TIME to do my celebrated David Francey impression: “Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! Disaster for Scotland.” Or perhaps it would be better to reprise part of one of Chic Murray's lines from his celebrated 'Blackpool Wedding' monologue and say: “the organist played Here We Are Again.”

OK, the Old Fool hasn't lost it again, I am referring to Hibs' 1-2 loss to their unheralded Andorran opponents in Thursday's opening European match of this new season. There is a clip on Facebook of the travelling Leithers' response to this defeat; one which was made perhaps slightly more-tolerable by a 91^st minute Hibs' goal.

Let's just say, a moving rendition of 'Sunshine On Leith' it wasn't. The troops were not amused and making their unhappiness all too clear to the Hibs players as they left the field.

Am I surprised? Not really. Scottish clubs have been doing prat falls in the early rounds of Europe for many years now. You might think the High Heid Yins at the clubs would have cottoned-on to the fact, their management model was faulty and done something lang syne. But no, I reckon we will stumble along, under-achieving with greater regularity for a few years yet.

To quote dear old Craig Brown: “there are no easy international games these days,” and that applies equally if the international game involves a club or national team.

Gaining parity – the first task; then winning the second leg at Easter Road will not, I suspect, be an easy ask.

Still, you reap what you sow; so when you go down the road of signing third and fourth-rate non-Scots, only giving native talent its chance after you have exhausted every other avenue, and totally junked the legacy of The Famous Five, Joe Baker, Pat Stanton and so on – you end up losing to the representatives of a country which has, as one poster noted on Facebook: “a population smaller than a full house at Celtic Park.”

Of course, those thoroughly pissed-off Hibs fans in Andorra, and, can I say, after shelling-out hard-earned cash, in times of real economic hardship, to follow their side to the Pyrennes – they had every right to be angry, are Scottish fans.

We have been raised to believe nations such as Andorra produce “diddy teams” that we, the 21^st century descendants of the Scotch Professors who taught the world the passing game, should be able to beat without breaking sweat.

Recent results in the early qualifying rounds in Europe have surely proved – now, our sides that sneak into the lesser European competitions on the coat tails of the Bigot Brothers, these clubs are not just 'diddy teams' inside the mind of Charles Young Esquire – in Europe, they are 'diddy teams' in their own right.

LOW POINTS in the stellar history of Scottish Football Writing. I can report a late contender for the top ten – Aidan Smith's piece in Saturday's Hoots Mon.

Here young Aidan manages to name-check Jacob Rees-Mogg and Nigel Farage, suggesting Scottish Fitba's High Heid Yins should consult that pair of numpties on a way to get us out of Europe, in the wake of Hibs' Andorran Apocalypse.

Pay attention Aidan – Scotland's 'diddy teams' such as Hibs, Aberdeen, Motherwell, Kilmarnock, even Rangers some season ago, could have given the Brexiteers lessons on how to exit Europe in the most-embarrassing way possible.

Our clubs have long been “the three-pin plugs” of football - “useless in Europe.”

MEANWHILE, in that other parallel universe, occupied by the Glasgow-based Scottish football media, it's still all about the Bigot brothers, which diddy non-Scottish players they are supposedly buying, while preparing for the Breengers opening European game, next week, against either Servette or Genk.

The Belgians are ranked 137 in UEFA's Club Co-efficient list, while the Swiss are at 201 – lower than Hearts, Hibs, Dundee United, Motherwell, St Johnstone and Kilmarnock. So, a guaranteed win for Rangers, or a potential banana skin? You decide.

By the way, the second round draw – the last 16 - for the Viaplay Cup was made over the weekend. Another question, will it still be known as that by the time the final comes around – or will Viaplay's pull out of the UK market see it renamed?

I WAS AWARE that Scottish Gas have purchased naming rights to Murrayfield, Scotland's largest sports ground, now known as Scottish Gas Murrayfield. However, the news that the same company were now sponsoring the Men's and Women's Scottish Cup passed over my head – probably because I've largely given-up on newspapers and BBC Shortbread.

It's strange to see the early rounds containing stellar Junior Football names such as Auchinleck Talbot, Glenafton Athletic, Irvine Meadow and Hill o' Beath, our game is definitely changing. Tie of the early rounds, either The Glen v Darvel, or Hill o' Beath v Tayport.

