A Busy Week For Scottish Fitba

DISAPPOINTED though I am at Wee Billy Dodds losing his job at Inverness – I remain hopeful of the silver lining, that some day he will return home and manage Glenafton Athletic. However, the Wee Man's departure has brought “Duncan Disorderly” - big Duncan Ferguson – back to Scottish fitba. My advice to those young whipper-snappers now writing about the game and covering Caley games: be careful, treat the big man with respect.

Big Duncan has worked under some excellent managers during his career and he has done well on occasions when stepping up in a caretaker role at Everton, I can see him making some big waves at Inverness Caledonian Thistle and I am jealous of Alasdair Fraser, the go-to man for football coverage in the Highland capital; his life is going to get a bit more exciting in the months to come, I fancy.

I DON'T bother much with Women's Football. I wish no harm to the girls playing and wish them all the best; Hell, my grand-daughter was the first girl to ever play for her Primary School's football team. So, for a time I had good reason to watch.

But, at the top end, while technically, some of the players are very-good; I am on record, for instance, as believing Caroline Weir has the best left foot since Jim Baxter's in Scottish football – somehow, the women's game has never grabbed me.

I watched a bit of the Scotland v Belgium game on Tuesday night, but, realistically, it didn't hold my interest. It was a wee bit like watching the pre-Stevie Clarke Men's team. My over-riding view was: “We could play here all night and we will never score.”

The Belgians caught us with a sucker punch – the defending prior to their goal was almost Old Firm class in its ineptitude – and I couldn't see us equalising, after the better chances we had spurned. But, we scraped a draw with the last kick of the ball, so, we are still, albeit in intensive care, alive in what is turning into a Nations League “group of death.”

One thing I did take from the game was the higher level of punditry on offer from BBC Shortbread. Instead of the often inane banter we have to endure from what I refer to as the Dukla Pumpherston squad, the half-time analysis from Jen Beattie and Lee Anne Crichton was a cut above normal.

In Lee Anne and Julie Fleeting, we have two extremely-good ladies, while Ms Beattie and her brother Johnnie, British Rugby Union's go-to man in France seem set to enjoy as long and rewarding a media career as their father John Beattie has enjoyed.

I WAS SAD to hear of the death, at 79 of Jim Forrest, the former Rangers and Aberdeen striker, who won five Scotland caps in the 1960s. For all the attention which Ally McCoist's goal-scoring record has rightfully gained over the years, the fact is, on a strict goals-per-game basis, Forrest is Rangers' most-prolific post WWII goal scorer.

In 163 first team games, Forrest scored 145 goals; that's 0.89 gpg; McCoist scored 355 goals in 581 first team games, an average of 0.61 gpg.

Forrest, of course, was ruthlessly jettisoned after Rangers lost to Berwick Rangers in the Scottish Cup in 1967. What might he have achieved had the Rangers management of the time not panicked at that defeat?

He was a Rangers supporter as a boy. The club genuinely was the only one he ever wanted to play for and, once they let him go, in all probability his motivation decreased. But, at his best with the club, more-so when playing with his cousin, Alex Willoughby, he scored for fun.

WATCHING the Rangers v Livingston game on TV on Wednesday night I thought we got the textbook example of an “honest mistake by Willie Colllum.”

When even the obligatory Rangers fan with a microphone – in this case Alex Rae, reckons Rangers' Abdallah Sima committed a foul in the build-up to a goal, then you have to ask two questions:

1. Did Willie Collum have his eyes shut?

2. What was the VAR doing? Surely the incident should have been reviewed.

I don't think I am the only guy watching who thought: had that been the other way the incident would have been checked. That's the problem with VAR, the human element – the big two will seemingly still get the benefit of “honest mistakes.”

Notwithstanding the fact they scored four very-good goals, I still maintain, the majority of the Rangers squad are simply not Rangers class, but, they're playing in a terrible league, so, they could well win it.

THE LEAGUE CUP quarter-final broadcast was followed by the live semi-final draw. This threw-up the potential for an all-Edinburgh final; with four poor teams through, it could happen.

Should it come down to a Capital Clash, might they switch the venue to Murrayfield and see if the locals could fill it? Or might it be a game which they could reasonably utilise the SRU's mini-Legoland 'Hive?'

FINALLY – the continued decline and fall of the once-mighty (Glasgow) Herald, part 365.

This week on the paper's Facebook page page they posted a picture from a 1933 Arsenal v Rangers game. The extended caption informed us that Rangers had celebrated their 50^th anniversary in 1973. That year, of course, they marked their Centenary – the Golden Jubilee was celebrated in 1923.

