WITH ABSOLUTE confidence in RB Leipzig's ability to beat Celtic in Glasgow last night, I opted for 'coonsil telly' and the BBC Alba coverage of the crucial Scotland v Ireland Women's World Cup play-off.
Since I was watching an excellent Simon Reeve documentary on The Lake District on BBC 2 – which I commend to the House, I turned over to Alba just before the kick-off and must admit, Scotland's early play did not fill me with much confidence, as they allowed Ireland to seize the early initiative. Then, when Caroline Weir had that first half penalty saved, I recognised, this was the 2022 remake of an old movie: Disaster For Scotland. I've seen this one before, many times.
No harm to the girls, who will be more-gutted than even the most-experienced Tartan Army foot soldier, but, as I saw it, on the night, they didn't turn-up. The best Scotland performances are played out to the skirl of the pipes: the sound of Scotland The Brave, Black Bear, Heiland Laddie, The Barren Rocks Of Aden going through our heads. Last night was more Flooers O' The Forest paced.
I expect Scotland teams to pass the ball quickly and accurately along the ground, at pace. The way we slowly and painstakingly came out from the back, often taking seven or eight passes just to get to the centre circle – that's not how Scotland play at their best.
I remember seeing a film of the 1970 Brazilians, arguably the greatest team ever, in training. It was put to a Samba beat. Sure, they brought the ball out from the back, but, the rhythm and beat increased in intensity after they crossed half-way. We never saw that crispness, far-less Barcelona-style 'tiki-taka' from Scotland last night.
There was a lot of passing, but little passing and moving; nobody tried to pass through the Irish, indeed, I felt the normally excellent Ms Weir – so-often our play-maker, if she got the ball at all, got it maybe 30 yards too far from the Irish goal.
In any case, she was subjected to what was almost a basketball-style 'box-on-one' defensive structure, put together by Vera Pauw, who used her knowledge of the Scottish girls to good effect.
However, if four Irish girls are boxed around Weir – why weren't the Scottish girls they freed up, making good passes and better using the space they had?
The long throw-in has been around almost as long as football. I can remember Ian Hutchison setting-up Dave Webb's FA Cup-winning goal for Chelsea v Leeds United back in 1970. That's 52 years ago. More recently Stoke City's Rory Delap used to regularly cause chaos with his missiles from the touchlines. Last night Ireland's Megan Campbell wrought havoc in the Scotland box every time she went to the touchline to take a throw-in.
OK, fair play to Sophie Howard for knowing the Laws and ducking under one such throw-in to allow the ball to pass safely into the goal, but, as a former goalkeeper, I was screaming at Lee Gibson, that one, plus several other balls into the box, were crying out for a goalkeeper to go and collect them. Sadly, it appears Mrs Gibson is the latest in a long line of Scottish goalkeepers to have graduated from the Count Dracula School of Goalkeeping – they don't go near crosses.
Ach! I've been living through Disasters for Scotland all my life, this was just another one to add to a long list. I console myself with the knowledge, some day that thing that's for us – winning the World Cup for instance – will no go bye us. I just hope I am still around to see it.
AT LEAST, if you're a member of The Celtic Family, another embarrassing Champions League exit was partially-soothed by events across the city at Hampden.
By the way, I almost have some sympathy for whoever has possession of the biscuit tin these days. Imagine escorting the UEFA delegate to his seat in the Celtic Park Directors' Box, having assured him he is about to witness the greatest display of home fan dedication in all of football, then to look out and see that: “Against Hunger and the crown” banner, displayed by the Green Brigade, and wondering: “Fuck, how much is that one going to cost us?”
Back in the 1970s, my great football-writing hero Ian 'Dan' Archer, described Rangers as: “A permanent embarrassment and an occasional disgrace.” This quote allowed Celtic to claim the moral high ground, I think the Green Brigade are doing their very-best to take their club down beside their great rivals in living down to Dan's verdict.
BBC Shortbread's Sports Department, like its News Department, has for many years provided a home from home for reporters with no discernible talent. One of the best/worst of these was the seldom-remembered Colin Calder, a boring nyaff from Kilmarnock who swapped accountancy for giving poor accounts of football matches.
Dear Colin's Shortbread career ended shortly after, on the day David Murray bought Rangers, he asked 'The Great Waldo,' Hearts' owner Wallace Mercer, if: “Football clubs are now rich men's playthings?”
Waldo, to his great credit, nearly skewered Calder to the Tynecastle wall and, shortly thereafter, Calder's dulcet tones vanished from the BBC Shortbread airwaves.
Maybe the Irish billionaire, to whom Celtic is now something of a plaything should be considering if he is getting a good return on his investment. Celtic's collection of expensively-recruited non-Scots are clearly good enough for our wee diddy league, but, totally ill-equipped to compete at the top level in Europe.
Maybe Celtic should use some of that clout they appear to think they have, from being one of Europe's iconic football brands, to ensure, the team which finishes fourth in their group in the Champions League, drops into the Europa Conference League, so they can continue to make money out of European competition – even after they have been found out.
THE ABOVE noted, if Celtic have problems, they are minor compared to those facing Gio van Bronckhorst after Wednesday night's hammering at the hands of Liverpool.
