Send Them Homeward To Think Again - Assuming They Are Capable Of Thought

I HAD vowed, this time, I would not revert to type; there would be no Anyone But England as I watched Euro'2016. It didn't last, it couldn't last, as BBC and ITV reverted to their default position as cheer-leaders for Engurland, Engurland, Engurland, and the Carlsberg-fuelled Barmy Army, no probably about them, undoubtedly the worst hooligans in the world, set to work demolishing Marseilles and exporting English football culture to the tournament.

England fans in France - we come in peace!!!

Quite why UEFA does not simply expel England from the tournament now and save themselves a lot of bother, I do not know. No, that's a lie, I do know – they are scared and, in any case, the FA is one of the principal gangster “families” in the corporate underworld of World Football. That said too, I doubt if being chucked-out now would alter the mind-set of your average English football hooligan, they don't even have a brain cell which functions, and, it would harm the vast majority of the decent English fans, who must be more fed-up than most at the way their game and their nation sees its name dragged through the mud at every major tournament.

The English hooligans may give we Scots our wee injection of schadenfreude, which we relish, but, it's not as if we don't have our own hooligans to worry about, and, remember, the English are coming our way early in the new season, and I am sure we have our own social inadequates just counting the hours until they can get stuck into the English fans.

I appreciate, in Marseilles, they found themselves facing Russian "opponents", who were equally up for a fight, but, the well-established fact is: England fans + big tournaments + sunshine + cheap booze has long been a highly-combustable mixture. Time to stop it I think.

AS TO the actual England v Russia match. I just wished I could have watched it with the sound off, but, I don't know enough of the players to immediately identify them without the help of the commentators. We had the usual mentions of 1966 and 1996 when the teams were in the tunnel, yawn; we had England repeatedly referred to as “Us” and “We” throughout the broadcast. Unfortunately, we have to thole this, no way would STV or BBC Shortbread be allowed to put their own commentators in place to give us a less-biased commentary.

How I longed for the days of the late, great and much-lamented Bill McLaren, who was able to commentate on his son-in-law scoring twice against England without falling into GITFUY, Scotland-Scotland mode. Clive Tyldesley, eat your heart out.

I always felt, as England failed to turn possession and pressure into goals against the Russians, that failure would come back and bite them. Even when they did, eventually, go in front, I always had confidence in the inability of the English back four to defend properly, which would allow Russia to level matters, which they did. Two points flung away by Roy Hodgson's men - these points might prove costly.

WELL DONE Wales, for winning their opener. OK, the opposition goalkeeper should be put up against a wall and shot for letting-in that Gareth Bale free kick, but, as old Nick Smith used to say on a weekly basis in the Rover comic of my youth: “It's goals that count”, and, bad one to lose though it was, Wales's effort counted.

Gareth Bale - scorer of Wales's goal - with some help from the goalie 

If, as I believe they can, Wales can at the very least draw with England net time out, things in that group will become very interesting indeed.

AND FINALLY, good luck to the two Irish teams as they set-off on their tournament. They have the example of Joe Schmidt's rugby boys to inspire them on their way.