I suggested this mistake was unacceptable, for what styles itself a newspaper of record, and several old journalist hands backed me on this. However, one former “vice chairman of the Lap-Top Loyal” took umbrage at my criticism, which given his best work has been a Rangers' history book struck me as being slightly odd.

Well, being a dinosaur, I suppose I am out of touch with modern ways. At least the retired Herald sub who used to be RWM of the Lap-Top Loyal did agree with me, and, as he said: “It would never have happened in my day.”

 

OK - I Ramble On A Bit Here, But, It's Still Worth Saying

ONE OF my not-so-secret vices is watching American sports documentaries on Netflix and Amazon Prime. OK, you have to not be swayed by the hype, about how special American sporting heroes, the top guns in the NBA, NFL and MLB are. You can ignore the bullshit, but, you have to admire the work their top stars put in, to help them maintain their $ million life-styles.

One I recently enjoyed was called 'Quarterback' – it did what it said on the label and focussed on the guys who are the real super heroes of American sport, the on-field masterminds of American Football. I was particularly intrigued by the snippets about Patrick Mahomes, the current lead candidate to be the G.O.A.T. In that position.

Young Patrick actually reminded me of oor ain rugby superstar Finn Russell, I would love to see a programme comparing the pair – there are so-many similarities between them.

Another one I enjoyed was 'Untold – Johnny Football' a Netflix documentary about former quarterback Johnny Manziel, a superstar with the Texas A & M 'Aggies' – the first Freshman to win the legendary Heisman Trophy, who proceeded to piss his talent up against the porcelain when he joined the professional ranks. A sort of USA version of Jim Baxter if you like.

I remember a short conversation I had with Baxter, shortly before he died. He admitted: “Ah never really liked fitba, ken; tae me, it wis a wey o' getting' tae shag better-lookin' burds.”

Being, like 'Stanley' from a mining village, I know where he was coming from, and could name plenty of other, albeit not so gifted, players who had a similar mind set.

In North America, if you have the talent, but not the work ethic, you will not make it in professional sport. If, however, you applied yourself at college, you can still have a good life. In Scotland, if you don't have enough talent to sustain a full-time career in football, you can still have a good ancillary income as a part-timer well into your thirties. That is not an option in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.

In a revealing dissertation on the Manziel documentary, the magazine 'Texas Monthly' rips into the legend, pointing out how for all his college talent, Manziel was unwilling to do the necessary homework – studying video clips of opposition defence set-ups etc. This contrasted vividly with that portion of the 'Quarterback' documentary, which focussed, in particular, on veteran Minnesota Vikings Quarterback Kirk Cousins, sitting in the evening in his den in his luxury home, analysing video clips of his next opponents' defensive line-up, working-out the plays which might outwit them.

The bit in 'Quarterback' when Mahomes was discussing trick plays and how he used them was also revealing. And, that got me thinking – how much preparation did Celtic do, before they lost to Feyenoord on Tuesday night?

OK, a wee disclaimer here. Perhaps the Rotterdam side have something of a “hex” on Celtic. After all, they beat a superior Celtic side in the 1970 European Cup Final. Before that game, Jock Stein admitted, he wasn't worried so-much about the Dutch side as he was about his own men, fearing, after they had beaten Leeds United in that epic “Battle of Britain” semi-final, they maybe thought they had the thing won.

However, watching on Tuesday night, I thought Feyenoord was the better of two distinctly-ordinary teams; and they didn't have to do too-much to beat a poor Celtic side. Where the Dutch side was appreciably better than Celtic was in the technical aspects of the game, weight of pass, the ability to instantly control the ball on receipt, the way they ran into space and onto the ball.

The game turned on the opening goal. Now, I wonder, had Joe Hart, like Kirk Cousins in the American brand of football, watched clips of Feyenoord taking free kicks from around the penalty box? Do Celtic even employ an American-style 'Defensive Coordinator' whose job is to prepare the defence to counter whatever the opposition might throw at them? These guys earn mega-bucks, second guessing the opposition's 'Offensive Coordinator' to nullify attacking threats.

Their jobs are a basic fact of life in professional sport in North America, where “Fail to prepare – prepare to fail” is a daily mantra in sport.

I reckon too, when it comes to preparation for matches, our much-lauded 'Old Firm' squads could maybe learn a thing or two without leaving their home city; because, I am convinced the Glasgow Warriors Rugby Union squad and the Caledonian Gladiators basketball squad – most of whom are part-timers, put more work in between games than do the footballers.

