Little Wins Mean A Lot - If You're Scottish

AS every student of Scottish football history knows, 31 March, 1928 was a special day for the wee nation which gave the Beautiful Game shape and substance. Today, on the 90^th anniversary, as we have done every year since the event, we recall the original Wembley Wizards: Harkness; Nelson and Law, Gibson, Bradshaw and McMullan; Jackson, Dunne, Gallacher, James and Morton – the men who thrashed England 5-1.

 The 1928 Wembley Wizards

The thing with Scottish fitba history is, we have never had Rudyard Kipling's attitude to those twin imposters, Triumph and Disaster. Mind you, in a way, we Scots do tend to treat them both the same. No Triumphs are as great as Scottish ones – and no Disasters as tragic.

Let's get the Disasters out of the way first, and, if we stick to those within living memory, we have Wembley 1955 – lost 7-2; Wembley 1961 – lost 9-3; Wembley 1975 – lost 5-1; Hampden 1958 – lost – 4-0; Hampden 1973, the Centenary Match – lost 5-0; World Cup Finals 1954 – Uruguay 7 Scotland 0. I think I will stop there.

John Greig and Bobby Morre lead the teams on in 1967

The triumphs, aside from 1928; Wembley 1949, Jimmy Cowan's game – won 3-1; Wembley 1963, Baxter's game – won 2-1; Wembley 1967, the second Wembley Wizards – won 3-2 and various lesser wins. You see, the thing with great Scottish victories, they are seldom in games which matter.

Take that 1928 game for instance. We have become so used to treating British football and the old Home International Championship as being all about Scotland and England. Not in 1928, Wales won the crown, Ireland beat us at Celtic Park and the legendary Wembley game was, in fact – a “wooden spoon” decider. That game was the solitary occasion on which the 11 immortals played together.

Take 1967, the second Wembley Wizards. Sure, we became unofficial World Champions by being the first team to beat England, who were the real World Champions, in 19 games. Of course, in reality it was 3-2 going on 6-2, but, and what a shame there has to be a but.

The 1967 and 1968 Home Internationals doubled-up as a qualifying group for the 1968 European Championships; sure, we wanted to win, but, the main thing was to qualify for the knock-out stages in Europe. Yes, we beat England and how we celebrated, but, George Best virtually beat us on his own in Belfast, then, needing to beat England at Hampden in the final qualifying game, to go through – we could only draw.

Add the fact, in our next game after winning at Wembley, we lost to the USSR, and you can see, the Wembley win turned out to be meaningless, other than to make us feel good about ourselves, because we beat England.

The same attitude is alive in rugby. Scotland finished third in this season's 6Nations Championship, but, the big cause for joy was – we beat England. In so-many fields, we define ourselves by how we do to that much-larger neighbour the Almighty landed us with, as the counterweight to all the riches He/She bestowed on Scotland. Maybe, as the independent Scotland rises, and Tory-led England falls, we will, in time, outgrow this England fixation, but, Ah hae ma doots, and, in any case, to quote the greatest living Scot: Groundskeeper Willie of the Simpsons: “Damned Scots, they ruined Scotland.”

The Greatest Living Scot - Groundskeeper Willie

One of the things about the original Wembley Wizards was, how many of the victorious team were Anglo-Scots, guys who played their club football in England. Only goalkeeper Jack Harkness, inside-right Tim Dunne and outside-left Alan Morton played their club football in Scotland, and Dunne would join the talent drain south at the end of that season.

Of the 1967 team, stars of that unbelievable season when Celtic won the European Cup, Rangers only lost in extra time in the Cup-Winners Cup final and we won at Wembley, four players – Eddie McCreadie, Jim Baxter, Billy Bremner and Denis Law were Anglos, we have always needed that wee bit of “polish” which playing in England gives our top talent.

