I ALWAYS liked Wallace Mercer, 'The Great Waldo', the alleged Rangers supporter who revived Hearts a couple of decades or so ago. Of course, like all Hearts revivals this one was short-lived and the Jambos were soon back where they are happiest, clutching at straws as their club happily sat and watched the big two dominate.
Now, Hearts are again in trouble, following the collapse of Valdimir Romanov's personal bank back in Lithuania. By the way, what is it with Edinburgh and Lithuania? A Lithuanian buys Hearts and the world's most-famous Edinbugger Shir Shean Connery's only half-decent performance in the past 25-years came as the Lithuanian submarine captain in 'The Hunt For Red October'.
But, I digress. Events back in Vilnius could perhaps see Hearts sold-off cheaply; or could lead to the closure of the old club. These will be an interesting few weeks down Gorgie way.
It could even transpire that Hearts are thrown into administration, the 15-point mandatory points deduction kicks-in and Hearts are relegated. Now, wouldn't that be rich - Dundee get into the SPL after one liquidation, are seemingly relegated, then reprieved before the end of the season by another liquidation? And, it could happen.
Whatever transpires around the Edinburgh club, things can only get better than they have been of late under Mad Vlad's chaotic stewardship.
Which brings me back to The Great Waldo. His star went into eclipse after he tried to amalgamate Hearts and Hibs, only to be repulsed by a mass outpouring of outrage down Leith way, and the intervention of Sir Tom Farmer - an event which suggested to me that Edinbuggers were every bit as tribal as Weegies.
Of course, as Ian Bell suggested in his mildly funny book about the foibles of the Weegie v Edinbugger debate, a single question differentiates between the two cities. That question is: "What school did you go to"?
The wrong answer in Glasgow could get you hospitalised, in Edinburgh it could get you ostracised from polite society.
If Herioters, Watsonians, Academicals, Stewart's-Melvillians and even the common herd who went to Royal High or Boroughmuir can come together to watch Edinburgh on a Friday night, why could not the guys who from Wester Hailes, Muirhouse, Niddrie and Saughton for instance come together of a weekend to support a united Edinburgh team?
We cling to historical, tribal entities in Scottish football. Two clubs in Dundee, each playing to a loyal home crowd base of some 5000 die-hards is absurd today. Two clubs in Edinburgh, each with a loyal crowd base of some 7500-9000 (if the team is playing well) is only slightly less absurd.
One Edinburgh team makes far more sense, but, it will probably never happen, so long as wee Tam Farmer is alive. But, by the time he dies, Hearts might already be dead.
Now there's an idea - why doesn't Tom Farmer do a Waldo and buy Hearts? He might be a Leither, but, the idea of the wee toon club buying up and saving the city club has some appeal.
Naw, couldn't happen - Wee Eck Salmond would never allow it.
I SEE big Stevie Clarke, the West Brom manager, is less than pleased with Baggies fan Adrian Chiles, who suggested, at the club's big end of season party that stroppy striker Peter Odemwingie had been "Tit of the Year".
When did a man from the Three Toons get so touchy and sensitive? I blame all these years of southern sloth among the Chelsea chattering classes.
If a player with an Ayrshire junior team had been as stupid as big Peter, some fan would surely have nutted him lang syne.
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