It might also be, the Dutch League's Eredivisie is a tougher division to play in than the Scottish League's Premier Division. Or is it? We accept that up here, every season, it's a two-horse race for the title, with the two Glasgow giants that bit bigger and richer than the rest.

It could be argued, in the Netherlands, it's a four-horse race: Ajax, Feyenoord, PSV and AZ Alkmaar being the top teams. This simple approach, however, overlooks the ambition of the likes of Twente Enschede, Sparta Rotterdam, FC Utrecht, Heerenveen, Vitesse Arnhem and Go Ahead Eagles.

Some of these clubs are more akin to our provincial teams, in terms of stadium size and catchment area, but, I reckon they offer the Big Four more of an annual challenge than their Scottish counterparts offer our Big Two.

After Celtic's disappointing display in Holland, we had a more-heartening showing from Aberdeen in Frankfort. OK, the preferred approach of our mainstream media is pure Frankie Howard: “Woe, woe and thrice woe,” as the Dons lose at Hearts, to sit second-bottom of the table. Naturally, it helps sell papers if you have Barry Robson's jaiket on a shoogly nail. However, the new boss is rebuilding, so some teething troubles are to be expected. However, I thought the team played a lot better in Germany than people perhaps only reading Scottish reports, or watching the BBC Shortbread highlights show might have expected.

The way the Scottish League is set-up doesn't help our non-Old Firm sides, either at home or in Europe. This perception – that we want to see the best teams playing each other four times – it's pure pish. It panders to the laziness and lack of ambition of the guys running the club.

Basically, this top 12 nonsense is set-up so the other clubs get four near full-houses each season, to help balance the books. They are under no obligation to bring through local talent, since they will probably lose that talent cheaply to the machinations of greedy agents, keen to sell-on the youngsters to the riches of even the third tier in England. So, it's cheaper to buy-in non-Scottish mercenaries.

We've got too-many “Senior” teams and leagues in Scotland – it's a nonsense. Scotland has a population of roughly 5,5 million; we have 42 “Senior” teams, playing in four nationwide divisions. England has a population of 56 million, and 92 “Senior” clubs.

Pro-rata that means Scotland has one club for every 131,000 people. England has one club for every 608,000 people. And that is before you factor-in the overwhelming advantages in terms of “pull” enjoyed by just two of our clubs.

It makes no sense to have so-many small, in every sense of the word, teams in Scotland. And don't get me started on the stupidity of having two senior teams in the likes of Edinburgh or Dundee, three in Fife or Lanarkshire.

But, to borrow an expression from Scottish Rugby: “It's aye been and aye will be,” although I hope some day common sense will prevail and we will get meaningful change.

Finally, perhaps the best performance of the week in Europe came from Rangers, in beating Real Betis at Ibrox on Thursday night. I suppose we should expect the second-best team in Scotland, with home advantage, to be too good for the team lying tenth in La Liga, so maybe, two rather than three cheers.

I still maintain, half, or more of the current Rangers squad are Not Rangers Class, but, a win is a win. One thing we did learn this week is that, notwithstanding the criticism he had to accept for Feyenoord's opener, in Joe Hart and Jack Butland we currently have the two best active English goalkeepers, and both are playing in Glasgow. Somebody inside the Football Association should make sure Gareth Southgate gets a seat at the next Old Firm match.

 

It's Football - Not Keepball

I HAVE MENTIONED before in these ravings, my belief that today's top end footballers are now so technically-proficient that the long-held fundamentals of the game now hold it back. To explain:

If Football ever reached perfection, every game would end as a 0-0 draw. Every pass would reach its recipient, but, similarly, every tackle would be successful. Every shot would be on-target, however, every attempted save by the goalkeeper would be successful.

At the top end, we are, I believe, rapidly reaching that stage – at least in some aspects of the game, which is making the spectacle boring at times. For instance, we are now in the age of “Keepball” - where the side in possession can string together lengthy periods of passes, often without making a reasonable effort to get the ball into the box and give the spectators the goalmouth action they crave.

If Wing Commander Charles Reep turned up at an FA Coaching Course, at St George's Park these days, he'd probably be burned at the stake as a heretic. Who he? I hear you ask. Well the Wing Commander was perhaps the first football data analyst, the father of Route One Football. He's the guy who suggested, the faster you got the ball into what we now call the opposition's “Rex Zone” - the more-likely your team was to score.

