Shoppin in "Aldi" Has Made Celtic Vulnerable

I HAVE made this point before, and will doubtless do so again in the future, but, it must be difficult for a non-Scot to arrive at Celtic, or at the Tribute Act for that matter.

 

Certainly the import will be perceived as being a better technical player than your average Scottish one; perhaps he has experience of local derbies in his own country or somewhere else in Europe, but, what he does not have is experience of the particular form of tribal football which has grown-up in Scotland since the 1870s.

 

That can take a bit of getting used to. Some players - Fernando Ricksen, 'The Magnificent Seven', Pierre van what's 'is name (never could spell the big Dutchman's surname) positively thrived in the febrile atmosphere of an Old Firm match - others never quite got what the Scots were all about.

 

This happens too in the matches against what the OF fans refer to as "the diddy teams", ie, any club other than the other lot.

 

I have pointed-out in the past, if you are a player with either one of the Bigot Brothers, then, when you face a diddy team, you will usually be facing two opponents who are fans, and are desperate to show, they should be wearing the jersey you have on, and three others who hate that jersey with every fibre in their being and want to thrash you. The other six opponents also want to do well, but with perhas less venom in that wish.

 

So, you are going to have to battle for the points. These usually accrued with varying degrees of difficulty; however, these days are past. Even Celtic are now having to shop in Aldi rather than Waitrose - the gap is closing and, as we have seen in recent weeks, at Inverness and at Dundee, with the lower-quality of foreign import now wearing the Hoops, there is, this season, probably a greater chance of Celtic dropping unexpected points on the road.

 

Of course, the sheer size and grandeur of Parkhead, even if fewer of "the Celtic Family" is turning up on a regular basis these days, is still worth perhaps a couple of goals to the home side. However, if the league continues to unfold as it has started, just maybe, the gap between Celtic and the Rest will narrow this season.

 

I certainly hope more of the diddy teams will think it worth while having a real go at Celtic this season, it could make for an interesting campaign.

 

 

 

THERE was an interresting wee online debate on the Herald website this week, sparked-off by my old mate Graham Spiers.

 

This concerned the legend of Seville; with suggestions that that journey to that cup final in Spain marked the high-point of recent (ie post-Lisbon) Celtic history.

 

Unfortunately, while the Lisbon Lions pulled-off the greatest win in Scottish football history, the Seville Celts won - nothing, zilch, zero. In fact, the real heroes of that Scottish season were Rangers, who won a domestic Treble that season.

 

But, hey, that's perhaps Scottish football 21st century style for you. We now prefer to travel hopefully rather than arrive anywhere.

 

 

 

SPEAKING of arriving somewhere, the Tartan Army will embark for Germany later this week, perhaps hoping, at best, for a narrow defeat as we become the first opponents for Germany since their World Cup win in Brazil.

 

It helps us that several key men from that winning team have either packed-in international football, or are injured. Also, this is the kind of no-hope game which tends to bring-out the best in Scotland.

 

We have form in winning in Germany, indeed, back in 1957 we actually went there and beat what was then West Germany, while they were reigning World Champions. For the record, our team that day, 22 May, 1957, was: Tommy Younger (Liverpool); Eric Caldow (Rangers), John Hewie (Charlton Athletic), Ian McColl (Rangers), Bobby Evans (Celtic), Tomy Docherty (Preston NE, capt), Alex Scott (Rangers), Bobby Collins (Celtic), Jackie Mudie (Blackpool), Sammy Baird (Rangers) and Tommy Ring (Clyde). 

 

Wee Bobby Collins bagged a brace, Jackie Mudie got the other Scotland goal. OK, the West Germans put out an experimental team, but, they did have the hero fo their 1954 World Cup win, Helmut Rahn, playing, while Hans Tilkowski, the goalie in the 1966 World Cup final, was between the sticks in that Stuttgart match.

 

ONly full-backs Caldow and Hewie and skipper Docherty of that winning Scotland team are still with us, by the way.

 

It is past time we beat World Champions Germany, in Germany, again. 

