Forty-Three Years On And Dan's Words Still Ring True

EVERY TIME it happens, I think again of dear old Ian “Dan” Archer, erudite Rugbyean, master wordsmith, but, at his core a Jags man. Ian's ashes were not scattered over Firhill – but they should have been.

In his pomp as Chief Football Writer of the Glasgow Herald, in a time when that was still a serious newspaper which mattered, or as Sports Editor during the brief Camelot of the Sunday Standard, Dan was The Man in Scottish football writing. And back then, in the days when giants: Stein, Ferguson, McLean, Greig, Wallace, MacLeod and McNeill trod our turf, what Dan wrote got people talking.

Thus, when he described Rangers as: “A permanent embarrassment and occasional disgrace,” that quote was on its way into the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations.

Dan wrote that critique of “Ra Peepul,” following a riot during a match against Aston Villa, in October, 1976, nearly 43 years ago. When Dan came up with that line:

• Jim Callaghan was Prime Minister
  
  
• Margaret Thatcher was a mere 20 months into her tenure as leader of the Tories
  
  
• Gordon Brown was a young lecturer at Glasgow College of Technology
  
  
• Boris Johnston had not even started at Eton
  
  
• Donald Trump was a Manhattan property developer
  
  
• Gerald Ford was the 40^th President of the USA
  
  
• Alex Ferguson was managing St Mirren
  
  

It was indeed a different world. But, here we are, 17 years on from Dan's far-too-early passing, and he is being proved correct: Rangers is still: “A permanent embarrassment and occasional disgrace.”

Just consider for a second; those hooligans from Birmingham, 46 years ago, if we assume they were mostly young men, are now grand-fathers – and still they besmirch the name of their club.

Perhaps some, proudly carrying their “battle honours” - Birmingham, Barcelona, Newcastle, Barcelona, were among those who misbehaved in Warsaw, leading to Rangers being ordered to close-off 3000 seats at Ibrox for the second leg match with Legia this week.

I feel certain some sons and grandsons would have been involved – after all: “It's oor kulchur.”

At the time Dan got tore intae them back in 1976, I was living and working in Yorkshire – the whole storm in a tea cup passed me bye. It wasn't until an hour ago, when researching this piece, that I read in its entirety what Dan wrote back then. He wasn't having a go at the “supporters”, he was having a go at the whole ethos of the club, which, of course, back then was all about arch Protestantism: “Nae Kaffliks, Nae Surrender, We Arra Peepel.”

Since then, Sir David Murray and Graeme Souness signed Maurice Johnston, an Italian Roman Catholic named Lorenzo Amoruso has captained the team, yet still a section of the Rangers' support cling fiercely to the old mantras: “Nae Kaffliks, Nae Surrender, We Arra Peepel.”

I accept, religious bigotry is not as such, Rangers' problem. Hatred of Roman Catholics, a firm intention to keep replaying King William's Irish campaign of 1689 and 1690 in 2019, that's behaviour learned in the home. Obliterating it, may never happen. But, Rangers could, very easily, distance themselves from behaviour and beliefs which have nothing to do with football in the 21^st century.

I honestly do not believe they want to do this.

The club has a hard core following of not-very-bright people, but, they buy a lot of Rangers' branded products – replica shirts, scarves, mugs, you name it, if the name Rangers is on it, they will buy it.

The re-born club is being run by: “Real Rangers Men,” led by a man described by a leading South African judge as: “A glib and shameless liar (GASL).” His management model seems to be to operate using OPM – Other People's Money, I doubt he has any morals or scruples when it comes to the source of the cash which keeps his club going.

I do not see the GASL being in any rush to root-out the cancer at the heart of his club and restore a good name to the institution he oversees – for him, it is all about the cash. King will not change.

But, what of the damage to Scottish Football and it's good name? Might we see the SFA step in and finally do something to sort-out this “A permanent embarrassment and occasional disgrace?”

Well, they've had at least 43 years in which to do something, and they haven't bothered. Indeed, when Rangers were liquidated in 2012, they could have allowed the beast to die, but, the great brains along the sixth floor corridor at Hampden were quite willing and able to break their own rules to keep a “Rangers” presence within the game.

This is pay back time, however, I remain convinced, in another 43 years, Rangers will still be with us in some form, and the club will still be: “A permanent embarrassment and occasional disgrace.”

Brush Up Your Latin It Helps Understand Fitba

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? For the benefit of those readers who were deprived of a Classical education, that well-known quote from the Roman poet Juvenal is generally translated as: “Who guards the guards?”