 The match ball from 1928

In 1928, Alex Jackson scored a hat-trick, Alex James scored the other two goals. At full-time goalkeeper Jack Harkness pilfered the match ball, which rests today in the Hampden Museum. On the night before the game, skipper Jimmy McMullan is supposed to have told his team: “Go to bed and pray for rain.” If they did, their prayers were answered and on the sodden turf, Scotland simply passed England off the park.

These are the legends of 90 years ago today. But, the one thing that is overlooked, not mentioned, to be ignored is – in the grand scheme of things, gratifying though that result was, it meant nothing. It was a wooden spoon game, which salvaged something from a dire season for the winners.

A platoon of the Tartan Army congratulate skipper McMullan at time up

But, maybe that's Scotland's lot – even when we win, we lose. Ninety years on from 31 March, 1928, it is perhaps time we consigned that habit to the dustbin of history.

Let's rise now – and be a nation again, and not just in football.

Time We Put A Proper System In Place For Picking The National Team

WHEN I was growing-up and beginning to discover my football heroes – Bert Trautman and Jimmy Brown if you must know – there seemed, with hindsight, to be a selection system in Scottish football.

Ian Black of Fulham - perhaps the ultimate Scottish One Cap Wonder

Sure, the selectors, who picked the Scotland side back in the 1950s and for most of the 1960s, would occasionally justify their all-expenses-paid scouting trips to England by throwing a “One Cap Wonder” into the international team: Fulham goalkeeper Ian Black and West Ham inside forward John Dick, against England in 1948 and 1959 respectively being perhaps the best examples of guys being capped before they were household names in their own households. But, generally the path to a full cap back in those black and white TV days was well laid-out.

Players who were getting consistently good write-ups in the run-of-the-mill league games, and who didn't freeze at Ibrox or Celtic Park, would be introduced into the Scottish League XI, and, if they fitted-in there, in time, they would be tried-out in the full team, perhaps in one of the regular end-of-season friendlies.

Guys who caught the selectorial eye in England might get their chance in the Scotland B team, which was formed after the debacle of non-appearance at the 1950 World Cup and lasted through until 1957, by which time the Under-23 team was up and running and seen as a more-logical replacement.

 Campbell Forsyth - had to wait seven years for a full cap

Unless you were a goalkeeper, a successful B team or Under-23 “audition” generally brought swift promotion to the big team. Campbell Forsyth, however, had to wait seven years between his Under-23 debut and his full debut, while Ronnie Simpson's wait was even longer. An Olympian with Queen's Park in 1948, the future Celtic Lisbon Lion received his B team call-up in 1953, when with Newcastle United; then had to wait until his Indian Summer debut in that unforgettable 1967 Wembley match, before winning a long-overdue full cap.

Ronnie Simpson - played at Wembley with Team GB in the 1948 Olympic Games, but, had to wait until 1967, 19-years later, to appear there for Scotland

These days, to quote a belter of an aside from Brian McClair: “You can get a Scotland Under-21 cap for knowing the ball is round.” And, while necessity, being the mother of invention, has forced SPFL sides to blood more young Scots, with a consequential knock-on effect on the team, there was a time, not so long ago, when the Under-21 team was drawn from guys who mainly played in their club's reserve teams.

In that respect, the Under-23 team was, I submit, a more-accurate barometer of a young player's readiness for the international arena than the Under-21 team is. Which is why, I would like to see the SFA bring it back.

One of the huge current problems with Scottish football is, while it remains exciting and hard-fought, our domestic players, and sadly more and more of the Scottish-qualified players plying their trade in the lower reaches of the English Premiership and in their Championship and League One, is, while they have continental and South American team mates around them on a daily basis, they have little experience of facing foreign teams in matches.

I would reinstate the Under-23 team, as a purely development side, playing wherever possible against foreign opponents, perhaps by bringing back the old end-of-season continental tour, or, maybe by bringing back the Home Internationals, as an Under-23 tournament.

On this last suggestion. Why not run it as a mini-tournament taking it round the four nations (or, if as they perhaps would say, England declined to face lesser countries, in which case, I am sure the Republic of Ireland would be delighted to come in)? Take the games around Scotland, keeping them, initially anyway, away from Glasgow. I am sure Sky or BT Sport would be pleased to cover this event.

