Socrates' Christmas Message

OLD FIRM FANS – the gift that keeps on giving, so well done to Ra Peepul for giving the rest of us a much-needed pre-Christmas laugh with their howls of protest and outrage after that “goal” was ruled out by VAR at Tynecastle on Sunday. Given the number of “Honest Mistakes” - far-less downright examples of refereeing corruption from which the Bigot Brothers – Rangers in particular - have benefitted over the years, I lang syne have grown tired of their pathetic whining whenever, as is now the case, their hopeless club management gets recruitment wrong and their fans have to put up with watching players being paid an absolute fortune for displays which would get them sent down the road from any reasonably well-run Junior team.

I once worked with a Chief Sports Sub who was definitely on the committee of Lodge Lap Top Loyal. We hacks used to wind him up by always listing the two clubs in the order “Celtic and Rangers”; sure enough, the copy would appear in the paper as “Rangers and Celtic”. He was an expert on all things Rangers, mind you, I suspect the last Rangers team he had ever paid to watch had lined-up: Brown, Young and Shaw, McColl, Woodburn and Cox......

I am somehow pleased for him, that he is not still around to have to, even from the comfort of his armchair, watch the 2025 vintage. I fear he would be saying: “That sort of stuff will get fitba stopped.” I fear for our game and where it is headed.

I WATCHED the Hearts v Rangers game on television, but, I have to admit, the pictures were far better for the following game: Celtic v Aberdeen, on good old Radio Shortbread. The difference – the talking heads at Celtic Park were Willie Miller and Packy Bonner, two old-timers who have been there, seen it, done it and got a lobby press full of t-shirts and dvds.

It was a joy to listen to these two waxing lyrical over the 90 minutes. Miller's incredulity when his favourites equalised was a joy to behold – it was wonderful stuff.

OK, when it comes to sports commentary on the radio, nothing, no programme comes close to Test Match Special, but, while the whole pace of commentary etc is different in Football, when you get, as on Sunday, craftsmen such as Oor Wullie and Big Packy, on-form, it's brilliant entertainment.

I mentioned TMS in that last paragraph; the whole concept of that stellar programme is – it's a bunch of mates at the game, discussing issues as they arise. OK, in the time it takes for each delivery in an over, cricket allows conversation threads to naturally arise and be drawn out. This cannot happen in football to the same degree, mind you, some of my most-enjoyable afternoons in press boxes have come about when the fitba was shite and the press had to amuse themselves.

I still chuckle at the young Colin Paterson of the Dumfries and Galloway Standard, wondering what alternative reality he had entered at Palmerston Park one afternoon, when, in an effort to beat the desire to top ourselves at the futility of the game we were covering, a few of us older hands spent the second half debating the relative merits of the Duke Ellington and Count Basie bands, with a slight diversion into the merits of Bix Beiderbecke. You don't get that level of intellectual dissertation at Ibrox or Celtic Park.

Then there was the serious debate at Rugby Park one afternoon, as to how many of the Kilmarnock team we were watching struggle to overcome a guy ordinary Montrose team would have been let in the door during the Golden Days under Willie Waddell.

That particular debate was ended by one of the great fan interventions. A Killie player went down injured and it took several minutes of Hugh Allen at his best to get him back on his feet. During the intermission, a fed-up home fan in the Frank Beattie Stand decided to give the beleaguered board a few word of advice.

This grew into a full-scale rant as the chorus welled-up behind him and not even the steely glare of Walter McCrae could silence the protest. That board was gone en masse within weeks and while there have been one or two traffic bumps since, that was the start of the club's recovery after too-many years in the doldrums.

I pen these words at the height of the pantomime season. Panto isc, like fitba used to be, cheap and cheerful entertainment for the masses. Maybe it's time we stopped treating it as warfare without bullets and got back to making it entertaining.

Willie Miller and Packy Bonner managed that this week, it's time their example morphed onto the field, among their unworthy successors as players.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

 

Cheer Up Wilfried Nancy - The French Have Words For It

WHEN IT COMES to commenting on Scottish Fitba, nobody has come close to the wisdom of Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr, the guy credited with first saying: “Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose”. We have been where we are before; ok, not too-often, but, every now and again one of the 'Diddy Teams' rises to the occasion and figuratively boots one or other of the Big Two in the cojones, to the general merriment of the fitba community.