When it comes to fitba, the “guards” are the referees, those much put-upon men in black who attempt to ensure the Laws of the Game are followed and that good order is maintained during the 90 or so minutes of a normal game.

In the early days of the game, when “Association Football” was merely a means of burning-off the excess energies of the young men at England's great public schools, referees were not required. Eton, Harrow, Charterhouse, Rugby, these bastions of education and good breeding each evolved their own form of the basic game of “Football”, with their own set of rules.

These were never written down, but learned over the years as the boys grew up. Only in the second half of the 19^th century, as these chaps from the different schools began to mingle at the two great universities, did the need for a common set of rules become obvious – hence the Cambridge Rules of around 1838, which were later refined in 1856.

By 1863, when The Football Association was formed, the Cambridge Rules became the basis of The Laws of the Game, however, back then, there was no need for a referee, since the players could decided among themselves what was and was not acceptable behaviour on the playing field.

There were certainly “umpires” - one provided by each team, plus “the referee”, whose principal role was that of time-keeper, but, who could be referred-to, in the event of the umpires being unable to agree a decision.

Referees as we know them today, however, did not come into regular use until 1891.

Personally, I have always considered Law v (i) as one of the greatest and simplest of the Laws of the Game: “The referee is the sole judge of fact.”

And, as one weel-kent former Grade One Scottish referee memorably said to me, when I was sent along to do a feature on referee training: “A referee is never more right, than when he is wrong.”

Today, however, as football careers towards its second century, such simplistic thought is insufficient. Particularly at the top end, the prizes are so rich, the pressure so great, one senior match official cannot be allowed that much power. As never before, referees and their decision-making is second-guessed, mistakes (and all human make mistakes) seem to no longer be allowed, and must be immediately overturned.

Which brings us to VAR (Video Assistant Referee) the guy sitting in the television production van, reviewing on-field decisions and able to persuade the man in the middle to have a second look at an incident and, if he got his initial on-field decision wrong, amend it.

Now, in the world of professional football – a world where money is King, VAR is great – when your club benefits; not so good when you are on the “wrong” end of a VAR review.

Pep Guardiola, the Manchester City manager, is no fan of VAR, which has, in the first two weekends of the new season, already cost his team a couple of goals – the second of these a match-winner against Tottenham at the weekend.

Sure, mistakes will happen, for all the technology, which can clarify offsides and the like, at the end of the process, a human being still has to make a definite decision, and, as I said earlier human beings will make mistakes.

The other drawback with VAR is, it is expensive to install and run, which is why we will not see it in Scottish domestic football for some time. Mind you, I get the feeling, with VAR, an awful lot of those “honest mistakes” which, over the years, have benefited a certain two Glasgow-based clubs, will stop happening – which will not go down too well with the foot soldiers of their huge supports.

I know, I am just an old cynic.

WHEN I WAS a boy, back in the days of brown Manfield Hotspur boots, with nailed-in leather studs; when our Tomlinson T-balls had to be dubbined, like the boots, and still soaked-up water, life was simple.

Here, at the erse end of Ayrshire, Junior Football was the only game in the village. Each team was mainly made-up of local boys, with the odd exotic creature imported from Weegieland, and the players were mostly young men, hoping to attract senior attention and perhaps move up.

These days, the junior players come from awe the airts, and are mostly guys who had their chance at the big time as teenagers, but didn't make the cut and found their level back in the juniors. Some of the old certainties have survived, however, around here, we still have a dislike for Cumnock Juniors and Irvine Meadow, but, otherwise, it is nearly all change.

These days too, the top junior sides get to have a crack at the big Scottish Cup, and, while the annual quest for The Scottish Junior Cup still matters, increasingly the main interest is in wondering which club will emerge from the pack to challenge the mighty Auchinleck Talbot in the final. If we still had a Monopolies Commission in this here United Kingdom, they would surely be investigating how Tommy Sloan and his troops have managed to take such a stranglehold on the competition.

Talbot were in (Senior) Scottish Cup action at the weekend, beating Dundonald Bluebell 6-1 at Beechwood Park. This was a first preliminary round replay following a 2-2 draw in the first game. The result gives Talbot a second preliminary round tie, at Camelon.

To most Talbot fans, both Bluebell and Camelon are Junior clubs; however, technically, they are now Senior clubs, following the mass defection of East of Scotland Junior League clubs to the “Senior” East of Scotland League a year or two back.

