THESE ARE the days which the A Team of Old Firm apologists on the Sports Desks of Scotland's ever-more irrelevant “Red Top” tabloid newspapers live for. Ever since the shout rang round the halls on Sunday: “The King is dead, who is going to be the new King” they have been in overdrive – this is living.
Will Stevie G, having lived up to that “Slippy” nickname in the rarified atmosphere of Saudi football, return to save the jerseys with title 56 (or Title Two for those readers from the Celtic Family)?
Is now the time for Barry Ferguson to be installed?
Has Derek McInnes served a lengthy enough apprenticeship among the “Diddy Teams” to be trusted with the big job?
Might it be time to bring another English failure north?
Is the club's situation desperate enough to even mention Sam Allardyce?
They will consult the runes, Rangers “Legends” - some only legends in their own minds, will offer their considered opinions; names will be plucked from left field as the rumour mill goes into overdrive. The A Team get to make up tripe – they love it.
I cannot help thinking, it is a pity Everton were in, if anything a wore pickle than Rangers, and turned to Davie Moyes. He may have worn the Hoops, but, he is from a “Rangers Family” and, as he proved at West Ham he can get decent performances out of second-rate foreigners – he might have been a good fit.
If he has not already found out, meeting unreasonable expectations at Manchester United is an easy gig, compared to keeping “Ra Peepul” in Glasgow happy, Patrick Stewart is now finding-out what an unforgiving lot a bunch of unhappy Jocks can be.
One of my favourite Scottish football legends concerns Kevin Keegan, when in-charge at Newcastle United, travelling north to assess a striker who was going to be “The next big thing” in football, as he scored goals for fun for one of the “Diddy Teams”. Keegan took his seat in the stand, signed the obligatory autographs then turned to watch the youngster warming-up. Allegedly, five minutes into the warm-up, Keegan and his entourage left the ground, he had already assesed that the boy would never make it, since he could not run.
Said next big thing was last heard of doing his “white van man” gig around Scotland.
I must admit, I had similar sentiments early-on in Mr Clement's tenure in the Ibrox hot seat. OK, his cause was not helped by the fact, the bulk of his squad are clearly “NRC – Not Rangers Class”. There have been the odd moments when you thought: there might be the makings of a team in there, but, the reality was and is, they can barely lay a glove on a far from vintage Celtic team, far less a well-organised European one.
Perhaps Philippe Clement was too-nice for a job which seemed to demand a top of the range hair dryer-wielding Alex Ferguson to get something out of the squad. Or, was it, the job was too big for him. I dare say the A Team will tell us over the next few days.
Then, the club will appoint a new patsy, re-set to the current default mode and watch Celtic post another Treble.
Mind you, the seeds of the club's current travails were sown lang syne – when Graeme Souness decided to jettison over a century of tradition – and yes, I accept, some such as the “Nae Kaffliks” rule had to be chucked out; when David Murray indulged the habit which Souness and his successors got into, of not trusting Scottish talent and buying-in, often at inflated prices, non-Scots, who subsequently found the jersey too-heavy to carry.
The then High Heid Yins were given a perhaps undeserved lifeline when exiled to the lower leagues. As I said at the time, if they had kept one or two “Real Rangers Men” in the dressing room, and gone with the good young Scots they had at the time, by the time they got back, they would have had the basis of a competitive team.
But no, they had to prove that old chestnut about madness being a state of making the same mistakes in the hope of a different outcome, which has got them to where they are today.
We supporters of the “Diddy Teams” tend, courtesy of generations of having to thole their bad behaviour, to say: “A pox on both their houses” when we see the Bigot Brothers and their toxic baggage approaching. There is much to despise about both families, but, you have to respect the older Celtic fans, who tolerated the poor management of the Four Families, to be rewarded with that May evening in Lisbon.
Then their sons and grandsons had their low points, while Murray used Other People's Money to grind them down, but, they kept the faith and are getting their reward today.
The Celtic Family know hardship, and have absorbed it. I wonder if their cousins on the other side of the city would be as resilient in the face of failure. Having g during John Greig's tenure as Manager, gazed from the old press box on the stand roof, at rows of empty serats, I don't think so, Rangers Exceptionalism is as bad as English Exceptionalism and that is a failing which will weigh heavily on whoever picks up the poisoned chalice of turning things around at the club.
And, I wonder if these would-be American saviours know what they might be getting into. The National Football League, wherein the San Francisco 49ers play is a very-different league from the SPFL. Whereas second place to The Other Lot equates to failure for either one of the Bigot Brothers, fans of the 49ers and the other Gridiron teams are happier with less.
There have been 59 Superbowls, the 49ers have played in eight, winning five and losing three. They have lost the three 21st century games they have appeared in, in 2013, 2020 and 2024, after wins in 1981, 1984, 1989, 1990 and 1995.
At least, the 49ers fans – who include a cousin of mine born and raised in the Bay Area – can point to dominance in their rivalry with the Los Angeles Rams. The 49ers lead the Rams by 78 wins to 72, with 3 tied games over their 153 meetings; against that, the Rams have won the last three meetings between the teams.
If the would-be American owners think the Los Angeles v San Francisco rivaly is keen, boy are they in for a shock if they turn up at an Old Firm clash. I fear the American investors might not also be ready for the football politics of Scotland.
Aye, right enough, these are interesting times.
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