Never Mind Ronny - You Will Still Win The League: Just Not The Europa One

BEING involved in a little local disagreement, at Rugby Park last night; I only caught a few moments of "highlights" from the Celtic v Maribor game. This was whilst I was still somewhat put-out to discover my delayed trip from the press seats to the Media Centre at Rugby Park meant, I missed-out on what was clearly a miserly selection of Killie Pies.

It was half-time at Celtic Park and Sky were allowing Messrs Dalglish and Strachan to assess the first 45 minutes.

In the snippets I caught, it was quite clear that, the visitors were the more-accomplished team and I immediately thought: "If Celtic don't improve dramatically - they're going out"; it was that-obvious, they weren't fit for purpose.

Of course, it would be easy to heap the blame on the new management team. After all, the Old Firm (yes sadly, we have to still include the blue tribute act in this partnership), are only ever two defeats away from the crisis headlines and that torn crest artwork on the Record's back page; and, losing twice in the Champions League qualifiers must rank as sheer carelessness.

However, it would be wrong to blame the new men in-charge. Like many, I thought Neil Lennon baled-out at the right time. I applaud the Celtic board's left-field move in appointing Ronny Deila, but, as one or two of my colleagues in the mainstream media have pointed-out, he could well be Celtic's Paul Le Guen.

When is it going to hit home to the men who run Scottish football - not the hired hands, the managers, the paper-shufflers at Hampden - the real men with power, the club directors, the SFA councillors and board members, that, the game in Scotland was a busted flush.

You have promoted and espouced mediocrity for years, now, you are reaping the whirlwind. The domestic set-up, whereby clubs which are "Junior" in all but name, continue to hold "Senior" status - simply because that has Aye Been, who perform no function other than to provide part-time football and a wee salary boost to butchers, bakers and candle-stick makers who are not good enough to make an honest full-time living from the small amount of football skill they were blessed with, continue to operate - it's a joke.

We have too-many clubs, too-little competition. We still have so-called "professionals" who could not trap a bag of cement as it fell at their feet; whose second touch is a sliding tackle to try to re-gather the ball which had bounced away from their first touch. We still have too-many players who live-up to that damning condemnation of Davie MacPherson, some 25-years ago: "He's a two-footed player alright, he can mis-kick off either shin" (this, by they way was a dreadful slander on big Davie - there are players in the Rangers team today who are not fit to lace his drinks").

Any way, I will go on making the point from the sidelines - unless we alter things radically, we are awe doomed. Meanwhile, the Hampden Blazers will continue to bury their heads in the sand and we will continue to decline.

LAST night's Ayrshrie Derby at Rugby Park was a typical Scottish game - masses of invective and hatred from the terraces, 100% commitment from the fans, but, as entertainment, it fell flat.

Killie made their higher status count, but, it was stodgy stuff. I felt too-many Killie players were content to play a decent pass, then, rather than rushing to get into position for a return ball, they stood and admired, or maybe were awestruck, at their skill in being able to find a team-mate over 10-15-yards away.

It wasn't so-much pass and move as pass and pose.

The single goal was a cracker, however, rather wasted on a game, which was over as a contest as soon as that goal was scored - but, should have been put to bed a lot sooner.

A couple of Killie's non-Scots had me thinking: "If you want a jersey-filler who contributes little to the team, surely there are Scottish boys who could fill that role more-cheaply".

Not that the Killie fans will be too-bothered. They will simply be enjoying bragging rights at work and on social media today.

At least, United put up a better show that Alistair Darling did the night before.

I AM delighted to see big Craig Gordon back in the Scotland squad, thus proving, class is permanent, form and health are transient issues.

I wonder what Jimmy Greaves is thinking, however. There is Scotland with, in Messrs Gordon, McGregor and Marshall, three top-flight keepers, whereas England doesn't have one as-good. Givent he choice, and, I write as a fully-paid-up member of Alan Rough Lodge Number One of the freemasonry of goalkeepers: I'd pick any of our first three before I would pick Joe Hart or Fraser Forster.

Good goalkeepers are like buses - you wait long enough and three come along. Now, from where did I nick that aphorism?  