That view is unfashionable these days, perhaps with a nod to Barcelona, the plan appears to be to pass the opposition to death. The trouble is, so much of this passing is done in midfield, often in a team's own half, former operators in that area, who were at the time castigated for playing “square balls” - legends such as Ray Wilkins or Barry Ferguson might be roundly abused as being “too attack-minded.”

As for masters of the cross-field, defence-splitting pass, icons such as Jim Baxter or Glenn Hoddle, they would struggle to be selected today, where the crowd gives a standing ovation when a ten-yard square pass reaches its intended target.

Here's a thought or two, notions which have been bouncing around in my head for years, since I covered Basketball. In that game, the team in possession has a limited period of time in which to get the ball out of their own half of the court and into their opponents'. Once they have crossed half way, that team cannot retain possession and go back into their own half. They have 30 seconds of possession to get the ball up the court and take a shot – or they lose possession.

OK, 30 seconds may not be long enough in a football context, but, if a team only had a limited period in which to shoot, then I think we would see more-exciting games. The tactical options too would be good for the game.

Defending sides could opt for a full-court or half-court press in an effort to regain control of the ball. Attacking sides would have to come up with fast break attacking ploys to defeat the press, inventive coaches would have a ball in working out new tactics.

The above would be a good place perhaps to start in sorting out football's problems. For all the money splashing around in the game, particularly in England, the game today is far from beautiful and needs reform.

JINGS CRIVVENS, HELP MA BOAB but, the noisy neighbours, in spite of handing us oor erses on a plate, goat a wee bit aerated at apparently not being respected by us upstart Jocks on Tuesday night.

Even proud Scots but, such as Ally McCoist, who now have to sook-up to the decision-makers down in that there Lunnin, if they want to have a media career took umbrage at “England's anthem” God Save The King was roundly booed – going on about respect and all that pish. Here, I am with the dissident regiments of The Tartan Army. We are told, booing GSTK showed a “lack of respect.”

Well, since at least 1707, indeed, for longer than that, The English Establishment has consistently disrespected Scotland. That King whom the English ask God to save is also King of Scots; however, he resolutely refuses to take the Scottish Coronation Oath, far less be crowned King of Scots – that's a distinct lack of respect for the people of Scotland – who are, weshould never forget, Sovereign.

So, when it comes to not respecting people, look in the mirror England. I have heard Flower of Scotland being booed by English fans at Hampden, Wembley, Murrayfield and Twickenham.

Another person unhappy at getting some stick on Tuesday night was Harry Maguire. Now, the Manchester United defender may have inherited Tony Adams' old position as “The Donkey's Donkey.” He certainly did nothing to rid himself of this dubious honour by scoring an own goal, but, for all that, I like Harry – he has made much of his limited talent.

I also like the way he is holding-out in the face of United's desperate efforts to unload him. He has a sense of his own value and until United, or some other club, meets that value, he is quite happy to sit tight and enjoy his lucrative United contract.

Bobo Baldé famously held out for what he considered an acceptable deal to leave Celtic, I reckon Maguire is quite justified in apparently doing the same. Good luck big man.

AS THE FATHER of four daughters, and with a grand-daughter who was the first lassie to play for the village's Primary football team, I am all for female equality in all areas, including fitba. So, I am delighted at he outbreak of peace in the dispute between the SFA and Scotland's Women's National Team – as represented in the dispute by captain Rachel Corsie.

The details of the settlement have not been made public, but, since you can never win an argument with a group of determined Scotswomen, the “blazers” were probably quite right to look for an out of court settlement.

Onward and upward ladies.

 

That Was A Difficult Watch

WOE, WOE and thrice woe. Every now and again in this daft game we call Football, you simply have to put your hand up and admit, you had your erse skelped by a superior opponent.

This was the fate of Scotland, last night at Hampden; finishing second to a very-good England tream in a two-horse race. If losing has proved a bitter pill to swallow for us Scots, just think how much worse it is for the actual players – who will not know the beauty of having dressing room bragging rights over club team mates, who were opponents last night.

Even Harry Maguire, that much-maligned defender, can tell Scott McTominay: “You might be the top scorer in the European qualifiers, but, you couldn't do what I did on Tuesday night, and score against England.” Woe, woe, woe and woe again for poor Scott.

The defeat was perhaps a timely one for us, preventing us from falling for that auld failing of Scottish fans and getting ahead of ourselves – we have not yet qualified for the European finals. Stevie Clarke for one will be reminding his players, the job still has to be completed and it will not be easy.

