Feed Him - He's Bewitched

The heading of this blog is stolen unashamedly from George MacDonald Fraser's hilarious novel: 'The General Danced At Dawn'; a fictionalised, affectionate recollection of his period as a National Service officer with (I think) the Gordon Highlanders.

The "Feed him - he's bewitched" line was delivered by the skipper of the batallion team of Jocks which Fraser's alter ego was supposed to manage. It concerned the team's outside left, who was often best left outside, but when he did stir himself, could win a match in a couple of minutes - a sort of disciplined Derek Riordan if you like.

Deeks is just the latest in a long line of Scottish footballers who have entranced and exasperated in equal measure. Another plying his trade today is Willie McLaren at Queen of the South, while for much of his Rangers career Davie Cooper was perhaps the prime example.

His legendary Dryburgh Cup goal against Celtic is arguably the greatest goal ever scored by a Scot, I reckon Eddie Gray's mazy dribble and shot for Leeds against Burnley and 'The Gemmill Goal' are the Cooper strike's only competition.

But, as the late Jim 'Sundance' Blair once wrote in a hilarious Saturday morning Daily Record column, all too often it was a case of: "Will the real Davie Cooper hide today?"

I prattle-on about this, because this week's great debate in Scottish football swirls around James McFadden and his contribution to the national side. Wee Faddy first endeared himself to the Tartan Army by missing his flight home from Hong Kong, when out there with Berti Vogts's kindergarten squad.

The reason for his no show was, allegedly, that he had the opportunity to find out if the old sailor's myth about oriental women was true, and took it; so enjoying the experience that he missed his flight.

Instant cult status for the wee man, status which has subsequently grown with each outrageous goal, not least his celebrated Stade France effort.

Sadly, the truth is, Scotland doesn't have enough good players to carry mavericks such as Faddy or the equally maverick Kris Boyd. It is perspiration rather than inspiration which Craig Levein seeks, so Faddy's Scotland track top is apparently: "oan a shooglie nail".

In the old days, with solid performers such as John Greig and inspiring work horses such as wee Billy Bremner or Dave Mackay, we could indulge Jim Baxter. The slim one could have his wee rests, he more often than not made amends with a couple of magical passes, put away with aplomb by Denis Law.

Today, we lack that quality, so we need all hands to the pumps for all 90 minutes to make amends. In truth too, football has changed, the great individual moments and goals are becoming rarer and rarer.

I spent 'An Evening With Tam Cowan' at Kilmarnock's Palace Theatre on Saturday night and during his performance Tam revealed that one of his favourite calls into Off the Ball came after they ran a spot: "Where were you when Archie Gemmill scored that goal against the Dutch?"

Tam revealed the best caller said: "I was standing unmarked, ten yards away, yelling - 'pass ya greedy wee bastard'" - that caller was Asa Hartford.

Archie's goal is right up there in the pantheon of Great Scottish Goals, today he would probably be criticised for not passing to give Asa the tap-in.

But that's modern football for you: organisation rather than originality. It's a shame though, and special talents such as McFadden are paying the price.