My new favourite team name, ok, it may never have the romance of Glenbuck Cherrypickers, but, I do love the idea of Flip the Mindset Women, who will entertain Nairn St Ninian's in the Women's Scottish Cup.

Flip a woman's mindset – how?

LISTENING TO Test Match Special during the lengthy rain break in the afternoon session of the final test at The Oval, I and the other listeners were treated to a wonderful half hour segment, of former England Captain Michael Atherton and his nemesis, Glen McGrath, talking to Jonathan Agnew. The reason for the segment, the fact McGrath has dismissed Atherton 19 times, the greatest success rate in the one v one history of cricket.

OK, I accept that cricket, by its very format, offers greater opportunity for one v one competition, within the framework of a team game. But, how come we never get these sorts of snippets in football comment.

Retired footballers operating in the media tend to be “characters”, more known for funny incidents, and more-often discussing such incidents. We seldom, if ever, get a serious discussion about facets of the game, or, where it is going.

For instance, elsewhere in the TMS coverage of the rain break, we had a group of the pundits selecting the England team for the 2027 Ashes series in England.

Yes, you got that correct – pick an international team to play four year hence. I just wonder what kind of mess the great brains of BBC Shortbread might make, if asked to pre-select the Scotland squad for say the 2026 World Cup. Would they even know the names of the young Scots who might emerge for that campaign?

How many of the current squad would still be there, particularly if Stevie Clarke was no longer leading Scotland?

Fitba coverage in Scotland has been dumbed down considerably in recent years, a fact which has allowed the stumble bums running our game to get away with murder.

It really is time for our mainstream media to get serious about the game.

FINALLY, Congratulations to one of the Best Guys ever to sit in a press box. I refer to the great Roddy Forsyth, who is hanging-up his mike and shutting down his lap top after the best part of half a century at the coal face.

Roddy's Parkinson's Disease has been a big factor in his decision to quit and he was invited up to the sixth floor corridor for a farewell presentation from the SPFL in recognition of his fine work in covering the game up here.

I now hope Roddy will write his memoirs, he has a terrific story to tell.

Enjoy a long retirement Mate.

 

Here We Go Again - A New Season But The Same Old Pish

(This opening paragraph should be read to Dvorak's New World Symphony in the background.)

EEH! When Ah were nowt burralad, we 'ad real summers: hot weather, sunshine, we'd go off down t' burn all day, and didn't 'ave ter come 'ome intil street lights came on. We also had sporting seasons; football stopped on 1 May, then we played cricket. When Wimbledon came round, we played tennis, then, with T' Open Golf, we played that. Only then, with the Claret Jug on its way back to America, or to somewhere in the Empire (white nations only back then) did our thoughts turn back to football.

But, these days are past and in the past they must remain. Saturday Football in Scotland has returned – sort of; with the opening group ties in whatever the League Cup is called this season. A mere 42 days – six weeks – had passed since The Scottish Cup Final, the supposed big finish to the domestic season – that's an indecently-short close season.

Of course, it was only the 'Diddy Teams' who were in meaningful action; the big guns – Celtic, Rangers, Aberdeen, Hearts and Hibs don't have to bother themselves with domestic issues for another two or three weeks – most of them have the small matter of not embarrassing Scotland in Europe before they need worry about being embarrassed at home, a fate which befell St Mirren, St Johnstone and Dundee United on what passed for opening day of the new season.

Celtic don't kick-off their European campaign until September, since they have gone straight into the group stage of the Champions League.

Rangers kick-off their Champions League campaign at the Third Qualifying Round stage, on 8/9 August.

Aberdeen go into the Play-Off Round of the Europa League, which means their campaign will start on 24 August.

Hibs' Europa Conference League campaign gets underway this Thursday, 27 July, when they play their first leg against the Andorran club Inter Escaldes, who beat a Faroese club to qualify to host Hibs this week.

Hearts' Europa Conference League campaign doesn't start until 10 August, when they play their opening match in the third qualifying round.

Back when I was a boy, football didn't start until the second week-end in August. In those days, you were allowed to recover from your summer holidays before you were expected to turn your thoughts to fitba and the onset of winter.

