(This opening paragraph should be read to Dvorak's New World Symphony in the background.)
EEH! When Ah were nowt burralad, we 'ad real summers: hot weather, sunshine, we'd go off down t' burn all day, and didn't 'ave ter come 'ome intil street lights came on. We also had sporting seasons; football stopped on 1 May, then we played cricket. When Wimbledon came round, we played tennis, then, with T' Open Golf, we played that. Only then, with the Claret Jug on its way back to America, or to somewhere in the Empire (white nations only back then) did our thoughts turn back to football.
But, these days are past and in the past they must remain. Saturday Football in Scotland has returned – sort of; with the opening group ties in whatever the League Cup is called this season. A mere 42 days – six weeks – had passed since The Scottish Cup Final, the supposed big finish to the domestic season – that's an indecently-short close season.
Of course, it was only the 'Diddy Teams' who were in meaningful action; the big guns – Celtic, Rangers, Aberdeen, Hearts and Hibs don't have to bother themselves with domestic issues for another two or three weeks – most of them have the small matter of not embarrassing Scotland in Europe before they need worry about being embarrassed at home, a fate which befell St Mirren, St Johnstone and Dundee United on what passed for opening day of the new season.
Celtic don't kick-off their European campaign until September, since they have gone straight into the group stage of the Champions League.
Rangers kick-off their Champions League campaign at the Third Qualifying Round stage, on 8/9 August.
Aberdeen go into the Play-Off Round of the Europa League, which means their campaign will start on 24 August.
Hibs' Europa Conference League campaign gets underway this Thursday, 27 July, when they play their first leg against the Andorran club Inter Escaldes, who beat a Faroese club to qualify to host Hibs this week.
Hearts' Europa Conference League campaign doesn't start until 10 August, when they play their opening match in the third qualifying round.
Back when I was a boy, football didn't start until the second week-end in August. In those days, you were allowed to recover from your summer holidays before you were expected to turn your thoughts to fitba and the onset of winter.
Has this need for all-year-round fitba made us any happier? Ah hae ma doots, I certainly feel the quality of the game has gone downhill rapidly as the fixture demands on the players has increased.
Crowds haven't been great over the first two weekends; which, given how hard the Tories are currently making it for us lower orders to survive, isn't surprising. A family's financial cake can only be cut so-many ways, and when times are hard, something has to give – so why not subsidising the lifestyle of badge-kissing foreign imports who don't know the difference between St Mirren and St Johnstone, or East Fife and East Stirlingshire.
We really do need to have a serious look at Scottish football, and how to make it better. I appreciate, the game really needs root and branch reform, which means getting FIFA to take the lead in sorting-out a mess which is largely of their making, but, I am not holding my breath on this.
What can a wee country like Scotland do? Not a lot, I hear you say. However, we do have, for a small nation, a few things going for us when it comes to making a difference – not least our place on IFAB – the International Football Associations Board, the body which has a huge say in how the Laws of the Game are administered. That would be a good place to start, by lobbying for change there.
Even if we can do little to push through the necessary big changes, we can still, domestically, make the small tweaks which might, in time, make a huge difference.
For a start, if I can once again flog an old hobby horse of mine:
WE MUST DO MORE TO ENCOURAGE YOUNG SCOTTISH TALENT
We could, I suggest, do this and boost the faltering League Cup by forcing the clubs to field Scots in this competition. For a start, the League Cup does not carry a European place in the following season as an incentive; so, how about:
Making it mandatory for clubs to field Scotsmen in the League Cup.
If that is unacceptable to the clubs at the moment, well, as a starting point towards making it a Scots Only competition, why not:
Enforce Chick Young's “Eight Diddies” rule, by insisting each club has eight Scotsmen on the park at all times during games.
I have a feeling, if they knew they were going along to support young, local talent, the fans would come out in increased numbers. Also, if the bigger clubs had to pick Scots instead of their foreign mercenaries, it might level the playing field even more.
Let's do something, because the current overall management model isn't working.
FINALLY – tomorrow will be a serious day for Scottish football, when we gather in the afternoon, in The Ayrshire Suite, at Ayr Racecourse to bid farewell to Craig Brown.
The Ayrshire Suite is a big venue, but, I expect it to be well-filled as we say our goodbye to one of the really good guys of The Beautiful Game.
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