King Willie Or King John Would Have Made All The Difference Last Night

WATCHING the Edinburgh Derby from Tynecastle on TV last night I could not help thinking: what might the likes of Willie Bauld or John Robertson have made of all that possession Hearts enjoyed.

"King" Willie Bauld - would have made a difference to Hearts last night

With a half-decent natural striker in their team, the Jambos would surely, notwithstanding Derek McGregor's defensive excellence, have won at a canter. They played some lovely outfield football, but, when they got into the “red zone” - cow's rear ends and banjos came to mind.

Sadly, however, last night's game will more-likely be remembered for all the wrong reasons, after some members of the crowd became a bit too-involved. But, hey, that's Scottish football for you. Their lunatic fringes might be a bit bigger, but, as was shown last night – every team has its half-wits in its following.

I don't suppose he will ever grow-up, and saying that should not mitigate the fact, nobody deserves to be hit in the face with a coin, but, as regards Neil Lennon – I must agree with Gary Caldwell, he does bring a lot of his troubles on himself.

I am assured by other journalists who know him, and who socialised with Neil in the West End of Glasgow, he is a charming man – away from football; he is erudite, witty and is not a football obsessive.

We used to have a successful Junior Football manager down here in Ayrshire, who won several trophies, including the big one, the Scottish Junior Cup, with a few good teams. From Monday to Friday, 9-5, he had a very-important job with one of our major banks. If you wanted to borrow upwards of £1 million, it was to him you made your case.

But, on a Saturday, he was a foul-mouthed, snarling, pent-up bundle of aggression, bawling at his players and the officials from the technical area. One evening, as we shared a bottle of wine on the train journey from Glasgow to Ayrshire, I asked him about his split personality.

“Simple – I've got two heads. At the moment I am wearing my banker's head. I will get home tonight, have my tea, take off my banker's head, put on my football manager's one and go to the training. So long as I don't get the two heads mixed-up, I will be fine.”

I think maybe Neil Lennon also has a normal head and a football manager one.

 Neil Lennon, wearing his football head

By the way Neil, you were risking a booking for simulation, the way you went down in slow-motion stages. OK, being hit by a coin isn't funny, but, the delayed reaction, then the ever so slow fall – not fully convincing.

Same censure applies to Heart's goalkeeper Zdenek Zlamal, who made a bit of a pig's ear of things after he was punched by a Hibs' fan behind the goals. Certainly this, like the Lennon one, was something we don't want to see.

Lennon, naturally, has been playing the victim card ever since – what's that about, once a Celt, always a Celt. I am not having his: “I did nothing wrong, I was only paying them back for the abuse I had to stand for 90 minutes.”

Neil, as a manager, your focus should be on what;s happening in front of you, not behind you. Forget the fans, ignore them, it's safer.

THESE last few seasons, I have been mainly covering rugby, and the difference between how their players interact with referees, and how footballers do, it's not so much night and day as Mercury v Pluto.

Of course, if rugby players don't immediately accept the referee's decision as final – they can be marched backwards ten metres until the learn to shut-up. Such dissent can and occasionally does, turn a harmless penalty into a points-scoring opportunity, so rugby players quickly learn to accept the referee's verdict.

Also, if you get a yellow card in rugby, you're off the park for ten minutes; in football, you carry-on regardless. Also, in rugby, there is the protocol – only the team captain can speak to the referee. From the referee's perspective, he will, as a matter of course, when yellow-carding a player and sending him off for ten minutes, or worse, if he is issuing a red card, the match official will call the team captain over, with the miscreant, and tell them both why the bad guy is going off.

If Messrs Owen and Barnes refereed football, players' behaviour would soon improve

You very-seldom see a rugby referee such as Nigel Owens or Wayne Barnes being surrounded by a mob of angry players, they know it could prove messy if they did.

A rugby player, as he prepares to take the field, knows he is going to hit people, and be hit in return, but he accepts the physical danger. In theory, a footballer does not face the same risks of injury. However, he also knows, particularly if he is perhaps a fast, trick forward, there will be times when he will be hit, and it will hurt. So, why the “handbags” after a bad tackle?