Has this need for all-year-round fitba made us any happier? Ah hae ma doots, I certainly feel the quality of the game has gone downhill rapidly as the fixture demands on the players has increased.

Crowds haven't been great over the first two weekends; which, given how hard the Tories are currently making it for us lower orders to survive, isn't surprising. A family's financial cake can only be cut so-many ways, and when times are hard, something has to give – so why not subsidising the lifestyle of badge-kissing foreign imports who don't know the difference between St Mirren and St Johnstone, or East Fife and East Stirlingshire.

We really do need to have a serious look at Scottish football, and how to make it better. I appreciate, the game really needs root and branch reform, which means getting FIFA to take the lead in sorting-out a mess which is largely of their making, but, I am not holding my breath on this.

What can a wee country like Scotland do? Not a lot, I hear you say. However, we do have, for a small nation, a few things going for us when it comes to making a difference – not least our place on IFAB – the International Football Associations Board, the body which has a huge say in how the Laws of the Game are administered. That would be a good place to start, by lobbying for change there.

Even if we can do little to push through the necessary big changes, we can still, domestically, make the small tweaks which might, in time, make a huge difference.

For a start, if I can once again flog an old hobby horse of mine:

• WE MUST DO MORE TO ENCOURAGE YOUNG SCOTTISH TALENT

We could, I suggest, do this and boost the faltering League Cup by forcing the clubs to field Scots in this competition. For a start, the League Cup does not carry a European place in the following season as an incentive; so, how about:

• Making it mandatory for clubs to field Scotsmen in the League Cup.

If that is unacceptable to the clubs at the moment, well, as a starting point towards making it a Scots Only competition, why not:

• Enforce Chick Young's “Eight Diddies” rule, by insisting each club has eight Scotsmen on the park at all times during games.

I have a feeling, if they knew they were going along to support young, local talent, the fans would come out in increased numbers. Also, if the bigger clubs had to pick Scots instead of their foreign mercenaries, it might level the playing field even more.

Let's do something, because the current overall management model isn't working.

FINALLY – tomorrow will be a serious day for Scottish football, when we gather in the afternoon, in The Ayrshire Suite, at Ayr Racecourse to bid farewell to Craig Brown.

The Ayrshire Suite is a big venue, but, I expect it to be well-filled as we say our goodbye to one of the really good guys of The Beautiful Game.

 

Youth Development - A Scottish Footballing Oxymoron

 

The legendary Lost Boys of 1989
 

ENGLAND has just won the European Under-21 Championships, well done to them. Unfortunately, I don't see a lot of the members of the winning team going on to have distinguished careers in English football. I might be wrong in this, but, given how, in the top-flight of the English domestic game, with most of the clubs now being foreign-owned and managed, English players are what is known in the animal world as “An Endangered Species” very few of these lads will go on to become household names I fear.

The win was England's first at this level since 1984. So, I thought I'd go back and have a look at what happened to that victorious team from 39 years ago. Back then, the final was a two-legged affair, as with this year: England v Spain.

England won the first leg, in Seville, 1-0; future Rangers star Mel Sterland scored the goal and the England team was: Hucker (Queen's Park Rangers); Sterland (Sheffield Wednesday), Thomas (Tottenham Hotspur), Bracewell (Stoke City), Watson, (Norwich City), Stevens (Brighton & Hove Albion), Callaghan (Watford), Gayle (Birmingham City), Hateley (Portsmouth), Hodge (Nottingham Forest), Brock (Oxford United). Sub used: D'Avray (Ipswich Town).

For the second leg, at Sheffield United's Bramall Lane, which England won 2-0, Gary Bailey of Manchester United was in goals, with Neil Pickering of Sunderland at left back, David Mountfield of Everton at left-half, while Danny Wallace of Southampton got 20 minutes off the bench.

So, England used 16 players in that two-legged final. Of these Bailey (2 caps), Bracewell (3), Hateley (32), Hodge (24), Sterland (1), Stevens (7), Thomas (1), Wallace (1) and Watson (12) went on to win full England caps.

To have 9 players from 16 used train-on to win full caps is a better than average result from an age group side – that's a 56.25% conversion rate, Iwonder how this current title-winning England side will measure-up by the time their careers are over, I would forecast, not as well.