I missed the worst of the Ibrox horror show, switching channels at half-time, after seeing how easily Liverpool had equalised, and the way too-many Rangers players were making it clear they didn't want the ball, I knew it would all fall apart after half-time. So, I switched to watching Jason Statham, (the greatest-ever Scottish goalkeeper – when he played 'The Monk' in Guy Ritchie's Mean Machine) flirting with Jo Lo in 'Parker.' At least, I was entertained.
I have been writing on here for years – the majority of this current Rangers squad are simply: NRC – Not Rangers Class. I accept, the days are gone when The Old Firm had the financial muscle to compete with the top English clubs and thereby retain their best talent. Nowadays, any Old Firm player who gets enough good right-ups from the less-than-impartial Glasgow press corps will quickly get a move to a mid-table English Premiership or Championship club, immediately doubling his salary, but probably without advancing his career very much.
The paradox is – there are only a handful of English clubs which have the caché of being 'A Big Club' in the Old Firm sense: Arsenal, Manchester City, Manchester United and Liverpool certainly meet that criteria, while you could make a case for Chelsea, Tottenham and maybe anywhere but on the pitch Newcastle United.
So, if the oft-mooted British League ever happens, the two Glasgow giants would probably be top half of the table clubs, in the mix for the title and able to compete at the sharp end in Europe.
However, I honestly cannot see such a league ever happening, so perhaps, if the NFL-style pan-European competition ever happens, we might see them in there – certainly in terms of following, core support and history, they have a chance of being considered.
Sir Robert Kelly is a controversial figure in the Celtic Family of today; in many of the wider family's view, tainted by his leadership of the 'Four Families' who allegedly held-back the club for many years.
Certainly times were different, but, Kelly was a veritable giant in football administration circles of his days. Perhaps the kindest view is that, by the time he was in-power at Celtic Park, between 1947 and his death in 1971, the 'Corinthian standards' to which Kelly held were already out-dated.
Kelly joined the Celtic board in 1932, becoming Chairman in 1947. While he was a board member, Celtic were consistently second-best to the Bill Struth-managed Rangers. It is generally agreed, the Celtic board of the time didn't manage the club well, and results back this up.
In Kelly's first decade as Chairman,, yes there were highs – a Scottish Cup win in 1951. plus victory in the one-of St Mungo's Cup competition; the Coronation Cup success in 1953; a League and Cup double in 1954, however, the club's average league finish in that decade was 6th.
Then, Kelly had the idea of the club growing their own stars and introduced the Kelly Kids, coached by Jock Stein. This had little short-to-medium term effect; the average league position rose to fifth, but, while some future Celtic Greats, including the bulk of the Lisbon Lions were 'Kelly Kids' – the League Cup wins in 1957 and 1958 were scant reward before Stein's return brought a Scottish Cup win in 1965, the double in 1966 and the years of plenty which were to follow.
Sir Robert Kelly's vision and belief took a long time to bear fruit. I raise this in a section of this blog devoted to Rangers, merely to make this point. Gio van Bronckhorst came through the Feyenoord youth development system, which, if not as celebrated and feted as that at Ajax, has also produced an awful lot of top players, including GVB himself.
I just wonder if GVB could persuade the Rangers board to allow him the time to develop their own players in the way he grew-up at his first club. I wonder even more, would the Rangers' support stand for the possibility of a period of fallow seasons, while the kids matured.
Past experience tells me, Rangers would never countenance such a move – we will never see a Rangers version of the Kelly Kids, or their successors 'The Quality Street Gang' come out of Ibrox. They had the chance to do this when the club was demoted to Division Two, but didn't take it.
The mistakes made back then are now coming home to roost for the Blue half of Glasgow. They did what they have always done, tried to spend their way out of trouble and, again they have failed – the very proof of madness.
Losing a big game 1-7 is not a new experience for Rangers. I just wonder, however, how quickly they will learn from this one, and can they recover? Because, the Ibrox theme song on Wednesday was that old favourite: “The Cry Was No Defenders.”
THEN, as if to prove calamities come in triplicate, we had Hearts' abysmal display in Florence on Thursday night.
Michaelangelo's David has more cover than Craig Gordon got, as once again: “The Cry Was No Defenders.” At least, in Robbie Neilson's defence, he has such a lengthy injury list to cover, this one was always going to be a perilous journey for the Gorgie club.
Under the circumstances, a thumping for Hearts was always on the cards. But, I just wonder, and this one applies to all three Scottish clubs – why cannot our guys defend set pieces? Time and again we see our sides embarrassed by the opposition's movement and awareness at such set pieces.
I would suggest, defending set pieces is one skill a side can easily practice in training. Perhaps they do, but, if they cannot perform in real time, in games, then maybe the players should not be being paid to play in any case.
There was this mate of mine, who sadly toddled off to the Great Pavilion in the Sky earlier this year, who had played in the old First Division in England – what is now the Premiership. He was down at his old club for a celebratory reunion and speaking to one of the club coaches, who asked him: “What are you doing up there in Scotland? It used to be, you guys came down here and could dominate games, you demanded the ball, then used it. The Scots guys I see these days, they can run all day, but, they don't want the ball and, when they get it, they tend to trip over it – what has happened?”
That conversation was reported to me at least a decade ago. I think, since then, things have got worse. We really are in a bad way. And again I say, for as long as they can shove their snouts in the trough, the blazers along the sixth floor corridor at Hampden don't seem to give a monkey's or the failing state of Scotland's game.
Not for the first time, Private James Fraser, Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard, is proving to the Northern Nostradamus.
WE ARE ALL DOOMED!
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