

OK, I accept that, while Scotland is ranked 20^th in UEFA's Countries Co-efficient rankings, while Wales are a lowly 48^th, the reality is, Celtic has almost single-handedly maintained us in even that mid-table position.

Another stark reminder of how little presence our clubs have in Europe is to take a look at how Scotland has slid down among the dead men over the 63 years of competitive European club football.

Sure, we have had our successes, ever since Hibs set a high bar by reaching the semi-finals in the first season of European Cup football – 1955-56. But, is one European Cup win, two European Cup-Winners Cup and one European Super Cup win, plus a handful of final appearances a good return on 63 years of effort?

Look at our European match-winning record over these seven decades.

In the 1950s, we won 42.86% of our European games

In the 1960s, we won 63.16%

In the 1970s, we won 53.76%

In the 1980s, we won 57.94%

In the 1990s, we won 40.00%

In the 2000s, we won 44.58%

In the 2010s, we won 34.84%

We haven't won a European trophy since 1983, and we haven't had a club in a European final in over a decade. The reality is, in European terms, we are there to make-up the numbers.

So, it does my fellow Killie fans little good to be: “Disgusted of Onthank” and complain of being somehow insulted by only having the chance of securing one of 530 tickets for the away game in Wales. Given that Killie's average home attendance last season was 6995, and allowing for visiting supporters – the reality is, we Ayrshire fans have a one-in-nine or one-in-ten chance of getting one of the precious briefs.

Since season ticket holders will get priority, it is perhaps more-sensible to wait for the second leg at Rugby Park, then turn up and roar Killie into the next qualifying round, rather than moaning.

But, we Scots love a moan.

I AM writing this blog prior to the kick-off in the Scotland v Argentine Women's World Cup match in Paris's Parc Des Princes. As is so-often the case when a Scottish side faces a “must-win” match on the big stage: “forrit tho' Ah cannae see, Ah guess and fear.”

We've been here before, often, in the past 61 years – needing to win our final group game to stay alive. We have yet to do so. Hopefully, the Lassies will prevail when so-many men have failed, but, hey, this is Scotland. Even if the girls do win, something they are capable of doing, you have to wonder which of the delights in that box which the Football Gods keep at-hand for crucial games: the one labelled: “How can we put the boot into Scotland this time,” they will press into service.

Mind you, if it wasn't for their bad luck, the Scots Lassies would have nae luck. Surely they will get the breaks in this match they haven't had in their two previous ones.

And, if it should all go pear-shaped and the girls are packing for home tomorrow, unlike one or two of the male squads we have sent to World Cups in the past, they will go home with their heads held high, they have not let us down.

Then, we can settle down to the part of EVERY World Cup we really enjoy. That bit when the English Media go into full-on “Ingurland, Ingurland, Ingurland – football's coming home” mode, and we Scots can sit back, smiling and eating popcorn, as we await the usual trip-up and the carnage of the post-tournament blame game.

Are you really sure schadenfreude is a German thing?