Watching that game last night, I could make a case for stiffer penalties for bad tackles, and for mass hectoring of referees. I have said before, and will say again doubtless, to get the best experience out of football, we must eliminate the cynical challenges, the bad tackle and get the players and coaches to behave better.

How we do this, I don't completely know, but, more cards might be the answer. Sure, there would be pandemonium for a time, but, the sensible players and coaches would soon get the message, while the numpties would be driven from the game – which would be better for their going.

But, for this to happen, the will would need to be there, and, at present, I do not see this.

IT SAYS much about the mountain Women's football still has to climb in Scotland, that Glasgow City's magnificent achievement in winning their 12^th straight Scottish Women's Premier League title has attracted such small praise.

Imagine the media overkill if either one of Bigot Enterprises Scotland's two men's sides had done this. And, it's not as if City are competing in a one-team league. Hibs are running them very close, and, I will be amazed if the great Eddie Wolecki Black perhaps the only man in Scotland who really understands Scotswomen, does not soon have Celtic Ladies offering City genuine competition within the city.

Women's football, that's where the game is at in Scotland just now.

I Saw That Ferguson Goal Coming

KNOWING as I did, prior to his death, the late, great, Freddie Williams, I lang syne decided never to take on the bookies, since they usually win.There were three bookies at my uncle's (my mother's only brother's) funeral – it was the least they could have done, given how well he had kept them over many years. So, I don't gamble.

Lewis Ferguson - I saw his goal coming

However, given what followed, I just wish I had followed-up on my hunch yesterday, as I watched Rangers pound the Aberdeen goal, with nil success. That hunch was: “Aberdeen will soak-up this pressure, get one chance and most-likely Lewis Ferguson will score.”

Prescient, or what. I just hope, when, as they surely will, the churnalists and stenographers in Glasgow start writing-up the “Rangers interested in young Ferguson” stories, Dad Derek, and Uncle Barry corner young Lewis and tell him: “Don't go there son, it will be your ruination.”

He's got some way still to go, but, no doubting, Lewis is already Rangers class – I think, however, he could be better than that.

I could see that Aberdeen goal coming. If I have learned one thing over several decades watching Scottish fitba it is, if you don't score when you are on top, fitba has a nasty habit of coming back and biting you on the bum. Thus it emerged at Hampden yesterday.

You don't get points for “content of programme,” for weaving pretty patterns between the 18-yard lines. As I first learned when reading about Nick Smith and Arnold Tabbs back in the old Rover of the 1950s, when we had to read the stories, not look at the cartoon strip pictures - “It's Goals That Count,” and Rangers didn't supply any.

I recall, over 35-years ago, seeing big Doug Baillie chucking his pen away in disgust in the old roof-top Ibrox press box, before announcing: “See that Rangers centre – he'll still be a “promising boy” when he's 30.” I think if the long-retired Mr Baillie was still in-harness, he would be making the same judgement on Umar Sadiq, for one of yesterday's Rangers XI.

A final word on the Rangers v Aberdeen game, and this will definitely jeopardise my membership of Goalkeeper's Lodge Number One; but, when is somebody going to summon-up the spirit of Nat Lofthouse, Bobby Gould or Chris Sutton and “rummel-up” Allan McGregor. With his petulant wee dig yesterday, that's twice this season he has over-stepped the bounds. To quote the words of the great former Scotland rugby captain Fin Calder, McGregor would be: “Nane the waur o' a guid shoein'.”

To explain to non-rugby men, the now outlawed practise of administering “a guid shoein'” happened when an entire pack of eight forwards trampled over the top of an opponent who had upset them, being careful to stand on some part of his body below the shoulders while doing it. In most cases, such a going-over brought the miscreant to heel.

IF THE failure to score when on top did for Rangers yesterday, it was almost, I feel, the same story at Murrayfield for Celtic. I think, had they perhaps gone five more minutes without finding the net, it could all have been different.

I don't think Willie Collum would have given Hearts that penalty

However, not for the first time, Willie Collum saved the jerseys for one half of the Bigot Brothers. I am definitely of the opinion – had the penalty incident been at the other end of the ground, Hearts would not have been given the award.

However, to be fair to Celtic, they got the break and made the most of it, no arguing with the other goals, particularly Ryan Christie's outside the box strike.