There might even be grounds, should England deign to favour such an event with their presence, to use it as a pre-Olympics qualifier, winning team to go as “Team GB” to the games. Now, I accept politics is in-play here, but, I don't see this as an impediment to Scottish participation – the old “threat to our international football position argument - I reckon we will again be, if not already a fully-fledged independent nation by the time my hypothetical tournament is up and running, well down the road to FREEDOM!!!

Berti Vogts - couldn't get the Hampden High Heid Yins to fully endorse the Futures Team

By bringing back Under-23 games, Big Eck would have more young players with international experience at a lower level to choose from. Berti Vogts sought to do something similar with his Futures team, but, the stumblebums inside and outside Hampden's sixth-floor Corridor of Power, never bought into the wee German's vision – a scheme which, it goes without saying, has been part of the German plan for world football domination since Berti was a player.

It has worked for the Germans, why not also for us?

IN MY last post, I mentioned the historic decision of the SJFA member clubs, which has of course, still to be ratified at their AGM later this year, to participate in the Scottish Football Pyramid.

I mentioned, at the time, how Auchinleck Talbot were against the move, and I speculated that they might be joined in this stance by several other of the bigger names. Well, one of my friends posted, on Facebook, a list of how the clubs voted and, an awful lot more of the major clubs were against it, than were for it. This I suspected, might be the case.

This one will run and run.

Speaking of the SJFA, I think Tom Johnston and Iain McQueen must have found the square and oval balls for the Scottish Junior Cup semi-final draw, which was made on Thursday.

The ties, which are two-legged affairs, to be played on 14 and 21 April, are:

Auchinleck Talbot v Lochee United

Wishaw Juniors v Hurlford United

Cynic that I am, I think the Juniors' High Heid Yins are hoping for a Talbot v Hurlford clash at Rugby Park in the final. So am I, but, that's another story.

Stop The Football World - The Juniors Want To Get On - Or Do They?

THE big fitba news this week wasn't that Scotland managed to beat Hungary in Budpest, that was flim-flam. No, the real news was the decision, in principle, for the Scottish Junior Football Association, provided the formal motion passes at their Annual General Meeting in June, and the SFA and the “bigger” league agree, to join the Scottish Football Pyramid.

Matt Phillips' Budapest Goal Was Not The Big Fitba News This Week

The sharper readers of this blog might note, the second sentence of that opening paragraph was almost “legalise”, because, there are a few hurdles to cross before it happens. For a start, Auchinleck Talbot (are they the Real Madrid of Junior Football, or are Real Madrid the Talbot of the senior game – discuss?) are agin it.

Now, if Talbot are agin it, I would suspect, from many moons covering the old Ayrshire Junior FA meetings, Cumnock are agin it too. Just as Rangers and Celtic vote together on most issues, so too do their Junior equivalents when it comes to mutual supporter loathing. And if two-thirds of the East Ayrshire Big Three are anti, I wouldn't be surprised if Glenafton Athletic are also unimpressed about joining the pyramid. With these three on-board, I can see a snowball beginning to roll against the move.

Mutually Assured Disputes

You see, the thing about joining the pyramid is, there are standards to be met, hoops to be jumped through. When Junior football began, it was a 19^th century re-enactment of clan warfare, well, at least here in East Ayrshire, in Lanarkshire, the Lothians and Fife, the traditional mining areas which are the heartlands of Juniordom. Down here, in God's County - when the juniors began and in the days in the 1920s when my maternal grand-father was President of the local league: Glenbuck were easily-irked by Muirkirk, and took-out that animosity on the football field. Cronberry despised Lugar, Craigmark disliked Rankinston, Auchinleck wasn't keen on Mauchline – and everyone positively hated Cumnock (that much, at least, has remained constant).