So, while the Celtic Family fulminate amidst wailing and gnashing of teeth, and Ra Peepul celebrate, the rest of us, those of us who do indeed suffer in the cause of a Diddy Team, we look towards Paisley and tell the delirious Buddies to Carpe diem and enjoy the winning feeling. Because, the Big Two will be back to lord it over us soon enough.

We should not be too surprised that the Buddies did the business on Sunday, in its relatively-short existence, under unpteen different guises, The League Cup has thrown-up some unusual winners, it is perhaps the Scottish competition which offers the minor players the best chance of embarrassing the perennial favourites, long may that continue.

The guy I feel most sorry for at Celtic Park is Manager Wilfried Nancy. He maybe didn't realise, when he took the job, the madhouse he had stepped into – well, I think he is starting tae ken noo. Over the last decade and a bit, while the other lot imploded, failed to learn their lesson and have stumbled through upper level management crises, always self-inflicted, the sense of victory entitlement down London Road has gradually ramped up.

Only time will tell if Nancy is to become a great Celtic manager, or one to be almost dismissed as a bad appointment, but, he has certainly dug himself into a hole very quickly.

The thing is, to those of us who marvelled at The Lisbon Lions, or The Quality Street Gang who came after them, this current squad lacks that important element – quality. Even in the dark days, when Celtic were not even Rangers' main challengers domestically, the team had some diamonds. In the 20 years between the end of World War II and Jock Stein returning as Manager, Celtic won:

• 1 League Championship

• 2 Scottish Cups

• 2 League Cups

• In that period they only qualified to play in Europe in three of the nine seasons of European football

OK, that period saw the Celtic Family reduced to celebrating the occasional success, such as the League and Cup double in 1954, Hampden in the sun in 1957 and the lifting of the St Mungo and Coronation Cups, but, for all the disappointments, they could watch teams which contained some stellar talents – home-grown Scottish caps such as Willie Miller and Frank Haffey, Mike Haughney, Dunky Mackay, Jim Kennedy, Bobby Evans, Eric Smith, Paddy Crerand, Billy McNeill, Bobby Collins, John McPhail and Bertie Auld. They had their great Irish trio of Sean Fallon, Bertie Peacock and Charlie Tully.

The Kelly Kids, the youth development system which saw raw diamonds polished to the level of Scotland Under-23 caps was the envy of Scotland, while even journeymen players such as Jock Stein were good enough to win selection for what was at the time, the considerable honour of selection for the Scottish League XI.

I look at some of the exotic multi-national talents on the field on Sunday and I ask: are they really better than home-grown Scots, guys who would be fans on the park might be?

I have long held the belief, in domestic games, Celtic and Rangers are generally facing an opposing side containing three of their own fans – determined to demonstrate, they are good enough to wear the strip; three of four of the other half's fans, determined not to lose to this lot, and that makes for a harder game. The best Celtic and Rangers teams always have had two or three fans on the park, other than Callum McGregor I don't see that in the current Celtic squad.

I reflect on the legacy of The Kelly Kids and The Quality Street Gang, then I look at the reality of Celtic B – currently lying tenth in the 18-club Scottish Lowland League, the fifth tier of the Scottish Football Pyramid, behind such giants of the game as Broxburn Athletic and Gala Fairydean, (no disrespect towards either team intended) and I have to wonder: what is going on at Celtic Park?

When I ruminate on the current situation, it is perhaps just as well that Gerry McNee lang syne put away his lap top. I recall, some 40 years ago, entering The Horseshoe Bar for a liquid lunch with Dan Archer, Doug Gillan and Hugh Taylor (I only keep the best company). On entering, we encountered one of the Titans of Scottish Fitba writing, whose career had been ended prematurely, when he opted for an evening of passion in a Leeds hotel, with a willing Yorkshire lass, to the first leg of the now legendary Leeds United v Celtic Battle of Britain.

This writer was a well-known Partick Thistle fan, as of course was Dan and they consoled each other with a brief acknowledgement of how tough things were at Firhill at that time – I can envisage similar doleful conversations among the Celtic apologists in the media this week.

Meanwhile, my thoughts are with my Buddie friends in the media, guys such as David Ferguson, Bill Leckie, Graeme Macpherson and Charles Young Esq. I bet they are enjoying this week, however, I caution them, gentlemen – dignity and humility in victory.

