Reflections On A Bad Night In Paris

I WAS only seven for the first item on the following list, and I think we gave up at 3-0 that night, but, since the 1954 World Cup Final Tournament, which was broadcast live, thanks to the wonders of the new Eurovision set-up, I have suffered as follows:

• Losing 7-0 to Uruguay, in 1954
  
  
• Losing to Paraguay – then John Hewie's missed penalty at 0-0 v France in 1958
  
  
• Losing to Czechoslovakia in Brussels in a play-off for the 1962 Finals
  
  
• The absolute disaster of Naples (Ron Yeats wearing number nine after half a dozen call-offs) in the 1966 campaign
  
  
• Tommy Gemmell's red card in Germany in the 1970 campaign
  
  
• Bremner's miss against Brazil in 1974
  
  
• The Peru game, then the Iran game in 1978
  
  
• Hansen and Miller in 1982
  
  
• The Uruguay game in 1986
  
  
• Costa Rica in 1990
  
  
• The night a team died in Portugal in the 1994 campaign
  
  
• Craig Burley's red card in 1998
  
  

That's 12 heart-breakers from the days when we had delusions of adequacy on the world stage. I will spare you further pain dear reader by not listing the heart-breaks of the subsequent 21 Wilderness Seasons.

So, lang syne reconciled to accepting, when it comes to Scotland and the football World Cup – shite happens, I am not going to beat myself up about last night's events in the Parc Des Princes.

The Lassies lost, but, hey, this was Scotland on the big stage, apart from the fact it was our women, rather than the men – what was new? They did the auld Scots trick of snatching defeat from the jaws of success.

And, on the basis of always look on the bright side of life, the girls saved the jerseys of the “blazeratti” who inhabit Hampden's sixth-floor corridor, who now will not have to answer the question: How come the girls could qualify for the knock-out stages, first time out, when the men never have in eight Finals appearances?

(Adopting a Norwegian accent): Shelley Kerr, Lee Alexander, Kirsty Smith, Rachel Corsie, Jen Beattie, Nicola Docherty, Leeanne Crichton, Caroline Weir, Lisa Evans, Kim Little, Claire Emslie, Erin Cuthbert, Sophie Howard, Fiona Brown, Nicola Sturgeon, Gemma Fay, Scott Booth, your team was robbed blind, by referee Hyang-Ok Ri and the VAR team.

But, it was a get out of jail free card for the stumble bums who run Men's fitba in Scotland.

Still looking on the bright side of life; we are now into the part of each World Cup which we Scots love:

As we watch the English media pissing themselves in anticipation of INGURLAND, INGURLAND INGURLAND bringing football home; building-up the ludicrously-named “LIONESSES” into world-beaters, when, every Scot knows, it will all end in tears and, in the case of 2019, in calls for Phil Neville's head.