Back then, it was gladiatorial, the best of one village against the best of the next. In time, incomers began to be imported – the acquisition and fielding of “ringers” from Glasgow is a book in itself – but, the important thing has always been getting the best-possible team onto the field.

The local rivalries in Ayrshire are mirrored elsewhere; local bragging rights matter.

To be fair to Talbot in particular. The work which the late Malcolm Dunnachie and his team began to upgrade the facilities at Fortress Beechwood has been impressive. They would still have to spend some money to meet pyramid standards, but not that much.

Other clubs would need to perhaps spend money they did not have, and could not afford, to meet the demands of rising through the levels in the pyramid, and, once the clubs really start to read the small print and consider the implications, initial enthusiasm might recede.

Not that I am against the pyramid. On the contrary, we I feel, need a pyramid in Scotland, but, I feel rather than simply broadening the base by bringing-in the 160 or so SJFA member clubs, perhaps we should think of putting in place a couple (at least) of other layers.

Don't simply expand the pyramid - reform while you are at it

For instance, I don't think we need 42 “Senior” clubs, in four divisions. For my mind, “Senior” clubs ought to be full-time clubs, operating from all-seated stadia with a minimum capacity. When the Premier League first put in-place criteria for stadia, they had to have 10,000 seats. That has since been reduced to 6000. I could accept that, but, feel anything less than 10,000 shows a distinct lack of ambition. “Build it and they will come” and all that.

I would suggest (and I have been flying this particular “kite” for years - The SFA comes up with a template for what a “Senior” club should have:

• All-seater stadium, minimum capacity to be agreed.
• Full-time playing staff.
• Youth Academy.
• Grass roots coaching department.
• Women's teams.
• All-weather pitches, with proper pitch protection.

I would like to think 20-clubs could be found to meet the necessary criteria, and, with a nod to the PRO14 in rugby, I would split them into two “Conferences”, with traditional rivals placed in different conferences.

The seasonal climax would be cross-conference knock-out games, leading to a Grand Final.

Below the two conferences, which would be Scotland-wide, I would have regionalised football, rather mirroring the current set-up in Junior football. Initially, those senior clubs who cannot meet the criteria for the two senior conferences, would be in the top regional leagues; it would be up to them to justify and maintain that status as the lesser clubs improve.

There would have to be, as is the case in the English pyramid a requirement to meet certain infrastructure criteria at each level. This would prevent clubs seeking to rise through the ranks ignoring spectator facilities by spending all their money on players.

Make Scottish Football More Scottish

And, one rule I would also insist on, all clubs would have to sign-up to having a certain percentage of their match-day squads: “Scotland-qualified”. In the English rugby Aviva Premiership, there is a demand for 70% of a match-day squad to be “England-qualified;” why not in Scottish football?

And, while we are at it – such a total make-over as I am suggesting would probably be the most-opportune moment to bring-in “Zero Tolerance”, when it comes to fan (mis)behaviour. Of course, the big question is: is the will for such radical change abroad in Scottish football?

The thing with a pyramid is, IF a club on one of the lower levels wishes to rise through the ranks, and if that club can meet the criteria for elevation to the next level, then anything is possible. However, if a club says, as Talbot has done with regard to the Juniors entering the pyramid: “We are happy where we are,” there is nothing to stop them doing so.

But, all levels of the game would be under the jurisdiction of the SFA – the playing field would be a lot more level than it currently is.

Irresponsible Journalism Does Not Help In Controversial Refereeing Incidents

TODAY, I return to a subject which has greatly troubled me these past months and years – the continued downward trajectory of the circulation of Scottish newspapers; aided by the fact, there are guys writing about football these days, who would never have got through the doors even a decade ago.

I have in the past mentioned my two old friends, who managed to find the escape tunnel out of The Herald editorial floor before they morphed into Angus Lennie as Ives, “the mole” in The Great Escape. These pillars of the press are no longer allowed by their better halves, to read The Herald before lunch time, as their reaction to what is printed usually ruins the remainder of the day.