Looking at our past track record, I can see us perhaps HAVING TO BEAT a fired-up Norway, Erland Haaland and all, on 19 November, to qualify.Just look at our fixture card for the remainder of 2023:

• 12 October – Spain (away) in a European qualifier

• 17 October – France (away) in a friendly

• 16 November – Georgia (away) in a European qualifier

• 19 November – Norway (home) in a European qualifier

I don't see any “Gimees” in that list. Spain are thirsting for revenge after losing at Hampden, France is currently the top-ranked European nation, we have fallen on our faces in Georgia before now, while Norway does have the best striker in the world at the moment. Let's just KEEP THE HEID, we are not in Germany yet.

On Tuesday, we failed to do the basics against England – a basic we have asked of our team for 150 years: just turn up and give us your best, otherwise, they will win. 'Twas ever thus, if we turn up and get 11 good performances, we can beat them; but, if two or three (or more) of our guys under-perform – we lose.

Our midfield was over-run, we made a few individual errors at crucial times and we had no attacking threat, It was a thoroughly bad night at the office. OK, nobody, least of all we members of ABE, like to think of their horribly insufferable right-wing followers bellowing out their triumphant songs as they strutted homeward, but, the reality is – better to lose to England and still qualify for the Euro finals, than to beat them, get above ourselves and implode over the final three qualifiers.

Of course, on the back of thumping us so comprehensively, England's 'red-top tabloids' will have them on the verge of ruling Europe come next summer. I am sure they will be at the sharp end of the tournament, and yes, they could win it – this is a very-good England squad, led by a manager in Gareth Southgate, who, for all the abuse he gets at home, is making a very-good fist of the impossible mission job – matching English expectations.

We can only lick our wounds, regroup and get better. I am sure, under Sir Stevie, we can.

As ever, following a meeting with the Auld Enemy the mainstream media is getting a bit heated about the “English” anthem being booed. I have never booed GSTK as it now is, but, I do refuse to stand for it, particularly when it is being used by England and I can understand why many members of the Tartan Army do boo it.

I know some Scots, particularly those “Proud Scots But” members of the BPHB; (that stands for Bonnie Purple Heather Brigade by the way), like to pour scorn on Flower of Scotland as being “Anti English.”

This stems from the line about “sending them homeward to think again.” Well, for me Roy Williamson's words celebrate true patriots, fighting for national freedom. Compare that with that verse about rebellious Scots to crush.” OK, they never go that far into GSTK these days, but, the verse is still there and it shows, to some English, we are a lesser nation to be crushed.

I don't like the song, or the sentiments behind it, but, GSTK is recognised as The National Anthem of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Used as such, at the Olympic Games, or in World Championships where there is a combined United Kingdom team involved, I will respect it. England claiming it as their own – count me out, and while we're at it, get your own anthem.

If the same proportion of the Tartan Army as booed GSTK last night was to vote for Scottish Independence and we again became an independent nation, I am sure whatever anthem England then came up with would be treated with respect by the Scots.

However, if the English continue to treat us like second-class citizens and deny us the chance to choose the form of government we want, then GSTK, when played in Scotland, is going to be booed.

FINALLY, finally, thanks to Channel 4, we discovered a new talking heads dream team – I thought Ally McCoist and Dion Dublin were quite brilliant together – while Graeme Souness played another blinder.

 

The Noisy Neighbours Are Back Tonight

IF, SOMEHOW, Robert Gardner and Charles Allcock could be deposited in the expensive seats at Hampden tonight, they would probably ask themselves: “What did we do?” Because, their exchange of letters which brought about the first recognised international football match, on St Andrew's Day, 1872, has in 1560 years, become a world-wide, £ multi-billion industry.

[By the way – long-standing personal gripe here: when are the quarter-wits who decide who gets in and who stays out of the Scottish Football Hall of Fame going to right a long-standing wrong and induct Gardner, the very-first of the 1200-plus men who have represented Scotland in full internationals?]

That first game finished 0-0, but, pretty soon, for all the English claims to have invented the game, it was the pass and run game of the 'Scotch Professors' who turned the individual-based English dribbling game into game which would sweep the world. Indeed, England had won their only World Cup before they overtook Scotland in head-to-head victories between the two originators of the international game.

So, when Andy Robertson and Harry Kane lead their teams out into the seething cauldron which will be Hampden Park tonight, the long shadow of history will be on their shoulders – they have a lot to celebrate, so, let's hope for a classic.

