BACK IN THE DAYS of The Soviet Union there were roads in Moscow reserved for members of the Politbureau and their Apparatchiks – it wouldn't do that they should ever encounter the hoi-polpoi as they went about their important state business.
The same sort of apartheid has long existed within Scottish Fitba, where the High Heid Yins and their Hingers-Oan are accustomed to a level of comfort and catering denied the ordinary Terracing Tams, who are the berdrock of the game here. And don't get me started on the attitudes and antics of The A Team, those back page by-lined fitba writers who only cover the Old Firm and the National Team.
If I was still permitted to mention his name, I would say their arrival at a ground other than the three big Glasgow stadia is reminiscent of that great R*lf H#rris number 'The Ladies of the Harem of the Court of King Caractucus'.
Our club officials and the business-men they con, sorry persuade, into sponsoring their teams are as divorced from reality as those long-deid Soviet-era leaders. It'ds a case of anything will do for the ordinary fans, and the cheaper the cost to the clubs, the better.
I often feel, when it comes to the ordinary fans, who subsidise Scottish Fitba, the “Blazers” have the same opinion as Sheriff Bart and the Waco Kid had around the citizens of Rock Ridge - “The common people of the clay – Morons.”
I am under no illusions as to how much it would cost to bring Hampden up to standard. It was a slum when it was re-developed, 30 years ago now. It is again a slum today. The game in Scotland has never had the money to even keep up with the necessary ongoing upkeep, far less the mega-sum it would take to undo the damage of that cheap rebuild and bring the Old Lady into the 21st century.
To do up Hampden properly, to make it a National stadium the nation could be proud of, would need a political will which we will never see until we are once again an Independent Nation, and, at 77, I know only too well, I will never see this.
But, Hampden got a reality check at the weekend, when the Scottish Rugby Union, in the guise of Glasgow Warriors, rented the ground for the first leg of the annual 1872 Cup clash with Edinburgh. This was a bit of a gamble for Managing Director Al Kellock, Head of Commercial Glen Tippet and the Warriors' management team, but, they pulled-in a crowd of nearly 28,000 – four times the capacity of their normal home, Scotstoun Stadium.
The Weegie rugby fans enjoyed their day, a thumping 33-14 win for Warriors. In football terms, this equates to a 5-2 win for the home team, However, if the forum on Scotland's leading rugby media outlet – The Offside Line – is any guide, the Rugger Buggers were not enamoured of Hampden's charms.
It used to be said of Hampden that the way the wind blew around the vast open bowl of the old 150,000 capacity ground, created “The Hampden Swirl”, a phenomenon which was understood to occasionally catch-out goalkeepers, particularly at the King's Park or Celtic end.
The Swirl seemed to die away after the rebuild, I certainly haven't seen it quoted for years, or maybe today's fitba scribes don't know their history. Anyway it was back in evidence on Sunday, with the box-kicking scrum-halves finding it difficult to kick consistently.
But, many of the fans, not regular visitors to Hampden, commented on how the wind seemed to blow around the bowl, and they found Hampden a less-welcoming environment in which to spectate, when compared to their own Murrayfield ground across in Edin burgh.
They were also less than enamoured with the catering facilities at Hampden. There are regularly a lot of complaints about the Murrayfield Spectator Experience, but, it appears, Hampden is seen as being even worse.
It might be that the Rugger Buggers are indeed a bit more middle class than the Football Crowd. Perhaps they have higher expectations, Certainly they appear more-likely to complain when they feel they are not getting value for money. Might it even be, years of being treated like shite by Fitba's High Heid Yins has reinforced that in-bred Scottish stoicism, perhaps best illustrated by George Macdonald Fraser's great line (from The General Danced At Dawn): “The Jocks would follow their Ruperts (Anglo-Scottish officers) anywhere – usually from a morbid curiousity as to what type of mess they'd led them into this time.”
Whatever the reason – The Hampden Experience was not rated all that highly by the Rugby Crowd. Perhaps that is food for thought along the Sixth Floor Corridor, or, as ever, is that a part of Scotland wherein reality is never admitted?
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