IN THE crazy world of television advertising, we are currently “enjoying” some really daft adverts. One of my favourites is the Yorkshire Tea one, which has Sean Bean, with a nod to his Sharpe persona, waving a sword for no particular reason and demanding that new recruits to the company: “Do it for Yorkshire.”
“Aye, 'appen lad,” as they say across some of the broad acres.
Watching Mr Bean's histrionics in his new role as TV's favourite “Professional Yorkshireman,” I got to thinking – we seldom, if ever, ask any of our national treasures to: “Do it for Scotland.” Maybe it's time we did.
The first crew of “National Treasures” I want to see doing something, is the collective of paid and elected officials who occupy that sporting think tank – the offices along the sixth floor corridor at Hampden Park. (a wee aside here: my sparring partner here st the Scottish School of Sporting Philosophy – Aristotle Armstrong, the Scottish Rugby Philosopher – came up with the title: The Junta, for the ruling body across at BT Murrayfield. I am more than ever convinced, the Edinburgh-based Junta has more of a clue and more concern for their game than their Hampden-based bretheren.
We are down to the last-16 rounds of UEFA's three competitions. This means, a mere 48 clubs remain capable of adding-to their nation's co-efficient, or their own club co-efficient. These 48 clubs are drawn from 19 of the 54 UEFA member nations, the split is:
Six clubs: England, France, Spain
Five clubs: Netherlands
Four clubs: Portugal, Germany, Italy
Two clubs: Austria
One club: Croatia, Russia, SCOTLAND, Turkey, Belgium, Czech Republic, Denmark, Greece, Norway, Serbia, Switzerland.
A reading of the UEFA Associations Co-efficient shows the following Top Twenty Order of Merit:
England, Spain, Italy, Germany, France, Portugal, Netherlands, Austria, SCOTLAND, Russia, Ukraine, Serbia, Belgium, Switzerland, Greece, Croatia, Czech Republic, Cyprus, Denmark, Turkey.
As an exercise, I looked at the 48 surviving clubs, I gave each one still in the Champions League, 3 points; each surviving club in the Europa League earns its nation two points, and the 16 Europa Conference League each earn their country one point.
This gives an Association Co-efficient Order of Merit based only on 2021-22 season's form as follows:
England, Spain, France, Portugal, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Austria, Croatia, Russia, SCOTLAND, Switzerland, Turkey, Belgium, Czech Republic, Denmark, Greece, Norway, Serbia, Switzerland
Therefore, in the actual Associations Co-efficient, Scotland lies ninth; Rangers have got us ranked ninth in my hypothetical listing, so, we've not lost anything.
Of the 19 nations with teams in the last-16 rounds, three: Croatia, France and Portugal are, this season, doing better than their co-efficient might indicate. Scotland is one of eight nations playing to their “handicap,” while seven nations: Belgium, Cyprus, Germany, Italy, Serbia, Turkey and Ukraine are under-performing this season.
I can accept us being ranked behind the European giants: England, France, Italy, Germany and Spain. However, when you see Netherlands with five teams in the rounds of 16, Portugal with four and Austria with two – well, I get annoyed. We should, I believe, be doing as least as well as these countries.
Courtesy of Rangers, our only survivors, we are: “playing to par”; but, if you look at the UEFA Club Co-efficients, the picture is not as-good. Here is the reality of Scottish Clubs' places in the Club Co-efficient listings:
Rangers 39
Celtic 47
Aberdeen 133
St Johnstone 170
Hibernian 171
Motherwell 172
Kilmarnock 173
We need the Big Two to get a wee bit of help from what Chick Young dubbed: “The Diddy Teams,” they simply are not even performing in Europe – far-less under-performing.
