WHEN I was a boy, most train sets were clockwork - you wound them up, they went round in a circle for a wee while, gradually getting slower, before grinding to a halt, whereupon you had to wind them up and start again.
How we longed for, and hopefully eventually got shiny new electrically-powered Hornby train sets, which ran until they jumped the rails and came off the tracks.
If you had rich parents and grew up to go into a sad, lonely and boring occupation such as accountancy, you might end up with your own super-duper layout, in your converted loft, to which you retired, to get away from your wife - who perhaps then took herself out to find a younger, brighter, more-interesting diversion, if you get my meaning.
Kinda like Scottish football isn't it.
The clockwork lay-out which was the old, pre-1998 Scottish Football League wasn't working, so the richer boys ran off to form the then shiny new Scottish Premier League; now, 15-years down the line, the wheels have come off both train sets.
The big rich kid at the top is struggling a wee bit, because his twin brother went completely off the rails, had to sell-out and is starting again with the old clockwork set; but, the twin with the money still has some pals, whom he will let play with bits of his train set. Now, he wants to attract more of the poor kids with the old clockwork set; the bigger boys in this group would like to come, only some of them don't want to come and see his train set - they don't like the quality of the ginger and sweeties, mixed with threats, he's using to entice them across the road.
The disgraced rich kid, who lost all his money and power, hasn't noticed yet, but, he's not allowed to speak and is reduced to whispering "don't go" to what pals he has left.
I predict tears at play time.
At the first come and join us nod and wink from the even richer kids on the next estate, the two biggest kids will amalgamate their train sets into that lay-out, the guys with the old clockwork set will carry-on winding it up regularly, going round in the same circle until it rusts and totally falls apart and the guys in the middle, who want an electric lay-out to play with but don't have the money to pay the leccy bill will still be looking for somebody to bail them out and preserve the lifestyle to which they think they are entitled.
Let's be honest here:
Scottish football has too-many "Senior" clubs
Scottish football has too-many governing bodies
Scottish football has too-much in-fighting
Scottish football has too-many "blazers"
Scottish football has too-much self-interest
Scottish football, with the exception of two clubs, couldn't attract flies to a picnic
SCOTTISH FOOTBALL ISN'T WORKING
SCOTTISH FOOTBALL IS DYING
Ten clubs exchanging SFL1 for SPL2 will not change things
Even if they make extra money out of this change - they will still blow-it
They will have no more influence than they currently have
These ten clubs are largely irrelevant now - they will be just as irrelevant in any new set-up
ONLY SFA ACTION CAN CLEAR THE LOG JAM, KNOCK HEADS TOGETHER AND BRING ABOUT THE SINGLE FOOTBALL BODY, SPEAKING FOR ALL OF SCOTTISH FOOTBALL AND WITH A CLEAR VISION FOR THE FUTURE.
CAN ANYONE SEE THIS HAPPENING, CAN THEY SEE ANYONE INSIDE HAMPDEN WITH THE VISION, POWER AND ABILITY AS A DIPLOMAT, SALESMAN AND ORGANISER TO BRING IT ABOUT?
NO - NEITHER CAN I.
SFA - Stupid F***ing A***holes.
Here, here! Get that man a drink!
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