Should We Maybe Ask Donald To Pop Over And Sort Us Out?

WELL, where does last night's debacle sit in the chronicles of Wembley woes? Certainly, it was not a 9-3, 7-2, or 5-1, but, for a match which we ran for much of, it all went pear-shaped pretty quickly after England's second goal. My mate Johnny, who has been through almost as many Wembley wipe-outs as I have, texted me he had thrown in the towel at 3-0, at last, I stuck it out till the end – although, I wished football would be like boxing, and the referee had the option to stop it early to save us from further punishment.

In 39-years then, we have gone from beating the reigning World Champions on their own turf, to losing to one of the worst England team I have seen. You can bet, none of that lot, not even the blessed Wayne, will get near England's All-Time Greatest XI soon. I will not dignify our lot by making the same connection.

Unreasonable though it has always been, after all, they have ten-times the population we have from which to choose their football team – it has always been England, against whom Scotland has measured its football standing. We have been playing them for over 140-years and, I now realise this series has been the focus of the greatest con trick in sporting history.

We poor wee gullible Scots football fanatics are brought-up to believe, regardless of the disparity in numbers, we have always been as good as England – Aye right. Here is the reality:

1870s – we won 4 of 8 games – 50%

1880s – we won 7 of 10 games – 70%

1890s – we won 2 of 10 games – 20%

1900s – we won 3 of 10 games – 30%

1910s – we won 2 of 5 games - 40%

1920s – we won 5 of 10 games – 50%

1930s – we won 5 of 10 games – 50%

1940s – we won 1 of 3 games - 33.33%

1950s – we won 1 of 10 games – 10%

1960s – we won 4 of 10 games – 40%

1970s – we won 2 of 11 games – 18.18%

1980s – we won 2 of 10 games – 20%

1990s – we won 1 of 2 games – 50%

2000s – we have won 0 of 3 games

Getting the “however” out of the way first – that 50% figure for the 1990s is incorrect, each nation might have won one of the two matches played in that decade, but, since these games were a two-legged European Championships lay-off tie, which England won 2-1 on aggregate, we cannot claim to have been their equal then. Leaving that tie aside, we have not been England's equal since the 1930s, and haven't been better than them since the 1880s, the dawn of international football, when all the players were amateurs.

Last night was the seventh occasion on which England has beaten us by three goals or more at Wembley; we have managed just one goal by three goals or better, at the venue. Yet, on the back of 1967 and 1977, we convince ourselves – we've got a chance down there.

Maybe we did have a chance last night, against a poor home team, but, we didn't take our chances – they took theirs after arguably creating fewer scoring opportunities than we did.

You know something – I would almost vote for a Donald Trump – if he promised to get rid of the dead wood which is stifling Scottish football – that's how sick I feel after last night.

Perhaps, if he survives his four years in office and fancies a new challenge for his post-POTUS years, The Donald will come over and sort-out oor fitba – he couldn't surely be any worse than what we've got now.