Technically, these EoS League clubs are “Level Six” clubs (The Premiership is Level One, Championship is Level Two and so on down). I might be wrong on this, but I think the West of Scotland Junior Region, Premier Division, where Talbot play is “Level Seven,” but, I may be wrong on that. Whatever, Talbot, from the “Juniors,” were clearly five goals better than their “Senior” opponents.

It is long past time Scottish Football was re-organised to reflect the realities of 21^st century football.

Bringing Back Forster Is LIke Burning £20 Notes In Front Of A Homeless Person

IS IT ME, or does anyone else think the efforts of the mainstream media to talk-up an attempted Celtic loan deal to bring Fraser Forster back to the club is one of the clearest demonstrations yet that big-time football has lost its collective marbles?

Celtic bringing back Fraser Forster - why?

We hear Scott Bain, the club's first-choice 'keeper has a dislocated thumb, which will keep him out of action for at least one, perhaps two weeks. Within that time scale, Celtic are due to play:

• Dunfermline Athletic in the League Cup, this afternoon.
  
  
• AIK Stockholm in the Europa League on Thursday
  
  
• Hearts in the League on Sunday week
  
  
• The return game with AIK on 29 August
  
  

The prognosis is that Bain will be fit to return to action by the time Celtic go to Ibrox to face Rangers on Sunday, 1 September.

With Bain injured, the gloves are due to pass to their Number Two goalkeeper, a certain Craig Gordon. Aged 36, with over 500 first team games at his various clubs, plus 54 Scotland caps, Gordon is no callow youth.

Their third choice goalkeeper, as listed in their First team squad, is Northern Irishman Conor Hazard. Now, it is true that Hazard has yet to make his first team debut for the Hoops; but, he is already a full Northern Ireland internationalist, who has made over 20 first team appearances in the Scottish Championship for Falkirk and Partick Thistle on loan deals.

Their Reserve squad goalkeeper is teenager Ryan Mullen, who is already a Scotland age group internationalist. They also have Scotland Under-21 goalkeeper Ross Doohan, currently on-loan to Ayr United, who could presumably be called back in an emergency, such as the first-choice goalkeeper being injured.

Hazard, Mullin and Doohan are all on minimum four-year deals with Celtic.

So, why all the kerfuffle about bringing back to the club, a 31-year-old, who has played precisely 90 minutes of first-team football since December, 2017?

The only reason I can see for Celtic possibly bringing in Forster is for them to be able to say to the rest of Scottish football: “We are so rich we can bring in, as a temporary signing, a 31-year-old former England internationalist, who is third-choice at his current club, and on massive wages.

“It also shows, we can keep three good young goalkeeprs tied to us on long-term contracts, with no possibility of getting a game for us, even in an emergency. That's how much bigger we are than all the other Scottish clubs.”

It is sheer, unmitigated lunacy.

AT TIMES, such as when watching BT Sports' coverage of last night's Motherwell v Hearts League Cup clash, I wonder where football is going. In particular, I fear for the game's future in view of the legal diktats being handed-down from on-high.

Yes folks, I am back on this new interpretation of what is and what is not a penalty. Last night we saw, not for the first time this year, a spot kick awarded, which, by all the precedents of football going back over 100 years, was never a penalty (except, of course under SFA dispensations 16/90 and 18/88). These two dispensations mean – if there is a dodgy hand ball by a visiting defender at Ibrox or Celtic Park – it is a penalty. If, on the other hand, the dodgy hand ball refers to a Rangers or Celtic defender – it isn't a penalty.

The new wording on penalties apparently refers to the defender changing his silhouette. By having an arm out. FFS, I don't think I have ever seen a defender standing with his arms by his side – other than when in a defensive wall. Just to maintain his balance when moving, the player has to have his arms out to some extent. It is the “natural” silhouette which the law-makers are demanding which seems unnatural to me.

What has happened to one of football's great laws: Law v (I) – which states: “The referee is the sole judge of fact.”

Today, increasingly, the referee is not the sole judge of fact, but has to officiate to a set of protocols, written down by a committee of IFAB high heid yins. IFAB, in case you don't know, is the -INTERNATIONAL FOOTBALL ASSOCIATIONS BOARD, FIFA's ultimate law-making body, and the SFA has a permanent seat on IFAB.

This means one of the super-brains along Hampden's sixth floor corridor of power has a direct say on the laws of the game.

This perhaps explains why the new penalty law is such an ass – it was in-part thought up by someone who, by their direction of Scottish fitba these past few years has clearly demonstrated an inability to run a bath.

Ignore masonic conspiracies - what would Big Tiny have made

of having committee-men decide what was or wasn't a penalty?

