Tell Me Why - We Don't Like Thursdays

SIR BOB GELDOF famously didn't like Mondays. It could well be, given recent results, that Scottish Fitba Fans don't like Thursdays – since they have taken to watching games in the Europa and Conference Leagues, on Thursday nights, from behind the sofa or through fingers held over eyes.

When we are welcoming Aberdeen getting a draw in Cyprus as the highlight of the week, while Celtic are given a Football lesson from a middling Danish team – we're in a bad way. The current Rangers team losing to AS Roma, no, I'm not going to cry at that; truth is, they got off lightly.

Scotland currently lies 18^th in UEFA's National Co-efficient listing. However, in commentary during the Rangers game, it was suggested on the basis of this season's performances, we are actually as low as 34^th, below some European nations which the Tartan Army have long considered “Diddy Nations”.

Can we get any worse? The traditional Scottish response to such a question is usually: “here, haud ma beer”. I am not confident of us getting out of our current pickle.

I can't see it getting better before it gets worse. I just don't see the desire, far-less the intelligence within the High Heid Yins along Hampden's sixth floor corridor to get us out of the current malaise.

A SFA “blazer” from the 1960s famously told the late Hugh McIlvanney, after the legendary Real Madrid v Eintracht Frankfort 1960 European Cup Final, as the pair walked away from Hampden: “of course, the Scottish Football public will never pay to watch that kind of football on a weekly basis”.

That official is long dead, but, the mind-set which produced that statement is still alive, well and flourishing within our Football's upper echelons.

However, in his defence – although I am certain he never saw this day coming, watching the current vogue for European-style building from the back, multi-passes, possession football has turned me off. Watching the likes of Manchester City taking 25 or 30 passes to get out of their own half is boring in the extreme.

Rangers, at the moment, play three of every five passes they make either sideways or backwards – how I long for a Jim Baxter 50-yard cross-field ball, which reminds me of one of my favourite stories of the Slim One.

In his second season at Ibrox, Baxter had, through their appearances for Scotland, become very-friendly with Celtic's Paddy Crerand. The pair were regularly seen about Glasgow and often photographed together at social events. Unfortunately, Baxter's form had dipped slightly and he was even left out of a Scotland squad – against Wales from memory.

There was also a rumour that Baxter was romantically entangled with Crerand's sister and on the day of the Wales v Scotland game, Baxter was struggling to impose himself on the Rangers' game; (internationals did not mean all club games cancelled back then).

By the second half the out of sorts Baxter was being instructed to: “away and fuck Bridie” - the atmosphere was toxic, until, a throw-in was directed towards Baxter, standing, facing the old “Hayshed” across from the main stand; he let the ball bounce then hooked it with his wand of a left foot, over his right shoulder and some 50-yards across the park to the young Willie Henderson, whose cross was calmly fired home by Ralphie Brand.

No more booing of Baxter, poor form over – all was well in the Rangers' world. Could I see a similar single cameo today – with this Rangers' squad, don't be silly. And, by the way, I still reckon, aged 88 as he now is, Ralph Brand would be more of a danger to the opposition in their own box than any of the current Ibrox strikers.

SIR GARETH SOUTHGATE KB, OBE, was always heading for The Establishment, since, from a missed penalty in the 1996 Euros to near-misses during his tenure in the English version of Mission Impossible (win something for English Football) has been a lesson in how to be almost good at something, the pre-requisite for advancement in England.

He was never the footballing public's choice to be England Manager, they didn't want him to get it, they were never behind him when he had the job and there was a lack of wailing and gnashing of teeth when he departed – but, aside from Sir Alf Ramsey – who did win them the big prize, and was ultimately sacked – Southgate probably made as good a fist of matching results to English Expectations as anyone.

Southgate has now written a book on his time as England boss: Dear England – Lessons In Leadership. It is his third foray into print. I haven't bought the first two, I don't think I will buy the third, although, that said – it was ripped to shreds in The Guardian – which is generally the sign of a book worth reading. I may wait until it turns up in my favoured charity shop for book purchases, because at £25 it's a wee bit pricey to buy new on the pittance HM Government thinks we Pensioners of the iconic Baby Boomers generation can survive on.

One thing I will say for Sir Gareth, he strikes me as not being the sort of former England Manager who seeks to remain relevant by giving his opinions ad nauseum on Television – yes you Sir Clive Woodward; so, when he does appear, he may well be worth listening to.