I fear, from looking at the paper's website this morning, similar travails may be overcoming their contemporaries, now retired from The Scotsman.

 Craig Thomson tells Cedric Kipre: "Ye cannae dae that Son"

There is a piece, written by Craig Anderson, which is boldly headlined: “Why the referee was wrong to send off Cedric Kipre against Celtic.” Well the spurious argument put forward by young Master Anderson is easily and quickly demolished.

Craig Thomson was correct to send-off Mr Kipre, because, as Law V (1) of the Laws of Association Football make clear: “The referee is the sole judge of fact.” If Craig Thomson decides Kipre was guilty of an offence worthy of a red card, that's it. It's Craig's call, Kipre is off.

Anderson then compounds his folly – to put it bluntly, he continues digging, with a ridiculous observation about an off-the-ball kick needing to show “excessive force and brutality.” There is no accurate measurement of “excessive force and brutality”, one man's “I barely touched him”, is another man's “he nearly broke my leg.”

Craig Thomson, the one man delegated with deciding whether or not Kipre's kick was a foul, and how much force was used, decided it was a red-card offence – end of.

Still wielding his spade with the enthusiasm of a Kerry man on piecework, Anderson toils on. Going-on about the view from the stand, although, to be fair, he does admit, Thomson didn't have the view from the stand, or access to a replay – he had one “real time” view of the incident, and one angle, from which to make his decision: “red card.”

Now Anderson's qualifications for his position as The Scotsman's judge and jury on the incident is apparently, that he is: “a fully-qualified former referee.” Bravo, I have never heard of him, and he certainly never reached the FIFA Elite Level ranking which Craig Thomson enjoyed, until he reached the upper age limit and had to step down to merely covering domestic Scottish games.

I certainly have no recollection of ever seeing his name against a high-profile game such as those Craig Thomson has been in-charge of – Old Firm games, internationals, cup finals, during his long career at the top level.

Anderson, apparently, runs the SPFL Stats website. Ah! A statistician; well, we all know what they say about statistics – coming some way after lies and damned lies.

I would describe Anderson's effort as: “Classic click-bait”, and it's a pity such an august newspaper as The Scotsman is reduced to such tactics.

A FOLLOW-UP to Anderson's crock of shite has seen another former whistler, Charlie Richmond, quoted in a critical Daily Record piece.

 An old picture of Charlie Richmond, when he was on the FIFA list

Charlie is a friend of mine, a guid Affleck man (he's from Auchinleck), who was, in my opinion, treated badly by the SFA when active. Charlie, therefore, has perhaps an axe to grind.

Those awfly-good at “spinning” Record Sport subs have done a good job at getting the maximum out of what Charlie said to Euan McLean – obviously leading on the controversial bit, where Charlie disagrees with some of the red cards Craig Thomson has dished-out to Motherwell this season.

However, to be fair to Charlie, he made some good points when speaking to McLean, maybe better if the good points had been highlighted and the controversial stuff down-played. But, hey, he was speaking to a Record hack so we should have expected the controversial stuff to be highlighted.

One particular point Charlie made, with which I am in full agreement; it seems to me, the SFA are too-keen on fast-tracking young officials today Charlie mentions the association's desire to see officials reaching Grade One by 24 and doing cup finals by 27. Look, not everyone is Willie Collum, who a lot of people thought was: “strange” because he wanted to be a referee when he was about 14.

Good referees need to gain experience, Charlie speaks of still doing junior games when he was 32. Of course, he never got the ultimate testing game in the juniors – it is common knowledge, an up-and-coming junior official being considered for promotion to the senior ranks, would, at some point be given an Auchinleck v Cumnock game. The thinking being: “If he can handle that, he's ready.”

Talbot v Cumnock - if a referee can handle that, he can handle any game

Charlie couldn't be given that test, but, he still got promoted. There is something to be said for bringing-on referees at a slower pace. There is also something to be said for taking players who are not going to make the grade, or who suffer injuries which curtail their ability to play football, but not their ability to run – and fast-tracking them into refereeing.