I wonder what those wonderful Scottish referees of the past – Craigmyle, Mowat, Wharton, Valentine or McCluskey would have made of this dog's dinner of the new penalty law. I don't think they would have had much time for a ruling which takes away the discretion, to judge each incident on merit, which was for so long an integral part of the Beautiful Game.

I wonder too, what will happen when, as it surely will, VAR is introduced into Scottish fitba. On that day, the ba' will be oan the slates, and no mistake.

I DESPAIR at the lack of erudition and classical learning among today's leading lights in the SWFA (the Scottish Football Writers Association).

The likes of my wonderful late mentor – that Old Rugbeian, Ian “Dan” Archer, having endured an education of fagging, flogging and Latin declination would have considered the storm in a latte glass of big Shelley Kerr telling it like it was to her team after Scotland's sorry exit from the Women's World Cup in the summer as clear proof: In vino veritas.”

Dan Archer would have had a take on the Women's team bust-up

So, Shelley and her coaches maybe overdid it a wee bit on the Prosecco, and, the next day, the big blonde from Broxburn, telt a few home truths to her squad, and, we understood, tears and recriminations were shared.

That was quite civilised, I know of instances of all-out dressing room wars at various male clubs. Indeed, I know of at least one instance where a big, somewhat quiet centre half, was elevated to the club captaincy, by the manager he had decked during one post-match debrief.

The boss said: “After he decked me, I realised, here was the guy with the passion for the club I needed. Before he hit me, I had my doubts about his bottle, after that – he never looked back.”

Of course, badly needing a big-enough squirrel to deflect attention away from Celtic's midweek melt-down against FC Cluj, the red top rotweillers seized on the Kerr incident with relish. But, they over-egged it, your average football fan read the story, shrugged and said: “So what?”

Just another day on Planet Fitba.

Just Another Dodgy Night In Paradise

EVEN BEFORE the players had finished drying themselves off from their post-game shower, and wee Neil Lennon was ready to offer his excuses to the waiting Scottish press corps, social media was awash with fans of Scotland's “diddy” teams, plus of course the pbi of the other half of the Forces of Darkness, revelling in the Hoops horror show on Tuesday night.

In a rare moment of sanity, one Kilmarnock fan, on a Killie social media chat room enquired as to why, Scotland, seemingly alone of nations with an interest in football, had followers of the Beautiful Game, who revelled in the misfortunes of other clubs.

I fear that Killie fan has a somewhat solitary and sheltered existence; did he not hear the loud guffaws, emanating from the direction of Ayr, of Honest Men relishing Killie's loss to Connah's Quay Nomads, in the qualifying round of the Europa League?

Schadenfreude, relishing the misfortunes of others, is ingested like mother's milk by football fans, in Scotland and elsewhere, and, when the club which shat in the nest has a following so convinced of their own greatness and entitlement to win every game as The Celtic Family, and their partners in crime, across the city – who loudly proclaim: “We arra peepel,” when they fuck-up, which they seem to do in Europe each year – surely the rest of us can be forgiven our mass outbreak of: “Get it right fuckin' up ye, ya shower o' bastards.”

The facts cannot be disputed, Celtic, the Champions of Scotland, the richest club in that country, a club with a regular home attendance of considerably over 50,000 fans for each home game; a team ranked 47^th in Europe, and playing in the league ranked 20^th in Europe, were beaten at home and knocked-out of the Champions League, at the qualifying stage, by the champions of the league which is ranked 29^th in Europe – a team which is itself ranked 288^th in Europe.

By any standards, this was a terrible result for Celtic, and for Scottish football. But, it is not the first time in recent years they have been badly beaten in Europe. However, they will continue to be the richest club in Scotland. They will continue to have the highest-paid squad and they will probably still win all three domestic trophies this season.

Two days on, as Rangers – European Club Ranking, 206, co-efficient 4.425 – prepare to defend their two-goal advantage in the second leg of their Europa League qualifier, against Midtjylland – European Club Ranking, 102, co-efficient 206 – the normal bravado of Ra Peepel on such nights has not been as-pronounced as normal.

The majority of the 50,000 Rangers fans inside Ibrox tonight will see the Danes as just another “diddy” team, from a “diddy” league, to be crushed under the Rangers tanks. However, some will have noticed, Denmark is ranked 16^th in Europe, Scotland is ranked 20^th.

The Danes have more European experience than Rangers; they play in a higher-ranked league; by these measurements – while Rangers, with home advantage and two away goals banked in case of need, and the backing of a partisan 50,000-plus crowd, should win – that is no gimme.