CONGRATULATIONS too, to Glasgow City, following their 12^th straight Scottish Women's Premier League title. Given how excited the churnalists and stenographers get about beating nine in a row, it would be nice to see a bit more praise heaped on the City girls.

But, to paraphrase the Eagles: “City girls seem to find out early, you shouldnae be playin' fitba in Scotland.” But, they ignored that, well done lassies, and good luck to to our women's team at the World Cup next year.

WITH ALL the media hype around the Betfred League Cup semi-finals, you may perhaps have missed the most-significant result of the weekend, which came on Saturday. This was: Auchinleck Talbot 2 Cove Rangers 1, in the second round of the William Hill Scottish Cup.

Cove are the current Highland League Champions; the club has a guid conceit o' itself, and longs to make the jump into the SPFL. They also are the home club of SFA President Alan Macrae. So, to lose to a JUNIOR team was probably not how they fancied their Scottish Cup campaign ending – even if that Junior side was the 'Bot, a club who could give every other Scottish club lessons in how to win trophies consistently.

 Tom Johnston, could well be winding-up President Macrae today

I just hope my old mate Tom Johntson, the SJFA General Secretary remembers not to smile too-broadly when he encounters President Macrae along Hampden's sixth floor corridor today.

It also now looks as if the SJFA is set to officially enter the SFA pyramid at level six, alongside the East and South of Scotland Leagues. This should be interesting. I wonder how soon we will see some of the Junior giants progressing, via the Lowland League, into the four senior divisions. Then, how far might they continue to rise?

I don't think I will ever be covering Talbot v Rangers at Beechwood, but, you can never say never.

Talbot, by the way, will have little time to reflect on beating Cove Rangers. They entertain Lesmahagow in the third round of the Macron, Scottish Junior Cup, at Beechwood on Saturday,

If they win that one, and given they recently hammered the 'Gow in the West League Cup final, they will be the hottest of favourites, they will have to switch back to senior Scottish Cup mode, since they are due to visit another Highland League club, Fraserburgh in Round Three, on 24 November.

Statistically - We're Not That Good

EXACTLY who, from which nation, invented football is an argument that will run and run. What is fairly conclusive, however, is that it was the Scots – the men of Queen's Park with “the educated feet,” the guys from the Vale of Leven – the “Scotch Professors” who went south to Lancashire and beyond, who gave “the Beautiful Game” its distinctive and effective pass and run formation.

The 1889 Preston North End "Invincibles" relied heavily on imported "Scotch Profesors"

Using this back catalogue as justification, we Scots have aye had a guid conceit of our domestic game, and native affinity with the finer points of the game. But, today, with 211 nations in membership of FIFA – where stands Scotland.

Internationally, we are currently ranked 39^th of FIFA's 211 member nations, and 25^th of the 54 members of UEFA. So, we are in the top one-fifth of nations in the world and in the top half in Europe.

But, it is a different story when we look at the standing of our clubs. The official UEFA clubs so-efficient listing has Celtic ranked 48^th of the 450 clubs on their list; next is Aberdeen (175), then Hibernian, Rangers, St Johnstone and Hearts in positions 232 to 235 respectively, with Inverness Caledonian Thistle and Motherwell ranked 236^th and 237^th.

Of course, to get a UEFA club co-efficient, a club has to have been involved in a European club competition over at least one of the past five years.

At the weekend I came across an article in The Observer, which directed me to the American-based website: FiveThirtyEight.com. (Hereafter referred to as 538), which made for interesting reading.

Nate Silver - founder of FiveThirtyEight.com 

Founded by distinguished American statistician Nat Silver, the site is, in the eyes of many people, the dog's bollocks when it comes to the art of predictions, particularly in football, where it will give you the likelihood of a win, draw or loss for the games in the leagues for which they have data.

The site also ranks clubs, and this is very interesting for Scots, since it gives a global ranking – they call it a SPI or Sporting Power Index, for our teams – which does not make for good reading.

Naturally, Celtic again top the Scottish rankings, listed as the 113^th best club side on the planet. Again, it is hardly news that, right now, Rangers come next in position 179. They are followed by: Hibernian (235), Hearts (370), Kilmarnock (375), Aberdeen (400), Livingston (458), St Johnstone (560), Motherwell (571), St Mirren (594), Hamilton Academical (598) and Dundee (607).