What, I hear you ask, has sent old Socrates down that particular lane? Well, it followed a conversation I had this week with one of my fellow coffin dodgers. He spends a lot of his time just now watching his grandson's sporting progress. This youngster is the son of a former Scottish Schools Under-15 cap, who went down the road straight from school, but was back up it fairly-quickly. He did enjoy a reasonable career in the lower Scottish Leagues, but, he never achieved his potential.

With his father's experience to guide him, the kid is not apparently putting all his eggs in his football basket – he is also a nationally-ranked athlete. However, his grandfather tells me, he has had to move schools – the SFA now wants their more-promising youngsters “hot-housed” in regional Schools of Football. He is in the Academy of a Scottish Premiership club, but, like his grandfather Ah hae Ma doots about this system.

According to my informant, the club seems only interested in the two or three players in the group who are showing real potential, the rest are there to make-up the numbers.

Back in 1984, Scotland had qualified for the quarter-finals, where we lost to Yugoslavia. This time round, we finished fourth in our five nation qualifying group, managing just one win from our eight games, when we beat bottom side Kazakhstan.

I cannot honestly say we have gone backwards in the past 40 years, but, I reckon we have, at best, stood still over that period and we have to ask ourselves:

• Is this acceptable?

• Is it good enough?

Writing the above sent me back to the record book, to see just how Scotland has done in this particular championship, since the first, back in 1978.

Back then, we lost-out to what was then Czechoslovakia on goal difference, after we had tied at the top of the qualifying group.

We improved in the 1980s, when we were a power in Europe at this level:

• 1980 – quarter-finalists

• 1982 – semi-finalists, lost 1-2 to England

• 1984 – semi-finalists

• 1986 – failed to get out of the qualifying group

• 1988 – quarter-finalists.

The 1990s began badly, when we failed to get out of the qualifying group in 1990. This then became something of a roller coaster decade:

• 1992 – semi-finalists lost 0-1 to Sweden

• 1994 – failed to get out of the qualifying round

• 1996 – finished fourth, lost to France in the third/fourth play-off

• 1998 – failed to get out of the qualifying round

The 2000s have been a disaster. We have competed in 13 Under-21 Championships; we reached the play-off rounds in 2004 and again in 2011, otherwise, in 2000, 2002, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2013, 2015, 2017, 2019, 2021 and 2023 we have failed to get out of our qualifying group.

Overall, we have won 76 of the 192 games we have played in these championships, that's a winning percentage of 39.6%. We have also accrued just 47.4% of the available points.

I appreciate, taking it from just one tournament, between 1976 and 1979 is in many ways an unfair comparison, however, in that initial tournament, we had a 50% win record and accrued 58.3% of the available points – that's our base line.

We have contested 23 Under-21 Championships since that initial tournament and in only 8 of those have we equalled or bettered that initial 50% wins performance. In the 11 tournaments between 1978 and 2000 we posted a 42.9% winning record and accrued 49.6% of the available points.

In the 12 tournaments of this third millennium, we have won only 37% of the matches and accrued a mere 45.7% of the available points. We haven't reached the sharp end of the tournament in 27 years, indeed the last Scotland Under-21 squad to play a meaningful game in Europe – that third-place play-off against France back in 1996 was: Derek Stillie (Aberdeen), Scott Marshall (Arsenal), Jackie McNamara (Celtic), Steven Pressley, Christian Dailly (both Dundee United), Jamie Fullarton (St Mirren), Stephen Crawford (Raith Rovers), Charlie Miller (Rangers), Jim Hamilton (Dundee), Simon Donnelly (Celtic), Allan Johnston (Heart of Midlothian), Colin Meldrum (Kilmarnock), Stuart Gray (Celtic), Martin Baker (St Mirren), Stephen Glass (Aberdeen), Neil Murray (Rangers), Andy Liddell (Barnsley), Brian McLaughlin (Celtic).

Of these 18 players, only 8 (44.4%) - McNamara, Pressley, Dailly, Crawford, Miller, Donnelly, Johnston and Glass went on to win even one full cap.