Prior to this season, Scottish clubs had embarked on 270 campaigns in official European club competitions, since 1955-56. These 270 campaigns, by 22 different clubs, have yielded just three victories. That's a 1.11% success rate. Or, to put it another way, in 98.89% of the seasons, we are wasting our time and money even entering – since we've nae chance.

Try telling that to the pensioners, who, as teenagers and young men had their taste of European glory in Lisbon in 1967; the slightly younger guys who were in Barcelona in 1972, or Gothenburg in 1983. They will tell you: “Aye it was worth, greatest day of my life supporting the club,” etc. But, we have to face facts, the last of these glorious days was in 1983 – when:

• Thatcher was Prime Minister
  
  
• Neil Kinnock was leader of the Opposition
  
  
• The SNP had a mere two seats in Parliament
  
  
• Lester Piggot won his ninth Derby on Teenoso
  
  
• The USA first put cruise missiles into Greenham Common, sparking off lengthy demonstrations
  
  
• The CD was the newest technological break through
  
  
• Actor and writer David Niven, actor John Le Mesurier (Sgt. Wilson in Dad's Army) and Violet Carson (Ena Sharples In Coronation Street) were among the prominent people who died that year.
  
  

We don't even need to go that far back. Eight years ago, we were ranked, as a league, 13^th in Europe. As such, we had TWO teams in the Champions League, Rangers, as Scottish Champions, were straight through to the Group stages, while Celtic, having finished second in the league, entered at the third qualifying round stage, one round later than as Champions, they had started this season.

In the last decade – excluding this current season, we have seen 50 European campaigns by our clubs begin and end; in a mere 12 of these campaigns, just 24%, have we seen the Scottish team even reach the group stages.

On only 4 of these 12 occasions – one campaign in three:

• Rangers in the Europa League in 2010-11 – round of 16
  
  
• Celtic in the Champions League in 2012-13 – round of 16
  
  
• Celtic in the Europa League in 2014-15 – round of 32
  
  
• Celtic in the Europa League last season – round of 32
  
  

has one of our representatives got to the business end of the European season, the knock-out stages.

We are now a mediocre football nation, we have embraced mediocrity, but still, inside our heads, we have this vision of Scotland, the nation which invented modern football – the beautiful passing game.

And, until we banish: Here's tae us – wha's like us, and accept: We're shite, and we know we are, but, we are going to do something about this; then never again will we get to savour nights like Lisbon, Barcelona or Gothenburg.

Mind you, if we need to have someone to blame for the decline in Scottish football, I can think of an obvious candidate. Step forward Graeme Souness.

Up until Souness took over as Rangers manager in 1986, Scottish football's record in Europe was:

played 287 – won 168 – drawn 0 – lost 119 – wins 58.54% of games – 3 outright trophy wins – 3 further final appearances

Since 1986 our record is:

played 450 – won 185 – drawn 46 – lost 229 – wins 41.1% of games – no trophy wins – two final appearances

(there were no drawn games pre-1986, even if one leg of a two-legged tie finished all-square. Draws only became possible with the introduction of groups).

That represents a 30% fall-off in performance across the board. And, what dramatic change did Souness bring about? Well, prior to his arrival, Scottish sides in Europe tended to be mainly all—Scottish sides. Sure, we had the odd Scandinavian or English or Irish import, but, generally, we relied on Scotsmen. After all, if the greatest of all Scottish club sides could be comprised of 11 players, born within 40 miles of the club's ground, we had no need of foreigners.

Souness changed that. That Celtic team which stumbled out of Europe on Tuesday night had only 9 Scots in the 18-man match-day squad. What they didn't have was something Celtic and indeed Rangers have relied-on right from the start of Scottish involvement in European club football – a fan on the park; a Bertie Auld, Roy Aitken or Tommy Burns, somebody who would happily die for the club, who knew what the fans expected, and strove to deliver. A man who, if he hadn't been good enough to don the hoops, would have been in the crowd roaring them on.

Maybe we should get back to trusting Scottish talent, and making that talent work it socks off, if we are to again be among the leading nations in Europe.

But, getting to the low point we are at today, had not been a sudden decline, more a case of an accelerating downhill journey:

• 1950s – 50 of European matches won
  
  
• 1960s – 63.2% won
  
  
• 1970s – 53.8% won
  
  
• 1980s – 57.9% won
  
  
• 1990s – 40% won
  
  
• 2000s – 44.6% won
  
  
• 2010s – 34.8% won
  
  

It's time to apply the brakes and start the climb back.