You'll Struggle With This Ronny - It's Aye Been This Way

"WHO the fuck is this Ronny Deila? What has he ever won? Yet, he comkes over here and tries to tell us how to run our game. Doesn't he realise,he's in Scotland now - the greatest wee fitba nation in the history of the game".

 

Aye Right. I am, yet again, having a go at the received wisdom in Scottish fitba. Wisdom? Scottish fitba? Precisely.

 

But, Cletic's new Norwegian boss has a point, several in fact. Not that that will weigh too heavily on thought processes (stop tittering there at the back) of the intellectual heavyweights in the blazers, on Hampden's executive floor.

 

Mind you,this is not the first time I have seen someone at the coal face of Scottish sport call for a change in our season. John Beattie, back in the days when he was a club coach, as well as a media personality and talking head, called for a switch to summer rugby in Scotland. Now he's exclusively a media man, he is still calling for this change.

 

But, as Deila will surely find out soon enough - in Scotland, there's a state of mind which MUST be overcome, but, at the moment, this necessary change of mind is years away. We will continue to tell anyone, such as Beattie or Deila, who calls for a change in our traditional season: "Aye, but, it's aye been done this way".

 

Of course we should be playing summer football in Scotland. Most-certainly, playing on better pitches will help our players's skills. I would also suggest, IF we switched our season, we just might be better able to sell Scottish football to the television companies.

 

Of course, back in Deila's native Norway, where the season runs from March to November, they can virtually guarantee when the ice and snow will arrive and football will be driven indoors, or into hibernation. With our uncertain, more-temperate climate, we think we will get a period when games are called-off, we just don't know when.

 

I well recall, some years ago, a veteran football writer, long-since retired, saying: "Och aye, we have a winter shut-down in Scotland - we just never know exactly when it will kick-in". This is still the case today.

 

Deila's comments followed Saturday's loss at Inverness. Certainly, the Highlanders seem to have something of a hex on the Hoops, or is it simply, because they haven't been playing against them as often as the longer-established clubs, they are getting their rare wins in sooner? But, their win demonstrates the thinness of the Celtic squad and how tough it will be for the Hoops to do battle on the twin fronts of the SPFL and Europe.

 

I just hope, the other Premiership sides take cognisance of the ICT victory and resolve, particularly when at home - to get out there and have a go at the Champions.

 

It will still call for a Stewards' Enquiry, if the season 2014-15 title does not end up in Kerrydale Street, but, it would be great if their margin of victory was reduced to single figures in points.

 

I hope the lesson hits home and the rest make it far-harder for Celtic. Such an outcome can only  be good for the future health of the game here.

 

 

 

I AM an unashamed fan of Off the Ball - that pettiest and most ill-informed of football shows. Yes, Tam and Stuart occasionally go too-far. I have never bought into their happy bufoons act, but, more-often than not, they articulate what the ordinary fan in the cheap seats is thinking.

 

They certainly hit the nail on the head on Saturday, when they howled loud and long about the SFA's pricing policy for the upcoming Scotland v Georgia game. I agree with the Boys, £42 for this game is ridiculous and, the wankers in the blazers are, yet again, having a laugh at our expense.

 

 

 

ALAN Hutton got Man of the Match in Saturday's Villa v Newcastle 0-0. draw nae fitba, borefest. OK, it wasn't a great game, in fact, for long spells, it was dire, but, credit where it is due.

 

Villa had been trying for a good wee while to off-load Hutton. for various reasons, perhaps his wages, they couldn't do this, so, Paul Lambert had to take himback into the tent.

 

Hutton is no Sandy Jardine, Danny McGrain, Eric Caldow or George Burley. In fact, if I can digress, when I think of him, the first thought which comes to mind is from a story my old mate Ken "Smudger" Smith ran in the Herald Diary some years ago, when he was still with Rangers.

 

Apparently, Hutton strolled past he queue at a popular Glasgoe club and tried to get it; the bouncer stopped him.

 

"Do you realise who I am?" asked the indignant Hutton.