Here are the European records of Scottish clubs, other than the Old Firm:
Hibernian: European Cup 1955-56: semi-final: Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1960-61: semi-final; Fairs Cup 1961-62: second round; Fairs Cup 19623-63: quarter-final; Fairs Cup 1965-66: first round; Fairs Cup 1967-68: third round; Fairs Cup 1968-69: third round; Fairs Cup 1970-71: third round; European Cup-winners Cup 1972-73: quarter-final; UEFA Cup 1973-74: second round; UEFA Cup 1974-75: second round; UEFA Cup 1975-76: first round; UEFA Cup 1976-77: second round;
Heart of Midlothian: European Cup 1958-59: preliminary round; European Cup 1960-61: preliminary round; Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1961-62: second round; Fairs Cup: 1963-64 first round; Fairs Cup 1965-66: second round; European Cup-winners Cup 1976-77: second round; UEFA Cup 1984-85: first round;
Dunfermline Athletic: European Cup-Winners Cup 1961-62: quarter-final; Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1962-63: second round; Fairs Cup 1964-65: third round; Fairs Cup 1965-66: quarter-final; Fairs Cup 1966-67: second round; Fairs Cup 1968-69: semi-final; Fairs Cup 1969-70: third round;
Dundee: European Cup 1962-63: semi-final; European Cup-winners Cup 1964-65: second round; Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1967-68: semi-final; UEFA Cup 1971-72: third round; UEFA Cup 1973-74: first round; UEFA Cup 1974-75: first round;
Partick Thistle: Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1963-64: second round; UEFA Cup 1972-73: first round;
Kilmarnock: Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1964-65: second round; European Cup 1965-66: first round; Fairs Cup 1966-67: semi-final; Fairs Cup 1969-70: third round; Fairs Cup 1970-71: first round;
Dundee United: Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1966-67: third round; Fairs Cup 1969-70: first round; Fairs Cup 1970-71: second round;European Cup-winners Cup 1974-75: second round; UEFA Cup 1975-76: second round; UEFA Cup 1977-78: first round; UEFA Cupo 1979-80: second round; UEFA Cup 1980-81: second round; UEFA Cup 1981-82: quarter-final; UEFA Cup 1982-83: quarter-final; European Cup 1983-84: semi-final; UEFA Cup 1984-85: third round; UEFA Cup 1985-86: third round;
Aberdeen: European Cup-winners Cup 19667-68: second round; Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1968-69: second round; Cup-winners Cup 1970-71: first round; UEFA Cup 1971-72: second round; UEFA Cup 1972-73: first round; UEFA Cup 1973-74: second round; UEFA Cup 1979-80: first round; European Cup 1980-81: second round; UEFA Cup 1981-82: third round; Cup-winners Cup 1982-83: Winners; Cup-winners Cup 1983-84: semi-final; European Cup 1984-85: first round; European Cup 1985-86: quarter-final;
Greenock Morton: Inter-Cities Fairs Cup 1968-69: first round.
St Johnstone: UEFA Cup 1971-72: third round;
St Mirren: UEFA Cup 1980-81: second round; UEFA Cup 1983-84: first round; UEFA Cup 1985-86: second round.
That takes us up to Season 1985-86, the one after which Scottish Football changed with the Souness Revolution. In those 31 seasons prior to Souness's arrival at Ibrox, 11 different clubs, outwith the Old Firm, had participated in 72 European campaigns. These produced:
One outright win
Eight semi-final appearances
Seven quarter-final appearances
In 22% of the campaigns, a “Diddy” team reached the later rounds in Europe
Eleven different clubs qualified to play in Europe.