It used to be said, the annual clash with the Auld Enemy was both a blessing and a curse to the men who run the game up here. If they were under-pressure, and being accused of mismanaging the game, well, a win over England was always guaranteed to divert the abuse and bring back the feel-good factor. This is best explained by the legendary story of the SFA “blazer”, drowning his sorrows in Switzerland in the wake of Uruguay's seven-goal demolition of the Scots in the 1954 World Cup, who commented: “Ach! We beat England next year and all will be forgiven.”

Unfortunately, England won that game 7-2 and yes, 69 years later, I am still referring to that slaughter in the sun.

Better perhaps to think of better days; days such as 31 March, 1928, when the first Wembley Wizards put England's finest to the sword, right there in the heart of the Imperial Capital. Or perhaps 9 April, 1967, when the second Wembley Wizards, inspired by Jim Baxter, put the then reigning World Champions in their place.

That 1928 match is perhaps an outlier. It is more the English way, to destroy sides with goals. Denis Law, who had barely survived one such hammering, in 1961, wanted Scotland to put a few goals on Alf Ramsey's great team in 1967, Baxter, backed-up by Billy Bremner, went for the Scottish option: “Let's humiliate them 1-0” was the Baxter plan.

When it comes to playing England, at anything, I'm with Welsh show business icon Max Boyce, and his irreverent take on Grantland Rice's great sports-writing adage. You might care to look-up the original, but the Boyce take says simply: “It matters not who won nor lost, so long as you beat England.” The Tartan Army will go along with that view.

Tonight, England will perhaps start as favourites, but, not as firm favourites as they might have, even last season. The new organisation and belief which Stevie Clarke has brought to the current Scotland squad has got the nation believing again. Winning will not be easy, it never has been in this, the game's oldest international fixture, but, whereas a year or two back, the Scots might have gone into the game looking for damage limitation, tonight, they will go out there, convinced they an win.

The England team against which all others must be judged, the 1966 World Cup winners, contained several players who were, at that time, the best in their position in the English League, with one or two who could reasonably be assessed as the best in their position in the world.

Yet, if you had been picking a Best of the English League XI that season, you might have put Eddie McCreadie in ahead of George Cohen. Billy Bremner would have started ahead of Nobby Stiles, and George Best, Jimmy Greaves (who was injured) and Denis Law would have started ahead of Alan Ball, Geoff Hurst and Roger Hunt. I could also make a case for Wales' Mike England starting ahead of Jack Charlton.

That season, England beat us by a single goal at Hampden, the following season, we beat them at Wembley. There wasn't that much between the two nations.

Today, for all the hype around the English Premiership, I don't think there is a single player in the two squads for tonight who could be considered the best in his position in that league. England are no better than we are, indeed, while they may, on past results, be ranked higher than us, we are in League A of the Europa Nationa League, England are in League B – having been relegated, we have nothing to feat tonight.

Normally, I would be concerned, since this is a “friendly” or “an international challenge match,” and Scotland has never been as good at playing friendlies as playing competitive games. But, it is England, so, a friendly it will not be.

There is only one thing left to say: “GERRINTAERUM!!!”

FINALLY, in the aftermath of our comprehensive win over Cyprus on Friday night, I did enjoy the comment, post-match, of John McGinn, who reportedly said: “Only Scotland could blow it (qualification) from this position.”

 

No marks for comments likely to gee-up the troops, but, full marks for honesty. I wasn't the only Scot nodding my head in agreement – call it learned behaviour.

And, by the way, nil point to the members of the Lap Top Loyal who didn't credit John when they used that quote.

 

The Fitba Bam - Scotland's Answer To The Cockroach

ONE of my rugby-playing friends owns an upmarket pub/restaurant in Glasgow. He enforces a strict “Nae Bams” rule, which because of where he operates within the Dear Green Place, well there aren't many Bams to be found. Elsewhere in the city, he might have problems.

Not that Glasgow has the sole rights to Bams, they are, sadly, to be found all over Scotland, but, perhaps, the city has a higher concentration per square mile.

Your average Caledonian Bam/Ned/Heid Case/Bawbag is also, sadly, too-often found in the wild at football matches. It's almost as if being a Bam at the fitba is a right of passage for Homo Scoticus.

Now, in an effort to bring HS to heel, the Unco Guid elements within the Scottish Government, in what some might see as yet another desperate effort to avoid doing their number one job – getting Scotland out of this Hellish, one-sided Union with England – is to introduce English-style laws on football supporters' buses.

When, in my mid-teens, I exchanged school life in rural East Ayrshire for college life in Glasgow, going into digs with one of my aunts in leafy Springburn, my uncle would take me to watch Rangers playing on a Saturday. One of the first things I noticed was how, as we arrived at the ground, inevitably a big furniture van would draw up and disgorge a multitude of supporters from the back. Or perhaps a platform lorry would stop and a group of fans would jump off the load platform.

