WELL – we ken noo. Rangers will face Ajax, Liverpool and Napoli In Group A Of the Champions League, while Celtic will face RB Leipzig, Real Madrid and Shakhtar Donetsk In Group F Fine, great for Scottish football, to have two teams in Europe's elite competition, so, why am I underwhelmed?
I sat down to watch Wednesday night's match from Eindhoven, but, I gave up after 25 minutes. Quite honestly, I thought it was pure pish. Two poor teams playing a boring un-entertaining brand of possession football. Maybe it's me, but, while I could get excited about watching the Lisbon Lions or the Barcelona Bears taking on the cream of Europe, watching a team with only a couple of Scots, representing “Scottish Football” is a turn-off for me.
And that's before my continued belief – several of the current Rangers team are simply NRC – Not Rangers Class. There was one moment in the 25 minutes or so which I watched, where a Rangers player was given the ball, in space, some ten yards inside the PSV half. OK, the TV pictures didn't give you a view of the entire PSV half, but, it seemed to me, he had space in front of him to run into. My reaction was, hit the bye line son and cut the ball back to supporting runners from midfield – certainly that's what the great Rangers and Scotland wingers and inside forwards (ask your grand-father what they were) would have done.
But, no, today's “star” trotted forward five yards, stopped, then played the ball back into the Rangers' half, where the recipient played the ball even further back and across the field. The whole momentum of the move was ended before it had even started properly.
It seems today, keeping the ball is more-important than using the ball to attack. By the way, I am not having a go at Rangers in isolation here. I also believe some of Celtic's big money foreign imports are NCC – Not Celtic Class either.
Thursday night's Hearts v FC Zurich match, even allowing for the length of time it took the BBC technicians to discover where the plug had been pulled in the second half, was even more of a turn-off.
At least, unlike Rangers, Hearts were attacking in waves, but, when they got to the Zurich box, the lack of quality was evident. I've covered enough games to know, when it's been one-way traffic in the first half and it's still 0-0 at the break, the side which has done all the attacking isn't going to score, far less win.
Also, the fact that few Scottish players outwith the Bigot Brothers are proficient divers was demonstrated when George Grant stupidly got himself sent off in the second half. I think it's rule number four or five in the professional player's handbook: “Don't dive for a penalty when you're already on a yellow card.” Hearts should maybe send Grant along to the Royal Commonwealth Pool for some diving lessons from Commonwealth Games gold medal winner James Heatly – one of the few Scots who has mastered The Nakamura – that's a forward, two and a half somersault, with one and a half twists.
I hear James is working to perfect the even-more-difficult Petrov, that's a Nakamura, with an additional twist – in the piked position.
At least, in the third tier Europa Conference League. Europe's equivalent of League Two in Scotland, Hearts have an opportunity to help boost Scotland's European Clubs Co-efficient, and not leave it all to the Big Two.
Realistically, the Old Firm will be looking to finish third in their respective group to continue their European campaign into 2023 in the Europa League, but, while I cannot see either winning their group, second place and a run to the knock-out stages of the Champions League is not beyond either team.
The big games will be the two Battles of Britain, while the away trips to Naples for Rangers and wherever the Shakhtar game is played for Celtic will surely test the travelling fans' mettle.
ONE OF the legendary tales of Scottish Rugby concerns the Scottish XV's pre-match planning for the 1986 Calcutta Cup game at Murrayfield. England had a huge pack, epitomised by their second row pairing of the six-foot eight inch, 19 stones 'Blackpool Tower' – PC Wade Dooley, and the six-foot six inch, 17 stones Maurice Colclough. Nullifying them was a major problem for the Scots.
Until that is future BBC Scotland talking head John Beattie offered a solution. He reckoned, if he thumped Dooley in the first minute, the big polisman would spend the rest of the game trying to exact revenge, and as long as Beattie kept him occupied in this, Scotland were playing 14 men.
The plan worked a treat. Beattie punched Dooley in the first ruck and his “rope a dope trick” worked as the Englishman spent the rest of the game seeking, in vain, revenge and Scotland scored a record 33-6 win.
I mention this, since it now seems the rest of Scottish football has worked-out how to nullify the threat of Alfredo Morelos in a Rangers' team – simply wind him up, he'll lose the plot and get sent off – simples.
Rangers used to have an ice hockey-style “enforcer” who by his very presence prevented the opposition from kicking their danger man – a guy like John Greig or John Brown. With such a player in the team, you knew, if you touched the Rangers danger man, you were going to get hit back harder.
Sadly for Rangers and Morelos, it seems these days are past. He will just have to get used to the cheap shots, because the word is now out that he can be very-easily unsettled.
Morelos might also care to reflect on the fact, when two such prime examples (not) of the dedicated, single-minded footballer as Charlie Adam and Kris Boyd are having a go at him – he doesn't have many friends.
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