Of the French squad which beat us – 11 players, including the likes of Patrick Vieira, Claude Makélélé, Robert Pires and Sylvain Wiltord (that's 61.1%) trained-on to win full caps.

So, quite clearly, we've been getting it wrong for years, which speaks volumes for the way Stevie Clarke has galvanised our big team, given the foundations are crumbling. However, if we are not bringing through the talent to replace the big names when they depart, I can see us continuing to stagnate internationally.

We've either been marking time or going backwards for years, is it too much to hope for enlightenment striking the numpties along the sixth floor corridor at Hampden and things improving for young, home-grown Scottish talent.

Which brings me back to the youngster whose grandfather got me thinking. Doesn't he and his contemporaries deserve a better shot at glory than they are getting?

I finish with what I think is an interesting aside on this. Scott Marshall and Neil Murray, from the 1996 squad which lost to France were also two of the legendary “Lost Boys” - the squad which Craig Brown managed to the 1989 FIFA Under-16 World Cup Final, where they were robbed of victory by a clearly over-age Saudi Arabia team. Only three members of that fantastic Scotland squad – Andy McLaren, Brian O'Neil and Paul Dickov trained-on to become full caps.

Scottish football: plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.”

 

Lies, Damned Lies And The Statistics Of Managing Scotland

ONE OF my old teachers once told me: “Socrates, you have what I would call a dustbin mind – throw any old fact at you and it remains inside that head of yours, awaiting retrieval at the opportune moment.” He may be correct, or he might be wrong, but, my ability to call-up obscure facts at random did save the jerseys once or twice in a previous life as a player in some very-competitive pub quiz teams.

The funny way the MacSporran brain works also sees me easily-distracted when perhaps penning a meaningful peace; or going off on a tangent at some point – as happened the other day.

I was reflecting on my obituary of Craig Brown and it got me thinking on how we interpret Scotland's success or otherwise under Broonie and the other unfortunates who have been charged with guiding the national football team.

Wikipedia's page on the national side and the various team managers, whose ranks include managerial royalty such as Sir Matt Busby, Jock Stein and Sir Alex Ferguson, as well as some lesser mortals makes interesting reading. For instance, from it we learn the national team has played 820 games since 1872, winning 391, for a wining average of 47.68%.

To use an Americanism of which I am not fond, but one which does the job, The Winningest Manager of the 27 men who have held the job since 1954 is Billy Stark, who won his solitary game as caretaker boss. Of the longer-lasting custodians of what is something of a poisoned chalice, the most-successful was Alex McLeish, who had a 70% winning record yet never got us to either the World Cup or European Championship finals..

Only seven post-holders have bettered that 47.68% media winning figure. However, the Wikipedia figures are slightly-skewed, as I shall now reveal.

According to them, the Selection Committee who picked the side (by their calculations) from 1872 until 1954, and again from 1954 until 1957. This gives this collection of butchers, bakers and candlestick-makers, elected to the job by their peers a 58.7% winning record.

This however is wrong. The Selectors actually picked the team right up to the appointment of Bobby Brown in 1967. So, the records of the seven managers from 1954 to 1967: Andy Beattie (two spells), Dawson Walker, Matt Busby, Ian McColl, Jock Stein, John Prentice and Malky MacDonald should actually be credited to the Selectors.

Yes, the managers prepared the sides; of course they had input – no way could we envisage Stein just blindly accepting the team picked for him by the Selectors, but, while the managers prepared the sides – they did not have control of selection.

So, if we add these games to the Selectors' tally, they come out with a 55% winning record – 177 wins from 321 games.

This compares more than favourably with our record when the Team Manager is the sole selector - 214 wins from 499 games – 42.9% winning record.

OK, I will concede, the old Selection Committees did, particularly in the Victorian era, and again in the 1920s, have a great many more top-quality Scottish players to pick from than perhaps more-recent managers have. For instance, Stevie Clarke doesn't have to choose between Hughie Gallacher or Jimmy McGrory as his centre forward, or Willie Waddell or Gordon Smith, or Willie Henderson or Jimmy Johnstone at outside right; or Lawrie Reilly of Willie Bauld at centre forward.