 

Celtic - Be Afraid

OK – SCOTTISH CUP, Fourth Round draw: Celtic away to a team from the sixth tier of Scottish Fitba. Skoosh-case, how many goals are they going to score? Absolute sure-fire certainty, put them in the Fifth Round pot right now. EXCEPT – the team they have been drawn against is Auchinleck Talbot; Celtic fans, be afraid, be very-afraid. Because, if the Hoops do not treat the 'Bot as dangerous opponents, and the game as a near-European one, then, it could be worse than Inverness Caley Thistle.

Of course, by every Football measurement, the result has to be a Celtic victory – except, this is Talbot they are facing, at Fortress Beechwood, the usual certainties do not apply to this one.

If BBC Shortbread doesn't televise this one live, they need their heads examined. I am delighted for Henry Dumigan and the Talbot committee, Tucker Sloan and his squad, they deserve this game in the spotlight, they will seize the day and, while you still have to lean heavily towards a Celtic win – never say never where the 'Bot are concerned. Eeeka Peeka Pukka Po!!! (If you're from God's County, you'll know what that is all about.)

A couple of my Talbot-supporting friends have got their cup run all worked out. “We see off Celtic, then beat Annan Athletic; we follow that by beating Ayr United and we lift the cup by doing Kilmarnock in the Final”. And Robert Burns will be re-born to document the tale properly.

Apparently, Talbot sold out the game hospitality within minutes of the draw being announced. Those punters who acted quickly knew what they were doing, the ladies of Afflerck who run their catering definitely know how to feed their men – the scran on offer at Beechwood has long been lauded.

ANNAN ATHLETIC, of course, hit the jackpot, with a trip to Ibrox – a nice big, finances balancing cheque to come, plus, given the current state of the Rangers defence, the chance of pulling-off a shock. Ties such as this are indeed: “the magic of the Cup”.

I have long advocated seeding for the Scottish Cup. I know all the claims of how it has long been a fact, the uncertainties of the draw make it more exciting. But, let's be serious. Given how much it costs to run a serious professional club these days, surely we should be taking steps to keep the big guns apart until the later rounds, so we have some big games as closure approaches.

After all there already is a degree of seeding – it is not an all-in draw until this fourth round, the last 32; the smallest of the minnows are factored out long before the biggest fish dive in.

Seeding the draw would actually give us more chance of cup shocks.

From the draw at the weekend, we know already, three of Scotland's top 12 clubs will not be featuring in the fifth round – the last 16. OK, had they lost to a lower-ranked team, it would indeed be “the romance of the cup”. OK, losing to anothr Premier Division club, even one below you in the table, isn't quite as bad as going out to a lower division team, but, you still want as many of your top teams as possible still in contention at the sharp end of the tournament.

Other games don't have their big names clashing in the early rounds, why should Football? It makes no sense.

THE OTHER big fitba news of the week was the naming rights deal for Hampden – which is now to be called the Barclay's Hampden Park. Now, I am not in-favour of re-naming hallowed national institutions, but, as an old Sub-Editor pal of mine was fond of remarking: “shite happens”.

In this instance, before the SFA's pr department starts firing-off reminders to us all about the use of the new name, I shall refer to the wit and wisdom of the late, great Ian “Dan” Archer.

Dan spotted this trend for naming rights etc over 40 years ago, right at the early days of sponsorships and he made an executive decision which to me was typical of his good sense. The rules he laid down to we minions was: “If a competition, or a ground is sponsored, first time you refer to it, use the full sponsored name (e.g. Scottish Gas Scottish Cup) thereafter, call it what we've always called it. The sponsors get their mention, the rest of us don't have to worry about what's what.” As with so much, Dan was on the money.

As for Hampden, to me it will henceforth be Patrick Barclay's Hampden – I think, up there in corporate hospitality in the sky, Paddy and Dan, two absolute Titans of our craft, will be quite happy with that.

LOOKING AHEAD to events in the USA in the summer of 2026 – I wonder, will The Donald suddenly remember he is half-Scottish and try to curry favour with the visiting hordes of the Tartan Army?

If he does, and I will be amazed if he doesn't, will the TA serenade him with a couple of verses of Donald, whaur's yer troosers?