What is, to me anyway, is the fact the 538 data, which is updated after every game, demonstrates the approximate level of each team. For instance, Celtic, at 113, are just below Angers, who are currently tenth in Ligue 1, the French top flight, and just above Genoa, who are ninth in Serie A.

Rangers' “neighbours in the table are, immediately above them: Santos Laguna, currently third in the Mexican top flight, while just below them are Bristol City, tenth in the English Championship.

With both halves of the Old Firm in European action this week, I thought I would have a look at what 538 thought of their chances.

For Celtic's match with RB Leipzig, 538 reckons Leipzig have a 60% chance of winning it, with Celtic's chances rated at only 17%, while they believe there is a 23% chance of a draw.

Rangers' home game with Spartak Moscow is seen as a harder one to call. Steven Gerrard's team are given a 35% chance of winning, against the Russians' 40% chance, with a 25% chance of a draw.

 Steven Gerrard - his side's game on thursday is a hard one to call

When it comes to getting out of the Group and into the last 32 knock-out phase of the Europa League, 538 believes Rangers' chances are better than Celtic's. In Celtic's group, they rate RB Salzburg as group favourites, with a 75% chance of topping the group, and a 21% chance of finishing second; for RB Leipzig the ratings are respectively 19% to win the group, 51% chance of finishing second; Celtic they reckon, have a 5% chance of winning the group, and a 24% chance of finishing second and qualifying, while Rosenburg's chances are rated as only 1% to win the group and 2% to qualify.

In Rangers group, Villareal are favourites to win it (52% chance), they also have a 28% chance of qualifying. Next come the Ibrox men (25% to win, 29% to qualify), followed by Spartak Moscow, (14% chance to win the group, 26% to finish second) with Rapid Vienna's chances a low 9% to win the group and 17% to qualify second.

Of course, we all know: “There are lies, damned lies and statistics,” but, increasingly in football, statistics are coming into play. Certainly, our two European representatives have a lot to play for on Thursday night.

Once Again, Old Firm Bias Keeps Some Good People Out Of The Scottish Football Hall of Fame

I HAVE been saying for years, and will go on saying it I reckon for a few years yet, but, for as long as the induction committee of the Scottish Football Hall of Fame continues to pack its numbers with members of the Lap Top Loyal and the Celtic Apologists Association, then the membership of the SFHOF will be overloaded with Old Firm placemen.

Ian McMillan - a worthy inductee to the Hall of Fame

Now, I have no quibble with Julie Fleeting being admitted,I am absolutely delighted to see the first gentleman of Scottish Football, Ian McMillan, “the wee Prime Minister” being inducted, and again, given his remarkable record as a player, there is no way Roy Aitken can be denied his place.

But, Archie Knox, come on. There is a reason why the book was called 'Don Quixote', it was about the nobleman – not about Sancho Panza, his squire. By the same reasoning, nothing against Sir Alex Ferguson, or Walter Smith or Craig Brown getting in, but, come on – when you induct the organ grinder, you don't have to also include his organ grinder.

If they have to induct a manager/trainer/assistant manager, I could name about ten who should be ahead of Archie in the pecking order. You don't believe me?

OK, how about: Andy Roxburgh, Andy Beattie – the first Scotland team manager, Walter Macrae, Dawson Walker, Hugh Allan, Jerry Kerr, Bob Shankly, Davie Shaw, Hugh Shaw or Willie Knox, all managers or assistants, with, I would suggest a better case for induction that Archie.

Bob Shankly, right, ought to be alongside brother Willie in the Hall of Fame

Then, of course, there are the guys from the “diddy” teams who rarely get mentioned. It was great to see McMillan inducted, a thoroughly-deserved honour for one of Airdrie's greatest. But, would be have been selected had he not had that Indian Summer at Ibrox, when he and Baxter were arguably the most-skilful midfield axis in post-war Scottish football?

Scottish football is more than two teams. Willie Bauld is in, but no Alfie Conn and Jimmy Wardhaugh, the other two-thirds of the “Terrible Trio.” No Charlie Thomson, Andy Anderson or Alex Massie, another three Harts' icons. And, while Dave Mackay is rightly in there, why no place for John Cumming or Alex Young?