Mind you, thee SFA Selectors of the time never took what many in the media saw as the obvious step for Scotland going on to world domination - they never melded together Rangers' Iron Curtain defence with Hibs' Famous Five forward line to produce what many football writers of the time saw as the Scotland Dream Team.

But, received wisdom has it that actual team selection is the hardest part of a Team Manager or Head Coach's role – and some guys are better at it than others. Once a side is nominated, it's all down to how it is organised and for many years, as was the case with Rugby Union and Cricket, the Team Captain in football was the de facto team manager.

Jimmy McMullan, the legendary Captain of the 1928 Wembley Wizards, led Scotland in just 6 of his 16 internationals, but was never on the losing side in these games – four wins and two draws was his record. He was very-much the man in charge in these games.

In the post-World War II era, George Young set a record number of games as Scotland captain, leading the side out in 49 of his 54 games. I have been assured by Scotland caps of the time - “Big Corky” as he was known, was Manager of Scotland in all but name; he organised the training and set the tactics, indeed, there is a famous quote from Sir George Graham, the long-serving Chief Executive of the SFA, who when asked why Scotland had not followed England's example and employed a Team Manager for the national side, replied: “We don't need one – we've got George Young, the Captain, he's our Team Manager.”

 

George Young - the best manager Scotland never had
 

Scotland, under Young, won 27 of his 49 games as Captain, that's a 55% winning record – only Tommy Docherty, Ian McColl and Alex McLeish of the later Managers have a better winning record.

Andy Robertson, the current national captain, has now led the side on 42 occasions and is on-course to break Young's captaincy record next season. Robertson can point to a 50% wining record as captain – but, of course the kudos for that go to Stevie Clarke and not to the player. Robertson is a key man in the Clarke set-up, but, he doesn't have the authority which Young carried more than half a century ago.

It might be argued that it took football a long time to accept the concept of a Team Manager actually managing the team. Across the pond, in North American sport, the concept of the Coach as God has been in use almost from the off. Baseball has always had team managers, Gridiron has long embraced the Head Coach as a Deity, ditto Basketball. Over here, however, it wasn't until the 1920s and the arrival of perhaps the original managerial Holy Trinity: Herbert Chapman at Arsenal, Willie Maley at Celtic and Bill Struth at Rangers that the men in-charge became Manager rather than Secretary-Manager.

Organised football was already more than half a century old when these three giants began to alter the fabric of how the sport was run – and it would take nearly another half century before Directors finally lost their right to actually pick many teams – for instance, Wullie Shankly had to play hard ball to win the right to pick the team when he became Liverpool manager; while it says much about Jock Stein's force of personality that he could convince Sir Bob Kelly that he, as Manager and not Kelly, as Chairman, who should pick the Celtic team.

As I mentioned above, actually picking the team is seen as the hardest part of a coach's or manager's job and some guys do it better than others. Maybe there is something to be said for a team manager having to run his selection past his board of directors prior to announcing it. With the right board, one or two selection mistakes might be avoided.

Mind you, managers tend to have a jaundiced view of their boards, as witness a great wee story which Craig Brown used to tell. The Chairman of a middling Scottish club was elected to the SFA's International Committee. That body, prior to 1967, actually picked the team, since then they have only had to make the really important decisions:

• Does the squad stay at Gleneagles or Cameron House when preparing for a home international?

• Do we fly with BA or a charter airline to away games?

• Do we serve Merlot or Malbec with the main course at the post-game banquet?

You know, really important, crucial decisions like that.

Any way, this director's appointment to make such crucial decisions was followed by what is now seen as one of the great Scotland wins, when we routed one of the continent's major powers in a Hampden friendly. The following evening, as he arrived for their part-time team's evening training session, the club manager overheard the director's wife asking the club secretary if she had seen the difference her Jim had made to the Scotland team.

But, to be fair, maybe it might ease the pressure on the National Team Manager if, as happens with the world's most-successful international sporting side – The New Zealand All Blacks, the side was run and chosen by a three-man team, albeit with a Head Coach who is, as they say about a Prime Minister: “First Among Equals.”

The All Blacks have a 77.12% winning record, over their 612 Test matches, while this decade their record is up over 90%. Clearly their system works, but, could we Scots stop fighting among ourselves long enough to give their system a chance here?