The “Diddy Clubs'” record post-Souness reads:
Aberdeen: Cup-winners Cup 1986-87: first round; UEFA Cup 1987-88: second round; UEFA Cup 1988-89: first round; UEFA Cup 1989-90: first round; Cup-winners Cup 1990-91: second round; UEFA Cup 1991-92: first round; Cup-winners Cup 1993-94: second round; UEFA Cup 1994-95: first round; UEFA Cup 1996-97: second round; UEFA Cup 2000-01 qualifying round; UEFA Cup 2002-03: first round; UEFA Cup 2007-08: Round of 32; Europa League 2009-10: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2014-15: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2015-16: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2016-17: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2017-18: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2018-19: 2 qualifying round; Europa League 2019-20: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2020-21: 3 qualifying round; European Conference League 22021-22: play-off round
Dundee United: UEFA Cup 1986-87: Finalists; UEFA Cup 1987-88: second round; Cup-winners Cup 1988-89: second round; UEFA Cup 1989-90: second round; UEFA Cup 1990-91: second round; UEFA Cup 1993-94: first round; Cup-winners Cup 1994-95: second round; UEFA Cup 1997-98: 2 qualifying round; UEFA Cup 2005-06: 2 qualifying round; Europa League 2010-11: play-off round; Europa League 2011-12: 2 qualifying round; Europa League 2012-13: 3 qualifying round;
Heart of Midlothian: UEFA Cup 1986-87: first round; UEFA Cup 1988-89: quarter-final; UEFA Cup 1989-90: second round; UEFA Cup 1990-91: second round; UEFA Cup 1992-93: second round; UEFA Cup 1993-94: first round; Cup-winners Cup 1996-97: qualifying round; Cup-winners Cup 1998-99: first round; UEFA Cup 2000-01: first round; UEFA Cup 2003-04: second round; UEFA Cup 2004-05: fifth Group A; Champions League 2006-07: 2 qualifying round; then UEFA Cup : first round; Europa League 2009-10: play-off round; Europa League 2011-12: play-off round; Europa League 2012-13: play-off round; Europa League 2016-17: 2 qualifying round;
St Mirren: Cup-winners Cup 1987-88: second round;
Motherwell: Cup-winners Cup 1991-92: first round; UEFA Cup 1994-95: second round; UEFA Cup 1995-96: preliminary round; UEFA Cup 2008-08: first round; Europa League 2009-10: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2010-11: play-off round; Champions League 2012-13: 3 qualifying round, then Europa League: play-off round; Europa League 2013-14: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2014-15: 2 qualifying round; Europa League 2020-21: 3 qualifying round;
Airdrieonians: Cup-winners Cup 1992-93: first round;
Hibernian: UEFA Cup 1992-93: first round; UEFA Cup 2001-02: first round; UEFA Cup 2005-06: first round; Europa League 2010-11: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2013-14: 2 qualifying round; Europa League 2016-17: 2 qualifying round; Europa League 2018-19: 3 qualifying round; Europa Conference League 2021-22: 3 qualifying round;
Raith Rovers: UEFA Cup 1995-96: second round;
Kilmarnock: Cup-winners Cup 1997-98: first round; UEFA Cup 1998-99: 2 qualifying round; UEFA Cup 1999-2000: first round; UEFA Cup 2001-02: first round; Europa League 2019-20: 1 qualifying round;
St Johnstone: UEFA Cup 1999-2000: first round; Europa League 2012-13 2 qualifying round; Europa League 2013-14: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2014-15: 3 qualifying round; Europa League 2015-16: 1 qualifying round; Europa League 2017-18: 1 qualifying round; Europa League 2021-22: 3 qualifying round;
Livingston: UEFA Cup 2002-03: first round;
Dundee: UEFA Cup 2003-04: first round;
Dunfermline Athletic: UEFA Cup 2004-05: 2 qualifying round; UEFA Cup 2007-08: 2 qualifying round;
Gretna: UEFA Cup 2006-07: 2 qualifying round;
Queen of the South: UEFA Cup 2008-09: 2 qualifying round;
Falkirk: Europa League 2009-10: 2 qualifying round;
Inverness Caledonian Thistle: Europa League 2015-16: 2 qualifying round.
Seventeen clubs then, waging 98 European campaigns in those 34 seasons, these have produced:
One appearance in the final
One appearance in the last 32
One qualification for the group stages
2% appearances in the knock-out stages
3% qualification for the group stages
I appreciate, particularly since the European Cup became the Champions League, 30 years ago now, the continental playing field has been somewhat skewed against the smaller leagues such as the Scottish one. However, to drop from 22% qualification for the sharp end of the European competitions to only 2% (two campaigns to the sharp end, but, only one to the really-competitive rounds) demonstrates how far Scottish football has fallen.
What are the high heid yins of our game going to do to reverse this trend? They have certainly done nothing over far too long a timescale.
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