The great Jim McCluskey emerged from this route - turning to refereeing aged 25 after injury while playing with Airdrie, and didn't do too badly. So, while some of Charlie's comments were perhaps wrong, as I said above, he makes some good points, which perhaps the SFA Refereeing Department should look at.

FINALLY, apparently, we are to get a new Scotland away kit. Having looked at the advance pictures, my reaction is: “Haud me back.”

I liked the pink kit in any case.

Managers Are Colour Blind - They Cannot See Red Cards For Their Own Players

RAISED as I was in the East Ayrshire Junior Football tradition, broadly explained by: “Nae bluid – nae foul,” I should be comfortable with managers pleading innocence and over-harsh officiating when one of their players is red or yellow carded for nothing.

 Stephen Robinson - talking "mince", it was a clear red card

But, when you get instances such as that yesterday, when Motherwell manager Stephen Robinson attempts to convince the world: “Cedric Kipre's dismissal was 100% not a red card,” the only come-back is that old Scottish one: “Aye Right!!”

Kipre's dismissal was perhaps the easiest decision Craig Thomson had to make all day, indeed, it was maybe his easiest decision all season. Even in the WWF-influenced world of Auchinleck Talbot v Cumnock, that would have been a straight red, eight days of the week. However just in case you think I am going soft on officials – Thomson made a mistake, he ought also to have booked Scott Brown for his push on the grounded Kipre.

Craig Thomson - got the red card right, but should have booked Broonie

That, I feel, was a factor in Kipre stupidly lashing-out, and it one of the things I do not get about refereeing standards. How often, as in Kipre's case, do you see a retaliator getting a red or yellow card, while the perpetrator of the dust-up walks away with, at worse, a: “Now, don't do that again Son.”

Football really needs, I feel, to toughen-up its tolerance levels on foul play. I know, if they did, it would be carnage for a wee while, but, in the long run it would work. I think the Beautiful Game might benefit from looking at how other sports enforce on-pitch discipline. I would love to see a trial of the likes of field hockey's green/yellow/red cards system, whereby different levels of fouls produce different penalties.

This, as I understand it would see: a mistimed tackle – green card, and if bad enough, a spell in the cooler: deliberate foul – longer spell in the cooler: serious foul play, violent conduct – straight red. And what's wrong with the ice hockey system of short spells in the cooler for minor fouls, longer ones for major fouls and red cards for serious foul play or fighting. And rugby has the case where a yellow card means ten minutes in the cooler.

All these games are more stop-start than football. I feel, because of the free-flowing nature of football, fouls with disrupt the flow ought to be clamped down on more, to eradicate them. There might also be a case for basketball-style implementation of personal fouls, with an accumulation of team fouls leading to harsher penalties.

Football can learn from other sports

In basketball, for instance, while each player can get away with four fouls, but is out of the game on his or her fifth, the team fouls are also counted and, above a set number of total team fouls, every foul takes the opposition to the free-throw line.

Imagine in football, if that came in. One team racks-up enough fouls, and every one thereafter gives the opposition a penalty. That would clean-up the game in jig time.

I also like the American Football idea whereby, holding fouls, where often both teams are at it, sees the officials consulting, and, the team which is guilty of the greater number of holding fouls is penalised. That would soon sort out the all-in wrestling that goes on at corners. The defending side was guilty of three holding fouls, the attackers of four – free kick to the defending side. The defending side was guilty of four holding fouls, the attacking side of three – penalty kick.

But, as with so much which needs to be done to improve the game, I do not see the will to act evident in the corridors of power.

YESTERDAY tea time, while The Farmer's Daughter was doing whatever women do in the kitchen, I was permitted to cash-in the pile of Brownie Points I had accumulated earlier in the day, by watching Leicester City v Chelsea in the FA Cup quarter-final, or watch paint dry as it turned-out to be.