Indeed, I could go through most provincial teams and name at least one overlooked local hero. Just off the top of my head – Ayr United's Peter Price or John Murphy; St Mirren's Willie Telfer, or from a later era Tony Fitzpatrick; Motherwell's George Stevenson, Bob Ferrier, or Andy Paton; Graham Leggat or Bobby Clark from Aberdeen are surely worth a mention, for their work beyond the boundaries of Scotland.

Dundee can claim Gillie and Billy Steel already in there, but, what of Alex Hamilton, or Doug Cowie, or Ian Ure? I mentioned Walter Macrae above, what about Frank Beattie, skipper of Killie's 1965 League winners, where is his place?

Let's be controversial here. The Tartan Army is legendary, and the feeling is, the Scots' football fans are the best in the world – well, why not induct a fan? What about the legend that was “Fergie” of Hamilton Academical?

SAF in front of the portrait of Douglas Smith, founder of Drumchapel Amateurs

What about the guys who toil, unpaid, at the grass-roots? The men who give of their time to produce the next big thing for the senior game deserve recognition. Where is the nomination for, for example: Douglas Smith, the founder of Drumchapel Amateurs. I know Douglas's portrait hangs in the Scottish Football Museum, but, should be not be inside the SFHOF, rubbing shoulders with so-many of his former players, such as Kenny Dalglish, Alex Ferguson or Archie Gemmill?

But, my biggest bugbear with the Hall of Fame is, while its members are choc-a-bloc with the great and the good of recent years, the numbers of true giants of the past are scant. I will continue to push the case for an en masse induction of the as-yet uninducted Wembley Wizards of 1928. I now, Hughie Gallacher, Alex James and Alan Morton are in, but, what of the other seven, in particular skipper Jimmy McMullan – one of the greatest Scotland captains – Jack Harkness, a man who as player and journalist contributed much to the game up here and Alex Jackson, the man who scored three of the five goals in that great game.

Jimmy McMullan leads out the Wembley Wizards

There are other giants from the Golden Age, who are perhaps more-worthy of induction than some of the more-modern players who are already in there. I have a particular liking for Dr John Smith, of Mauchline, Queen's Park and Edinburgh University. He scored a couple of hat-tricks against England back in Victorian times, and also went on the first British Lions rugby tour to New Zealand and Australia.

Then there is the continuing absence from the ranks of Bob Gardner, Scotland's first ever internationalist and captain – the man who handled the Glasgow end of arranging the world's first football international, in 1872. How can you have a Hall of Fame that doesn't include the Founding Father?

There are none of the great Vale of Leven men (both club and area) who were at the top when the Vale was the cradle of Scottish football, and when the village of Renton could claim to be World Champions. And, while we are pushing the case for greats of the past – what about some sort of recognition for the exploits of the Glenbuck Cherrypickers? I mean, if Willie Shankly got in on the basis of one game for the Cherries – some of their other greats, such as Sandy Brown, are surely due a wee mention.

For me, their absence demeans the Hall of Fame. And, while I am at it: all the Lisbon Lions are in, let's get all the Wizards in, all the Barcelona Bears and all the Gothenburg Greats. If a Scottish team is good enough to win a European trophy – they should go in as a team.

As I said earlier, I am delighted to see Julie Fleeting inducted, doubling the number of women inductees. But, there is a strong case also for inducting Anna Signeul, and surely Gemma Fay's 200-plus caps are worthy of entry.

I know, with an induction committee, opinions vary, and personal bias comes into play, but, really, the SFHOF induction committee could, and should, do much better.

Another Doing From Diddies - Disaster For Scotland

WHERE does losing to Israel leave Scottish football? I mean, everyone from Andy Roxburgh and Craig Brown has been telling us for over 30-years: “There are no easy games in international football any more,” but, we still go into extreme David Francey mode: “Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! Disaster for Scotland,” when we lose to the team ranked 94th in the world.

Maybe some day we will believe Craig Brown's dictum - there are no easy games in international football

Let's be a bit more realistic here. The FIFA world rankings are a bit of a lottery. I far prefer to look at the FIFA confederation rankings. OK, Scotland are ranked 34th inthe World, but, we are ranked 25th in Europe. Israel are ranked 94th in the World, but are 42nd in the UEFA rankings. Put that into Scottish domestic terms: Scotland (25) are the international equivalent of East Fife, Israel (42) equate to Albion Rovers.