 

"Aye, you're the cunt who made the mistake which cost us today's Old Firm game - so,you're no gettin' in"; replied the bouncer.

 

Exit Hutton, suitbaly chastened.

 

But, that was then and this is now. Since then he has proved himself one of the most-dependable and consistent players in the 21st century Scotland squads. he is now one of the players who is as near an automatic pick as we have.

 

Hopefully he can forge the same position in the mind of Paul Lambert and in the affections of the Villa fans.

 

He has come a long way.

In The Name Of Charity - Import This Pole, Peter

WITH the biggest match in the past 300-plus years of Scottish history coming up on 18 September, it really is tough to get excited about the start of this fitba season. Mind you, Celtic's 1-1 draw with Maribor last night, almost got me going.

I will probably be more than a little surprised if the Hoops do not go on to clinch the tie in the second leg at Parkhead, and advance to the group stages of the competition - which, given the doing they sustained at the hands of Legia, will make Celtic the luckiest team in the world in my view.

If Peter Lawwell has a shred of decency, he will find that sacked Legia administrator to whom they owe their continued European presence, a job somewhere. After all, what is one more Polish immigrant to this country?

Get him/her a job at Ibrox Peter - you know it makes sense.

What, with an away goal in Maribor, six past the Arabs and a wee visit from the Bunnet, it's been a good week for the Hoops.

NOT so good across the city, though. OK, Wee Bazza's Clyde were in all honesty, never likely to trouble the troops too-much in the Diddy Cup, but, Id have thought maybe more than 11,000 of Ra Peepul would have turned out to give their old captain a welcome "home". Maybe the rest were all out canvassing to save the Union and the Crown from that Alik Sammin, or helping the Easdales to rescue Ferguson's.

I know the situation facing these shipyard workers in Port Glasgow is too-serious to joke about it, but, I genuinely hope the Easdale's can do better in turning-around things at the Tail o' the Bank than they have hitherto managed at the Big Hoose.

Let's all laugh at the Ibrox management is all good clean fun and harms nobody - saving Ferguson's is really serious stuff and I wish the Easdales - or anyone else who can maybe keep that yard open, well.

GOOD luck too to Ms Kerr up at Stirling University. Mind you, that is probably the best Scottish team to take the plunge and appoint a female manager. By definition, being a university side, the players and the back-room staff all have brains, which they know how to use.

There is a perception too that, the support, such as it it, is also a body with brains capable of clear reasoning - so, the new boss has a chance of doing well. Certainly, her track record with Arsenal Ladies demands she be treated with respect.

I FORGOT, when I last posted, to mention the latest example of English arrogance, as portrayed by their football media's treatment of the new Manchester United manager.

I switched-on BT Sport to watch last weekend's Manchester United v Swansea match, and, in the prelude, we had a shot from his first United press conference, of the Dutchman explaining to the assembled media - how to pronounce his name.
Not once, but thrice, he made it clear it was said: "Van Haal", not "Van Gaal". It could not have been clearer.
So, why did the massed ranks of the BT team, and the even-more massed ranks on the BBC's preview and post-match programmes make a point almost of calling him, to a man, "Van Gaal"?
Don't ya just love this we know best English attitude! Makes you pround to be voting Yes on the 18th of next month.

FINALLy,I see big Malky Mackay will not be getting the Crystal Palace job, and has been landed in hot water through a complaint by Cardiff City to the FA, about his behaviour during last season's rather messy "marital break-up" the the Welsh side.

It is events like this which demonstrate how low English football has sunk in its desperate attempts to woo and welcome every nasty tin-pot dictator or spiv it can into its incessant pursuit of filthy lucre.

Why do we still bother with such a smelly game?

Fitba - Who cares

CONFESSION time - I am struggling to live with my football head. I took this off after the World Cup, thoroughly enjoyed the Commonwealth Games, and am relishing the European Athletics Championships.

 

Putting my fitba heid back on and getting back to the cauld kale of another dreich Scottish season - well, it's bloody hard.