Those dear people whom God chose to be our neighbours, as a counterweight to all the many benefits She gave to Scotland, love to extol their Premiership as: “The Greatest League in the world.” Aye Right!!

OK, yesterday's game was in the (English) FA Cup but, it did feature two clubs from this GLITW – Leicester, currently lying in eighth place, entertaining Chelsea, who lie fifth – so, two of the top teams in that “English” league.

 The only "Scotsman" to feature on Match of the Day yesterday

In all, 30 players, drawn from 14 different nations, strutted their stuff. The only “Scot” on display was Matt Elliott, who qualified to play for us via a Scottish grandmother.

These 14 nations were represented as follows: seven Englishmen, six Spaniards, three Frenchmen, three Nigerians, two Danes and one player from each of: Algeria, Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Germany, Jamaica, Japan, Mali and Portugal. As if, perhaps to underline London's status as a great international city, the only Englishman in the visitors' ranks was Gary Cahill, who came off the bench. Each team drew their 15-man squads who got onto the park, from nine different nations.

It stands to reason, to me at any rate, when a match between two of any nation's top clubs only features 23% of the players who are qualified to play internationally for that nation – the it is unlikely to feature at the sharp end of the World Cup, or even the European Championships.

Never mind, the English football writers, a breed I have observed at close quarters and would describe as: “Thick as shite in the neck of a bottle”, keep telling the English football public – who, since many of them believe this crap, are probably even-thicker: “Because we have the Greatest League in the World, we have to be the best nation and we will win the World Cup.”

Give me, instead, the refreshing honesty of the Tartan Army, with their credo of: “We're shite, but we now we are – where's the party?”

All that money spent on transfers and they couldn't pass water

I watched that game yesterday, and marvelled at the repeated inability of players who cost a King's ransom to recruit fail to play a pass to the feet of a team mate ten yards away. Equally worthy of censure was the number of passes which went behind the intended recipient, or the players' inability to play a pass for a moving team mate to run onto, time and again the recipient had to check his run to gather.

These guys are earning ridiculous money, but, many of them, and not just the English-born and raised players, who are often criticised for: “not having the technical skills of the overseas players” - to put it bluntly: "Couldnae pass watter."

If you are going to hire players who lack technical ability – then hire local, they are cheaper. The English footballing public are being fleeced, that's my opinion any way.

Baldrick's Cunning Plan Saw Off OBFA

GREAT MOMENTS IN SCOTTISH FOOTBALL

Willie Rennie, Richard Leonard and James Kelly discuss how to repeal OBFA

I MAY be wrong, but, I reckon that picture shows when it happened, when the plan to scupper OBFA (the Offensive Behaviour at Football Act) was hatched. In the grand litany of Baldrick's cunning plans, this one is right up there.

I have never deviated from my belief – OBFA was bad law, badly-drafted, hurriedly-introduced, subject to insufficient parliamentary scrutiny. However, that said, it was, at least, an attempt at necessary law. I say again, and will keep saying this until something is done about it, but, the repeated refusal of the Scottish football authorities to act to stamp-out sectarianism within the game rather mirrors Ian Archer's legendary critique of the Ibrox following.

The “suits” along Hampden's sixth-floor corridor are as big, if not a bigger: “permanent embarrassment and occasional disgrace” to Scottish football than even the Angry Bears and the other ultra-loyal elements in the Rangers' support.

As I have repeatedly posted, since this blog began: if the will was there within Hampden, Ibrox or Celtic Park, bigotry and sectarianism would be all but eradicated from Scottish football. I doubt if we will ever eliminate these nasty elements from Scottish life in general, but, football can, but will not act.

I don't know how, but, surely there are some means whereby the Scottish Government could impose sufficiently-harsh sanctions on the SFA, to force them to act. Of course, given the prevailing attitude within Holyrood, that even if the SNP-led government was able to bring in an act whereby every single man, woman and child in Scotland received an annual tax-free income of £100,000 per annum, and along the way poverty, poor housing, a crumbling infrastructure and all the other ailments of Scotland were eradicated – Wee Wullie Rennie, Little Dick Leonard, the sanctimonious Patrick Harvie, Colonel Yadaftie, and her mouthpieces of Terror Tompkins and WATP Murdo Fraser would be on their feet opposing the move and yelling: “SNP BAAAADDD!!!”