Now, try to tell me, the wee Rovers will not fancy their chances of beating the Fifers at Cliftonhill. In any case, we don't exactly have a great record in away matches with nations we view as “diddy teams.”

I think perhaps, the problem Scotland had last night – even allowing for it having been a bad night at the office – is this: our press corps don't like Alex McLeish. I don't think this will worry the Big Man over much. I mean, he's in a long line of managers the press corps has not liked:

• They didn't like Andy Roxburgh, but, he got us to finals, so, they tolerated him, until he fell-out with Richard Gough; whereupon the Lap Top Loyal turned on him
  
  
• They didn't like Berti Vogts, because he was German and struggling
  
  
• They didn't like George Burley
  
  
• They didn't like Craig Levein
  
  
• They didn't like Gordon Strachan

So, who have they liked? Craig Brown – ex-Rangers; Walter Smith – ex-Rangers manager; Alex McLeish (first time round) – ex-Rangers manager. I think you can see a pattern emerging.

There are two jobs within UK football which nobody with an ounce of sense should consider taking: the first is Manager of England, the second is Manager of Scotland. These are poisoned chalices, where expectations cannot be realised given the flawed system of self-interested clubs dominating the game.

Until we change the system, we will always struggle. Look at how well our Women's team are doing, mainly because, they work within a system whereby – the national team comes first, and the clubs are quite happy to play second fiddle to that national team.

I can never see the day when this will apply to our Men's team. Particularly while our football media is so deeply in thrall to the whims of the Lap Top Loyal and the Celtic Minded cliques within the Scottish Football Writers Association, and the clubs themselves work to the well-tried Ayrshire Juniors system of sending the village idiot as their representative to the SFA.

This rant is over; but, that said, you would think, at 71, I would be a bit sanguine about Scotland losing to a “diddy” team – I've had more than enough experience of this.

SO, GAZZA will not be joining the ranks of the Great and the Good inside the SFA's Hall of Fame. As I have said, no qualms about his footballing ability, and he certainly lit-up the game here during his short spell with Rangers. But, really, now is not the time, as someone repeatedly said.

You might, however, think, an organisation whose constituent parts – and the Scottish Football Hall of Fame is part of the SFA – keep fucking-up as spectacularly as the guys on the Hampden sixth floor corridor do, might have become a bit self-aware by now, and started cutting out the embarrassing bloopers. We live in hope.

I FEEL I should contact my old mucker Tam Shields this week, to check if he still has one of his legendary “Nae Luck” prizes, which he used to give-out when he ran the wonderful Herald Diary. No use asking Ken Smith, the current care-taker, since his budget has been cut to zero, but, Tam might have one hanging about.

Tam Shields - hopefully he's got a prize left for

In which case, I would send it to Darren Henderson and the boys at Blair Park, home of Hurlford United. Not that long ago, United celebrated if they won a corner; then they got sponsorship from a local fan who had done well in business, Darren arrived as boss and Hurlford took off.

Today, they proudly sit atop the McBookie.com West Region Premiership, the top league in Junior Football. They have won ten straight league games this season and have an 11 point advantage over second-top Clydebank.

Hurlford manager Darren Henderson

Tomorrow, Kilmarnock are idle because of the international weekend, and United were due to host Auchinleck Talbot, in a reprise of June's Junior Cup Final. Now, that game would surely have attracted a big crowd, except, it has been postponed, since Talbot will be playing Lesmahagow in the inaugural West Region Sectional League Cup Final, at Newlandsfield, on Sunday.

So, no bumper crowd for Hurlford – nae luck.

But, what of that clash of the Tabot and the 'Gow? Well, it kicks-off at 1.30pm, so, here's a suggestion to all genuine football fans, particularly the members of the Tartan Army. Why not get to Glasgow early, take-in the Talbot v 'Gow game, then make the short trip to Hampden for the Portugal game?

Mind you, perhaps not – I reckon the Newlandsfield match will be the better game, and Scotland might not compare too-well with the junior fare. In any case, with no CR7 to boo, where's then fun in going to watch the Portuguese?