Buses to games, not on your nellie. If one guy in a pub had access to wheels big enough to carry everyone, he was immediately the designated driver. I am told this no longer happens, it's coaches all the way now.

Then there are the vested interests. The common-sense view of the Scottish Government's anti-football hooliganism bill was, that it was a good law, one which was needed. During the talking stage, the influential Celtic Apologists wing of Scottish Labour was all for it; here was a law which would hit the FTP wing of Ra Peepul.

Yes it was going to mean something of a rethink to Ra Peepul's set list for match-day choral practice, however, as the Celtic Family quickly discovered, some of their favourite ditties also fell foul of the new legislation. Cue outrage and the bill was killed – even more effectively than Una Thurman managed over two Tarantino movies.

That bill was a good move, it had popular support, but, as with so-much SNP/Greens led legislation, it was badly-drafted and implemented. Oor wee pretendy parliament doesn't have a good track record in righting obvious wrongs. Somehow, however, I think this latest move will join the lengthy list of badly-worded, badly-implemented laws to come out of Holyrood. I am not confident of it being workable, far less making it onto the Statute Book.

IT IS entirely possible – that incredible triple save which Jordan Pickford made for Everton on Saturday not withstanding – that the two best currently-active English goalkeepers are both playing in Glasgow. Joe Hart and Jack Butland are that good, or at least, playing that well.

However, I said at the time, and today say it again – The Breengers buying Butland was an unnecessary purchase. This view was reinforced this week when Robbie McCrone, a man who has surely inherited Ally McCoist's one-time title as The Ibrox Judge – so much time has he spent on the bench, was called-up into Stevie Clarke's Scotland squad.

Good goalkeeper that Butland is, and well though he is playing – I don't think he has made any saves that young McCrorie could not have made. By promoting the young Scot, Rangers could have saved themselves a good deal of cash. But, gone are the days when Rangers bred their own players, just as, gone are the days when the club was a power in Europe.

GONE TOO, apparently, are the days when the two clubs had a bit of a cachet, if not in mainland Europe, certainly in England, of being rather good; that is the view we could take from Alan Shearer's rather cruel dismissal of them this week.

Normally, when an English critic talks down our football and our team, we Jocks bristle somewhat; however, I have not seen, from beyond the ranks of the faithful in both camps, many people prepared to tell the bald Geordie to away and bile yer heid, or any similar Scottish put-down.

Because, we know, even if the massed ranks of the Lap Top Loyal will never dare agree with him, Shearer isn't wrong – these are two rubbish teams at the moment. The Emperors have no strips.

I NOTE, Stephen Naismith is once again Head Coach at Heart of Midlothian FC, having had to temporarily relinquish the position during their short European run, because he lacks the necessary European coaching qualifications.

We have had a thing in football management these past 60 years or so, for the track-suited manager. I suppose Willie Waddell was perhaps the last business-suited manager in Scotland, and he stopped being Rangers' manager in May, 1972.

Interestingly, that club had only five managers in its first 100 years of existence: William Wilton, Bill Struth, Scott Symon, David White and Waddell.

In its last 50 years, the club has had more than 20 managers. This perhaps indicates how much the necessity to win trophies impacts on a manager's tenure these days.

Rangers perhaps changed the managerial road map, when they appointed John Greig to the top job in the early 1980s. This was one of the first instances of a top player going from dressing room to manager's office in a big club, without first of all serving an apprenticeship at a smaller club, or in an assistant's role.

It didn't work with The Greatest Living Ranger, but, to give the club credit, undaunted, they tried again when they recruited Graeme Souness, and this time, for good or ill, they totally changed the Scottish football landscape.

Now, however, with this need for UEFA coaching qualifications, might we see a return to the days when great managers, guys such as Bill Shankly, Brian Clough and Bobby Robson, had to go out and serve time in the game's equivalent of Smallville, Kansas, before strutting their stuff on the big stage? I suspect the game might be none the worse for such a reversion.

 

Heading The Ball And Honest Mistakes - Discuss

FOR THE first time in long enough, I listened to Off the Ball on BBC Shortbread on Saturday. One of the items which Stuart and Tam inserted into the programme was an interesting piece on the long-term effect of heading the ball. They tackled, in the course of this discussion, the urban myth that the game was more-dangerous back in the days of leather balls. As was pointed out, the modern ball weighs exactly the same as the old leather ball.