Earlier this week, we learned that SPFL match delegates have been repeatedly reporting examples of offensive football at matches to the league's High Heid Yins. We also learned that all of these reports have been swept under the carpet. You must need crampons and an ice axe to get across that carpet by now.

I have said before, adopt zero tolerance, hit them hard and it will stop. When will the Hampden High Yins grow a pair and act?

ANOTHER point I have frequently made, when commenting on OBFA, is that, while received wisdom is that most of the problem revolves around the Bigot Brothers – offensive behaviour at football matches is not an Old Firm monopoly.

When, in a previous life, I covered St Mirren on a weekly basis for the Paisley Daily Express, I always enjoyed the banter when the Renfrewshire Derbies against Morton came around.

Marko Rajamaki of Morton

But, let's be honest here – the entire North Bank at Love Street belting out, to the tune of Neil Diamond's 'Daydream Believer': “Cheer up Rajamaki.....”, their parody ending with the line: “.....A fat Finnish bastard and a shite football team;” well, that has to be offensive.

I remember chatting to Rajamaki about it; he was genuinely perplexed: “Why me?” He asked. I like to think he was chuffed, when I explained singling him out demonstrated how much the Saints' faithful worried about what he might do to them.

Then, of course, there were some of the stunts pulled by the original and best incarnation of Paisley Panda – hanging a giant 'pine tree' air freshener behind David Wylie's goal. OK, even Wylie laughed, some of the 'ton fans didn't. That could have caused bother and, to some, was offensive.

 The original and best Paisley Panda - with his son

I have said before, the most-vicious fight I ever saw at a football match was at an Arthurlie v Pollok game at Dunterlie. The two protagonists could have doubled for Jack and Victor, but, the hatred was real. And don't get me started on some of the stuff I have seen and heard when the fans of Auchinleck Talbot and Cumnock Juniors meet to exchange fraternal greetings.

Mind you, arguably the best insult ever thrown at Beechwood or Townhead Park was a simple one-liner, when a Cumnock fan, who was shouting the odds, was answered back by the Talbot player he was abusing. Unperturbed by this development, the 'Nock fan advised the Talbot player to: “Shut up and tell yer mother to pay her milk bill.”

Then there was the Glenafton supporter who, outraged beyond reason by the linesman repeatedly flagging for offside whenever the Glen attacked, told said official – who was apparently a doppelgänger for Gollum: “See you, wi' a boady like that, ye're the waste o' a heid.”

Of course, being allowed to go along to a game and vent your spleen, perhaps after a fraught week at work, is a time-honoured Scottish tradition. It's all a matter of where we draw the line. I got the impression, at least one of the drivers behind the repeal, had no trouble having that ditty with the line about being: “Up tae oor knees in some kind of blood” banned. But the same earnest politician felt not being able to chant: “Up the 'RA was a breach of his civil liberties.” In the end, whitabootery had a lot to do with the move.

Finally, on this subject, I remind you of that Somerset Park legend: 'Enclosure George.' Now, to be fair to George, who was an accountant, and would not say boo to a goose, something strange seemed to come over him around 3pm on a Saturday, when he stepped into the Somerset Park enclosure. At least, his contributions were seldom abusive.

Alan "Rambo" McInally - allegedly got his own back for being barracked by 'Enclosure George'

But I did like the probably apocryphal story of how a group of Ayr players, reputedly Alan McInally, Robert Connor and Robert Reilly, one Monday morning, turned up at George's work, gathered round his desk and heckled him, before asking: “Aye George, how do you like getting verbal abuse at your work?”

Might take a wee while, but, there's a possible answer to offensive behaviour at football – allow the players to retaliate in kind.