 

One week in and it's the same-old same-old, the whitabootery between those twin cheeks of an erse which is the internet faction of the Bigot Brothers; whole tracts of Scandinavian forest being felled to feed the print media's feeding frenzy as Celtic do the hokey-cokey with the Champions League, while, across the city, the Tribute Act stumbles from accident to calamity to big reddies all round.

 

Aberdeen, Motherwell and St Johnstone have all had their wee short breaks in Europe - honestly, not even the most-fervant member of the Celtic family is too-confident about the Hoops hopes of remaining long in the CL.

 

Meanwhile, on the Executive floor at Hampden, the blazers still slumber on.

 

 

 

I WAS at Rugby Park for the announcement that rugby would return there, for the first time since 1956, in November, when Scotland entertain Tonga.

 

The new pitch looks great, Billy Bowie, rather than Michael Johnston, is now the Honcho. OK Boydie has gone, but, he was always going to leave, if the Tribute Act whistled.

 

I would have expected a bigger crowd for Killie's first home game of the season, in midweek. New pitch being unveiled, attractive visitors in Aberdeen, but, barely 5000 fans could be bothered turning-up.

 

The ones who stayed away probably showed good taste - even my most-fanatical Killie fans are prophesying a long, hard season. Still, if that's the best they can do for a new season, I worry.

 

Mind you, a cup draw which pairs them with Ayr United, managed by former Killie Golden Child Mark Roberts, should attract a good gate. Why do I believe Marko is relishing the trip back to Rugby Park?

 

Just an aside - am I alone in fancying the combination of the Ferguson Brothers and their chance to say GIRFUY, just might add-up to a good night for Clyde, when they take on Rangers?

 

 

 

WATCHING the 3000-metres steeplechase final at the European Athletics Championships, I enjoyed the celebrations of the French winner, who took off his shirt as he cleared the final hurdle, the title already won.

 

He received an immediate yellow card; then the Spanish objected and he was disqualified.

 

As someone who has never enjoyed the shirt-off, windmilling goal celebrations of many players, followed by the obligatory yellow card - might I make a suggestion to UEFA and FIFA, and, more-particularly IFAB.

 

For the sake of those of us who cannot stand looking at, too-many bad tatooes, why not bring in a rule, whereby, if a goal-scorer takes off his shirt in celebration - the goal is disallowed.

 

That ought to tidy things up.

 

 

Summer's Over - Let The Dreichness Start

THAT'LL be the summer bye then - the Commonwealth Games are now a warm, fuzzy memory, the tail-end of Hurricane Bertha has given us a rough few hours overnight, oh aye, and the funny pages at the back of the papers are wall-to-wall with the Bigot Brothers.

 

If it wasn't for that other on-going circus, the lead-up to the Referendum on 18 September, we'd be back to being miserable Scots gits.

 

From the perspective of Scottish Football, Celtic getting that UEFA reprieve is, probably good news - at least, we might have a club still in Europe when we take the first step down Independence Road. Mind you, I can still see an independent Scotland coming before another Scottish European trophy win.

 

I might be wrong, and, in all honestly, I cannot be arsed looking it up; but, I think the situation is, if Celtic lose their Champions League play-off, then they really are out of Europe this season. It might be better calling-up Michel Platini and saying: "Look Michel, thanks for the reprieve and that, but, in all honesty, we were so-badly humped by Legia, we'd be better-off staying where we are in the Europa League".

 

I cannot help remembering how, when Old Rangers were in their death throes, and the papers and websites were choc-a-bloc with conjecture about what division, if any, they would be playing in in season 2012-13, the non-Rangers fans in Scotland were going off their skulls with calls for "sporting integrity" - with the Celtif Camily leading the choruses.

 

Well, clearly, somebody in the office at Legia Warsaw fucked-up, not deliberately, but, they did. To chuck-out a team which had so-comprehensively won a tie on a technical issue, stemming from a fuck-up. Well, there's not much integrity there, particularly from the team which takes advantage of such a let-off.

 

 

 

AT LEAST, Celtic are still, in either case, still in Europe. Across Glasgow, the Ragners Tribute Act is in more deep doo-dah,

 

Given how the two clubs finished so-far apart, and the good run of form which Hearts enjoyed at the end of the campaign, even allowing for the change of management and the tinkering with the squad, you might have expected them to beat Rangers at Ibrox on Sunday.