I have a gut feeling, nothing more, that perhaps there was a bit more “give” in the old leather ball than the modern laminate ball. I have no evidence, far-less proof of this, but, I wonder if it's worth investigating, and we may yet see the old T-ball of legend brought back.

ALSO ON Saturday, we had a mistake which we Kilmarnock fans will go to our graves complaining about – when we were denied a perfectly-good goal, with play brought back to award us a penalty, which we then missed.

Maybe it wasn't as bad as that Frank Beattie goal that Tiny Wharton chalked off against Hearts in the League Cup Final back in the early sixties, but, it still hurt.

I could claim, it could only happen to Kilmarnock, but, I guess fans of every other Scottish club could probably dig-up an incident where a referee cost their side a perfectly good goal with a similar error.

But, fair play to Kevin Clancy, the referee concerned. He came straight out post-game and admitted he had boobed. Now this may well be the first recorded instance ofa Scottish referee making “an honest mistake,” even though, over the 150 years of the Scottish game, we have seen many “honest mistakes” - usually to the benefit of two clubs.

Maybe we should look at something like rugby's Penalty Try law, whereby, if an incidence of foul play prevents a goal from probably having been scored, then the goal is awarded.

The only drawback to that in Scotland is – how many “honest mistakes” would that provoke?

Speaking of honest mistakes – what about that disallowed Rangers' goal from Sunday. I honestly feel this is one of these cases which shows the application of VAR is flawed, badly flawed. I thought VAR was only supposed to get involved when there was “clear and obvious evidence of a mistake having been made.”

Well, the incident which led to the goal being chalked off was neither clear, nor obvious and it took about three looks at it in ultra-slow motion before the foul was given.

Watching the highlights on BBC Shortbread on Sunday night, I actually thought the incident which deserved greater analysis and which to me looked like an even-bigger honest mistake than the chalking off of the Rangers' goal, was the penalty they didn't get when Cantwell was felled in the box. To me, that was clear use of the elbow, but, it wasn't given.

After those two decisions, I fear the Celtic Family cannot use their normal excuse of: “We never get contentious decisions in Old Firm games.” They got away with two on Sunday.

Slow motion comes into play too in Rugby Union, I far prefer the American Football protocol for television review of incidents. These are always made in real time, and I reckon that's the fairest way. The referee only gets to see it in real time, so too should the back-up guys.

But, regardless of the howls of anguish coming from the beaten half of Glasgow, the fact is – Celtic, the less-bad of two poor sides, probably deserved to win. By Old Firm standards, the present squads are not good enough.

BACK IN the now sepia-tinted days of the 1950s, World Cup qualifiers were, up until the 1958 tournament at any rate, an add-on to the Home Internationals. How they scheduled the internationals back then was also interesting.

The only game for which the SFA cleared the schedule was the bi-annual visit of England to Hampden. The home games against Northern Ireland and Wales were midweek affairs, the away games in Belfast and Cardiff were Saturday games, but, there was still a domestic programme back in Scotland.

Later, in the 1960s, it was decided, if a club had three or more players in a Scotland squad, playing on a Saturday, they could call off their domestic game.

We are now, four fixtures into a 38-game campaign, seeing the top flight put on hold, while Scotland plays games on a Friday night, in Cyprus, then Tuesday night at Hampden. To me, that's crazy.

It is even crazier when you realise, Stevie Clarke's 23-man squad contains a mere six players from Scottish clubs:

Sander Clark (Heart of Midlothian)

Liam Kelly (Motherwell)

John Souttar (Rangers)

Ryan Jack (Rangers)

Callum McGregor (Celtic)

Laurence Shankland (Hearts)

Realistically, of these half dozen players, only Celtic skipper McGregor has a chance of starting either game – so, why do we need to cancel one week's fixtures? Better say I to have the domestic games on and fans through the turnstiles.

FINALLY – the first qualifying round of the Scottish Cup got underway at the weekend, and, it is still strange to see so-many of the great names of Junior Football involved at this stage, although I dare say, we will get used to it.

Auchinleck Talbot are in the early stages of a squad rebuild this season, with several long-serving players having departed Beechwood Park. Results to date in the West of Scotland League have had one or two of the less-indulgent fans, who forget the dire straits Talbot was in BWK – that's Before Willie Knox, calling for the head of the club's second legendary manager – Tucker Sloan.

But, it's amazing the effect a national trophy can have on the 'Bot; they opened their campaign with a 12-0 thrashing of Wigton and Badenoch on Saturday.