ONE OF the senior stenographers who are members of the Lap Top Loyal was having a whinge on Monday – apparently, the current Rangers squad are not “street smart” enough.
“Street smart” - that's up there with: “Let him know you're there” in the lexicon of euphemisms for: “pit the bit in son”, rule one of the Junior football defender's hand book.
Our aforementioned Loyalist, then went on to bemoan the lack of an Ian Ferguson or a John Brown from the current Ibrox squad. In this, he was showing his age or lack of. Rangers have been fielding “street smart” players since 1872 – the lineage is glorious, and long. OK, I will admit, I never saw a couple of these guys play live, but my Dad did, and so, I give you – the Socrates Mac Sporran, “Street-Smart” Rangers XI.
In goal, tempted though I was to declare an injury emergency and have him registered as a player, I did not pick JOCK WALLACE, instead I went for BILLY RITCHIE.
The team will play in 4-4-2 formation, so, my back four is: DAVIE PROVAN, JOHN GREIG, WILLIE WOODBURN and SAMMY COX, none of whom will take prisoners.
The midfield quartet are equally uncompromising: GRAEME SOUNESS, HAROLD DAVIS, SAMMY BAIRD and WILLIE JOHNSTON.
Up front, I am ignoring my Dad's belief in big Jimmy Smith, instead, I am putting my trust in their ability to put the fear of God into opponents, before finding the net regularly, in ALEX FERGUSON and ANDY GRAY. That lot, I feel would not only be Aye Ready to live up to the Rangers' ideals; it would definitely be a case of: Wha Daur Meddle Wi' Me,
when facing them.
when facing them.
WE MAY BE “enjoying” a typical New Cumnock Summer – it seems to rain every day, but, everyone in my adopted village is walking around smiling these days, and why not.
Our sporting heroes, Glenafton Athletic have continued their magical run of last season, when they won the Scottish Junior Cup, the West of Scotland Superleague and the Evening Times Champion of Champions Cup, starting faster than Justin Gatlin on the full steroid dose in the Ardagh Glass League Cup, by beating Auchinleck Talbot and Cumnock.
On Saturday they played their first William Hill Scottish Cup tie, beating Newton Stewart 6-0 in the first preliminary round. Next up is Golspie Sutherland, at home at Loch Park – win that and they could be facing true senior opposition in the first round.
The locals are living the dream and, long may it continue. Mind you, if they ever get as far as facing a Premiership side, let's hope it's not Rangers. You still get a picture of King Billy on his white charger for above the mantelpiece, with the keys of your council house in this village – drawing Rangers would definitely be a case of divided loyalties.
That thought gives me a chance to regurgitate one of my favourite football stories. Back in the Souness era, Rangers came to Loch Park to play a benefit match for the families of a young couple, killed in a car crash on their way to see the 'Gers.
Davie Dodds - no oil painting
After the game, David Dodds referred to one of the Glen's committee as: “That big ugly bastard over there”. Said official went to his grave delighted by the compliment – after all, if an oil painting like DD thought you were ugly, well, it had to be true.
I NOTE, Club 1872 – is that the long-service arm of Club 18-30? are not happy at the conduct of one Neil Francis Lennon, at Ibrox on Saturday.
Just a misunderstood boy - Lenny at Ibrox
That is an irony by-pass of truly epic American proportions. They have never complained about the poisonous atmosphere at Ibrox most match-days, the blatant bigotry and the songs of hate – and let's not go near the way the GASL continues to disgrace and mismanage their club - but, a wee ginger-headed Irishman cups his hands to his ears and waves his arms about and it is the end of civilisation as we know it.
Guys – get a life, please. And, a word to Police Scotland; there is such a charge as wasting police time.
IF YOU want to have a long and successful career in the sports media in Scotland, after counselling you to: get a life, my next suggestion is, pick a minority sport and work at it.
There are churnalists in Scotland covering minor sports – i.e. any sort other than football, rugby and Andy Murray who, to be frank, struggle with joined-up calligraphy.
But, the esteemed Alan Campbell is not such a man. Alan is a total pro who has chosen to become the go-to man for coverage of Women's football in Scotland.
Now recovered from the travails of the Women's Euros in the Netherlands, Alan is preparing to go on manoeuvres again, as Scotland, under new Head Coach Shelley Kerr, get ready to kick-off their World Cup campaign.
New Scotand Women's Coach Shelley Kerr
There seems certain to be to some extent a changing of the guard as far as the Scotland squad is concerned, with new faces coming in to replace long-serving regulars. As always, Alan will be there and, I hope, after the girls' good showing in the Netherlands, Alan's sterling efforts are better-appreciated by the desk jockeys at our various media outlets.
I really fancy the girls to show the men how to qualify for World Cup Finals. It's time to get serious about the ability our girls possess.