Celtic - Be Afraid

OK – SCOTTISH CUP, Fourth Round draw: Celtic away to a team from the sixth tier of Scottish Fitba. Skoosh-case, how many goals are they going to score? Absolute sure-fire certainty, put them in the Fifth Round pot right now. EXCEPT – the team they have been drawn against is Auchinleck Talbot; Celtic fans, be afraid, be very-afraid. Because, if the Hoops do not treat the 'Bot as dangerous opponents, and the game as a near-European one, then, it could be worse than Inverness Caley Thistle.

Of course, by every Football measurement, the result has to be a Celtic victory – except, this is Talbot they are facing, at Fortress Beechwood, the usual certainties do not apply to this one.

If BBC Shortbread doesn't televise this one live, they need their heads examined. I am delighted for Henry Dumigan and the Talbot committee, Tucker Sloan and his squad, they deserve this game in the spotlight, they will seize the day and, while you still have to lean heavily towards a Celtic win – never say never where the 'Bot are concerned. Eeeka Peeka Pukka Po!!! (If you're from God's County, you'll know what that is all about.)

A couple of my Talbot-supporting friends have got their cup run all worked out. “We see off Celtic, then beat Annan Athletic; we follow that by beating Ayr United and we lift the cup by doing Kilmarnock in the Final”. And Robert Burns will be re-born to document the tale properly.

Apparently, Talbot sold out the game hospitality within minutes of the draw being announced. Those punters who acted quickly knew what they were doing, the ladies of Afflerck who run their catering definitely know how to feed their men – the scran on offer at Beechwood has long been lauded.

ANNAN ATHLETIC, of course, hit the jackpot, with a trip to Ibrox – a nice big, finances balancing cheque to come, plus, given the current state of the Rangers defence, the chance of pulling-off a shock. Ties such as this are indeed: “the magic of the Cup”.

I have long advocated seeding for the Scottish Cup. I know all the claims of how it has long been a fact, the uncertainties of the draw make it more exciting. But, let's be serious. Given how much it costs to run a serious professional club these days, surely we should be taking steps to keep the big guns apart until the later rounds, so we have some big games as closure approaches.

After all there already is a degree of seeding – it is not an all-in draw until this fourth round, the last 32; the smallest of the minnows are factored out long before the biggest fish dive in.

Seeding the draw would actually give us more chance of cup shocks.

From the draw at the weekend, we know already, three of Scotland's top 12 clubs will not be featuring in the fifth round – the last 16. OK, had they lost to a lower-ranked team, it would indeed be “the romance of the cup”. OK, losing to anothr Premier Division club, even one below you in the table, isn't quite as bad as going out to a lower division team, but, you still want as many of your top teams as possible still in contention at the sharp end of the tournament.

Other games don't have their big names clashing in the early rounds, why should Football? It makes no sense.

THE OTHER big fitba news of the week was the naming rights deal for Hampden – which is now to be called the Barclay's Hampden Park. Now, I am not in-favour of re-naming hallowed national institutions, but, as an old Sub-Editor pal of mine was fond of remarking: “shite happens”.

In this instance, before the SFA's pr department starts firing-off reminders to us all about the use of the new name, I shall refer to the wit and wisdom of the late, great Ian “Dan” Archer.

Dan spotted this trend for naming rights etc over 40 years ago, right at the early days of sponsorships and he made an executive decision which to me was typical of his good sense. The rules he laid down to we minions was: “If a competition, or a ground is sponsored, first time you refer to it, use the full sponsored name (e.g. Scottish Gas Scottish Cup) thereafter, call it what we've always called it. The sponsors get their mention, the rest of us don't have to worry about what's what.” As with so much, Dan was on the money.

As for Hampden, to me it will henceforth be Patrick Barclay's Hampden – I think, up there in corporate hospitality in the sky, Paddy and Dan, two absolute Titans of our craft, will be quite happy with that.

LOOKING AHEAD to events in the USA in the summer of 2026 – I wonder, will The Donald suddenly remember he is half-Scottish and try to curry favour with the visiting hordes of the Tartan Army?

If he does, and I will be amazed if he doesn't, will the TA serenade him with a couple of verses of Donald, whaur's yer troosers?