 

At the end of that campaign, the two clubs were 11 places apart - that's a complete league division. Factor-in the fact, that swinging points deduction was the major factor in the Tynecastle club's relegation, while, let's be honest, Rangers' for all the advantages they enjoyed in the First Division last season, are still a shite team, being managed by a manager who has spent the past two and a bit seasons demonstrating, for all he is just about the nicest guy in Scottish football, he's more a taxi than a coach, and, he canny manage.

 

Still, in that respect, he's in good company at Ibrox - it strikes me, the board canny manage either.

 

Then, we have the comedy gold, which is Charles Green. On the excellent Wings Over Scotland pro-independence website, the threats, hysteria and general mutterings of what the Yes side, rightly in my view, term: "Bitter Together's" more-rabid media luvvies Alan Cochrane, a couple of hectoring coonsilors, and some of the red-top rotweillers from the Hun and the Daily Heil, for instance,  is listed under: "Zany Comedy Relief".

 

Maybe the MSM should list any alleged news stories, or proclamations from Chukkie under the same label.

 

 

 

I HAD the pleasure of walking across the new, synthetic Rugby Park pitch on Friday, as the SRU promoted the Scotland v Tonga international in November. It looks great.

I am looking forward to the Tonga game, if the Ayrshire rugby fans turn out in numbers, the atmosphere will be great. By the way, I booed Michael Johnston at the do, so he wouldn't suffer from withdrawal symptoms. He seems a much-happier man, now Billy Bowie is the man in the hot seat.

The new pitch, and the fact the team will, henceforth, train at Rugby Park, will, I am sure, help heal the divisions between club and fans. Mind you, I'd still like to see a lot more Ayrshire boys in the Killie ranks.

Big Bolt - A Real Star In The Hampden Pantheon

Perhaps the greatest missed opportunity in the history of Scottish sport was yon night, Slim Jim took wee Puskas out on the bevvy in Castlemilk.

 

Allegedly, the evening ended with a wee bit of jig-a-jig. Some 20-years later, then, Scotland ought ot have had a left-wing to beat the world. But, hey, it happened in Scotland - perhaps the two willing young ladies did get pregnant and have sons who had amazing left feet, but, since they were: too-wee, they probably never were picked-up by our leading football clubs - we can only speculate.

 

Still, it would be nice to think, some Glesca burd did ber bit for the future of Scottish athletice with big Usain on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and we've got a potential Scottish sprint sensation for the 2036 Olympics on the way.

 

It's the least the big man deserves for his all-too-short cameo at the games, what a star.

 

Any way, the Commonwealth Games have come and gone, and it is now back to the purritch and auld claes of the fitba season.

 

 

 

THE weekend didn't go too-well for the Bigot Brothers. Celtic bounced back from being stuffed in Warsaw to be even more stuffed by Spurs. They will still win the SPFL at a canter though. Mind you, it would be great to think we could celebrate the 50th anniversary of Kilmarnock winning the league with another two-horse league-title race in which neither jockey is wearing green and white hoops or royal blue shirts.

 

And pity the poor, deluded fans of the Ibrox Tribute Act. They could hardly celebrate the Hoops horror show, after their heroes were stuffed by the "Wally with the brolly's" team.

 

Now, nobody can complain about the Tribute Act not knowing their back catalogue. Mohsni's red card collection is now rivaling Willie Woodburn's; the difference is, Woodburn was a player.

 

The SFA might like to think of banning Mohsni sine die - except Peter Lawwell will probably veto this, he wants Mohsni playing for Rangers, as a handicap.

 

Celtic will be in Edinburgh tomorrow night, playing Legia Warsaw at Murrayfield. IF they can overturn the Poles' three-goal first league advantage it will surely rank as one of the club's greatest European results - I cannot see this, however, all is not lost - some of the Celtic Family could be in with a serious chance of winning the Edinburgh Festival Fringe's award for street theatre.